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My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? (21220 Views)

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Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by hapiness44(f): 6:46am On Dec 14, 2020
I did my trad in Legos, it's a decision of the family, as long as your extended family Is not fussing about it, I don't see the reason why you want to go through an avoidable stress.

My dad only had to send the money for the extended family to them after the marriage

7 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Guzel: 6:46am On Dec 14, 2020
Pls allow her if that’s her wish

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Nonso92(m): 6:46am On Dec 14, 2020
Yes it can, you just need to be in constant communication with the kinsmen at the village during the traditional wedding.
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by RuddyFusion(m): 6:47am On Dec 14, 2020
It's ok to do it in the CITY

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by shankara7: 6:47am On Dec 14, 2020
Nairaland is a wrong place to seek for advice in matters like this. Most of the people that would comment are naive ladies and guys that reason like your sister.
I assume you're Igbo. If that's the case, then "It's not her wedding" as some naive people here said. Ensure that the right thing is done.

12 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by LordNicvuitton(m): 6:47am On Dec 14, 2020
nawa oo
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Anaerobi(m): 6:49am On Dec 14, 2020
Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.
you have point. but in igbo culture, traditional marriage is to be done in the girls village... because that is where her parents came from... it have many reasons behind it. or else they are tactically withdrawing from their root or trying to reject their own people.... in as much as the world is civlizing, civilization shouldn't after us in everything we do.

8 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Onliie(m): 6:49am On Dec 14, 2020
mrblessed:
It is not normal. Such practice is anti-Igbo culture and shouldn't be condoned. Traditional marriage should rightly take place at the village of the girl, because it has huge relevance to the family, kindred, village, and community/town. Do you mean that the Ancestors won't be informed that their daughter is tying the knot? Their participation in the process is very necessary.

Most people today seem confused because religion/Christianity has displaced culture from its prime position in marital issues. Part of the problem is that we are trying to become Europeans, a wild goose chase we can never achieve. If marriage is cultural, and yes, it is, why celebrate traditional marriage in a place that has zero cultural relevance and significance?
..

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by sounso: 6:50am On Dec 14, 2020
I had my traditional wedding in the city and it was glorious. The people that could attend from the village were all in attendance. My father inlaw made sure every single thing that the village folks (Youths, women, men and other family members) were entitled to as requested from the traditional list got to them. Even as little as football for the youths grin

5 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Kenog4real(m): 6:50am On Dec 14, 2020
bencarson007:
Let's stop all this bickering... Let them choose a venue and you Gus support... Case closed. If she was abroad nko.... Abeg let her have her way joor


You actually read my mind. We makes things hard for ourselves sometimes.

7 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by goshen26: 6:51am On Dec 14, 2020
Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

Lalasticlala,. Seun, Dominique, mynd44


There is nothing abnormal in it...

Something start in one day joor....


It just that cos it's traditional it has to be done in the village
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by MrFly(m): 6:51am On Dec 14, 2020
She is digging a grave not for herself but for the parents. Ur parents must reject her ignorant proposal or If u can give to ur relatives (village people) whatever is on the list without missing a pin then u guys are good to go. Thead with caution

2 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Mynd44: 6:51am On Dec 14, 2020
Anaerobi:

you have point. but in igbo culture, traditional marriage is to be done in the girls village... because that is where her parents came from... it have many reasons behind it. or else they are tactically withdrawing from their root or trying to reject their own people.... in as much as the world is civlizing, civilization shouldn't after us in everything we do.
Traditional marriages are done in the house/home of the bride. House/home does not necessarily have to be in the village.

This is the definition that causes wahala.

7 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by OBTOREPA(m): 6:51am On Dec 14, 2020
No, let her go to the village and do it. That's why is called traditional marriage.

2 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by amaham(m): 6:51am On Dec 14, 2020
She can do a low-key , no canopy , list payment ceremony in the village. Let the compound people share in her merriment. After that, she can hire landmark event center in the city to celebrate her trad and white wedding
Trad wedding is not compulsory but clearing the lists with small enjoyment will make villagers happy

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Nobody: 6:52am On Dec 14, 2020
mrblessed:
It is not normal. Such practice is anti-Igbo culture and shouldn't be condoned. Traditional marriage should rightly take place at the village of the girl, because it has huge relevance to the family, kindred, village, and community/town. Do you mean that the Ancestors won't be informed that their daughter is tying the knot? Their participation in the process is very necessary.

Most people today seemed confused because religion/Christianity has displaced culture from its prime position in marital issues. If marriage is cultural, why celebrate traditional marriage in a place that has zero cultural relevance and significance?
That's arrant nonsense, there is nothing like traditional marriage in our statues book, what we have is customary marriage, which constitutes the paying and acceptance of so called bride price. It can be conducted at anywhere and any location. Where bride price is not paid and accepted at any location where a customary marriage took place, NO CUSTOMARY MARRIAGE HAS TAKEN PLACE. That's why one can be insulted by been asked, Was a bride price paid on your mother's head? There's nothing like the father of the bride telling his would be son in-law, that his only concern is for him to take care and feed his daughter as if you have been starving.Girls listen, if a bride price is not accepted by your father or relatives, be you an Ibo, Hausa, Yoruba, Fulani, Efik, Tiv etc, YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, That customary marriage is null and void.

3 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by mamaluwe22(f): 6:52am On Dec 14, 2020
Since its her wedding then whatever rocks her boat but I feel its good to take a few persons down to the village and the brideprice be paid there. It gives the opportunity of your spouse knowing your root.
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by OOLUSEG(m): 6:52am On Dec 14, 2020
Yes, several Civilized Igbo people have been doing their traditional marriage in the city. Its her wedding , don't make yourself a stumbling block to your sister happiness.
Culture, tradition or religion my foot. Let common sense lead pls.
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Anaerobi(m): 6:53am On Dec 14, 2020
Mynd44:

Traditional marriages are done in the house/home of the bride. House/home does not necessarily have to be in the village.

This is the definition that causes wahala.
it's true.... you are right.
but the city stuff.... sounds somehow.
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Favourchris(f): 6:54am On Dec 14, 2020
Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.

Is her wedding, is her wedding... then she should give her self to the man why the marriage then.

We keep throwing away our culture like is nothing.

Op listen, this might be the only time ur inlaws will know where ur sister came from.

That is ur root and heritage... it doesn't have to be a big party but the kola nut and bride price should be paid in ur family compound.

See ur in law to be won't give their daughter to marriage any where...

Ur sister might not see any value in it, u have to protect the family respect and ur sister respect.

They need to know u guys came from some where and this is the only time it will happen.

After this they can do their white wedding even in the moon no wahala.

Go home, visit ur umunas, tell the them u don't want it big

Let him come with his close family to ur village and pay the bride price... don't give out ur sister hand in marriage any where.

Bro... the culture is dying ... we need to protect it

9 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by obyrich(m): 6:54am On Dec 14, 2020
My wife is from Anambra. She grew up in Aba. We did ours at her fathers house in Aba. There were reps from her village and mine who witnessed the 'traditional' payment of dowry. So bros chill. Let them do their thing anywhere they seem convenient.

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by nomenclature(m): 6:55am On Dec 14, 2020
Prayer warrior, can'tyounusenyour brain to think of a solution instead of praying ? Religious buffon
chinavs9ja:
Pray to God for direction. Don't come on nairaland to seek opinions from people who doesn't know your sister.

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Mynd44: 6:55am On Dec 14, 2020
Anaerobi:

it's true.... you are right.
but the city stuff.... sounds somehow.
It sounds somehow. This is the only cogent resistance to it.
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by nomenclature(m): 6:55am On Dec 14, 2020
nomenclature:
Prayer warrior, can't you use your brain to think of a solution instead of praying ? Religious buffon
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Ssoil(f): 6:56am On Dec 14, 2020
Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?



I witnessed a traditional wedding close to my dads house, if it’s your parents house I see nothing wrong in wedding in the city, now I’m thinking wedding in Lagos wouldn’t be a bad idea for me too cheesy grin

3 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Amarisco(f): 6:56am On Dec 14, 2020
Anaerobi:

you have point. but in igbo culture, traditional marriage is to be done in the girls village... because that is where her parents came from... it have many reasons behind it. or else they are tactically withdrawing from their root or trying to reject their own people.... in as much as the world is civlizing, civilization shouldn't after us in everything we do.

Is it the maternal or paternal village of the bride?

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Mynd44: 6:56am On Dec 14, 2020
Favourchris:


Is her wedding, is her wedding... then she should give her self to the man why the marriage then.

We keep throwing away our culture like is nothing.

Op listen, this might be the only time ur inlaws will know where ur sister came from.

That is ur root and heritage... it doesn't have to be a big party but the kola nut and bride price should be paid in ur family compound.

See ur in law to be won't give their daughter to marriage any where...

Ur sister might not see any value in it, u have to protect the family respect and ur sister respect.

They need to know u guys came from some where and this is the only time it will happen.

After this they can do their white wedding even in the moon no wahala.

Go home, visit ur umunas, tell the them u don't want it big

Let him come with his close family to ur village and pay the pride price... don't give out ur sister hand in marriage any where.

Bro... the culture is dying ... we need to protect it
Culture is dynamic and never cast in stone as long as Tradition is followed.

You know she can actually give herself away in marriage right?

6 Likes

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Niceiroko: 6:57am On Dec 14, 2020
Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

.


Provide all the list of requirements to the families/elders and inform them and everything will be fine ,I did mine like that and nothing happens. Enjoy your peace

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Queenlovely(f): 6:57am On Dec 14, 2020
starbuck:
Why is she the one dictating where the marriage will hold abi una no get ụmụnna and ụmụadas for the village undecided undecided undecided, is like she wants those women to open her case..

Her husband nkọ, what's his opinion abi he is not Igbo

That one na whimp, he started the idea

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Mynd44: 6:58am On Dec 14, 2020
Ssoil:



I witnessed a traditional wedding close to my dads house, if it’s your parents house I see nothing wrong in wedding in the city, now I’m thinking wedding in Lagos wouldn’t be a bad idea for me too cheesy grin
Hopefully, your family will support wherever you decide.

Also try South of Feance. Beautiful countryside with an amazing view. Fly those you can and send video to others

1 Like

Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by bencarson007(m): 6:58am On Dec 14, 2020
Kenog4real:



You actually read my mind. We makes things hard for ourselves sometimes.

Our Wahala too much. We complicate small minor issues
Re: My Sister Wants Traditional Marriage In The City: Is It Normal? by Juoflife1(f): 7:00am On Dec 14, 2020
It's normal. Pray against that stumbling block you're about to be.

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