₦airaland Forum

Interesting.

Klass99:
Oh yes, I have. I haven't acted on the thought though for

1. Fear of going in for a simple procedure and coming out with more than I bargained for, in terms of complications.

2. Abstinence and celibacy has served me well so far, so.......

3. Nigerian Doctors turn into preachers when a woman wants something like this. I can very well do without the sermon.

Number 2, is still my preferred mode of family planning . It saves me a lot of stress and baggage too.

i understand no 3 very well.

Many doctors cannot wrap the fact that a woman wants to remove her apparatus.

It is well. Just get a good contraception. It's all good.

Unnerve:
So the reason you don't really want kids is because society expects you to have kids, meaning you're just being rebellious against expected standards.

No I don't think this is it really.

I don't think it is because you've done everything so far in the exact way society wants you to - you learned to cook, clean & maintain a home, you went to school, graduated and got a job, you simply just want to skip the last two steps on the societal progression and jump to death, the final step.

What exactly is the animosity towards marriage and kids? Figure that out on your own, like see someone who can make you acknowledge the real reasons. You don't have to admit the real issue here.

And NO, all that your talk about the behaviour of your neighbour's kids or about your married friends confiding in you on how bad their marriages are, those are not your real reasons. They are just what you use to justify your negative perception of marriage and kids, bad examples to make yourself feel right about your decision.

You could try to spin your next reply and type the usual everyone is just not cut out for marriage and children yada yada yada, but never bother.
You're Nigerian who has lived all her life in Nigeria, if you were someone with purely western foundation and upbringing, it would be understandably fashionable to be an unmarried woman with no kids because of a distinctive choice you made rather than it being an actual sign of something off going on much deeper.

please stop preaching, she doesn't want na. Pls lets respect ourselves and the wishes of others

DrFunmisticGlow:
please stop preaching, she doesn't want na. Pls lets respect our wishes

Are you really a doctor?

When a young woman makes a case for not wanting to have any children, doctors are usually mandated to determine her reasons, sometimes even offering psychological counseling. This is normal procedure.
I'm not one though, just curious on my part is all.

DrFunmisticGlow:
i understand no 3 very well.

Many doctors cannot wrap the fact that a woman wants to remove her apparatus.

It is well. Just get a good contraception. It's all good.

Number 3 is not particular with Nigerian Doctors. It happens in much the same way even in developed countries.

See this NYTopinion
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2017/11/30/sunday-review/women-sterilization-children-doctors.amp.html

Squillaci:
How is not wanting kids a mental illness?

Read what I wrote again bro. If you hate kids or they irritate or anger you by there mere presence or you feel overwhelmed by having them around, you have a problem in your mind (which could be due to a past childhood trauma or experience).

That problem or trauma in your mind due to the past is a mental illness. It is not derogatory. It simply means you have been wounded in your mind.

True

Unnerve:
Number 3 is not particular with Nigerian Doctors. It happens in much the same way even in developed countries.

See this NYTopinion
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2017/11/30/sunday-review/women-sterilization-children-doctors.amp.html

Unnerve:
Are you really a doctor?

When a young woman makes a case for not wanting to have any children, doctors are usually mandated to determine her reasons, sometimes even offering psychological counseling. This is normal procedure.
I'm not one though, just curious on my part is all.

No we are not mandated, remove that bias from your mind.

What we ought to do is to counsel, make sure the person is certified fit to make the decision. Tell the patient to weigh the pros and cons and ask the patient to think about it.

But what a lot of doctors end up doing is to start projecting their beliefs to their patients which is wrong.

DeeMain:
Read what I wrote again bro. If you hate kids or they irritate or anger you by there mere presence or you feel overwhelmed by having them around, you have a problem in your mind (which could be sue to a past childhood trauma or experience).

That problem or trauma in your mind due to the past is a mental illness. It is not derogatory. It simply means you have been wounded in your mind.

Trauma is not a mental illness.

DrFunmisticGlow:
No we are not mandated, remove that bias from your mind.

What we ought to do is to counsel, make sure the person is certified fit to make the decision. Tell the patient to weigh the pros and cons and ask the patient to think about it.

But what a lot of doctors end up doing is to start prohecting their beliefs

Lol, we have ended up saying the same thing.
Counselling to determine if the person is certified to make the decision (psychological), weighing the pros and cons (do they really understand their decision).

Just curious, what's the difference between what you ought to do and what you're mandated to do?

Unnerve:
Lol, we have ended up saying the same thing.
Counselling to determine if the person is certified to make the decision (psychological), weighing the pros and cons (do they really understand their decision).

Just curious, what's the difference between what you ought to do and what you're mandated to do?

mandate is by force, ought is more of an obligation

DrFunmisticGlow:
Trauma is not a mental illness.

Ma, you are quoting me out of context. I explained what I meant clearly. If you are wounded in your mind by past trauma it will reflect in your behaviour as a dysfunction. The reason is that mind and body are inseparable.

That behavioural dysfunction is a mental health issue and that's what I called mental illness.


Mental illness/disorder: A wide range of conditions that affect mood, thinking and behaviour (www.mayoclinic.org).

DeeMain:
Ma, you are quoting me out of context. I explained what I meant clearly. If you are wounded in your mind by past trauma it will reflect in your behaviour as a dysfunction. The reason is that mind and body are inseparable.

That behavioural dysfunction is a mental health issue and that's what I called mental illness.


Mental illness/disorder: A wide range of conditions that affect mood, thinking and behaviour (www.mayoclinic.org).

I give up

....

It is well

Klass99:
Lol hmm, where do I begin?

Abstinence/celibacy is about self care for me (i.e. practicing habits that sustain my health and well being) it is also about having an effective relationship with my creator. Pre-marital sex was eroding an effective relationship with God and my feelings of guilt were often enormous, afterwards.

I am not abstaining to avoid marriage but I am most certainly abstaining to avoid an unwanted pregnancy I have had devious men who thought if they could only get me pregnant, it would change my mind about kids and their marriage proposal to me (I'm not kidding) but this is a story for another time.

Sex is not a physical thing for women (save for prostitutes) Before a woman lies with you, she's really into you. Now, when the feeling is not mutual it becomes a demoralizing event, it either breaks the heart or bruises it. Celibacy, saves me from the mental and emotional havoc wrecked on my overall well being, when the feeling is not mutual.

Having a sexual partner just for the sake of scratching that itch is still a demoralizing concept for me. Also, indulging too soon in a relationship, prevents you from ascertaining the full measure of a man and getting a firm grip on what he is really like, as a person.

I understand the abstinence from sex to ensure closeness to God part though. Something a good marriage would have cured.

No sex. Celibacy. No marriage. No maternal instinct. No children. No spouse.

Until when?

...

Klass99:
After reading through this post, I just smiled and thought there's no point trying to explain myself or reasons. Because you have acted like judge, jury and executioner over my choice already and you are convinced na gragra dey worry me or I have deep seated issues (which by the way I don't have)

But let's get something abundantly clear, I have no animosity towards marriage or kids. That, I don't want kids for myself, doesn't mean I don't want other women or people to have them as well - hell no.

What I am against and I have animosity for, is the shallow/vain thought processes and actions, people have about these two things. For example, on thought processes;
1. If I don't marry I can't be or won't be happy in life ever.
2. If I don't have a child, I will be miserable, I will shrink and die away.
3. Without marriage and kids, there's nothing more to me or my life can't be meaningful
4. People will mock me and say I am not a man or a woman, because I couldn't bear children naturally - I had to adopt.
5. God forbid that I adopt, when I can have my own children biologically - meanwhile decades go by and you still can't have children biologically.

Examples, of actions;
1. Inserting egg like things in the vjay, because a charlatan claiming to be a man of god, told you it will ensure pregnancy.
2. Moving from one spiritual house to another, doing inappropriate or vile things to yourself, because you were once again told, pregnancy is certain if you do these things.
3. Visiting the babalawo with pictures or personal items of a man/woman, you want to marry by hook or by crook.
4. Aggressively, seeking a baby mama outside your marriage while pastoring a church and asking that a woman you are commiting adultery with, should first get pregnant for you.
5. Endless vigils at spiritual places with a bad rep, to a point where you begin to neglect other aspects of your life or meeting up another charlatan who gave you a vigil appointment in a guest house.

The feverish frenzy, jazz and very razz things people do, all in a bid to either marry or have children is what I am against NOT marriage/children itself, or the people who want these things for themselves.

The belief in our minds will bring about results. A belief is simply a thought of your mind or the thought in your mind. So, if a person thinks that without marriage/kids their life will be a miserable and unhappy one, the results will manifest in their life accordingly. If I think that, without marriage/kids, my life can and will still be a full, productive and happy one (through my relationships and life experiences) the results will manifest in my life accordingly - which in all sincerity is what I am experiencing/enjoying.

I like marriage and I want it, so I can fucck without the feelings of guilt and also for the friendship/companionship with another person . As well as, bearing each others burdens financially, emotionally and otherwise. I make no bones about this - however you will not catch me engaging in any of the negative thought processes or actions I have enumerated above. It's not me or my style at all. As for the decision to not have kids (not even one) till thy Kingdom comes, it is not happening and it has nothing to do with rebellion either.

Lol, no one is judging you.

.

Klass99:
Lol hmm, where do I begin?

Abstinence/celibacy is about self care for me (i.e. practicing habits that sustain my health and well being) it is also about having an effective relationship with my creator. Pre-marital sex was eroding an effective relationship with God and my feelings of guilt were often enormous, afterwards.

I am not abstaining to avoid marriage but I am most certainly abstaining to avoid an unwanted pregnancy I have had devious men who thought if they could only get me pregnant, it would change my mind about kids and their marriage proposal to me (I'm not kidding) but this is a story for another time.

Sex is not a physical thing for women (save for prostitutes) Before a woman lies with you, she's really into you. Now, when the feeling is not mutual it becomes a demoralizing event, it either breaks the heart or bruises it. Celibacy, saves me from the mental and emotional havoc wrecked on my overall well being, when the feeling is not mutual.

Having a sexual partner just for the sake of scratching that itch is still a demoralizing concept for me. Also, indulging too soon in a relationship, prevents you from ascertaining the full measure of a man and getting a firm grip on what he is really like, as a person.

That's revealing.

Well Apostle Paul said if one can be celibate and remain unmarried in kingdom race,he or she can go for it but if you can't remain celibate, please Marry.

So Marriage or having kids isn't really a do or die thing but the most important is don't Sin. So Klass99 I'm echoing that to you Sis. If you don't want it, don't DO it.

Ariza:
Well Apostle Paul said if one can be celibate and remain unmarried in kingdom race,he or she can go for it but if you can't remain celibate, please Marry.

So Marriage or having kids isn't really a do or die thing but the most important is don't Sin. So Klass99 I'm echoing that to you Sis. If you don't want it, don't DO it.

Lol, I remember making a joke to you about how I'm sure you've not read a Bible on your own this year outside of church.

Paul's teachings in 1Corinthians 7 about celibacy refers specifically to those who are called to ministry like himself, meaning, taking a vow of celibacy which I doubt Klass99 will do.

...

Unnerve:
Paul's teachings in 1Corinthians 7 about celibacy refers specifically to those who are called to ministry like himself, meaning, taking a vow of celibacy which I doubt Klass 99 would do.

Lol... The beginning of the chapter says:
Now, Concerning the things whereof you wrote to me:It is good for a man to touch a woman?

2) Nevertheless, to avoid fornication,let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband....
..
7)For I would that all man were even as I myself.But every man has his proper give of God....
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows it is good for them to remain as I am

9) BUT if they can not CONTAIN, let them MARRY. For it is better to Marry than to Burn.


Now those commands rather Words of Advice (Because Paul said he spoke out of Permission not Commands) are for every Christians not those in Ministry alone. People intend to limit Celibacy to Those in Ministry or those who took vows of Celibacy.

Klass99:
Lol, there are millions of people like Unnerve who preach at me all the time and just won't accept that I am simply not interested, I simply do not want.

In their minds, there's always a problem with me. I must have had a traumatic childhood experience or some deep seated issues unaddressed for years, or I have a medical issue and I cannot have kids, so I am pretending about not wanting them.

The list of my issues or what the problem could be, is usually plenty. People cannot accept that there are women like me who don't want kids, there must be something wrong with us - it's either spiritual or physical The thing dey tire me.

My dear, maybe you should try to relocate, to aviod stories that touch