walexyll:

I thought we are in the era of gender equality ��
There are dozens of stay-at-home mom trying to get a job for over 5 years without any "show". The husband will support and even deny himself of good things just to please the wife...we no go hear anything ooo...Now when the table turns, we no go hear word again...
Ladies should know what they really want

If that's the case, the husband should then assume the role of the full-time housewife by taking care of the kids, the chores like cooking, laundry, housecleaning, etc. If he does that instead of still claiming fine boi husband, it would have been understandable that the woman is now the full time winner of bread.

Lucyspa:




God bless you for saying the truth.. Yoruba men only marry financially stable women, they most times don't care beauty. I know this because i live in Akure and i see this a lot. I attended big schools and most of my classmates have mothers who were divorced or married but still paying all the bills. Most of these women were very rich too with financially unstable men. Sometimes, i wonder how u guys cope and on top of that, the man will still cheat. Yoruba women are hustlers and hard working while their men are not men enough. I really dont like yoruba men but i dont hate them either just that their attitudes towards life and family is not great.

I said majority fa...there are still some good hard working responsible ones amongst them.

walexyll:

I thought we are in the era of gender equality ��
There are dozens of stay-at-home mom trying to get a job for over 5 years without any "show". The husband will support and even deny himself of good things just to please the wife...we no go hear anything ooo...Now when the table turns, we no go hear word again...
Ladies should know what they really want

They will tell you that it's the mans responsibility to take care of his family and the woman is just to assist him.This is why i always advice men who lost their source of income not to waste too much time to look for an alternative means of income,no matter how small,to have some dignity and respect at home.Women family support goes with a lot of insult,by now,the whole world will know she's the man in the house.

You are giving a man pocket money?
Lol, what a good time to be here live

sisisioge:




I said majority fa...there are still some good hard working responsible ones amongst them.

Yah majority.. Sorry for that.

walexyll:

I thought we are in the era of gender equality ��
There are dozens of stay-at-home mom trying to get a job for over 5 years without any "show". The husband will support and even deny himself of good things just to please the wife...we no go hear anything ooo...Now when the table turns, we no go hear word again...
Ladies should know what they really want

Lol

Vyolet:
You are giving a man pocket money?
Lol, what a good time to be here live

It's gender equality

Funmilehot:
Please let's sheathe our swords.

My husband has been paying the rent effortlessly from 2014 upto 2017. He was laid off early 2018. He had savings of about 900k but all was expended on further search for jobs, taking care of the family, flights and accommodation to Abuja in search of connections, and the burial of his aunt. I will still say he has really tried and I appreciate his efforts. I stepped in late 2018 carrying the family along with my life savings and I paid for 2018 rent with ease. Last years rent was a bit tough for me cos all my life savings were depleted.
He's against us moving out to a low cost area cos according to him he's getting something soon so he can't downgrade and he's dissapointed in me for suggesting such.. His elder sister do send him something at times but he will lie to me she sent something lesser. Last December I saw alert of 150k on his phone but he lied to me his sister sent him 40k. He took us to shoprite, next day he bought loads of turkey shirts and other stuffs worth more than the 40k he claimed his sister sent him. I kept that to myself.

Currently we are carrying face cos he begged I should borrow him 50k to service his car.(i do not know if anything is wrong with the car or not) I told him I don't have. He said I was just paid last week I insisted I don't have, that's how I became enemy of progress who wants him to be moving with legs. Meanwhile there's a car but me and my kids are Always on our legs jumping from one bus to the other.
I do not know how to go about this money for servicing of his car. I'm just confused.

A man that has a car shouldn't cry of hunger, in fact he is a provider because that car can fetch him more than what he will even earn as a civil servant in some parastatals.
He should know well to put his car to good use, Uber, bolt, airport shuttle, even from Kubwa, Marabba to central area every morning and evening is something.

Listen, your husband is lazy and it is unfortunate that you are indulging him, you hate yourself and your kids reason you want to kill yourself before your time with overload.
You are meant to relazz and be taken kiaruf

Men are emotional blackmailers and they play on women's psychology especially since they know we cherish marriage so much and we would do everything to remain a Mrs, that is why if you stop providing for him today, he will blackmail you emotionally and even threaten to move out of the house.

Your husband is yet to also get the memo that things have changed, thanks to you, if he was the one paying rent, and he asks you to move to "woman boku village", would you say NO, considering his earning?
Once this rent expires, tell him you have no money or you only have 100k, he should source for the rest, he will understand better.

Most of the comments I'm reading here are so worrisome and unfortunate.

@funmilehot , if you follow some of the devilish advise you have here, your home might be at stake.

Your husband might have his issues but you are the one wearing the shoe, so be the judge on how to manage the itchy areas.

Best of luck.

Ariza:


Talk to him about how to sort bills, infact give him a percentage to bring. You are not being wicked you are only helping him to be responsible again.

If she does this now, her husband will come on nairaland and write about how she is unsupportive and treating him with contempt because he lost his job.

This approach will bring enmity because it's changing the already established status quo. If it's going to work, it will come with pain. And it will take a deep level of maturity or awakening for things to be stable between them again. The small one she did, she's already called an enemy of progress.

This is why it's not good to start what you can't finish.

I feel like slapping your husband.

Anyway, seems you indulged him during courtship.

Nooil:


If she does this now, her husband will come on nairaland and write about how she is unsupportive and treating him with contempt because he lost his job.

This approach will bring enmity because it's changing the already established status quo. If it's going to work, it will come with pain. And it will take a deep level of maturity or awakening for things to be stable between them again. The small one she did, she's already called an enemy of progress.

This is why it's not good to start what you can't finish.

Hmmmmm so what do you suggest?

Ariza:
Hmmmmm so what do you suggest?

What you suggested is enough, just pointing out the discomfort it will bring. And it seems she is in 'awe' of her husband. She might not have the courage to go through with it.

I think she should try nagging. Not the type that comes without offering a solution, but one that talks about a solution.

For example, if she thinks he should take a job outside the city, she should say this to him every day, every hour, and probably every minute. Seize his peace until he has sense.

Nooil:



What you suggested is enough, just pointing out the discomfort it will bring. And it seems she is in 'awe' of her husband. She might not have the courage to go through with it.

I think she should try nagging. Not the type that comes without offering a solution, but one that talks about a solution.

For example, if she thinks he should take a job outside the city, she should say this to him every day, every hour, and probably every minute. Seize his peace until he has sense.

Lol.. Nagging? Oh girl,you gonna chase that man away from home . Anyway it may be a solution but I would never even consider that because I hate it when people NAG.

The truth is No matter what solution the op decide to take, there will be confusion at first. Op is about to reposition her Man ,she should be prepared for some reactions. That's just the fact.

sisisioge:


If that's the case, the husband should then assume the role of the full-time housewife by taking care of the kids, the chores like cooking, laundry, housecleaning, etc. If he does that instead of still claiming fine boi husband, it would have been understandable that the woman is now the full time winner of bread.

Auntie, I can give you several instances of stay at home mums that do nothing in terms of cooking, laundry and other house chores...they are only interested in forming slay queens...the husband will still employ house helps to even take care of the children...to cap it up, make dem drop "ponmo" , na story you go dey hear...I can tell you many men are going through this, but they will not share!

Ariza:
Lol.. Nagging? Oh girl,you gonna chase that man away from home . Anyway it may be a solution but I would never even consider that because I hate it when people NAG.

The truth is No matter what solution the op decide to take, there will be confusion at first. Op is about to reposition her Man ,she should be prepared for some reactions. That's just the fact.

You hate when people nag because they are only pointing out faults not proffering solutions.

I have heard of wives who started collecting beating from their husbands because they stopped giving them pocket money.

When handling sensitive cases like this, diplomacy is required.

What I mean by nagging is constantly reminding him of a solution she thinks will work. I gave an example.

Here is a typical scenario of the nagging I meant.

She can say, "Honey, look, there is a job vacancy in so so state, won't you apply?"


Look, they are paying so so salary, think of all the things we could do with the money.

Don't you think you should consider getting a job in so so state?

Consider getting a job in so so state

Did you remember to apply for that job in so so state? (You know he hasn't agreed, but you're treating him like he has).

Do you know if we leave this state, things might get better? Abraham and Isaac had to leave where they were dwelling at a point. You never can tell what will happen, etc.

She can do the same for any business she thinks he will be able to handle.

The point I'm trying to make is constantly telling someone what you think is right for them will make them consider it. That way, even if you're giving them money, you're ensuring they will stand on their feet very soon.

She is his partner, she should direct him when he is lost.

But if she starts hoarding money now, things will only get worse. There won't be peace in the home. She will continuously look back and be conscious when spending. She won't be free.

And about him hiding what his sister gives, she should address it. Let him know that she doesn't appreciate him hiding his funds when she is being open with hers.

About issues like car servicing, she shouldn't give such amount, but balance the displeasure by immediately taking care of smaller things she can afford to spare money for.

As for buying noodles and pasta, I don't know why someone trying to save money will waste it on such frivolities that are even injurious to the health. At this time, beans, yam, rice, oil, and necessary ingredients are the basic things the family needs.

For the houserent, if she sincerely feels she can manage a smaller place, she should let her husband know and stand by her decision. She can also tell him to ask his sister for money to help with the rent.

Every issue requires a different approach. You can't solve them all using a single one.

I have an idea what the husband is going through.This is because I've been in a similar situation only that I'm not married yet, even now becoming very sceptical about that thing called marriage considering some of the comments here and things I've been noticing the past few years. Once you lose your job, you lose so many things along with it. You have no say on your own life anymore. All of your actions get extremely scrutinized and viewed through the lens of being "jobless and lazy". I'm getting to understand why some men behave in certain ways. This life sef

walexyll:

Auntie, I can give you several instances of stay at home mums that do nothing in terms of cooking, laundry and other house chores...they are only interested in forming slay queens...the husband will still employ house helps to even take care of the children...to cap it up, make dem drop "ponmo" , na story you go dey hear...I can tell you many men are going through this, but they will not share!

You didn't add many of those "industrous and enthusiastic" people whose main industry
is to make fake bra,pant, drinks, pharmaceuticals(killers!),electronics,batteries, tyres,spare parts, etc just so they appear "hard working" and self-employed?

Ariza:
Lol Yoruba Men aren't lazy, they are just no industrious and most lack enthusiasm to start from scratch unlike their Women. Yoruba Men not all but most prefer white collar jobs that getting their hands soiled and their great educational achievement is their undoing. Unlike An igbo man who will start from selling bras and pants at alaba market,to producing lingeries,A typical Yoruba Man will rather wait for the igbo man's company to kick off then come to apply as a manager in the company. Lol, although I must say they are intelligent and can make business grow but will hardly start it . They don't like their hands getting dirty. Lol Although not all but most.

Little wonder Op's husband used his savings of 900k to search for jobs and connections in Abuja. Lol who does that? If that savings was the wife's believe me that family's financial status would be booming by now. Because Unlike Yoruba Men,There women are hustlers and very industrious.Like they can do anything even jobs their husbands will reject. Although not all but Most. Hardly will you see a Yoruba woman without a job or something doing even if her husband is rich.In Yoruba society,a Jobless wife is a menace, she will be labeled all sort of names and blamed for anything that goes wrong around because Yoruba believe that a Jobless wife is automatically a rumour monger . No doubt Their women are richer but they hardly show it. But why won't they? We all know that there's salary job can never make one wealthy! Never!

Anyways back to the point, Op's husband is a typical Yoruba Man who would rather wait and dream to hit it big than starting from scratch, and his Yoruba pride will not let him move to a smaller apartment because he wants to keep his fake status quo. Op is really in for a long thing, expect she pushes responsibility back to him and wake him from his slumber.

Lucyspa:



GOSH! I SAID IT.

You said what?

emmaodet:

Lol

Acidosis:


You said what?

That you are yoruba nah. I can detect if a guy on here is either yoruba or Igbo by just their comment and anytime i predict it, it is always right.

Poster, I hope your husband has gotten something doing now?

missyojo:
Poster, I hope your husband has gotten something doing now?

I don't think so. See her latest topic posted on 21st March

https://www.nairaland.com/6470003/need-ur-counsel-good-people

kelechiodo:


I don't think so. See her latest topic posted on 21st March

https://www.nairaland.com/6470003/need-ur-counsel-good-people

Ohhh!!!