₦airaland Forum

Munzy14:
The gender war on nairaland.....

That is because the men are hardly fair in their judgment na

That op should go and erase the rich fantasy she has created in her Imagination ,and disengage from the ex comparison... She left the man for her because of religion and parents said In this 21st century.


let her, fall back to where everything burst and work things out with the hubby. This is her cross, as onye mama m si, papa m si and pastor m si.


Most times, humans don't know when they allow imagination/fantasies take over the real life they have going on..... She has set herself on part of depression if she hasn't entered yet.

Only one person can't make a marriage work.
It takes two to tango.
Unless her husband is truly willing, there's nothing much she can do.
I don't support her chatting with her ex though...

mariahAngel:
That is because the men are hardly fair in their judgment na






Only one person can't make a marriage work.
It takes two to tango.
Unless her husband is truly willing, there's nothing much she can do.
I don't support her chatting with her ex though...

Some persons from both sides are guilty here....


Yes, marriage is for two, and works best, when both partners are realistic in.... My own is she should erase fantasy and face reality... Moreover, we only heard one side of the story.... As usual.

You're having the same problem all wannabe "independent women/people" have; self-absorption and its associated miseries like impulsivity. You won't find happiness and inner peace or experience united growth in your union, provided that you continue to do what suits you rather than what's right. Try doing what you know is right at every given time, regardless of whether it'll be unfavorable to you or the other party or not - except where life is at stake. According to you "am putting myself first in anything am doing but now I think am in a big shit. whenever am in a relationship I stay in the relationship and I go for what I want and suit me." Yet, you expect the same husband of yours to be taking your advice; a typical crass and expedient woman that only the servility from a man can guarantee her calmness.

Your husband should sit up, though, because a healthy man who perpetually can't assume the responsibility of his family reasonably doesn't worth a husband/father tag.

Munzy14:
Some persons from both sides are guilty here....


Yes, marriage is for two, and works best, when both partners are realistic in.... My own is she should erase fantasy and face reality... Moreover, we only heard one side of the story.... As usual.

That card that men on nairaland always play when it's the woman's side...

But when it's the man's side? "Forget her and get a sidechick" ga na-akwu n'ebe a nile

Owu ashi k'owu eshi okwu?

Biglittlelois:
No correlation whatsoever pls, not doctor to patient, if we are to go by your narrative, the patient should bring his/her partner for more questions, then tests, before conclusions,

In this case, should the Op bring her hubby here to answer the questions, then we compare and air out opinions/solutions? Why can we work with what is available?

Having two people express there minds about one another is the best any therapist would have recommended. lets be realistic there is no way OP will bring her hubby to these forum.
since she is the only speaking for the marriage its imperative to ask rhetorical questions that will instill fairness. TBH those questions are fair tew

mariahAngel:
That card that men on nairaland always play when it's the woman's side...

But when it's the man's side? "Forget her and get a sidechick" ga na-akwu n'ebe a nile

Owu ashi k'owu eshi okwu?

Not, true, most cases here are one sided.... Either a man does or a lady.

mariahAngel:
That's the truth.
Whether we like to admit it or not, nobody likes being ignored by the person whose attention they care for the most.

so when a man cheats, his wife causes it due to lack of attention or he's just being a cheat, which is it?

theForth:
so when a man cheats, his wife causes it due to lack of attention or he's just being a cheat, which is it?

Where are you headed with that question?

mariahAngel:
Where are you headed with that question?

You said so in your previous post, cheating is justified so long as a reason exists. There'll always be a reason to.

theForth:
You said so in your previous post, cheating is justified so long as a reason exists. There'll always be a reason to.

I did?
Are you sure?
I am not responsible for how you choose to reason and understand my words.

Lucyspa:
P. S : This is for all the young women out here who are always quick to claim independent as if there is a prize for it. Y'all are making a lot of men lazy cos u end up doing their work because who want to prove your independence. There is no greater feeling than enjoying your man's money. Cc pocohantas

Reality is waiting for them. Shebi the other day, there was a woman working three jobs to feed her family. Na still bashing she get for being overwhelmed. You will see them here with “I will buy it for him” “I will give him”... They will na get mentions like “your type is so rare”

The kind suffer wey dey wait them for reality ehn, Nairaland likes and compliments no go fit erase am. Lmao!!!!

pocohantas:
Reality is waiting for them. Shebi the other day, there was a woman working three jobs to feed her family. Na still bashing she get for being overwhelmed. You will see them here with “I will buy it for him” “I will give him”... They will na get mentions like “your type is so rare”

The kind suffer wey dey wait them for reality ehn, Nairaland likes and compliments no go fit erase am. Lmao!!!!

[color=royalblue]I call them the " Nairaland good girls"

Always trying to appear right in our eyes.


We love them sha [/color]

izzou:
[color=royalblue]I call them the " Nairaland good girls"

Always trying to appear right in our eyes.


We love them sha [/color]

Lol, you go love them na. Nonsense alfa-male.

sheffyli:
My Life Story.
I believe anything that has a beginning surely will have an end,My life has been a mystery to me since the day have realised am doing a big mistake. Since the time have mature I have understood marriage is not a bed of roses because I really studied my parents Marital life before I put. My self into it,i believe a lot in myself and I have been an Independent lady. And putting myself first in anything am doing but now I think am in a big shit.whenever am in a relationship I stay in the relationship and I go for what I want and suit me.i don't care about a man money.
I so much love my business that i don't bother myself with anybody because I was not brought up in a rich family but I want to live rich,i want to do good things in life, I want to have great achievements want to enjoy everything in life.
Since the time a put my parent first that is the time I realised am doing a big mistake in my life,i lost my the man i meant to marry all because of religion palaba which I don't even have problem with but I just need to satisfy my parent because they don't want exchange of religion. All that is my past,my present is now a big problem for me,i got married almost 4years ago,buy it been in marriage for mess.i love the person I got married to not because of money or anything else but love him for is personality after and before the marriage. Before the marriage i got to know he doesn't have a united family after the marriage my life have change to what I don't expect, but to b sincere I still love my hubby.But how will i be coping with a man that won't follow my advice, how will cope with a man that doesn't have a source of good income? How will I cope with a man that don't give any support to me in my personal life after 2kids,i have try all my possible best to make all this workout but I just do not think i can continue this way.
I do not want to regret my future and I don't want to loose my family. Am feeling disappointed on myself am regretting my past action, why have done this to my self.I don't know what is good for me,I just believe i choose the wrong man at the right time since the time I got myself into this thing called marriage i have never enjoy my Marital life.
I love my kids so much that I don't want to loose them.Am not happy and i don't know what to do.i have chatting with my formal lost love to give me advice on my family‎

My goodness, I thought I was reading through something I wrote while I was reading your story.

My own case is 90% similar to yours,
1, I married him not because of money because I know I am very hardworking and I can stand on my own without any man
2, He doesn't listen to me at all, he pretended to be the listening type before marriage but after marriage he started showing his stubborn argumentative side.
3. He doesn't have a stable source of income, I have advised him on so many ways to diversify and improve his income but he doesn't listen, he has very warped fantasies of suddenly hitting it big with one business that he isn't even doing so well at.
4, Doesn't assist ne with my personal life, doesn't assist with chores or anything, if I want to even discuss any new business I am interested in, he will immediately start disparaging it because he thinks I want to stylishly ask him to do the business and he is lazy.
5. I also lost the man I truly felt a soulmate connection with due to religious reasons, he is the only man I ever truly felt he understood me and I understood him, I felt completely at peace with him and we really vibed and got along so well. He still reaches out once in a while to say hello but I always keep the convos informal and short, I dont want to stir up old feelings.

My advice to you is this, stop making your husband so comfortable at home, he knows that no matter what, you will still hustle money to support him so he will not do anything to increase his income, he knows that no matter how lazy he is, you will still stay tolerating him and even submitting to him while being silently bitter and frustrated but he doesnt care ennough to change himself to make you happy so start putting yourself first, take care of your children and yourself but as for contributing to his own wellbeing, reduce it to the barest minimum, tell him you are sending money to a family member for whatever reasons so you no longer have much to support the family, if you do out, buy treats and nice things to spoil yourself and the kids and hide them from him, you all can eat them if he is not at home, reduce the way you spoil him but do it without his knowledge.
I dont know how much you contribute to paying house bills but reduce that one as well, stop paying light bill, let nepa cut light, run generator 3 hrs everyday to charge your power banks and phones, stop recharging dstv, stop buying luxury food items in the house, if you are the one bringing money for feeding then remove meat from the food you buy, remove meat, fish and eggs, if he wants to eat like a king then let him work. You are not his sugar mummy.
Buy meat or chicken for yourself and the kids and give them without his knowledge. Give them plenty tea with milk to substitute for proteins.
Stop breaking your back to make life easy for a lazy and insensitive person.

Look at people advising you to drop your rich fantasies, your husband should also drop his sugar mummy fantasies. He should drop his fantasies of living lazy while a woman feeds him.

And lastly, stop bringing your marital problems to Nairaland, this is a Male oriented site and you will get mostly advice that favour males. I knew this since the first day I joined nairaland but I just wanted a place to pour my heart out that is why I asked for help here. I wish there is some kind of mature website where women can interact with each other and help each other out because Nairaland is not that place.

I really wish we can be friends outside here, but anonymity sha...

Missis:
My goodness, I thought I was reading through something I wrote while I was reading your story.

My own case is 90% similar to yours,
1, I married him not because of money because I know I am very hardworking and I can stand on my own without any man
2, He doesn't listen to me at all, he pretended to be the listening type before marriage but after marriage he started showing his stubborn argumentative side.
3. He doesn't have a stable source of income, I have advised him on so many ways to diversify and improve his income but he doesn't listen, he has very warped fantasies of suddenly hitting it big with one business that he isn't even doing so well at.
4, Doesn't assist ne with my personal life, doesn't assist with chores or anything, if I want to even discuss any new business I am interested in, he will immediately start disparaging it because he thinks I want to stylishly ask him to do the business and he is lazy.
5. I also lost the man I truly felt a soulmate connection with due to religious reasons, he is the only man I ever truly felt he understood me and I understood him, I felt completely at peace with him and we really vibed and got along so well. He still reaches out once in a while to say hello but I always keep the convos informal and short, I dont want to stir up old feelings.

My advice to you is this, stop making your husband so comfortable at home, he knows that no matter what, you will still hustle money to support him so he will not do anything to increase his income, he knows that no matter how lazy he is, you will still stay tolerating him and even submitting to him while being silently bitter and frustrated but he doesnt care ennough to change himself to make you happy so start putting yourself first, take care of your children and yourself but as for contributing to his own wellbeing, reduce it to the barest minimum, tell him you are sending money to a family member for whatever reasons so you no longer have much to support the family, if you do out, buy treats and nice things to spoil yourself and the kids and hide them from him, you all can eat them if he is not at home, reduce the way you spoil him but do it without his knowledge.
I dont know how much you contribute to paying house bills but reduce that one as well, stop paying light bill, let nepa cut light, run generator 3 hrs everyday to charge your power banks and phones, stop recharging dstv, stop buying luxury food items in the house, if you are the one bringing money for feeding then remove meat from the food you buy, remove meat, fish and eggs, if he wants to eat like a king then let him work. You are not his sugar mummy.
Buy meat or chicken for yourself and the kids and give them without his knowledge. Give them plenty tea with milk to substitute for proteins.
Stop breaking your back to make life easy for a lazy and insensitive person.

Look at people advising you to drop your rich fantasies, your husband should also drop his sugar mummy fantasies. He should drop his fantasies of living lazy while a woman feeds him.

And lastly, stop bringing your marital problems to Nairaland, this is a Male oriented site and you will get mostly advice that favour males. I knew this since the first day I joined nairaland but I just wanted a place to pour my heart out that is why I asked for help here. I wish there is some kind of mature website where women can interact with each other and help each other out because Nairaland is not that place.

I really wish we can be friends outside here, but anonymity sha...

This is an example of decision to love gone wrong.

Lucyspa:
Ma, I understand what you are going through and I sympathize with you.I advice u call your hubby aside and pour out all your feelings to him. Secondly, i suggest a break. Take your kids to your parents house and go on a short break. If you have the money, you can lodge in a hostel, if not, u stay with a friend or family. This break would be used as a time for personal reflections on your life and family. Ask yourself important questions about everything you are going through at the moment and answer them honestly. From there draw your conclusions about how your life will be going forward and stick to it. Go home, grab your kids and head back to your home. Life is too short for regrets, do you, the world will adjust eventually. I wish you all the best.



P. S : This is for all the young women out here who are always quick to claim independent as if there is a prize for it. Y'all are making a lot of men lazy cos u end up doing their work because who want to prove your independence. There is no greater feeling than enjoying your man's money.


Cc pocohantas

and what if, peradventure, u lose that man to the cold hands of death, then u will cease surviving.... Let no serve be an insurance policy to ur good life..