₦airaland Forum

wjxavier:
Your angle is all about Karma. What about the good guys who never hurt a fly but their wives grow wings on them? This is the most prevalent case.

What do you have to say about that?

The truth is that America is a woman’s paradise. The government supports women to the core and the disadvantage of men.

I know a guy who was broke when his wife had a baby. It was from the hospital they were telling her the Govt would support her financially IF she dumps his azz.

Truth is, the world is changing diabolically. The family is under attack. This is the BIG picture to keep in mind.

When the Centre can no longer hold, the devil has reign. So all these dumpings are not just physical shyte. They’re spiritual in nature.

Keep in mind always that the devils goal is the destruction of the family system. When this is achieved, it is easy for a kid to wake up one day and say they prefer to be another gender. Or to be ghey.

This is the big picture. If women have it in mind, they won’t be seeking liberation so eagerly.

And that is the environment in which akata girls have grown up and been indoctrinated to think is the superior system. Little wonder that few of them are marriageable.

Nice write up. A woman whose character and attitude changes from good to bad because her environment changed or circumstance(finances) changed was not a good woman to begin with. This also applies to men. Once you're a good person you're a good person.

How do men shine their eyes?
By consciously looking for the good qualities they want from a woman in the lady they're dating instead of only looking for sex. By investigating the lady, getting to know her family's background, Getting to know her friends.

Please, I must add, there are no guarantees when it comes to marriage, you can only do your best to reduce the possibility of ending up with a bad woman.

nedekid:
Sorry about the perfect part
"What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude"
The main point of my response to you is how do you shine your eye and marry women with the right character and attitude?
As I said earlier, character and attitide might be a reflection of the current circumstances and enviroment. It applies to both men and women. So how do you shine eyes to know?
A man might be rich, have a good character woman with all the right attitide, he runs in to financial or health problems and sees the worst character he never believed the woman could ever have. Vice versa.
Same applies to a man that shines his eyes, disregards the chicks abroad and his mum or him picks up a very well brought up girl with good attitude and character, they relocate as the op says and few years down the line the enviroment brings out the worse. Same way you have some married couples in naija that relocate to Canada etc and you see the man or woman misbehaving or divorce after few years.
It applies both ways.
So in sumarry, the bottomline is mutual respect, understanding, the grace of God or call it luck that makes marriages work.
That was why in my first response I said the mythical good character woman. same applies to men.

angelfallz:
Nice write up. A woman whose character and attitude changes from good to bad because her environment changed or circumstance(finances) changed was not a good woman to begin with. This also applies to men. Once you're a good person you're a good person.

How do men shine their eyes?
By consciously looking for the good qualities they want from a woman in the lady they're dating instead of only looking for sex. By investigating the lady, getting to know her family's background, Getting to know her friends.

Please, I must add, there are no guarantees when it comes to marriage, you can only do your best to reduce the possibility of ending up with a bad woman.

The only mistake OP made was ommiting that Nigerian girls are hungry backstabbers. That is why they betray men abroad. The system favours women and they have never tasted such luxury in their poverty-stricken lives.
Make one mugu carry a girl like Traceey abroad - you will feed her poverty stricken generation for years to come.

wisdomiskey:
All this yen yen yen because you hate akata babes
You attracted a smoker, toasted her, dated her, fvcked her. Yet you are the angel? Abeg free OP jare and stop chatting shiit!

Dumb comment. Go watch another Dora the explorer episode, do.

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real Deep conclusion.

DamZik:
abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real Deep conclusion.

And yet in 2010 census, 72% of them were unmarried. If they are so good, why are their men running away

The problem is money. Most Nigerians abroad are poorer than they portray and live under conditions a typical home-based cannot tolerate. Women want comfort and time.

Drenimarcus:
In this age, only a fool will scam people for papers to bring a Nigerian lady over. I can not wrap my head on that. There was a case of a guy who petitioned for his wife from naija(been married for 2 years or 3 i think), she waited till she got the visa, came in and got the 10 years right away,changed her address on file and sent "mr man" divorce papers. Keep bringing them over and they will keep absconding here. Muntula set of people.

Serious Muntula

lagdmark:
You just planning..... to Eastern Europe, you are not even sure of your relocation procedures and conditions over there, now you have concluded based on the information on NL. not to marry a Nigerian.

Don't mind the nicoompoop. Eastern Europe for that matter?? Dude, poverty has really dealt with u! I have noticed it is people who come from very poor homes and managed to travel abroad that have this useless mentality. Im getting tired of all this nonsense abroad marriage threads on nairaland. You all should stop disturbing us biko. Marry who you want to marry. All I see here is inferiority complex and low self esteem. Nothing more.

nedekid:
Sorry about the perfect part
"What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude"
The main point of my response to you is how do you shine your eye and marry women with the right character and attitude?
As I said earlier, character and attitide might be a reflection of the current circumstances and enviroment. It applies to both men and women. So how do you shine eyes to know?
A man might be rich, have a good character woman with all the right attitide, he runs in to financial or health problems and sees the worst character he never believed the woman could ever have. Vice versa.
Same applies to a man that shines his eyes, disregards the chicks abroad and his mum or him picks up a very well brought up girl with good attitude and character, they relocate as the op says and few years down the line the enviroment brings out the worse. Same way you have some married couples in naija that relocate to Canada etc and you see the man or woman misbehaving or divorce after few years.
It applies both ways.
So in sumarry, the bottomline is mutual respect, understanding, the grace of God or call it luck that makes marriages work.
That was why in my first response I said the mythical good character woman. same applies to men.

Surprise this is coming from a man.truth is ,it takes a mediocre to yoke with a mediocre,if you are a good man ,you will certainly attract a good woman.

Nairaland men, pls marry who you like. Nobody is begging you to marry a Nigerian woman. Oyibo ooh, Latina oooh, Akata oooh! The funny thing is that lots of Nigerian women also bring their Nigerian husbands over and we don't hear of it. Most of you that spill rubbish here are still in Nigeria, you have never smelt abroad yet you will be making noise. Many of you already there married a poor lonely white woman simply for papers. You did not love her. Then after getting papers you dump her and when you marry from Nigeria, you expect the same not to be done to you? I shake my head when I read all these nonsense here. There are SO many Nigerians that have brought their spouses over and it worked and is still working for them. Marriage is very spiritual, not physical.

Besides some of you are behaving like you are 'rescuing' the lady, whilst you forget that a visa officer somewhere also granted you visa into their country. It just takes a refusal and your ass will still be here in Nigeria. Many of you will bring your spouses over and treat them like trash. You start to have a saviour and god mentality. And when your spouse settles down, their eyes are open. Pray pray pray before marriage. Get to know the person. Speak to the person. Have in depth discussions with your potential spouse not only sex and sexchat all the time.

Also, Nigerian men are not desirable! That's a fact. All these noise of Nigerian women and money is most times not factual. Many of you if you are sincere were trained by your mother's efforts not your father's. Many of you do not even have any money to begin with, bunch of brokeasses with very fragile egos, making noise up and down. MANY Nigerian women provide for themselves! Fact

Above all, stop disturbing our ears and eyes. Marry who you want, none cares. All I see here is men who suffer from a lot of self hate and self loathe. Your mothers, sisters are 'Useless Nigerian women' too!

QED

banmee:
Ordinarily i would be scared too. I fear Nigerians in general. Doesn't matter if they are male or female. That being said, there is only one Nigerian i thank the gods i met and that is my wife. She is the most amazing person i have ever met and probably the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was born Nigerian. That is a miracle in itself. My advice to you is to know the person you are going to marry as best you can. I made sure i lived with my wife for 24 months before we got married. I don't care who you are, you cannot pretend for that long. Especially with someone like me. I will stress the phuck outta you till your break. And she passed with flying colors. I don't regret anything. And this was 20 years ago. How time flies.

See this one! 'I will stress the phuck outta you till you break'. So you think you're the prize? Typical Nigerian man narcissist. I really pity the poor woman that ended up with you!

MasterRahl:


Marry your friend. Marry your pal, and you won't go through unnecessary stress in marriage.

The things that happen in today's marriages leaves me speechless.

Well, who cares?

Well, are you married? cause it's not that easy. No one sets out to marry their own enemy.

This post was really senseless.
I hardly made anything out of it. Only the word "akata" all over.

wisdomiskey:
The only mistake OP made was ommiting that Nigerian girls are hungry backstabbers. That is why they betray men abroad. The system favours women and they have never tasted such luxury in their poverty-stricken lives.
Make one mugu carry a girl like Traceey abroad - you will feed her poverty stricken generation for years to come.

I can see that you just described your mother and your sisters. Unfortunately, you are still suffering in Nigeria and speaking about a situation you can never understand. Poverty, low self esteem inferiority complex na bastard!

okwadatigbogal:
Also, Nigerian men are not desirable! That's a fact. All these noise of Nigerian women and money is most times not factual. Many of you if you are sincere were trained by your mother's efforts not your father's. Many of you do even have any money to begin with, bunch of brokeasses with very fragile egos, making noise up and down. MANY Nigerian women provide for themselves! Fact

Above all, stop disturbing our ears and eyes. Marry who you want, none cares. All I see here is men who suffer from a lot of self hate and self loathe. Your mothers, sisters are 'Useless Nigerian women' too!

QED

Wow, I really love the bold part of your post.

They are arrogant people that don't have any idea how to live in peace and love with their wives, too egotistical, easily offended and sensing disrespect in innocuous actions their wives take, wicked and selfish lot. the only thing many Nigerian women have to gain in marriages is the money their husbands are supposed to give them and now they have started crying that they cannot provide.

angelfallz:
Only These Na story.

If a man marries a good wife take her to mount Everest, take her to the centre of the earth, her character and personality wouldn't change.

Your piece is just advocating for men to marry "akata" girls instead of home based girls. While forgetting that everyone is different.
Or do you want to say that there no bad experiences from men that married "akata" girls?

What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude.

A word is enough for the wise.

Johnnyplus01k:
So in summary a guy in abroad should marry akata because they are better than the Nigerian that we thought are cultured and well-mannered.

No dey misyarn they just analised the issue for you all you have to do now is make your own conclusions with what she's stated.

InlandTaipan84:
Don't have time to read all this shit....
If you're a black man abroad...don't dream about coming back to Africa to get married.
Find one white or Latina or at least Asian pussy to date Bleep steady with less issue

Or you marry two wives, Home and abroad. Use your head.

wany:
Surprise this is coming from a man.truth is ,it takes a mediocre to yoke with a mediocre,if you are a good man ,you will certainly attract a good woman.

Was late Tunde Thomas a bad man?
I knew him from a distance but we had mutual very close friends. I can assure you that he was as good as they come and as far as I know, nothing bad was ever said about his wife during their marriage.

It's not easy anywhere. If marrying back home in Nigeria will guarantee a peaceful life for you and your spouse, why not? I lost interest in aspiring to travel abroad a while ago... Nigeria isn't such a bad place with an above average income and a small, peaceful family... If God bless you well you can take your family for vacation abroad and come back home jejely.

Holywizard:
I'm planning on migrating to Eastern Europe this year.
With the experinces I have here, I'm even scared of getting married to a Nigerian

My bro marry a white woman atleats your children will thank you later, since they will have dual citizenship

Hintona:
On nairaland or in real life?

Haha

InlandTaipan84:
Don't have time to read all this shit....
If you're a black man abroad...don't dream about coming back to Africa to get married.
Find one white or Latina or at least Asian pussy to date Bleep steady with less issue

Haha bad boy

Hassanmaye:
My bro marry a white woman atleats your children will thank you later, since they will have dual citizenship

Is this how much you hate yourself, your skin colour and your race?? This reeks of low self esteem to me

generationz:
Well, are you married? cause it's not that easy. No one sets out to marry their own enemy.

First, I'm not married. I'm at the learning stage and I'm seeing what I consider loopholes. You hear stuffs like We're too familiar and too close. He/she is just good as a friend. And I'm like so there's a friend material as well as a husband material? Shouldn't marriage be between two people who are close to each other? And even if marriage should be between two strangers, common sense shows that after months of living together, the two strangers will become close. What happens after that? They begin searching for another stranger to start all over with? The whole poo is confusing.

okwadatigbogal:
Nairaland men, pls marry who you like. Nobody is begging you to marry a Nigerian woman. Oyibo ooh, Latina oooh, Akata oooh! The funny thing is that lots of Nigerian women also bring their Nigerian husbands over and we don't hear of it. Most of you that spill rubbish here are still in Nigeria, you have never smelt abroad yet you will be making noise. Many of you already there married a poor lonely white woman simply for papers. You did not love her. Then after getting papers you dump her and when you marry from Nigeria, you expect the same not to be done to you? I shake my head when I read all these nonsense here. There are SO many Nigerians that have brought their spouses over and it worked and is still working for them. Marriage is very spiritual, not physical.

Besides some of you are behaving like you are 'rescuing' the lady, whilst you forget that a visa officer somewhere also granted you visa into their country. It just takes a refusal and your ass will still be here in Nigeria. Many of you will bring your spouses over and treat them like trash. You start to have a saviour and god mentality. And when your spouse settles down, their eyes are open. Pray pray pray before marriage. Get to know the person. Speak to the person. Have in depth discussions with your potential spouse not only sex and sexchat all the time.

Also, Nigerian men are not desirable! That's a fact. All these noise of Nigerian women and money is most times not factual. Many of you if you are sincere were trained by your mother's efforts not your father's. Many of you do not even have any money to begin with, bunch of brokeasses with very fragile egos, making noise up and down. MANY Nigerian women provide for themselves! Fact

Above all, stop disturbing our ears and eyes. Marry who you want, none cares. All I see here is men who suffer from a lot of self hate and self loathe. Your mothers, sisters are 'Useless Nigerian women' too!

QED

No truer words have been spoken. Get ready for some bashing from broke a$$ alfa males. The post seems to get a lot of them worked up already.

And this reminds me of the advice I have to give to Nigerian ladies in the diaspora. Please it is not a must that you must marry a Nigerian man. Honestly, widen your mindsets. widen your association. Make friends with the locals. Date from other races. Trust me, there are many men from other races who appreciate and love African women. They exist! Emancipate yourselves from Nigerian mental slavery. The world is an interesting place when you get to know cultures from other countries. Don't limit yourselves. You are in countries where you are presented with immense opportunities. Use those opportunities wisely. Forget this sh1thole of a country. Date and marry from other races.

If you marry Oyinbo, the relationship might be fine at first but then differences of culture and expectations might arise unless you want to become more and more like Oyinbo rather than a free spirit of mixed ideals. Oyinbo woman will not likely go back with you to nja, the kids will not come. So if you want to retire back in Nja, why would you marry a non Nigerian?

Being deceitful never pays
Marrying a foreign woman with an intention of dumping her after getting ur papers through will never go well for u
After doing such to her and she then u urself as a guy has no reason to cry fowl if ur imported bride also dumps u after bringing her over.

Hintona:
On nairaland or in real life?

Hahahaha...funi lady...