₦airaland Forum

Mikester:
[b]You're a good writer. I must commend you for that. On the fact that most people turn out unhappy in their marriages, I will like to add a few thoughts.

Apparently, Most people start their marriages in a bad way, with a bad foundation which includes:

- Wives/husbands lying to their partners prior to marriage
- Both not financially or mentally ready
- Marrying someone without proper background check
- Ignoring red flags
- Birthing children without a definite plan

These are a few reasons I can remember.

The thing is any marriage with a bad foundation is not likely to last as turmoil will never cease. We walk through marriages easier when we scrutinise our partners well and when we prepare ourselves intellectually and financially backed up with God's grace. Marriage is a good thing. It's just that majority of people aren't really prepared for it. That's why they find themselves regretting and such people are common in our society than the successful ones.

Pertaining to the topic, there comes a time where every single man will find himself unhappy with his singleness. As people mature, reality tend to dawn on them the more.

A married man is more likely to feel like a "man" than a single man. No one appreciates being lonely all the days of his/her life. Just find someone who compliment you and you might even be happier when you get married.

For all I believe transformation in the world happens when people minds are healed and start investing in the right aspects. So many people are looking for the right person instead of being the right person themselves. That's why the world is going backwards. [/b]

Sonnobax15:


I think it's high time men should start seeing *marriage* as a SCAM which is 100% beneficial to women......

I'd rather advocate to being a single father,thereby installing a baby mama to my name instead of inviting one wahala into my life in the name of marriage........

Marriage na women affair.....no sensible man should be allowed to sit among his fellow men to discuss marriage matters apart from being together to kill beer,and if at all to discuss how to break free from a disastrous marriage..

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Nonsense. Everyone should keep deceiving themselves.

SlimCupid:
Good analysis bro, but two things.
1. I disagree that men, with time, feel unhappy with their single status. Mr. Dangote is unmarried. So is Don Jazzy etc. They don't seem like unhappy people to me. In fact, these people are living their best lives, devoid of complications and drama.

SlimCupid:
2. Feeling lonely is relative. For example, I live alone. I love my space, and I don't appreciate when someone invades it for more than a few days at a time. So long as I have the football and a circle of friends, I'd never feel lonely. I appreciate that everyone isn't like this though.
So here we are again.

SlimCupid:
Lol obey your moniker and keep calm mate. Make a proper, logical contribution and not an emotional one.

Mikester:
You can't guarantee that



I don't know about you but children are more likely to turn out better when both parents are there for them. They don't need only mothers love and attention, they also need father's care and attention. The more time you have for your child, the better he/she becomes

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Well, I have done that several times. it hasn't yielded much has it?
Besides, I'm not the one here ranting why men have no business getting married am I?
So who's the emotional one

SlimCupid:
1. You're right. I can't guarantee it but you've gotta agree that these people must have a pretty solid reason to not do what the society expects them to, long past the age at which they oughta have done it.
2. I think anyone can be a good parent without necessarily being a married parent, and still turn out great children.

SlimCupid:
Fine argument there man. Few things.
Kids can still very much turn out bad after having been brought up by good parents living together. And I think dealing with other baby daddies is still kinda better getting ruined by a woman you got married to, in the event of a divorce or separation, as she scampers off with all you've worked for all your life, after having contributed next to nothing to you. Imagine if the woman being a thorn in Dangote's flesh at the moment were his wife. Zero contribution (asides sex), but wants millions of dollars in compensation.
Finally, I think you'd agree with me that, even in marriage, there's still the possibility of partners giving each other STDs. This is because most married folks simply don't jettison extra sexual partners just because they married.

RisenPhoenix1:
You are right in one thing. Marriage only provides sex and children to men. All that company, love, support etc is just bogus. It might happen, it might not. But as you stated, a wife is not usually the best way of getting such things, and you don't even need marriage for that. As for kids and sex, yes, you can absolutely get them outside marriage, but when you do so, they come with attendant ills.

For example, in the case of having kids with random women; if you don't marry her, she's not exclusive to you, so you may have co-baby-daddies. Growing up in such a household could be detrimental to your child having a well balanced life. Also, considering the higher tendency that women have to fall for bad boys; your co-baby-daddies could be drug dealers, scam artists, etc. Exposing your child to these men when they come to visit their own children will teach your child crime. Also, such men are likely to be less responsible with child support for their kids, so what you pay for your kids will also be shared with the irresponsible baby daddies' kids, leaving your kids with less. She may even deny you the right to your child and there's very little you would be able to do about it.

As for sex, having multiple unofficial sex partners is not ideal. I've tried this approach and discovered that that type of sex is messy, sticky and comes with problems; from STDs to false accusations of rape and breakup issues. You may even have to battle jealous co-boyfriends, and you'll have to pray that she doesn't have a heart attack suddenly while she's with you.

I was once a player but I quickly came to the realisation that marriage is truly restful. You can have regular sex without fear, you can have well adjusted children that you can be sure are yours; and living together, you will be able to take care of them and raise them in the image you desire. You can also spend on them knowing that they are the real and sole beneficiaries of such spending.

Mikester:
I wish we could have a mutual understanding but it seems we can't... but you might do well to remember... to get the best out of life, realize your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and prepare for the future without fear.

Personally, I intend to enjoy my life to 35 then find a decent lady around the ages of 18-24 to settle down with. That's what rocks my boat and I'm certain you likewise know what rocks yours.

SlimCupid:
I wish you all the best my friend, but please marry her because she's hopelessly in love with you and not the other way around. E get why.

RisenPhoenix1:
You are right in one thing. Marriage only provides sex and children to men. All that company, love, support etc is just bogus. It might happen, it might not. But as you stated, a wife is not usually the best way of getting such things, and you don't even need marriage for that. As for kids and sex, yes, you can absolutely get them outside marriage, but when you do so, they come with attendant ills.

For example, in the case of having kids with random women; if you don't marry her, she's not exclusive to you, so you may have co-baby-daddies. Growing up in such a household could be detrimental to your child having a well balanced life. Also, considering the higher tendency that women have to fall for bad boys; your co-baby-daddies could be drug dealers, scam artists, etc. Exposing your child to these men when they come to visit their own children will teach your child crime. Also, such men are likely to be less responsible with child support for their kids, so what you pay for your kids will also be shared with the irresponsible baby daddies' kids, leaving your kids with less. She may even deny you the right to your child and there's very little you would be able to do about it.

As for sex, having multiple unofficial sex partners is not ideal. I've tried this approach and discovered that that type of sex is messy, sticky and comes with problems; from STDs to false accusations of rape and breakup issues. You may even have to battle jealous co-boyfriends, and you'll have to pray that she doesn't have a heart attack suddenly while she's with you.

I was once a player but I quickly came to the realisation that marriage is truly restful. You can have regular sex without fear, you can have well adjusted children that you can be sure are yours; and living together, you will be able to take care of them and raise them in the image you desire. You can also spend on them knowing that they are the real and sole beneficiaries of such spending.

SlimCupid:
Fine argument there man. Few things.
Kids can still very much turn out bad after having been brought up by good parents living together. And I think dealing with other baby daddies is still kinda better getting ruined by a woman you got married to, in the event of a divorce or separation, as she scampers off with all you've worked for all your life, after having contributed next to nothing to you. Imagine if the woman being a thorn in Dangote's flesh at the moment were his wife. Zero contribution (asides sex), but wants millions of dollars in compensation.
Finally, I think you'd agree with me that, even in marriage, there's still the possibility of partners giving each other STDs. This is because most married folks simply don't jettison extra sexual partners just because they married.

adexpa:
The reality is ''everyone wants to marry'' but being opinionated on striking balance between themselves (wife/husband).
The new generation are trying to critize the ideology and notion of man been the major contributor financially especially when the two parties involved are making reasonable income. Most men don't actually have problems spending more but they expect their partners to gettison the idea of holding their own money.
I think things work better when there is less sense of entitlement, a system where anyone clears whatever bills as they come without saying it's someone responsibility or duty.
A man is wired to spend but do get frustrated when their wife turns to them for everything even things they are capable of doing.


Everyone should be able to do anything at home, man too suppose to be able to cook and do house cores....

Roleless Home

SlimCupid:
Good analysis bro, but two things.
1. I disagree that men, with time, feel unhappy with their single status. Mr. Dangote is unmarried. So is Don Jazzy etc. They don't seem like unhappy people to me. In fact, these people are living their best lives, devoid of complications and drama.
2. Feeling lonely is relative. For example, I live alone. I love my space, and I don't appreciate when someone invades it for more than a few days at a time. So long as I have the football and a circle of friends, I'd never feel lonely. I appreciate that everyone isn't like this though.
So here we are again.

RisenPhoenix1:
You are right in one thing. Marriage only provides sex and children to men. All that company, love, support etc is just bogus. It might happen, it might not. But as you stated, a wife is not usually the best way of getting such things, and you don't even need marriage for that. As for kids and sex, yes, you can absolutely get them outside marriage, but when you do so, they come with attendant ills.

sweetmelanin:
This is subjective and not guaranteed. There are thousands of sexless marriages out there.

RisenPhoenix1:
Those men who have sexless marriages are likely to have led sexless lives even before marriage.

JOACHINpedro:
So we should live a "sexful' relationship to avoid a sexless marriage??

RisenPhoenix1:
No, that is not what I meant. What I meant was that a man who cannot get sex from his wife after marriage is not likely to have been very attractive to women even before marriage, so he would likely not have had much sex even if he had stayed unmarried.

JOACHINpedro:
So we should increase our sex appeals to avoid a sexless marriage??

RisenPhoenix1:
Don't beat it. You either have it or you don't. If you marry someone who looks up to you, you'll get enough.