₦airaland Forum

omotolarunsewe:
When you bring a woman abroad make sure you ready to treat her like an African queen.don’t let her help out in paying any bills.make sure you have a good job or business,take good care of her. Go on vacations,Don’t cheat on her.she will always remain your queen.my wife came here 14 years ago and she still remain my adorable wife. Be smart and never get jealous when she start making her own $$$

nedekid:
Nna, see shape

Iyajelili:
Abi? Enough of this abroad stuff for people like us wey get 10million kobo for account

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

somegirl1:

A lot of Nigerian men import wives from Nigeria for the wrong reasons.
They pick home-based women over Nigerian women already abroad, foreign black and white women with the mindset that they're easier to manipulate, subdue and control.
Truth is, the only difference between home-based women and Nigerian women abroad is exposure and availability of options, it's only a matter of time before the home-based lady adjusts to her environment.
Rather than bring a poor girl from Nigeria abroad to dictate to her what she's to study and expect her salary as recompense for putting her through school, how about these men invest in themselves, study nursing, medicine etc and make the money themselves.
I would never hand over my earnings to anyone if I had a choice, no one will wholeheartedly.
The moral lesson from these horror stories is for Nigerian men to stop attempting to use home-based women as investments and to stop being delusional about these women remaining subdued in a liberal society.

By the way, Nigerian women abroad also fall prey to home-based men who mistreat them once they leave Nigeria. It's not just the men that have sorrowful tales to tell.

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

angelfallz:
Only These Na story.

If a man marries a good wife take her to mount Everest, take her to the centre of the earth, her character and personality wouldn't change.

Your piece is just advocating for men to marry "akata" girls instead of home based girls. While forgetting that everyone is different.
Or do you want to say that there no bad experiences from men that married "akata" girls?

What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude.

angelfallz:
Only These Na story.

If a man marries a good wife take her to mount Everest, take her to the centre of the earth, her character and personality wouldn't change.

Your piece is just advocating for men to marry "akata" girls instead of home based girls. While forgetting that everyone is different.
Or do you want to say that there no bad experiences from men that married "akata" girls?

What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude.

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yinkus6750:
Most women don't appreciate the men under such conditions, majorly due to the fact that the women become more financially successful than the men, hence they felt the man can't control them due to the culture of the new society they are.

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

Hintona:
On nairaland or in real life?

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

Leebeedo:
7 years and counting. Like I said in my previous post, pray you don't meet the wrong woman even in Nigeria, a bad woman will always be a bad woman, be in kafachan or Adelaide believe me.

leisuretym:
I'm applying for asylum in Japan, I will give a reason so simple and critical, if they ask me why I'm seeking asylum, I will simple say because Bubu is our President.

Any reasonable nation should consider Nigerians for asylum on that ground, Trump is fully aware.

sweetmelanin:
My point exactly!

You entered those relationships with a preconceived notion that those ladies aren't worthy of marriage simply based on the fact that they aren't "home-based" girls... there is nothing either of those poor women could've done to change your prejudice mindset. You are definitely a 'category 1' brother!

If I may ask, what were the different approaches to dating you observed? (your last point)

FalseProphet1:
I see many guys ranting bitterly on this thread, I see them attacking the op seriously and calling her name's for saying the truth

sweetmelanin:
Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

wjxavier:
Your angle is all about Karma. What about the good guys who never hurt a fly but their wives grow wings on them? This is the most prevalent case.

What do you have to say about that?

The truth is that America is a woman’s paradise. The government supports women to the core and the disadvantage of men.

I know a guy who was broke when his wife had a baby. It was from the hospital they were telling her the Govt would support her financially IF she dumps his azz.

Truth is, the world is changing diabolically. The family is under attack. This is the BIG picture to keep in mind.

When the Centre can no longer hold, the devil has reign. So all these dumpings are not just physical shyte. They’re spiritual in nature.

Keep in mind always that the devils goal is the destruction of the family system. When this is achieved, it is easy for a kid to wake up one day and say they prefer to be another gender. Or to be ghey.

This is the big picture. If women have it in mind, they won’t be seeking liberation so eagerly.

RisenPhoenix1:
It wasn't difficult to form that notion, but it was never preconceived. It happened only after I met them, though before we started dating. In fact, with both girls, I only dated them because they asked me out, and they were attractive; to be honest.

It's hard to put a finger on why I knew it wasn't ever going to work out, but one noticeable thing was that there was never any give and take. Normal relationships are all about compromise, but they made it patently clear that I was to accept everything on their own terms. The basic idea being; "take me as I am or get out". For example, one was a smoker and would not even consider restricting her smoking to our balcony at my place, even when I told her that my roommates didn't like the smell she left behind. There was always some underlying pride or belief that they were something special. Why would I want to take such women home to meet my traditional family?

sweetmelanin:
..and home based women don't have such belief?
..entitled women who treat relationships/ marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme. ...this is why when you bring them abroad they begin to act up once they realise they don't need you anymore...

Love how you told a very sterotypical story about the akata that smokes by the way, hmmmmm
. how convenient!

Brendaniel:
I still don't know how some men behave o, like if they don't marry a Nigerian woman or a woman from their village then they have not married, though I don't have plans right now of relocating, but if I happen to relocate, I will marry in that country, whether na chinese, japanese, india, africa, arabian whatever ever race, I go marry and that will be my only wife.... I mean are they not human beings like you, my children remain my children whether they are half-caste or not and will always know their root, abeg I hate drama and don't have time for it....

I am not importing anybody from anywhere, the only people I can import are family members and close friends, relationship na for the country I dey e go start with any girl wey God give me for there...


After I go abroad go hustle na bus dey go come dey enter for naija, God forbid...

leisuretym:
I'm applying for asylum in Japan, I will give a reason so simple and critical, if they ask me why I'm seeking asylum, I will simple say because Bubu is our President.

Any reasonable nation should consider Nigerians for asylum on that ground, Trump is fully aware.

CHoccolaTE:
Lol
Nigerian men want submissive mumu zombies as wives.
Women that will forgive their excesses like infidelity or just plain nasty, rude behavior to their wives.

So they run home after getting abroad Visa because women abroad or so called akatas refuse to be disrespected so of course Nigerian men don't like them. They think, "why will a woman expect a man to see her as an equal human being? Why? Why can't I have a woman that contributes to home finances and pays bills but also tolerates my nasty behavior and infidelity?"

Look, nobody likes being oppressed and subjugated, nobody, not even women. That is why many women always seize the opportunity to emancipate themselves when they get to a liberal society.

I dont blame you males for expecting docility and timidity from your Nigerian wives, you grew up in a country where women are 2nd class citizens and taught to accept almost anything marriage throws at them that is why you find it hard to just get married to foreign women instead of looking for a wife with high bullshit tolerance thresholds.