₦airaland Forum

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Damn...
This matter really has weight and occupy space...

I guess your brother in law is what some Nairalanders classify as Alpha male..

I don't have anything to say

let her stay as long as he doesn't physically abuse her....but try raise money from her family to Start something even if it's frying akara. but let her continue to respect the husband no matter what.

she will have the last laugh.

As we all know, they are three sides of a story; your sister's, her husband's and the truth...



We need the husband's story next

He is a useless husband for absconding from his responsibilities. That man not only betrayed her trust but his marriage also by impregnating another woman. Your sister should leave him.

I believe family and friends can rally and aid her into securing a job or something to do. Also the court will force her hubby to provide money for childcare. Your sister is better off without him.

Lemme book space first becos dis 1 le gan o

Do what you can to save you sister. No human should go through this.

It is difficult to advise but the question you may want to ask her is why did he start coming late? Another thing that got my attention was why was he mocking her when she got pregnant? That part gets me thinking there might be more than meets the eye.

on a lighter note, what if it's just karma working?

For better for worse.just be praying . and let your family to know what is going on.

Acrobatics01:
Firstly, this isn't a mistake marriage because at a point they all had joy in the relationship

I agree that some men lose interest in things or people easily and this may have happened on his case but there are definitely things that led to this. Clearly, they are just housemates and not marriage mates

We aren't here to judge who's right or wrong. What has happened has happened already and the damage has gone far that the man has a pregnant lady outside.

However, nothing is impossible before God.
So, she has a decision to make first. Dies she still want the marriage?
if yes then let her work
[b][/b] towards it.
it's going to be a hard work but with God's help she will have her husband back.

She must have have dropped some of the nice touches that kept the man lurking around her before marriage either physically or behaviourally. So she needs to work back herself.

On your part, I noticed that probably because of anger, you're almost already supporting your sister and you may be right but if you want her to stay in the marriage, your family needs to work hard here too. Surport them in this dark period of their lives financially and emotionally.

Frankly, although the man maybe acting up like he does care about whatever happens but I tell you deep inside him, a lot is going on but as a man he does not want to show it, only his close friends will know what's up.

Quote this comment if you agree by line of thoughts so I may continue

Please don't continue. the man impregnated another woman and you are blaming the wife. Just stop here abeg. Thank you.

ireneidiva:
Please don't continue. the man impregnated another woman and you are blaming the wife. Just stop here abeg. Thank you.

Lolz.

I didn't blame anyone in particular. But in cases like this because things have gone sour, everyone has a portion of blame and most work to fix things.

I'm particularly talking to the woman because the opens coming from her side. if the op were from the man's side, it would be another kind of gist.

It is sad, the marriage is seriously fragmented. The man having a woman and a child outside makes the whole union very entangled, no pun intended. This is the very reason why a woman should and never be financially dependent on a man be it boyfriend or husband, have something doing that will be yielding you money no matter how small. If your sister is a little bit financially stable, she must have left with the kids by now. If your parents are still alive and can accommodate her and the kids, then temporal separation would do both of them good, while your sister upgrades herself. If after the separation they don't come back together again, so be it, yes your sister can still find love again even with her kids.

midehill:
Good evening nairalanders

Before I start my sister story, I want to apologise in advance in case of any grammatical blunder you see in this article, I am here just to seek an advice for my big sister.

Okay, let us begin... My big sister got married in 2008 and she has given birth to a girl and a boy to her husband.

From 2010 downward, my sister told me she noticed her husband start misbehaving in the way she does not believe he could. Though during those times, the way he misbehaves is not that bad.

She later told me that there was a time she got pregnant to twins after the second born, but her husband did not give her peace of mind then, I think that should be around 2010 to 2013. The most annoying thing is that she even told me her husband was talking to her anyhow that time that you get pregnant again. Are you not shameful.

Since then, he started coming home late, I have also noticed this anytime I visit there house. Her husband comes home late in the midnight like around 12am or 1am... Sometimes he comes around 2am.

My sister also told me that there are some times he do come home late drunk. Though I have never seen him come home late drunk but I know she can't tell a lie against her husband. But I know he comes home very late.

Even on Sunday or during that lock down period where he suppose to be with his family, he always find places to go, leaving his family alone at home.

Before my sister married the man, the man was such a good man but after the marriage he just changed for the bad.

Though I know my sister too has her own bad behavior, I know no one is perfect but her husband is overdoing his too much.

My sister said this has been what she has been going through in the marriage, it was when she can't bear it any longer that she decided to let us know.

She said sometimes her husband disgrace her in front of his workers. I believe strongly the man can do this. There are even some times her husband will call some of our extended family and start complaining to them all what my sister is doing. My sister said most of this things are lies. She now said he have disgraced her in her own extended family that everyone now knows about them.

She further said she was trying to give her husband respect in front of her relatives but when she noticed he does not respect her, she too now exposes him to the family, now he cannot call her family again to explain matters to them because he has spoil himself in front of them.

Just recently, my sister said the house rent, her husband is not paying it again. When the landlord started disturbing them, that was when he managed to pay a year plus house rent they were owing. He did not even pay it finish,now they are owing another one year houserent. She said the landlord has started disgracing them by banging and shouting on them.

She said her husband have really made people to disrespect her a lot.

The most surprising thing was that she said her husband don't even have sex with her again for some years now, not only that, he always keep everything as secret from her. She does not even know anytin about him again.

She also told me her husband has impregnated another woman outside and that one has given birth to a child for him. She said when she confronted him and told him about it, he was shocked...that made her to know it was true. She later showed me the ladies picture one Way or the other.

She said sometimes when he has money, he prefer to go and spend it on the other lady he impregnated outside. She also said her husband don't even care about her again.

Though he still provides money for the home but it is once in two or three days he does that.

She said her husband don't support her in anything she does. She once told him to open shop for her so she can start selling things to support the family but he did not.

My sister learnt sewing job but still no money to collect shop and anytime customer brings clothes home, her husband will be frowning at them unknowingly and that has made all her customers to flee. Now she is left with nothing.

Tonight she told me there landlord came home and started shouting on them and her husband claimed he was travelling whereas he did not travel. He was with the other lady.

She even said there was a time she almost ran mad, even till now, she is the shadow of her former self.

Please my sister is thinking of leaving her husband and start a small businesss but she so not have the means to do so. Landlord is disturbing them, debts upon debts and her husband is not serious with the family.

Please dear nairaland, she needs advice, is there any agency she can report her husband to.


Please nairalanders, do you have any advice for her, should she leave her husband alone, she wants to but she is thinking that she does not want her children to suffer because she does not have money to take care of them personally.

If you think she should leave her husband, please give advice on what she can do to make money in order to take care of her children...

Sorry for what she is going through emotionally

But where is your family in this picture

The man is not beating her so pls let her stay and keep watching him because, she is helpless at this stage and observing him is one way to monitor his moves

Once a woman is not doing anything to put money in her pocket, she will be like a toothless Bulldog

He has already made the mistake of going out to parent another woman and your sister must have pushed him to the wall unintentionally

The next plan is for her to voluntarily pack out so that tge other woman will pack in

I will advise your family steps into this matter before it gets out if control

Some men, once they go out to start keeping a woman outside, its possible he may not regard his wife and children at home

But on the long run, he suffers it more because he has gotten two families he didn't plan for and that alone will make the two women to be enemies to themselves

As it is now, his family and your family are now having cold War and may be the one pushing they son to get another woman as if they will help him train them

Who does so ?

I really feel for the woman. My advice:
1) She shouldn't pack out the house cos if she does the issue may never be settled. I have someone like that, she packed out and the man philandering ways became worse, two women packed into the house. The child she left behind died, they claimed she committed suicide.
2) Let the family arise for her help by raising funds to establish Business for her
3) Let her calm down. Let her become more independent. She should ignore the man and live her life
4) Let her be more prayerful
5) She should learn how to be happy on her own without her husband
May the peace of God reign in her family in Jesus Name.

Vyzz:
Damn...
This matter really has weight and occupy space...

I guess your brother in law is what some Nairalanders classify as Alpha male..

I don't have anything to say

Haba try say Sometin now

Prof0fficial:
let her stay as long as he doesn't physically abuse her....but try raise money from her family to Start something even if it's frying akara. but let her continue to respect the husband no matter what.

she will have the last laugh.

Hmmmmn thank you for your beautiful comment

DICKstractor:
As we all know, they are three sides of a story; your sister's, her husband's and the truth...



We need the husband's story next

...

u r right though

Ningen:
He is a useless husband for absconding from his responsibilities. That man not only betrayed her trust but his marriage also by impregnating another woman. Your sister should leave him.

I believe family and friends can rally and aid her into securing a job or something to do. Also the court will force her hubby to provide money for childcare. Your sister is better off without him.

exactly what I was thinking

merieam16:
Lemme book space first becos dis 1 le gan o

it will be soft soon by God grace

Acidosis:
Do what you can to save you sister. No human should go through this.

I really wsh I could but I have no idea what I Shud do

GboyegaD:
It is difficult to advise but the question you may want to ask her is why did he start coming late? Another thing that got my attention was why was he mocking her when she got pregnant? That part gets me thinking there might be more than meets the eye.

yeah when she went spiritually, they said itz d other woman causing the reason why he is misbehaving... not really his fault

gentlestdude:
on a lighter note, what if it's just karma working?

karma in what way... my sister is not a bad person at all

Nisland:
For better for worse.just be praying . and let your family to know what is going on.

definitely they know... I heard from her Wen she went spiritually about the case, they told her itz d other woman causing it through her magical powers

@acrobatics hmmmn I love your advice though... thank u.. we will surely help her

MARKone:
It is sad, the marriage is seriously fragmented. The man having a woman and a child outside makes the whole union very entangled, no pun intended. This is the very reason why a woman should and never be financially dependent on a man be it boyfriend or husband, have something doing that will be yielding you money no matter how small. If your sister is a little bit financially stable, she must have left with the kids by now. If your parents are still alive and can accommodate her and the kids, then temporal separation would do both of them good, while your sister upgrades herself. If after the separation they don't come back together again, so be it, yes your sister can still find love again even with her kids.

hmmmn thanks bro... I will advice her on this

Missyajoke:
I really feel for the woman. My advice:
1) She shouldn't pack out the house cos if she does the issue may never be settled. I have someone like that, she packed out and the man philandering ways became worse, two women packed into the house. The child she left behind died, they claimed she committed suicide.
2) Let the family arise for her help by raising funds to establish Business for her
3) Let her calm down. Let her become more independent. She should ignore the man and live her life
4) Let her be more prayerful
5) She should learn how to be happy on her own without her husband
May the peace of God reign in her family in Jesus Name.

Hmmmmn I am glad I brought this issue to this nairaland... I love your advice...

midehill:
Hmmmmn I am glad I brought this issue to this nairaland... I love your advice...

Thabks

To the few above who have said, "at least he's not physically abusing her...":
The emotional and verbal abuse I see in the OP's post are just as dangerous, if not more.

To the OP:
Your sister needs a job/source of income asap. Situations like hers are reasons why a woman needs to have something doing before and during marriage, as they will be more empowered to make the proper decision for themselves if need be.

midehill:
definitely they know... I heard from her Wen she went spiritually about the case, they told her itz d other woman causing it through her magical powers

No one is using any magical power on him. The husband is 100% responsible for his behaviour/actions.

@midehill,

There are many things that needs to be revealed before advising if she should walk or stay.

According to you:

1. The marriage started well and they had to kids
2. Two years into the marriage, the husband suddenly changed.
3. She got pregnant with twins and the husband started insulting her; what happened to the pregnancy?
4. He got another woman pregnant and kept it: this means he is not averse to more kids. Then why was he against your sister (his wife) having more kids?
5. He caters fully for the two homes (so he doesn't have financial issues)
6. He wants your sister financially dependent on him: for abuse? control? old school?
7. He disgraces her at all fronts which she has picked up in retaliation
8. He has stopped having sex with her for years
9. He is secretive (which is a fallout of the atmosphere in their home

Your sister has the leg for a divorce; Adultery.

We however need to ask how things degenerated to this point.

That is the first step.

midehill:
Good evening nairalanders

Before I start my sister story, I want to apologise in advance in case of any grammatical blunder you see in this article, I am here just to seek an advice for my big sister.

Okay, let us begin... My big sister got married in 2008 and she has given birth to a girl and a boy to her husband.

From 2010 downward, my sister told me she noticed her husband start misbehaving in the way she does not believe he could. Though during those times, the way he misbehaves is not that bad.

She later told me that there was a time she got pregnant to twins after the second born, but her husband did not give her peace of mind then, I think that should be around 2010 to 2013. The most annoying thing is that she even told me her husband was talking to her anyhow that time that you get pregnant again. Are you not shameful.

Since then, he started coming home late, I have also noticed this anytime I visit there house. Her husband comes home late in the midnight like around 12am or 1am... Sometimes he comes around 2am.

My sister also told me that there are some times he do come home late drunk. Though I have never seen him come home late drunk but I know she can't tell a lie against her husband. But I know he comes home very late.

Even on Sunday or during that lock down period where he suppose to be with his family, he always find places to go, leaving his family alone at home.

Before my sister married the man, the man was such a good man but after the marriage he just changed for the bad.

Though I know my sister too has her own bad behavior, I know no one is perfect but her husband is overdoing his too much.

My sister said this has been what she has been going through in the marriage, it was when she can't bear it any longer that she decided to let us know.

She said sometimes her husband disgrace her in front of his workers. I believe strongly the man can do this. There are even some times her husband will call some of our extended family and start complaining to them all what my sister is doing. My sister said most of this things are lies. She now said he have disgraced her in her own extended family that everyone now knows about them.

She further said she was trying to give her husband respect in front of her relatives but when she noticed he does not respect her, she too now exposes him to the family, now he cannot call her family again to explain matters to them because he has spoil himself in front of them.

Just recently, my sister said the house rent, her husband is not paying it again. When the landlord started disturbing them, that was when he managed to pay a year plus house rent they were owing. He did not even pay it finish,now they are owing another one year houserent. She said the landlord has started disgracing them by banging and shouting on them.

She said her husband have really made people to disrespect her a lot.

The most surprising thing was that she said her husband don't even have sex with her again for some years now, not only that, he always keep everything as secret from her. She does not even know anytin about him again.

She also told me her husband has impregnated another woman outside and that one has given birth to a child for him. She said when she confronted him and told him about it, he was shocked...that made her to know it was true. She later showed me the ladies picture one Way or the other.

She said sometimes when he has money, he prefer to go and spend it on the other lady he impregnated outside. She also said her husband don't even care about her again.

Though he still provides money for the home but it is once in two or three days he does that.

She said her husband don't support her in anything she does. She once told him to open shop for her so she can start selling things to support the family but he did not.

My sister learnt sewing job but still no money to collect shop and anytime customer brings clothes home, her husband will be frowning at them unknowingly and that has made all her customers to flee. Now she is left with nothing.

Tonight she told me there landlord came home and started shouting on them and her husband claimed he was travelling whereas he did not travel. He was with the other lady.

She even said there was a time she almost ran mad, even till now, she is the shadow of her former self.

Please my sister is thinking of leaving her husband and start a small businesss but she so not have the means to do so. Landlord is disturbing them, debts upon debts and her husband is not serious with the family.

Please dear nairaland, she needs advice, is there any agency she can report her husband to.


Please nairalanders, do you have any advice for her, should she leave her husband alone, she wants to but she is thinking that she does not want her children to suffer because she does not have money to take care of them personally.

If you think she should leave her husband, please give advice on what she can do to make money in order to take care of her children...

I don't know the worst thing your sister has done to the husband. Let me assume she once cheated on him(dont forget this is hypothetical), he should have thrown her out unless he is Savage enough to take it to this point. What's my advice? your sister should pack out of his house if she can and if she can't you guys should help her do so and set her up. Fvck any bastard who does sh*t to my daughter, I don't give a fvck about any stupid convention and tradition. Some idiots are bent on tradition that to them, compliance overrules rationality and logic. Parents, the sanity and we'll being of your children is more important than any culture and tradition. I'm an iconoclast when it's necessary, I uphold tradition only when I find it logical to do so. The husband's actions have failed the golden rule test, period.