₦airaland Forum

Hmm

Openbusiness:
Just follow these 2 simple rules and there's a 97% chance everything else will fall in place and your marriage will be an enjoyable and lovable marriage:

1) Don't marry a woman you love more than she loves you. Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her. She must love you more. Don't even settle for 50/50. Maybe like 40/60, 30/70, 20/80 etc but don't be too extreme with it like 5/95, or you will end up running after your office secretary with big yansh

2) Never forget Rule #1

Typical nairaland man, always bragging and talking rubbish. something they can never do or apply! lol...I hope you have someone that loves you in the first place! Lmao....love your broke ass. Better remove that nonsensical mentality and look for true love where you both are into each other, because I can almost bet that you are the one looking for love, nobody get your time in the real world. Continue validating yourself here oooh...rubbish

baby124:
Not true. It should be the other way around. The one who proposes marriage should love more. Especially if it’s the man, it helps anchor and stabilize the marriage better. Women tend to behave well if they are treated well. Men who love their wives truly, treat their wives well and have a good marriage, mostly.

Truth is that both men and women alike, everyone is looking for who to manipulate by demanding the other person loves them more bc the person who loves more hurts more and is the weaker one. Equal love and reciprocal is the ultimate if not any other thing na manipulation

Poster, you have done well with your write up! Your wife is not fat! So cut her some slack! 75kg is a very okay weight even for an unmarried woman. Rather you are too skinny at 64kg.....you must look or be very unhealthy....Add some flesh..

]See better advert for marriage but honestly am not interested as for the weight part you lie i know a friend who threatened his wife and went as far as renting slim girls as side chicks nobody told her to enter gym he always told her i married a slim woman not a baby whale we thought he was being wicked but the woman was clinging to childbirth as excuse baba change am for her


Your baba change am for am... Na wife wey no get money or connect, you deuy change am for.
Go change am for person wey get her own money.
Sometimes, it's not dia making to get fat.. gene, child bearing, age .
You can only but try and determination from wifey

Ikennamurphy:
Truth is that both men and women alike, everyone is looking for who to manipulate by demanding the other person loves them more bc the person who loves more hurts more and is the weaker one. Equal love and reciprocal is the ultimate if not any other thing na manipulation

The fact remains that most men love their wives more! Many women just marry because of societal pressure and biological clock. How many men will propose marriage to a woman they don't love? in fact, many women start to love their husbands after they are married. Pls men don't kid yourself, it is good when you two love each other dearly but there's always tendency the man loves more.

ziondaughter247:
The fact remains that most men love their wives more! Many women just marry because of societal pressure and biological clock. How many men will propose marriage to a woman they don't love? in fact, many women start to love their husbands after they are married. Pls men don't kid yourself, it is good when you two love each other dearly but there's always tendency the man loves more.

A response from a woman.. If a man is to reply me from his on view point he will say women love more,.. I don't believe in anyone loves more of a thing, bc it takes two equal love birds to tangle

]

Typical nairaland man, always bragging and talking rubbish. something they can never do or apply! lol...I hope you have someone that loves you in the first place! Lmao....love your broke ass. Better remove that nonsensical mentality and look for true love where you both are into each other, because I can almost bet that you are the one looking for love, nobody get your time in the real world. Continue validating yourself here oooh...rubbish

Coming from someone who isn't thinking of marriage in the next 5years advising a married man with experience.
Wannabees! ITKs...
Marry first before you talk

Englov:
28.11.2020 marked it 5yrs marriage anniversary for me and my spouse.

The experiences are as follows:

1. Do not marry because of beauty:

Beauty they say is to the eyes of the beholder. My wife was and is still beautiful in my eyes but that was not only the reason I married her.
I took my time and visited her place one time they had burial ceremony in her village. This was even before I proposed to her for marriage. I wanted to see her Mum and I did. I wanted to see how my wife will look like when she start aging. I equally wanted to know how peaceful her mum lives with the Dad because she won't tell me all this things.


2. In marriage it might not work always with your plan:

I remember a friend of mine told me that once he gets married, he will relocate from Nigeria to USA with the help of the wife's family staying in USA. I can remember I asked him; what if it didn't work as you have planned it? His answer was: I have never taught of it that way.
My man is marriage now with that lady. They have gotten 2 kids but they have not moved out till now. He no longer talk about moving to USA anymore though he could even afford it.
This doesn't mean you will not plan for yourself and your family. However, as you make your plans always have a plan B in case it didn't work out the same way you had planned it.
I have learned to always have plan B even as I work so had to make plan A possible.

3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.


4. Child birth:
This in most cases does not go as planned. You might say you want boys as a man and she said she want girls or boys as the case maybe. It is only God that has ultimate say on this.
It took us 3 years to get our first baby and we are expecting another soon. In that first 3 years, we went to different hospitals me and my spouse was certified ok. She use to take in but after 2-3 months miscarriage will be experienced. In this experience months became years.
We spent a lot of money looking for solution and she was restless because of that until God gave us one.
Child birth during marriage is a different ball game all together to compare when you are in a friendly relationship. When you are in a relationship, you see pregnancy come and stay but after marriage the real business starts.


5. Never marry a lady because of what she told you:
When you finally decide to marry as a man, marry because of your own reasons. Never marry because the lady told you that anyone who married her will be entitled to this or that. Pls never fall for that cheap scam. Any lady above 30yrs wants to marry by all means. You don't know the pressure she is passing through so she will do anything possible to bring you in.
Lady's knows men wick point most of the times than we know their own. Remember they can talk to each other and share their experiences with men in their discussion than men do.


6. Women are strong than men but don't know:

Believe or not women are very strong being. Brother, one weekend try and stay at home and tell her to leave all her work for you. Try and do it, guy I bet you 90% of the men will not do 60% off the work women do at home.
They will do all this things go to work and come back, carry their baby, etc.


7. She Doesn't want competition:

No woman wants to see her man with another woman. She doesn't like competition oh! A woman would do anything possible to protect her home. Women are more spiritually inclined than men. If you really want to know a visit to spiritual homes will convince you. They believe that most of the things happening around us is more spiritual than physical.

8. Shape and Size:
Before our wedding I was 66kg in weight while she was 64kg that was 2015. But now in 2020, 5years after am 64kg and she is 76kg. She has gained 12kg and I have lost 2kg such is life. That slim fight girl you see today once you marry her she will gain weight this is natural to them.
If you must marry bear it in mind that she must gain weight and as she gains weight she might start losing shape.
I have bought so many weight loss medications and even waist trainer belt but it's still there.
I have learned to live with it.


9. Buying things:
Impulse buying is their hubby. Women can buy things that they will never use. Most of the times my wife bought she doesn't even know what they are used for. Most a times they buy because it looks good not even because they want to use it.


10. Gift:
Though everyone likes gift but women cherish gift so much. You want to get something from her buy her a gift more especially that thing she likes.


11. Love life:
Once you have a baby a portion of your love will be taking away from you and given to your babe. As you number of babies increased so as the love life shift hands to the babies. The more babies you have the less attention you get from your wife.

Modified:


12. Decision Making:
Never put your wife on autopilot decision Making. Never allow your spouse to always take decision without consulting you. If you allow this from the beginning changing it will be very difficult.
Say you are working in an offshore and you have to hand over your salary ATM card to your wife to spend on without a proper spending plan, then sorry is your nike name.
Even when you are not available, you can have a lay down plan for her. In case of eventuality do this or that.


13. Third party interference:

Never allow the interference of family members into your family affairs. This is dangerous to your family life. From the first day of my marriage, I told my wife that not my mum ,Dad or her parents must hear about our quarrel as I know is inevitable. This can only be possible if you know how to settle quarrels so I advise you learn this as it will help you. No quarrel should be allowed to stay too long without settling it.


14. Work/Job:
Your wife must know what you do for a living and she must be proud of it if not there is problem. I own a phone repair and parts sales center in PH and I am in this business with my wife. Am a graduate, she is as well and both of us are happy doing this business. She helps me a lot in the business. You must not force your wife to do what she didn't like doing, if you do you will not get a good result. You as a man must be proactive in your decision Making concerning work/job selection.


15. Financial status:

Your wife must know your financial status though not in details. This will help the family to stay in peace. Though you should be in charge of the spendings so as to work within your plans. Make provision for her pocket money because whether you like it or not she must get it from you more especially if she is not a working class.



It is really a wonderful experience. I love my wife and we are happy with each other.


Disclaimer:
The experiences learned and knowledge acquired are mostly personal to me and my spouse. This experiences may or may not be applicable to you and your spouse.



I would like you to add your own experience or knowledge acquired in your marriage life to guide those that wants to go into this.

waooo m really enlightened with ur journey so far well me m just a few months married ...I literally jotted down so many things from here...tnk u ..ur indeed a real man

baby124:
A man is responsible for keeping his home together. Not the woman primarily. The woman should cooperate but that responsibility of marriage and keeping a home together is largely dependent on the man. He has to provide shelter, security and food for his family. That is the traditional role since you want to pretend to be a traditionalist. In modern society the women have stepped up and are helping out tremendously. So, don’t bring this nonsense to me. Traditionally women only need to take care of the home but a man builds his own home by building his house, marrying a wife and providing for her so she can take care of his children. You better stop falling for misogynistic lies where men are encouraged to abscond responsibility.

The man should even be the prayer leader and warrior in the home, when he claims to be the head. If you don’t have a true male figure around you, then you need to change your circle because all what you wrote there does not align with your own cultural beliefs and you know it.

You still don't understand what my post is about. A husband is the head of the marriage, he is the provider, the Chairman, the CEO, but the wife is the administrator of the home, she is the home keeper etc. That's as far as role play responsibility goes. All that prayer warrior, leader, providing etc that you mentioned fall under marital role plays. That is the role of a husband VS the role of a wife, or the marital duty of a husband and the duty of a wife.

BUT i'm not talking about marital role play here. This is a different subject and aspect of marriage. This is about emotions. I'm talking about emotional investment. Love is an emotion. Excluding transactional marriages where a marriage is made based on benefits, Love is a critical aspect of marriage in the aspect of emotions. Normally, (minus transactional marriages) for 2 people to make that commitment of marriage, mutual emotions must be involved. And the stronger the mutual emotions involved, the higher the chance the marriage will work.

There are different kinds of emotions, like physical attraction, fondness etc but love is the strongest of them all. So 2 people love each other and they want to get married. The REALITY is the love involved might be MUTUAL but it is not EQUAL. The man's love might be higher than the woman's love or vice versa. Now my point is this, if the woman's love is more, that is to say, she's more emotionally invested than the man, then there's a much higher chance their marriage will work out on the LONG TERM than if it were the reverse. This is a FACT!

Women are more wired for emotions than men. Emotions (feelings, love etc) is a BIG DEAL for women more than it is for men. Women want to feel, they are big on feelings, big on love, it matters to them like crazy that they are in love before she can open herself completely to a man. You can never truly enjoy the best of what a woman has to offer if she doesn't love you like crazy (excluding Hoeloshos, runs girls, call girls, escorts, prostitutes etc). Emotions like love also matter for a man too, but the fact is, it doesn't matter as much as it does for a woman. So any wise man understands he should marry a woman that loves him more than he loves her, QED!

Most interesting and cheerful story have seen today

Nice points ,but that number 3 sha..

udemzyudex:
Lol.. Abeg who we go come marry ooo?

A woman will say the same thing you post, marry a man that loves you more, don't settle for 50/50 lol.

Na wa oooo

I'm confused too

ModestGal:
Useless post to belittle women
Only dumb people would think twice about the rubbish you wrote, irritating post

Please read again or better still relax n drink water

ziondaughter247:
Typical nairaland man, always bragging and talking rubbish. something they can never do or apply! lol...I hope you have someone that loves you in the first place! Lmao....love your broke ass. Better remove that nonsensical mentality and look for true love where you both are into each other, because I can almost bet that you are the one looking for love, nobody get your time in the real world. Continue validating yourself here oooh...rubbish

You can't be so toxic and have low IQ at the same time. Pick a struggle. No wonder you're so bitter

I knew this would grace front page.

OP, It's a nice topic and eye opener.

Well done thank you

Don't mind that OP, deep down he's regreting it.

Franktom247:
See better advert for marriage but honestly am not interested as for the weight part you lie i know a friend who threatened his wife and went as far as renting slim girls as side chicks nobody told her to enter gym he always told her i married a slim woman not a baby whale we thought he was being wicked but the woman was clinging to childbirth as excuse baba change am for her

Openbusiness:
Absolutely wrong! Marriage is essentially = family = home making. When it comes to a home / marriage working, a woman's role is more suited to keeping a marriage together. Women are more emotional than men, therefore a woman's emotions should be more invested in a marriage than a man's emotions, otherwise there will be crisis eventually.

For example, look at marriages in the past and marriages today. For our parents or ancestors marriages, it was common to find marriages like 50, 60 years old marriages, but marriages today hardly last. The older generations their marriages worked not because they were perfect or the husband didn't have flaws or was always wealthy etc. It worked because women of the past generations were more emotionally invested in their marriages than the men, and this kept the marriage goes even when they had storms in their relationships.

If the man failed to provide, their wives didn't just walk away, or find another richer boyfriend outside. No, they stayed and endured the poverty with their husbands. Some of them their husbands would beat them, but they didn't divorce, they went through that phase, even if it was a lot of pain, they stuck through it all to work out their marriage at all costs. Why? Because they were more emotionally invested in the marriage. They loved their husbands more.

But women who are not more emotional invested, usually at the first sight of any ish, they jump ship. They are already always packed and ready in their minds, just waiting for any opportunity to jump ship and not put in the work to keep their marriage together. Everything must be rosy or they jump ship. But a woman who is more emotionally invested, she is like a Captain, she will rather sink with her ship. She will stay and put in the work to make her marriage work.

at the bolded you are MAD and i wish your daughters and sisters same.

DexterousOne:
Interesting
Even though I dont agree.
What you are posting is what dooms marriages today
Because the man subconsciously think he has a free pass to "screw things over " and somehow the wife will "captain the ship" like u said
I have come to learn that life is not a straight line, but a scatter graph
So even tho I dont agree
I wont invalidate your point

Nobody is perfect. The earlier you accept this reality, the more it becomes easier to not make a big deal about everything. There's no perfect relationship, unless you want to deceiving yourself. Even the most happiest couples have their conflicting moments. No matter how couples love themselves, from time to time, there must be issues; it's either the husband offends the wife, or the wife offends the husband or they both offend themselves. There must be drama over one issue or another, or drama from one person to another. Because we are humans, not robots. And the drama sef is part of the things that make relationships interesting. It adds flavor to the mix.

My point was, when the drama becomes a storm, if the woman is more emotionally invested than the man, there's a bigger chance the relationSHIP won't wreck and crash into the bottom of the ocean. When a woman loves a man more than he loves her, SHE IS MORE TOLERANT, more willing to put up with ish. Facts only!

Openbusiness:
Nobody is perfect. The earlier you accept this reality, the more it becomes easier to not make a big deal about everything. There's no perfect relationship, unless you want to deceiving yourself. Even the most happiest couples have their conflicting moments. No matter how couples love themselves, from time to time, there must be issues; it's either the husband offends the wife, or the wife offends the husband or they both offend themselves. There must be drama over one issue or another, or drama from one person to another. Because we are humans, not robots. And the drama sef is part of the things that make relationships interesting. It adds flavor to the mix.

My point was, when the drama becomes a storm, if the woman is more emotionally invested than the man, there's a bigger chance the relationSHIP won't wreck and crash into the bottom of the ocean. When a woman loves a man more than he loves her, SHE IS MORE TOLERANT, more willing to put up with ish. Facts only!

That's why I said
Even though I dont agree whole heartedly
I cant invalidate your point and say it is nonsense
Because, in certain instances, it MAY be the case

In what I have observed
Some men are more invested in their marriages
And the marriages are still going on for decades
Even though their wives are "characters"
A man who wants to keep the home front intact will do so, because he is the LEADER
It's a foolish man who does things that could jeopardize his family

And let me borrow your words
"Facts Only"

Ikennamurphy:
No general rule, I personally see it as pestering for a woman that loves me more, I prefer to love my woman bc that's what can make me to keep her, everyone knows himself

"pestering" = attachment, and she's attached because she loves you more. That's a good recipe for a lasting marriage. Marriages tend to last more when a woman is "attached" to her husband. Facts only!

CalliDora1:
That's not a husband material and he doesn't truly love the wife.

Love is meant to be unconditional. Despite The OPs wife excess weight, he still loves her and doesn't complain. Thats true love.

Do you Nigerian girls do unconditional love? Una love is seasonal. There is rainy season,absent in dry season

I totally disagree with number 6.
If she comes to my shop she can't do 1/2 of wat I do. Men are not train to do that that's y

babajeje123:
A wise woman builds her home while the foolish one pulls it down. So primarily, it is the responsibility of a woman to build her home and keeps it together. However, it is the responsibility of the man to supply the materials for building.

it is more of a man responsibility to build his home than the woman take home this truth and thank me in future.
this your mentality is the reason many marriages are falling apart.

Openbusiness:
"pestering" = attachment, and she's attached because she loves you more. That's a good recipe for a lasting marriage. Marriages tend to last more when a woman is "attached" to her husband. Facts only!

You're not married and talking on theory, I can have a lady who pester me, she will be worthless in my eyes

Openbusiness:
Just follow these 2 simple rules and there's a 97% chance everything else will fall in place and your marriage will be an enjoyable and lovable marriage:

1) Don't marry a woman you love more than she loves you. Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her. She must love you more. Don't even settle for 50/50. Maybe like 40/60, 30/70, 20/80 etc but don't be too extreme with it like 5/95, or you will end up running after your office secretary with big yansh

2) Never forget Rule #1

Wise message from my Father. Marrying a lady you love more than she loves you , is comparable to digging your grave !

Openbusiness:
"pestering" = attachment, and she's attached because she loves you more. That's a good recipe for a lasting marriage. Marriages tend to last more when a woman is "attached" to her husband. Facts only!

judgeing from your write up here you sound like a guy in his mid fifties ,now i understand better the older generation i cant expect less.so hold tight to the wife of your youth cause all the shits you have been typeing ends with your generation ,generation 60 ,if not the ladies of today go change am for you .

DexterousOne:
That's why I said
Even though I dont agree whole heartedly
I cant invalidate your point and say it is nonsense
Because, in certain instances, it MAY be the case

In what I have observed
Some men are more invested in their marriages
And the marriages are still going on for decades
Even though their wives are "characters"
A man who wants to keep the home front intact will do so, because he is the LEADER
It's a foolish man who does things that could jeopardize his family

Women are emotional creatures. That's why you can see a woman that will dump her "perfect boyfriend" and date another ugly guy because she fell in LOVE or loves him more than her boyfriend . Emotions is always a critical aspect for women. But Men are more of sensual creatures, we are moved by our 5 senses. That's why a man will have a beautiful moderate wife but will still sleep with one ugly girl outside who has big yansh that captured his eyes, and still chase his secretary that has big boobs, and he likes another one for her curves, and another one it's the voice etc. But he loves his wife nonetheless and he is not even in love with any of those side chicks, just the thrill of what he sees or captures his senses.

So what i'm saying is not a matter of "may" be the case, it is the case. And I'm talking exclusively about normal girls. This matter doesn't involve the type of girls that are hoeloshos, runs, escorts, etc. Look around town, millions of unmarried women. Why? Why are they not married. Mostly, it's not because they don't have ANY suitors. It is because they are not in love with those suitors. The toasters are there but the love is not. So they prefer to stay single and hope one day one guy will come that they fall in love with, then they give greenlight for marriage. They will rather stay single and unmarried for years than marry someone they don't love. And this further proves my point that women are emotional creatures. Love is a BIG DEAL for them. And if you marry a woman with mutual love but who loves you more, chances are higher that your marriage will last long term. That is all I'm saying.

Openbusiness:
Women are emotional creatures. That's why you can see a woman that will dump her "perfect boyfriend" and date another ugly guy because she fell in LOVE or loves him more than her boyfriend . Emotions is always a critical aspect for women. But Men are more of sensual creatures, we are moved by our 5 senses. That's why a man will have a beautiful moderate wife but will still sleep with one ugly girl outside who has big yansh that captured his eyes, and still chase his secretary that has big boobs, and he likes another one for her curves, and another one it's the voice etc. But he loves his wife nonetheless and he is not even in love with any of those side chicks, just the thrill of what he sees or captures his senses.

So what i'm saying is not a matter of "may" be the case, it is the case. And I'm talking exclusively about normal girls. This matter doesn't involve the type of girls that are hoeloshos, runs, escorts, etc. Look around town, millions of unmarried women. Why? Why are they not married. Mostly, it's not because they don't have ANY suitors. It is because they are not in love with those suitors. The toasters are there but the love is not. So they prefer to stay single and hope one day one guy will come that they fall in love with, then they give greenlight for marriage. They will rather stay single and unmarried for years than marry someone they don't love. And this further proves my point that women are emotional creatures. Love is a BIG DEAL for them. And if you marry a woman with mutual love but loves you more, chances are higher that your marriage will last long term. That is all I'm saying.

A man who really loves his wife wont be doing what will hurt her seriously
And sleeping with multiple women recklessly will definitely hurt her when she finds out

So how can you love someone and at the same time be consumed in debauchery?

It's the same way a woman who respects her husband will not be collecting material stuffs from other men anyhow without regards for her husband, and how he may feel about it
Someone you love
You wont brazenly do what will hurt that person

baby124:
A man is responsible for keeping his home together. Not the woman primarily. The woman should cooperate but that responsibility of marriage and keeping a home together is largely dependent on the man. He has to provide shelter, security and food for his family. That is the traditional role since you want to pretend to be a traditionalist. In modern society the women have stepped up and are helping out tremendously. So, don’t bring this nonsense to me. Traditionally women only need to take care of the home but a man builds his own home by building his house, marrying a wife and providing for her so she can take care of his children. You better stop falling for misogynistic lies where men are encouraged to abscond responsibility.

The man should even be the prayer leader and warrior in the home, when he claims to be the head. If you don’t have a true male figure around you, then you need to change your circle because all what you wrote there does not align with your own cultural beliefs and you know it.

I come from a home where my father understood this clearly and my brothers have carried it on. The respect from their wives no be here. They understand that leadership, true leadership requires showing by example. This includes behaving yourself in marriage, taking time out for your children and taking on the responsibility to ensure your home is stable first and foremost and everyone is happy. Absolutely no excuse for bad behavior and they no there is none, none of our family will ever support them either when they behave badly. So they behave themselves.

All u wrote above is bullshit, if a man does everything and d woman doesn't sacrifice that is not a relationship, but a captivity for the guy and d relationship will disintegrate at the end. Man this man that, I would rather get a sex doll than marry a person with sense of entitlement, SM has destroyed things, you guys should be comparing urselfs with the likes of makinwa. Evolution played it games right, if not for hormones and neurotransmitters who will put himself in a scam institution called marriage.