Am single now but most of my friends are married and to me I always pity them. We grew up having dreams and aspiration one after the other they knock a lady up, before you know they are married.

There is a saying that women are dream killers, and when I say dream killers I don't mean that women are evil, it simply implies that if you want to achieve anything you need to put women aside, relationship should be your last priority. You can have a bootycall or sexmate but anything more than that is a distraction...

And personally me I think marriage is overrated there is more to life than cohabiting with someone so you can have access to vagina, I can achieve that with many option as a advantage without marriage,

And to the "you will die lonely crew" marriage is not a ticket for you to have a long lasting relationship with people around you, rather your character and deed will determine how people will be loyal and kind towards you...

OP na man you be. I share all what you wrote their without opposing anyone.

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

You are wrong

The Bible didn't say that "he that's broke" should find a wife

Same Bible says:

A man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

You might have personal issues with religion but don't discredit what you don't understand

Laslas marriage Na scam

Blackmoran:
Am single now but most of my friends are married and to me I always pity them. We grew up having dreams and aspiration one after the other they knock a lady up, before you know they are married.

There is a saying that women are dream killers, and when I say dream killers I don't mean that women are evil, it simply implies that if you want to achieve anything you need to put women aside, relationship should be your last priority. You can have a bootycall or sexmate but anything more than that is a distraction...

And personally me I think marriage is overrated there is more to life than cohabiting with someone so you can have access to vagina, I can achieve that with many option as a advantage without marriage,

And to the "you will die lonely crew" marriage is not a ticket for you to have a long lasting relationship with people around you, rather your character and deed will determine how people will be loyal and kind towards you...

I agree wholely with your last point. Some people see marriage as an avenue to companionship. Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. Rather it somehow limits ones option to schooze with the opposite sex. Someone that doesn't invest into people other than himself and work on himself on a daily basis should not expect love from anyone except maybe his immediate family members.

What this people fail to realize is that spouses in marriage can only love themselves for long before gradual enmity starts building mainly due to the financial insecurity.

I hope things like this are more emphasized in our societies rather than pressurizing people into marriage when their is no iota of financial readyness in them.

In this era,any man who doesn't realize marriage is for fools deserves every form of suffering he encounters in that archaic,horseshit,completely and utterly failed social construct
May the suffering of the man the OP met and men who foolishly signed that bullshit contract because they wanted to please family and society,increase by 2billion folds.I have no iota of sympathy for you lot

bigs up man...u did well...as for that poor dude...that's how they bring innocent kids into this terrible world to suffer with them..if u can't comfortably feed..then js suffer nd die alone na...even if u love sex more than the Indians that breed like rabbits..use protection na or embrace family planning...anyways it all boils down to the FAM he was born into...poverty plus illiteracy/ignorance..and ceteris paribus (all things being equal)..his kids will still continue in that cycle of poverty..illiteracy nd ignorance..nd so his grand kids...passing on d baton of poverty from one generation to d other...what nonsense..

Increase the volume people.
Let me take some speakers to the round about so that people there will here you. They all need to hear this gospel truth and stop fooling themselves. Both men and women. Not when you see someone who can't take care of himself you will accept marriage proposal from him simply because you are not getting any younger. After you marry you now become older than your mother within a few months cos of suffering.
And the poor guy will look older than his grandpa overnight.
It's even worst when the two are lazy without vision.

Prof0fficial:
"someone that wishes to be alone should remember his old age days"...

And when your partner dies before you?

Blackmoran:
Am single now but most of my friends are married and to me I always pity them. We grew up having dreams and aspiration one after the other they knock a lady up, before you know they are married.

There is a saying that women are dream killers, and when I say dream killers I don't mean that women are evil, it simply implies that if you want to achieve anything you need to put women aside, relationship should be your last priority. You can have a bootycall or sexmate but anything more than that is a distraction...

And personally me I think marriage is overrated there is more to life than cohabiting with someone so you can have access to vagina, I can achieve that with many option as a advantage without marriage,

And to the "you will die lonely crew" marriage is not a ticket for you to have a long lasting relationship with people around you, rather your character and deed will determine how people will be loyal and kind towards you...

laslas you go marry

merieam16:
so er u sayin people born into poverty dont make it in life or becos dey er poor dey should die cos dey ve suddenly become an outcast?

exactly my point, look at China they are trying to depopulate by recommending at max of two children, in which their economy is even better than ours. Why must u bring children to suffer them. Life is short. To make it from scratch is not easy.

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

Guy u wan use grammar kill me but i love what you wrote

Marriage without financial security is risky. Things are hard. Cut your coat according your size

Poseidon000:

Lol. Baba, when i was coming up as a lad. I had a clique with so much ambition. The brightest and most handsome among us jumped into marriage with nothing palpable to sustain him.

Now, he's a shadow of himself subsisting on the magnanimity of our group and the little he can muster for himself. When I look at him now, I begin to wonder if he's the same bright lad that earned our awe and we looked up to. The dude is looking like my father now. Quite painful, because he profligates also(not wise with money).

Planning is the key. You're on point, bro.

Just like you've said Op, religious institutions are to blame.

Great thread from Poisedon.
Marriage isn't for fools like someone said.
It's not easy to become super successful from the scratch, like another said..
Don't be pressured by the societal dogma, like it's said.
You are the captain of your own ship, the captain of your life.
May God bless the work of our hands.

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

u are confuse here.a gud wife is a gud thing.hw is dat a lie?u where also favoured to get one.

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

Thumbs up

J111333:
It's quite unfortunate.
Poor men tend to take solace in sex and in most cases, unprotected sex. This results in starting unplanned families and the poverty recycles.

You said it all.

Even amongst ladies, most ladies get married due to pressure from the society and finance...

If they had an option they wouldn't venture into marriage before 30yrs

Tsolutionifede:
exactly my point, look at China they are trying to depopulate by recommending at max of two children, in which their economy is even better than ours. Why must u bring children to suffer them. Life is short. To make it from scratch is not easy.

yea i understand depopulation which is my problem with d poor cos dey dont kno wen 2 say full stop 2 child bearin.buh nt 2 give birth at all becos dey er poor dat doesnt make sense 2 me

Firstly marriage isn't for fools but u can look foolish if you marry wrongly without a plan

If that poor guy marries a fellow poor girl and they both believe in hustling together, delaying childbirth e.t.c., they may come out of poverty faster than doing it singly. The real issues is that men often marry women who still sees them as someone they should take from rather than someone whom they should plan,strategize and partner with.

maiyee:
Even amongst ladies, most ladies get married due to pressure from the society and finance...

If they had an option they wouldn't venture into marriage before 30yrs

Not totally through cos a woman's body will change significantly as she ages and she may still not get the desired mate as she grows old.

merieam16:
yea i understand depopulation which is my problem with d poor cos dey dont kno wen 2 say full stop 2 child bearin.buh nt 2 give birth at all becos dey er poor dat doesnt make sense 2 me

maybe when you are still getting something, but not to the extent of staying in an uncompleted building, that is total dismal.

tunjilana:


Not totally through cos a woman's body will change significantly as she ages and she may still not get the desired mate as she grows old.

. True, that's why I wrote 30yrs.

Poseidon000:

Lol. Baba, when i was coming up as a lad. I had a clique with so much ambition. The brightest and most handsome among us jumped into marriage with nothing palpable to sustain him.

Now, he's a shadow of himself subsisting on the magnanimity of our group and the little he can muster for himself. When I look at him now, I begin to wonder if he's the same bright lad that earned our awe and we looked up to. The dude is looking like my father now. Quite painful, because he profligates also(not wise with money).

Planning is the key. You're on point, bro.

Let him that have ears listen.

0neal:


With all the odds we are facing and graciously surviving through every blessed day, it baffles me why one with eyes wide open, will still add more to the challenges already on ground.

Damn!

Stories like this dey vex every fiber of my being, poverty no dey tire some people?

Well, poverty is a mental conditioning that metamorphose to reality when one approach life with complacency and imprudence. Suffice to say; people from poor homes wind up like their parents, not because of lack of requisite tools to succeed in life, but because they fail to 'right' the condition of their parents by making the same mistake, thus, setting a vicious circle of generational penury on motion.

It's the major social malaise menacing our society. Take a diagnostic review of the economic class of major perpetrators of vices in our society, and the answer is not farfetched.

eni4real:
Bros, this your English ehn

You are right. Financial Maturity is a must before one can embark on a sojourn of Marriage!!

May God bless our hustle(Amen)!!

Amen!!!

Omar09:


35yrs.

Apt.

You have my blessing, bro. What is paramount is a better and secured future for you and your family. All other consideration is sundry.

EVILFOREST:

U have said it all.
Dis is exactly what I scream everyday on NAIRALAND.
I hate POVERTY....
I hate BEGGING....
I have always tried to program myself in such a way that I will be the last person to beg on earth.
Do you know why...?
The ANSWER is simple:
I am always contented with what I have.
..... and I always try to save.
Always envisage the number of kids you plan to have. Stop having unnecessary erections as a man.

MY ADVICE:
As a struggling hard working man, never never marry a Lady who lacks vision compounded with enormous BURDEN.
No matter how beautiful she is, just avoid her.
I can assure you that, you will never see that beauty again 2 months into your marriage with her.
It's better to marry a visionary WIDOW than marry an empty beautiful VIRGIN.

IF you Fail to PLAN, you have already planned to FAIL.

Hey guys!

Heed to this advice, cause this is a sage council that is ineluctable to your success if you want to have a smooth sail in life.

I want to believe you're married. Am I right?

merieam16:
Okay buh d truth is d poor will always b among u. at least u helped out dat wat matters

You can choose 2 remain poor by nt doubling ur hustle buh der some people hustle or no hustle dey er destined 2 b poor.Not everytime u see a poor person nd u say he or she is lazy or hasnt taken steps buh time nd chance happen 2 dem all. They will still av 2 get married nd do wat oda people do cos dey are still humans


ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè

you are right!!! some things in life are complex, I am not that religious but I believe in destiny and grace, most poor people I know are very hard working but they can't just move above that poverty benchmark, there are many factors that influence wealth outside hard work unless we want to deceive ourselves.

I understand the O.P perfectly, but it is important we take cognisance of how these people think, they give birth because they have already seen people doing it without drastic consequences, they have seen poor family raised 6 children to maturity, these bad precedents have been on ground since time immemorial, if Mama Chinedu or Mama wale can do it , why can't they?

Personally, I think it is an overtly selfish decision to bring a child forth into penury, but the mind set of most poor people is funny, it is as simple as this, struggle to raise the kids to adulthood ( lucky ones) , some give most of their kids out to relatives to raise then after they are adults they will be waiting for the children to be taking care of them.....that is just the simple cycle.

jagorinho:


you are right!!! some of things in life are complex, I am not that religious but I believe in destiny and grace, most poor people I know are very hard working but they can't just move above that poverty benchmark, there are many factors that influence wealth outside hard work unless we want to decieve ourselves.

I understand the O.P perfectly, but it is important we take cognisance of how these people think, they give birth because they have already seen people doing it without drastic consequences, they have seen poor family raised 6 children to maturity, these bad precedents have been on ground since time immemorial, if Mama Chinedu or Mama wale can do it , why can't they?

Personally, I think it is an overtly selfish decision to bring a child forth into penury, but the mind set of most poor people see things in a different way, it is as simple as this, struggle to raise the kids to adulthood ( lucky ones) , some give most of their kids out to relatives to raise then after they are adults they will be waiting for the children to be taking care of them.....that is just the simple cycle.

exactly, my problem with most poor people is dey do nt kno wen to say full stop 2 child bearing.Like wat u said,dey av der way of doin tins nd perceiving life

Olawrites:


Stop misleading people with your nasty view.


You failed at marriage doesn't mean others will.

... Are you God that determines when one should marry or not?

My bro married when he has nothing. Today he is Madly in wealth.

Just so you know, marriage give you this hustling mindset to be on your toes.

Look for someone understanding,and plan towards a future.

There's some certain age man will seek companionship

God determines one's destiny.. Sh.it happens in a jiffy.

If this is your idea of recrimination, then you suck at it. Just so we're clear; it's been eon I last had a relationship. I'm comfortable, but I presently don't have a woman friend not to talk of a wife, so, your postulation is balderdash.

Let me pretend to believe what you said about your brother: that your brother have a different story, does not mean it's the prevalent case. In fact, his case is miniscule on the scale of 1/10 as obtainable in our society. Now, no sensible man will predicate his future on the probability of 'one' against 'nine.' That's akin to looking for a needle in a haystack. Not that there's no needle in the haystack, but what are the odd of finding it.

* No, I'm not God, but even the Christian Bible says: "A man who can't provide for his family, is worse than an infidel."

Just so you know, marriage give you this hustling mindset to be on your toes.
The highlighted is one of the major lies I aforementioned.
Let's put it into perspective. If as a bachelor you earn 4k per day, then spend 1k for feeding and another 1k for miscellaneous, leaving you with 2k to save for future investment that will avail you the financial laxity to venture into other enterprise or expand existing one, thus increasing your earning power to say 10k per day. At this juncture, you're to a large extent impervious to the cost implication of running a family. So, it's fine.

Now, let's say you got married with an earning of the same 4k per day. Remember you were spending 2k as a bachelor and saving the remaining 2k for the future. What you'll discover as a married man, is that; 4k will be barely enough to service the family, leaving you on the path of stagnancy, cause you'll be feeding from hand to mouth with no savings to venture into new waters of financial promise. Basically, you'll be retrogressing with the rise in inflation and graduating family expenses. In no time, you'll be wizened with dejection and suffering, consequently embroiling the innocent children you sired, in your self inflicted debacle.


Nuff said.