The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school to marry her should examine his conscience.

A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her.

The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own (marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it.

The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be in love with him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web.

Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem.

We need to examine our perception of love.

Only fools does that with the intention of marrying the girl. if you want to help someone do it without expecting anything in return

tobechi74:
The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love

False Equivocal Fallacy

In other words what this implies is that you shouldnt help the one you love to attain her dreams by educating her?.

So it is now a crime to try to better her life,instead marry her as an illiterate and both of you should die as illiterates.

I think I agree with you at the bolded.

Tobechi Unbelievable.

This one has chopped someone's money with a cake promise of marriage and is coming here to bleat.

Guys, never expect anything from people without prior honest discussion.

Pierocash:
In other words what this implies is that you should help the one you love to attain her dreams by educating her?.

So it is now a crime to try to better her life,instead marry her as an illiterate and both of you should die as illiterates.

I think I agree with you at the bolded.

When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

If you truely love her ,there is nothing wrong in assisting her. But when you demand gratitude from her in terms of sex or marriage. It is no longer done out of love.

If she decides not to get married to you
After receiving assistance from you, you have no reason to get angry. This is true love.

If you get angry that she did not marry you afterwards, then you were not really helping her. You were helping yourself. You were investing in her. It is a buisness transaction. Not all Investment blossom.

I can't believe people still do that nonsense in this day and age

cooooooks:
This one has chopped someone's money with a cake promise of marriage and is coming here to bleat.

Guys, never expect anything from people twithout prior honest discussion.

Exactly. It becomes a transaction. It is no longer generosity, or kindness or true love. There is nothing wrong in either but we should not confuse the two.
Prostitutes openly discuss their terms before hand.
But in relationship of this days, we make so many assumption under the disguise of love.
Relationship of today is ls domestic partnership. You fulfil my want , I fulfill yours.

The girl has gotten what she wanted. She leaves and society calls her an ingrate .

God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.

Relationshipe of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Relationship is disguiseded prostitution. Our goal is the benefit and not the individual yet we deny it.The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.

https://tobechispeaks./2020/12/16/distorted-perception-of-love/

odinson1:



False Equivocal Fallacy

Can you please explain how It is used in the write up? Thanks for constructive criticism

tobechi74:


When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower..

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

If you truely love her ,there is nothing wrong in assisting her. But when you demand gratitude from her in terms of sex or marriage. It is no longer done out of love.

If she decides not to get married to you
After receiving assistance from you, you have no reason to get angry. This is true love.

If you get angry that she did not marry you afterwards, then you were not really helping her. You were helping yourself. You were investing in her. It is a buisness transaction. Not all Investment blossom.

in other words ,what you mean is that she can be married as illiterate, and keep her like that is the best right?

But loving her,and support her to fulfill her dream with the intention of settling down with her is a business transaction abi? So marriage is business if it involves supporting her dreams right? But marriage isn't a business if you can marry her as an illiterate and keep her like that is the real thing.

We need to check your brain.

Even God doesn't bless people he knows won't be useful to His kingdom.

Pierocash:
in other words ,what you mean is that she can be married as illiterate, and keep her like that is the best right?

But loving her,and support her to fulfill her dream with the intention of settling down with her is a business transaction abi? So marriage is business if it involves supporting her dreams right? But marriage isn't a business if you can marry her as an illiterate and keep her like that is the real thing.

We need to check your brain.

Even God doesn't bless people he knows won't be useful to His kingdom.

Help anyone achieve her dream . But she does not owe you anything in return. I have heard cases of men insisting their wife paid them half of her salary because she sponsored her education. That mindset should be abolished. She does not owe a guy marriage because he sponsored her education.
If she no longer finds him suitable for marital commitment, she can bail out at any time. She must not marry you the guy as payment for debt owed.

If you want to invest in her, draft a contract first and state the terms and conditions. Then enforce them in a law court. Then, this is a contract and not done out of love.

tobechi74:


Help anyone achieve her dream . But she does not owe you anything in return. I have heard cases of men insisting their wife paid them half of her salary because she sponsored her education. That mindset should be abolished. She does not owe a guy marriage because he sponsored her education.
If she no longer finds him suitable for marital commitment, she can bail out at any time. She must not marry you the guy as payment for debt owed.

If you want to invest in her, draft a contract first and state the terms and conditions. Then enforce them in a law court. Then, this is a contract and not done out of love.

My brother you lie!!.. f**k this rubbish you’re saying and be logical for once atleast.

It has been a very wrong move from the onset. I can choose to help you as a friend, cousin, extended family member...etc. But girlfriend...for me, no way.

Training a girl makes you feel you own her. You're giving her what her parents can't afford. So there's this authoritative nature in you that activates itself. You unknowingly become a dictator to her and would constantly keep reminding her how much you're spending daily to educate her ungrateful a55. Many girls wouldn't like such.
Also, most uneducated guys that do this are very very rude. You're always calling her to know where she is, some of these guys lack manners, some shout and order the girl to go home if she tell them she's outside her hostel by 7:pm.

I witnessed a case like that when I was still schooling. The girl was living in my lodge. This guy yells at her like he's her parent. Even when he visit it's more of order and quarrel than romance. They were always quarreling. He was always reporting her to her parents at any slightest provocation.

The girl just told me that once she's through with school she'll look for someone else, that she can't live with this kind of person. I just kept quiet cos if I was in her shoes, I'll do the same.

I usually don't usually advise guys to train girls these days cos it will most likely end in tears but if you must do it, see the girl as your younger sister. Never assume the position of a dictator or else she'll start opening her legs for broke romantic guys there in school and lavish your money and provisions on them. Be more romantic with her and less authoritative towards her. Make her love you for you and not because of what you're doing for her. And she might just stick to you.

Kobicove:
I can't believe people still do that nonsense in this day and age

they still do but it is now in a different style.

imagine what is called "help my ministry begging by some girls in return for marriage"

tobechi74:


When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

If you truely love her ,there is nothing wrong in assisting her. But when you demand gratitude from her in terms of sex or marriage. It is no longer done out of love.

If she decides not to get married to you
After receiving assistance from you, you have no reason to get angry. This is true love.

If you get angry that she did not marry you afterwards, then you were not really helping her. You were helping yourself. You were investing in her. It is a buisness transaction. Not all Investment blossom.

What the hell did I just read....... ....She is not a flower .How can you love someone without wanting the person

ON GOD! What you just wrote is not pragmatic

The uneducated later get educated & do not joke with the redpills


They become,,,,, Alpha Males

Tobechi, stop all these nonsense. Just tell Ikechukwu, the uneducated and struggling keke driver that sponsored you in university, that you are no longer interested now that you have graduated and have probably seen a better man; there is no need to shalaye. You can now go and sleep.
.
.
.

Someone's boyfriend is about to take the red pill the hard way.

Only Fools Do That.

An Educated Man Will Easily Marry An Uneducated Woman but An Educated Woman Will Never Marry An Uneducated Man Because once You Give A Woman Power Above Yours she Will Over Power You and Seek powerful Men Because She Automatically Feels She Is Above You.


Its Like Give A Woman Wings When You Have None, she Will Fly Away Leaving You On The Ground. Dont Make That Mistake

Control5:

My brother you lie!!.. f**k this rubbish you’re saying and be logical for once atleast.

Don't argue with that woman. She has probably used the false promise of marriage to deceive an unsuspecting and uneducated hustler into training her in school. Now she is cooking up justifications for her deliberate scam.

tobechi74:


When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

If you truely love her ,there is nothing wrong in assisting her. But when you demand gratitude from her in terms of sex or marriage. It is no longer done out of love.

If she decides not to get married to you
After receiving assistance from you, you have no reason to get angry. This is true love.

If you get angry that she did not marry you afterwards, then you were not really helping her. You were helping yourself. You were investing in her. It is a buisness transaction. Not all Investment blossom.

Please please please, stop this Love Love Love of a thing, it s kinda annoying.
How come it is only when a man is about to get cheated or manipulated doing a woman's bid that the Love card is always played.
How come this Love of a thing is one directional? always from man to woman in gifts, money, sponsoring etc.
If a woman doesn't want a man to complain about what he has done for the woman, then a woman should not collect anything from the man Because to whom much is given to, Much is expected.
Nothing is free in life, even in freetown.
That is why we do say it that do go out with a man you won't date or bang, don't eat is free food all in the name of date or take the phone gift. By doing all these, you have committed your self.
I understand that free things like food, phones, money are very hard to resist and easy to spend.
If we are talking about love, then how come tons upon tons of nigerian single ladies in US, canada, UK are not coming home to pick and thereby empowering the average nigerian man to abroad? why is it always men?
Why is it that a large percentage of working class women in nigeria can't pick and date struggling guys, sponsor them to school too and put them on monthly allowance just the way the male counterpart will gladly do? Abi dem forbid dem? i guess the Scam called Love always stops at the foot mat of gullible Men.
How come the so called working class women are not raising capital to give to struggling guys to start-up their live so that they can marry? I guess Love is not blind afterall

tobechi74:


Help anyone achieve her dream . But she does not owe you anything in return. I have heard cases of men insisting their wife paid them half of her salary because she sponsored her education. That mindset should be abolished. She does not owe a guy marriage because he sponsored her education.
If she no longer finds him suitable for marital commitment, she can bail out at any time. She must not marry you the guy as payment for debt owed.

If you want to invest in her, draft a contract first and state the terms and conditions. Then enforce them in a law court. Then, this is a contract and not done out of love.

I guess you are still young because your logic is more or less like saying a company(or man) should sponsor it's employee(or wife) to school, give allowances, train them just for doing sake. At the end of the day, the employee can monkey branch to a higher paying company without the first company grumbling etc
Like i said before, nothing is free in life.
To whom much is given, much is expected and to Whom much is expected from, much should be given. This is life and deal with it.
If you believe the average man should sponsor a woman to school out of love and not expect back, then am wondering why he will want to do that when he has sisters, brothers, uncles, family etc or even himself he can do that to. Why a fuc'king stranger? when you even have orphans in motherless homes who needs this help more than a complete average lady.
Moreover, i believe the said lady has a father or family that are meant to take care of that responsibility or are they that useless to cater for what they brought to life? Why using love to hoodwink men for the responsibility of a lady's father or does it mean the father won't be happy to water his own garden/ beautiful flower for others to see?

Nazgul:
It has been a very wrong move from the onset. I can choose to help you as a friend, cousin, extended family member...etc. But girlfriend...for me, no way.

Training a girl makes you feel you own her. You're giving her what her parents can't afford. So there's this authoritative nature in you that activates itself. You unknowingly become a dictator to her and would constantly keep reminding her how much you're spending daily to educate her ungrateful a55. Many girls wouldn't like such.
Also, most uneducated guys that do this are very very rude. You're always calling her to know where she is, some of these guys lack manners, some shout and order the girl to go home if she tell them she's outside her hostel by 7:pm.

I witnessed a case like that when I was still schooling. The girl was living in my lodge. This guy yells at her like he's her parent. Even when he visit it's more of order and quarrel than romance. They were always quarreling. He was always reporting her to her parents at any slightest provocation.

The girl just told me that once she's through with school she'll look for someone else, that she can't live with this kind of person. I just kept quiet cos if I was in her shoes, I'll do the same.

I usually don't usually advise guys to train girls these days cos it will most likely end in tears but if you must do it, see the girl as your younger sister. Never assume the position of a dictator or else she'll start opening her legs for broke romantic guys there in school and lavish your money and provisions on them. Be more romantic with her and less authoritative towards her. Make her love you for you and not because of what you're doing for her. And she might just stick to you.

Lol,

@ the bolded ....... that is not good enough.
''Might'' not ''Will'' - which means even if you are caring and tick all the dots, there is still no gaurantee she will be faithful rather ''Might'' be faithful.

To me, only an idiot will take such a foooolish risk when i have more gaurantee training myself or siblings.

Please bro, this is 21st century and we shouldn't be encouraging some things oe threads.
In this age, threads like this keep reminding me of how backward we are as a country.
We shouldn't be mixing romance with Obligations.
It is the duty of a lady's father, family or herself to train in school and nothing more (case closed)
When you go into a relationship, you go in because you want to date the person - occasional outings done by each other, exchange of gifts regularly no matter how small and sexing each other as it comes.
I repeat, it is not the duty of a man to sponsor a lady to school, put on monthly allowance etcit is an archaic mindset in 21st century. We are no more in the stone age.
This thread is not debatable because it is dead on arrival. For the fact that people are still doing it doesn't make it right in any way and should be discourages or abolished just the way we did for killing of twins and slave trade.

Anyone still doing that at this time and age is living in a fool's paradise, Check my signature for better

I feel like slapping sense into the OPs head

if any of my relative do this, nah to disown am

most men doing this can't even afford to help their own relatives. bunch of simps

una go learn the hard way

she ni e gbon ni

This thread is about how to bash igbo wealthy traders....

I know a delta guy that was a dry cleaner he fell in love with a girl the girl mother take advantage use the boy trained her daughter through secondary school deceiving the boy that he will marry her daughter the girl too play along to drain this boy of all his savings, the moment this girl for admission to higher institution and got a rich bf the guy started disgusting this girl the girl just hated the guy for no reason.

A good guy that people used to see as responsible fell into depression and started doing drugs

I nearly tried that shit with my then so-called girl friend but God saved me.

It happened that she was seeking for admission, while I was working and making money. I did literally everything for her right from the scratch, with my contact then she gained admission in to one of the prestigious school with lots of money, (u know 9ja way na). because I was busy with work and didn't have time to ask her when her matriculation would be which she supposed to have told me, meanwhile I've already bought presents, including an expensive phone because she was using a Nokia touch phone then which she didn't know I've already planned the whole thing without her knowledge. I was just being a good Bf and wanted to surprise her on that day of matric, but she didn't told me, I got to know from my cousin who also got admission in the same school the day of their matric. The matric was a day after my cousin called, I thought to myself maybe she was busy or might have forgotten, but in another thought its not possible for a girl not to know of the day of her matric. To kill my doubt I called her to know how she was, perhaps she would tell me, but she never did rather she was angry that I didn't call her sometime ago. to cut the story short, I didn't call her again and neither did she. I almost cried but thanks to my supervisor then who gave me a fatherly advice and said that I should forget her she didn't love me..

Las las after 2 yrs she called me from nowhere and started crying and begging me to forgive her and accept her back.. I laughed so had, she kept calling and calling for months until she was tired but left me a message. in her words she said to me:- WHO THE HELL DO U THINK U ARE?
That was also the day I realized that what bible said about women was all true, thus u have to caution wisely when dealing with them.

FEAR WOMEN!!!

I pity those men cos It always end in premium tears

Dem no dey tell pikin say fire from lighter dey burn skin until he experiences it