What is the essence of marriage that you have enjoyed/endured everything you suppose to enjoy and endure during marriage?

You started having sex, cohabiting/sleeping, washing, sweeping, cooking and doing all sorts of things that a husband and wife suppose to do together, marriage become useless when you have slept with a man/woman before your parents/family members consented to your wedding.

Marriage becomes useless when you already have a taste and pain of divorce before marriage, some people have been guilted and heart broken several times and divorce is already nothing to them, they don't care anymore.

What is the essence of marriage when you have hurt the person you wanted to get married to and that one is waiting for marriage to unleash retribution and reprisal on you? Marriage become useless.

What is the essence of marriage when you already have lots of bitter experiences and presumption about marriage and your mind is made up that all men are cheats and all women are troublesome and problematic?

What is the essence of marriage when you already dated 2 or more people that you are now comparing with your fiancee/fiance/husband/wife? what if he or she is not as handsome/rich or beautiful, well mannered and domesticated like those you have dated?

What is the essence of marriage when your honey pot have been widened and average something doesn't suit you anymore?

What is the essence of marriage when you are now sex addict (nymphomaniac), you already prefer hard pounding, sex indiscriminately everyday? What if she/he is indisposed and unable to give you sex or he or she travelled and not around?


Marriage needs no practical experience, I have noticed that the past destroys marriage more than what happens in the marriage.

Keep away from illicit relationship, it pays to marry without any experience rather than having bitter experience.

You won't understand until you get old and no one to look after you

Fahdiga:
You won't understand until you get old and no one to look after you

Exactly my brother...the fear of loneliness is what drives most people (especially females) into marriage.

When you're in your late 50s upwards and still struggling you'll understand the essence of having a family.

Fahdiga:
You won't understand until you get old and no one to look after you

you did not read the whole post?

Well said, if you tell them to stay away from pre- marital sex, the will tell you how them go take kwn if the partner is fruitful.
How can someone date or co- habits for a whole ten years before finally getting married. That means they have been practicing marriage before married.
After experience everything in marriage before marriage, including giving birth out of wedlock, what else is left?
One of the reasons we experience high rate of infidelity & devoiced rate in marriages today.

Fahdiga:
You won't understand until you get old and no one to look after you

Bull crap. No offence.


Why do you think men who marry for the illusion of alleviating loneliness mostly end up doing everything to avoid wife and kids wahala. They end up prioritizing time with their fellow men --hanging out just to avoid their homes for a while.

The children you speak of won't keep you company the time you need them most; they'll be long gone by then, either married and facing their own homes or whatever; yet the fear of the inevitable loneliness drives you into a lifetime of stress, and imminent loneliness?

Even if your children forfeit their own lives to "take care" of you, do you know how much you'll spend on them from when they were toddlers up until after their higher education? You could simply pay a nurse (even minimum wage) that will be more than willing to do the things even your wife and children won't want to do for you. If you had your time to yourself, you could make so much money that you'll comfortably pay someone to care for you till the day you die.

Me, for one, don't want to live until that point that a man becomes a liability to himself. My long life shouldn't reach the stage when I no longer keep memories, have sight or have to poo in napkins.

In Africa, we believe that children are the primary purpose for marriage, but a cursory look around will provide evidence to the contrary. One would think that children would solidify a marriage, yet many choose to end their unions in spite of having kids. A wise man once pointed out that marriage is not a human invention, but a divine one as such the blueprint remains with the owner. Marriage was instituted so that man would not be alone, simply put that the true purpose of marriage is for companionship.
Different people have different reasons for going into marriage. Some do because of societal expectations. Some do because their mates are married. Some do because they have been lonely all their life and want a companion. Some do because they want someone they can call their own. Some do because they want someone who will help with their house chores, and cooking. Some do because they want children. Some do because, “it is better to marry than to burn.” Some do because they want someone who will save them from poverty and lack. Some do because they would like to be addressed as “Mr &Mrs.” The reasons go on and on.

oyolohi:


Bull crap. No offence.


Why do you think men who marry for the illusion of alleviating loneliness mostly end up doing everything to avoid wife and kids wahala. They end up prioritizing time with their fellow men --hanging out just to avoid their homes for a while.

The children you speak of won't keep you company the time you need them most; they'll be long gone by then, either married and facing their own homes or whatever; yet the fear of the inevitable loneliness drives you into a lifetime of stress, and imminent loneliness?

Even if your children forfeit their own lives to "take care" of you, do you know how much you'll spend on them from when they were toddlers up until after their higher education? You could simply pay a nurse (even minimum wage) that will be more than willing to do the things even your wife and children won't want to do for you. If you had your time to yourself, you could make so much money that you'll comfortably pay someone to care for you till the day you die.

Me, for one, don't want to live until that point that a man becomes a liability to himself. My long life shouldn't reach the stage when I no longer keep memories, have sight or have to poo in napkins.

You might be right to some extend but it depends, one of uncles, an introvert and an elder in the church he never keep friends, no have anywhere to go apart from church and his place of work, he had no choice than to blend with his family, you always think they are perfect couple if you don't visit them regularly, I remember when I went there for holiday many years back, the wife didn't cook and when my uncle came back from work, he was infuriated, although he did talk but the anger was conspicuous, he had no where to go than to engage me and his children in conversation, what I learnt from him is that every marriage have it own problem but you must not have a carry-over of problems from dating into marriage and always solve all problems immediately, don't dodge it, the man is over 27 years in his marriage, the bond he had in his family is just wonderful, till now he had no intimate friends, he didn't create an alternative from his family.

Fahdiga:
You won't understand until you get old and no one to look after you

I am talking about the essence of marriage when you have eventually destroyed the chances of the marriage survival even before wedding

samwash:
Well said, if you tell them to stay away from pre- marital sex, the will tell you how them go take kwn if the partner is fruitful.
How can someone date or co- habits for a whole ten years before finally getting married. That means they have been practicing marriage before married.
After experience everything in marriage before marriage, including giving birth out of wedlock, what else is left?
One of the reasons we experience high rate of infidelity & devoiced rate in marriages today.

You are very correct, but what get me sad most is children outside wedlock, it is too much, if you call them bastards, they will get angry but they are illegitimate children without the care of both parents. it is a menace that needed to be defeated.

Marvellously2Me:
What is the essence of marriage that you have enjoyed/endured everything you suppose to enjoy and endure during marriage?

You started having sex, cohabiting/sleeping, washing, sweeping, cooking and doing all sorts of things that a husband and wife suppose to do together, marriage become useless when you have slept with a man/woman before your parents/family members consented to your wedding.

Marriage becomes useless when you already have a taste and pain of divorce before marriage, some people have been guilted and heart broken several times and divorce is already nothing to them, they don't care anymore.

Marriage needs no practical experience, I have noticed that the past destroys marriage more than what happens in the marriage.

Keep away from illicit relationship, it pays to marry without any experience rather than having bitter experience.

Are you saying dating is wrong and how will someone get married if you don't date.

Those who married did so for nothing... right now they are in pains

IamWonderful:
Are you saying dating is wrong and how will someone get married if you don't date.

Well if dating will drive you into doing things you are suppose to do in marriage in dating, don't date, my grandfather and grandmothers never dated but had wonderful and enduring marriage, courtship without sex for 6 to one year is enough before marriage and you would have kept your dignity and be free from unnecessary experience and headache in your marriage.


lalasticlala what do you say? I think more people can learn.

Marvellously2Me:
What is the essence of marriage that you have enjoyed/endured everything you suppose to enjoy and endure during marriage?

You started having sex, cohabiting/sleeping, washing, sweeping, cooking and doing all sorts of things that a husband and wife suppose to do together, marriage become useless when you have slept with a man/woman before your parents/family members consented to your wedding.

Marriage becomes useless when you already have a taste and pain of divorce before marriage, some people have been guilted and heart broken several times and divorce is already nothing to them, they don't care anymore.

What is the essence of marriage when you have hurt the person you wanted to get married to and that one is waiting for marriage to unleash retribution and reprisal on you? Marriage become useless.

What is the essence of marriage when you already have lots of bitter experiences and presumption about marriage and your mind is made up that all men are cheats and all women are troublesome and problematic?

What is the essence of marriage when you already dated 2 or more people that you are now comparing with your fiancee/fiance/husband/wife? what if he or she is not as handsome/rich or beautiful, well mannered and domesticated like those you have dated?

What is the essence of marriage when your honey pot have been widened and average something doesn't suit you anymore?

What is the essence of marriage when you are now sex addict (nymphomaniac), you already prefer hard pounding, sex indiscriminately everyday? What if she/he is indisposed and unable to give you sex or he or she travelled and not around?


Marriage needs no practical experience, I have noticed that the past destroys marriage more than what happens in the marriage.

Keep away from illicit relationship, it pays to marry without any experience rather than having bitter experience.

Bottom line most ppl are psychologically damaged before marriage.

This is why courtship is advisable before jumping the broom. In the good old days, intending couples bonded without engaging in premarital activities. Back then there was innocence and people could marry as virgins following a decent relationship. Back then marriage never lost its true essence unlike now

karkinase:
Bottom line most ppl are psychologically damaged before marriage.

that's is a unique way to put it

karkinase:

Bottom line most ppl are psychologically damaged before marriage.

That is just it, people have damaged themselves before marriage

Liposure:
This is why courtship is advisable before jumping the broom. In the good old days, intending couples bonded without engaging in premarital activities. Back then there was innocence and people could get married as virgins following a decent relationship. Back then marriage never lost its true essence

Very correct despite some of the people then were match-maked but their marriage lasted more than we that are choosing with our eyes open after sampling and sampling

Marvellously2Me:
You are very correct, but what get me sad most is children outside wedlock, it is too much, if you call them bastards, they will get angry but they are illegitimate children without the care of both parents. it is a menace that needed to be defeated.

Those children out of wedlock,if both parties later get married it will be good. But the truth be told, the word "Bastard" is harsh but that the reality but they wouldn't accept it.
The likes of Baby Mama's are not left out. How can a young man have like 4 Baby Mama's & a lady be Baby Mama to 4 different guys.
God please have mercy on our generation.