₦airaland Forum

jidamsel43:
Many women nowadays are of the opinion that they have an equal right with their husbands at home.

Many of them except the same freedom they had in father's house to be replicated in matrimonial homes

They did not have 'equal rights' with their parents either.

And I do not see why a woman would look forward to marriage if they expect to be in bondage.

From where I sit, marriage is more freedom for women & men than is living with their parents. I would only agree with you that it is more responsibilities.

In their parent's house, they dance to the tune of their parents.

In their matrimonial homes, they build the rules their children dance to.

I think you have it backwards.

bukatyne:
70% of black women in the US are single (never married) and 80% of women initiate divorce in the US are mutually exclusive.

I don't see how one connects to the other.

I never said they are connected. I only said it is a more interesting aspect of the male-female dynamic

Rozz:
The topic says 80 percent of women initiate divorce,its so because of the frustrations men of these days put them through in marriage,most men want to live their single life while married and it's not and never going to work that way hence the topic.

No mind them. But here is a secret (for u only, don’t tell anybody else), if u want a reluctant guy to quickly propose just tell him once u both r married he can still do whatever he wants. Then once married show your true jealous, possessive color. I bet u it won’t be a big problem - the guy will even sort of like it.

Hathor5:
Are you telling me you can't answer this question for yourself?
From the look of things money is not enough to keep a woman in a bad marriage.

Lordy lord, okay let me rephrase my question so it don't seem like I'm baiting you. Maybe you'll be less defensive.

If it is that bad for divorced AMERICAN women seeing as their financial power is terrible afterwards, why then do AMERICAN women still file most divorces? What do you presume the incentive is that makes so many of them file for divorce, what do they gain from it?

I understand dissatisfaction and bad marriages, but besides all that I mean

Unnerve:
Lordy lord, okay let me rephrase my question so it don't seem like I'm baiting you. Maybe you'll be less defensive.

If it is that bad for divorced AMERICAN women seeing as their financial power is terrible afterwards, why then do AMERICAN women still file most divorces? What do you presume the incentive is that makes so many of them file for divorce, what do they gain from it?

I understand dissatisfaction and bad marriages, but besides all that I mean

Better.

I wonder why.

I have read three articles since I posted on this thread claiming to have an answer to this question but they did not satisfy my curiosity entirely. One of the reasons they named was that women nowadays are more independent. How does this answer the question why women tend to initiate divorce more often considering that men have always enjoyed greater independence and yet have not been filing for divorce as frequently. I am asking myself if women benefit less from marriage on average (one of the reasons mentioned in those article too) and if men mess up more often giving women reasons for divorce. I have also been contemplating the nature of things given that marriage is a social construct and an unnatural state of being. I think that comparisons to the animal kingdom seldom make sense and usually don't do justice to explaining the complexity of human behavior. Having said that it is worth noting that many females in the animal kingdom tend to behave aggressively toward their male counterparts once they are no longer interested in procreation.

But what do I know?

bukatyne:


But these women chose these men?

Or are you saying all men are the same (just gotten worse)?

People change, some change for worse, some for good.
Most people pretend to be good while in relationships.
Why do you keep asking this same question, this is not the first time I have seen your comment about it. You like blaming women that their husbands are bad for agreeing to marry such men, while forgetting that people change and most people pretend while dating.

CanadaOrBust:
No mind them. But here is a secret (for u only, don’t tell anybody else), if u want a reluctant guy to quickly propose just tell him once u both r married he can still do whatever he wants. Then once married show your true jealous, possessive color. I bet u it won’t be a big problem - the guy will even sort of like it

lol,there's absolutely no need to go that far

CanadaOrBust:
I never said they are connected. I only said it is a more interesting aspect of the male-female dynamic

Ok.

Address the points I raised for a robust discussion.

This is serious

Hathor5:
Better.

I wonder why.

I have read three articles since I posted on this thread claiming to have an answer to this question but they did not satisfy my curiosity entirely. One of the reasons they named was that women nowadays are more independent. How does this answer the question why women tend to initiate divorce more often considering that men have always enjoyed greater independence and yet have not been filing for divorce as frequently. I am asking myself if women benefit less from marriage on average (one of the reasons mentioned in those article too) and if men mess up more often giving women reasons for divorce. I have also been contemplating the nature of things given that marriage is a social construct and an unnatural state of being. I think that comparisons to the animal kingdom seldom make sense and usually don't do justice to explaining the complexity of human behavior. Having said that it is worth noting that many females in the animal kingdom tend to behave aggressively toward their male counterparts once they are no longer interested in procreation.

But what do I know?

Miarose:
This is serious

LOL

Because men find it hard confronting such situations. They would rather shy away from it and probably push the woman so much till she breaks and goes for a divorce.

That's just one reason

Hathor5:
The Divorce Gap
There’s a common perception that women siphon off the wealth of their exes and go on to live in comfort. It’s wrong.

A 38-year-old woman living in Everett, Washington recently told me that nine years ago, she had a well-paying job, immaculate credit, substantial savings, and a happy marriage. When her first daughter was born, she and her husband decided that she would quit her job in publishing to stay home with the baby. She loved being a mother and homemaker, and when another daughter came, she gave up the idea of going back to work.

Seven years later, her husband told her to leave their house, and filed for a divorce she couldn’t afford. “He said he was tired of my medical issues, and unwilling to work on things,” she said, citing her severe rheumatoid arthritis and OCD, both of which she manages with medication. “He kicked me out of my own house, with no job and no home, and then my only recourse was to lawyer up. I’m paying them on credit.” (Some of the men and women quoted in this article have been kept anonymous because they were discussing sensitive financial matters, some of them involving ongoing legal disputes.)

She is far from alone. Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men.

Women like the mother in Washington, who leave the workforce for several years, will likely see their earnings stunted when they resume working. The main reason women suffer the brunt of divorce’s financial burdens, according to Jenkins, is that during marriage, they are more likely than men to stop working in order to raise kids. “The key differences are not between men and women, but between fathers and mothers,” he told The Guardian.

On top of that, divorce proceedings alone can pose a serious financial burden. According to Divorce Magazine, a trade publication, the cost of divorce varies wildly, from as little as $8,500 to well over $100,000. An accurate average is hard to nail down, but estimates usually fall within the range of $15,000 to $30,000. And if the split is relatively amicable, costs can sometimes be as low as $250 to $3,000, according to Lee Borden, a divorce lawyer in Alabama.

These burdens tend to fall disproportionately on women, and, in its usual way, the market has recognized that: A handful of firms have started providing loans—some of them for hundreds of thousands of dollars—to women so that they can properly argue their case in court. The loans’ interest rates can be high, but one firm estimates that applicants typically win assets worth three times the amount of their loan.

Weinberger says that because of the inevitability of alimony and child support, she advises ex-partners to make peace with paying for support before proceedings even begin. “The judge is going to order how much you pay and for how long, once you go to court, and that’s it,” she says. (If spouses choose to divorce via a settlement, she notes, they have a little more flexibility.)

And alimony and child support don’t always flow from ex-husband to ex-wife. Many men fear they’ll be ridiculed when others find out they’re receiving money from their exes, Weinberger says. Some would rather forgo their monthly stipends than swallow their pride, even if they are the stay-at-home parent bringing in no income.

Of course, the messiness of life can cause serious stress before there’s time to have a judge step in. When asked what she got out of her divorce, a mother in New Hampshire I spoke to simply says: “divorced.” Having been married to her husband for two years and having been the mother of their child, the woman found herself without any financial safety net when they split abruptly. “He would not contribute to any expenses,” she said. “He gave me 15 days to get off his cellphone plan, and expected that I wouldn't default on our rent, which was $1,600 a month. I sold my cellphone for food and got a prepaid number.”

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/

thanks for the enlightenment. I learnt a lot today

bukatyne:
Ok.

Address the points I raised for a robust discussion.

Sorry bro, too much work - I’m a bit on the lazy side

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ImaIma1:
Because men find it hard confronting such situations. They would rather shy away from it and probably push the woman so much till she breaks and goes for a divorce.

That's just one reason

Quite Insightful, but also consider another reason: women are generally more “wicked” than men (at least that has been my observation in my 30 odd years on earth), so while a man may be reluctant to file for divorce out of consideration for who it might hurt, a woman will promptly file for divorce if they deem it the right thing.

Rozz:
lol,there's absolutely no need to go that far

Au contraire, there is always need for that. That’s one thing many girls don’t realise, the biggest fear many men have about marriage is losing their freedom. A smart girl will assuage that fear by telling them they can still have that, then after marriage gradually teach him the truth - that all he really needs is u and the kids

Rozz:
Because men have stopped being responsible since the days of our fathers.Just few of them left

This is not true. Our fathers were never that responsible, only that their wives did not drag them for having concubines - or marrying 4 wives. See how responsible Ned is - he has 5 wives including Regina!

Unnerve:
So if really it is this bad for women after a divorce, why then are 80% of divorces filed by wives at the detriment of their standard of living?

Exactly! Whoever wrote that article has his head in the sand. Google MGTOW. What do u think precipitated that??

CanadaOrBust:
Au contraire, there is always need for that. That’s one thing many girls don’t realise, the biggest fear many men have about marriage is losing their freedom. A smart girl will assuage that fear by telling them they can still have that, then after marriage gradually teach him the truth - that all he really needs is u and the kids

its like a deceit,no need for all that

Hathor5:
The Divorce Gap
There’s a common perception that women siphon off the wealth of their exes and go on to live in comfort. It’s wrong.

A 38-year-old woman living in Everett, Washington recently told me that nine years ago, she had a well-paying job, immaculate credit, substantial savings, and a happy marriage. When her first daughter was born, she and her husband decided that she would quit her job in publishing to stay home with the baby. She loved being a mother and homemaker, and when another daughter came, she gave up the idea of going back to work.

Seven years later, her husband told her to leave their house, and filed for a divorce she couldn’t afford. “He said he was tired of my medical issues, and unwilling to work on things,” she said, citing her severe rheumatoid arthritis and OCD, both of which she manages with medication. “He kicked me out of my own house, with no job and no home, and then my only recourse was to lawyer up. I’m paying them on credit.” (Some of the men and women quoted in this article have been kept anonymous because they were discussing sensitive financial matters, some of them involving ongoing legal disputes.)

She is far from alone. Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men.

Women like the mother in Washington, who leave the workforce for several years, will likely see their earnings stunted when they resume working. The main reason women suffer the brunt of divorce’s financial burdens, according to Jenkins, is that during marriage, they are more likely than men to stop working in order to raise kids. “The key differences are not between men and women, but between fathers and mothers,” he told The Guardian.

On top of that, divorce proceedings alone can pose a serious financial burden. According to Divorce Magazine, a trade publication, the cost of divorce varies wildly, from as little as $8,500 to well over $100,000. An accurate average is hard to nail down, but estimates usually fall within the range of $15,000 to $30,000. And if the split is relatively amicable, costs can sometimes be as low as $250 to $3,000, according to Lee Borden, a divorce lawyer in Alabama.

These burdens tend to fall disproportionately on women, and, in its usual way, the market has recognized that: A handful of firms have started providing loans—some of them for hundreds of thousands of dollars—to women so that they can properly argue their case in court. The loans’ interest rates can be high, but one firm estimates that applicants typically win assets worth three times the amount of their loan.

Weinberger says that because of the inevitability of alimony and child support, she advises ex-partners to make peace with paying for support before proceedings even begin. “The judge is going to order how much you pay and for how long, once you go to court, and that’s it,” she says. (If spouses choose to divorce via a settlement, she notes, they have a little more flexibility.)

And alimony and child support don’t always flow from ex-husband to ex-wife. Many men fear they’ll be ridiculed when others find out they’re receiving money from their exes, Weinberger says. Some would rather forgo their monthly stipends than swallow their pride, even if they are the stay-at-home parent bringing in no income.

Of course, the messiness of life can cause serious stress before there’s time to have a judge step in. When asked what she got out of her divorce, a mother in New Hampshire I spoke to simply says: “divorced.” Having been married to her husband for two years and having been the mother of their child, the woman found herself without any financial safety net when they split abruptly. “He would not contribute to any expenses,” she said. “He gave me 15 days to get off his cellphone plan, and expected that I wouldn't default on our rent, which was $1,600 a month. I sold my cellphone for food and got a prepaid number.”

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/

Whoever wrote this article has his head in the sand. Google MGTOW. What do u think precipitated that??
It was brought about ENTIRELY by the unfair divorce practices of the west. Also google Nigerian men who kill their wives in US

Hathor5:
Better.

I wonder why.

I have read three articles since I posted on this thread claiming to have an answer to this question but they did not satisfy my curiosity entirely. One of the reasons they named was that women nowadays are more independent. How does this answer the question why women tend to initiate divorce more often considering that men have always enjoyed greater independence and yet have not been filing for divorce as frequently. I am asking myself if women benefit less from marriage on average (one of the reasons mentioned in those article too) and if men mess up more often giving women reasons for divorce. I have also been contemplating the nature of things given that marriage is a social construct and an unnatural state of being. I think that comparisons to the animal kingdom seldom make sense and usually don't do justice to explaining the complexity of human behavior. Having said that it is worth noting that many females in the animal kingdom tend to behave aggressively toward their male counterparts once they are no longer interested in procreation.

But what do I know?

I think one reason generally ignored is this:
women are generally more “wicked” than men, and more spiteful (at least that has been my observation in my 30 odd years on earth), so while a man may be reluctant to file for divorce out of consideration for who it might hurt, a woman will promptly file for divorce if she deems it the right thing or just to spite the man - “teach the idiot a lesson” as it were

Rozz:
its like a deceit,no need for all that

It is not deceit if all u r doing is trying to correct his mistaken notion that marriage is prison. Also, the end justifies the means - u r helping a young man overcome his marriage-phobia

If this stats holds true for Nigeria and other African countries, then I'll say its because most women marry who is ready and not who they love. And when they get into marriage, they soon realize that love (which might be lacking in the union) is the only thing that can truly bind two people together.

backbone503:
If this stats holds true for Nigeria and other African countries, then I'll say its because most women marry who is ready and not who they love. And when they get into marriage, they soon discover that love (which might be lacking in the union) is the only thing that can truly bind two people together.

@bold:

Very well agree.

CanadaOrBust:
Whoever wrote this article has his head in the sand. Google MGTOW. What do u think precipitated that??
It was brought about ENTIRELY by the unfair divorce practices of the west. Also google Nigerian men who kill their wives in US

Believe whatever you want to believe. I prefer to know.

CanadaOrBust:
I think one reason generally ignored is this:
women are generally more wicked than men, and more spiteful (at least that has been my observation in my 30 odd years on earth), so while a man may be reluctant to file for divorce out of consideration for who it might hurt, a woman will promptly file for divorce if they deem it the right thing or just to spite the man - “teach him a lesson” as it were

Yeah right. Men are generally very considerate and altruistic. They don't cheat, they don't take in second wives, they don't rape and they don't kill. Good night.

Hathor5:
Believe whatever you want to believe. I prefer to know.

This is not a question of what I believe. This is everyday
reality, happens everyday - women divorce their husbands and keep the house, get custody of the kids, and get half of everything else!

Hathor5:
Yeah right. Men are generally very considerate and altruistic. They don't cheat, they don't take in second wives, they don't rape and they don't kill. Good night.

I should have put “wicked” in quotes. And I did say GENERALLY. Maybe it’s just my experience, but I don’t think so. Women just generally seem more callous than men. Consider, who is usually more “wicked” - step mum vs. step dad, mother in-law vs f.., madam vs. Oga.
How many times have we read of women almost killing house help; women callously stealing other women’s babies or killing pregnant women to take the child...

backbone503:
If this stats holds true for Nigeria and other African countries, then I'll say its because most women marry who is ready and not who they love. And when they get into marriage, they soon realize that love (which might be lacking in the union) is the only thing that can truly bind two people together.

U r totally wrong. Romantic love can’t sustain a marriage because it is fleeting. Money can. If the man is wealthy and the woman depends on him for money, the marriage will last forever!

CanadaOrBust:
Quite Insightful, but also consider another reason: women are generally more “wicked” than men (at least that has been my observation in my 30 odd years on earth), so while a man may be reluctant to file for divorce out of consideration for who it might hurt, a woman will promptly file for divorce if they deem it the right thing.
Mr. Lalasticlala, respectfully, this is the type of stimulating thread that enhances our great Nairaland front page

Wickedness is not peculiar to men. It is easy for one sex to see the other sex as the demon while playing down their own demons. For instance, all these cheating we hear and see ladies, married women do, for men it has become a norm. So they don't even count it as anything again.

So when you say women are more wicked, it is a fallacy. Women are only more expressive than men.

CanadaOrBust:
I should have put “wicked” in quotes. And I did say GENERALLY. Maybe it’s just my experience, but I don’t think so. Women just generally seem more callous than men. Consider, who is usually more “wicked” - step mum vs. step dad, mother in-law vs f.., madam vs. Oga.
How many times have we read of women almost killing house help; women callously stealing other women’s babies or killing pregnant women to take the child...

Ok, swallow the red pill and leave women alone in this case. Also be aware of the women in your family. GENERALLY they could be wicked too.

CanadaOrBust:
This is not a question of what I believe. This is everyday
reality, happens everyday - women divorce their husbands and keep the house, get custody of the kids, and get half of everything else!

No, it doesn't. All you hear is the BIG stories of the 1% of rich men who relative to their wealth pay peanuts. MAJORITY of men can't afford a house without a second income. Welcome to reality.

CanadaOrBust:
U r totally wrong. Romantic love can’t sustain a marriage because it is fleeting. Money can. If the man is wealthy and the woman depends on him for money, the marriage will last forever!

If I'm totally wrong, then you're totally right. Issokay like dat. You can go now. Your body go tell you!