₦airaland Forum

cooltola:
It works if you know the woman very well and you dated her when you were in Nigeria. It works even with a stranger as long there is trust, love and understanding. There are many men who have bought their spouses, girlfriends, love flings from Nigeria, marry them and are enjoying their marriage. But you do not hear about them on the news, social media or blogs because good news is boring and not entertaining. The only one you hear is the Texas man killed Nigerian Nurse

Exactly. There are always two sides to a coin

RisenPhoenix1:
Too simplistic and very untrue. Many Nigerian men go abroad on study or professional work visas, work hard without marrying white women for papers, and come back home to marry because they realise that akata girls have little value marriage-wise. Some genuinely want to marry akata girls when they start dating them, but their eyes quickly open; it's not like they deliberately go around breaking hearts. About the only thing you're right on is the dog-eat-dog mentality of Nigerian girls once they get their papers abroad and start to understand the powers that Western governments mistakenly give them. They become something else.

But marrying akata girls is not the solution. Like their white counterparts, they are wayward and divorce prone; ending up with all the man's wealth at the end of the day. No. The solution is to marry home based Nigerian girls, but never to relocate your family abroad until your children are at least at college level. Personally, I cannot let my kids out of Nigeria except on the occasional holidays; until they get to post grad at the minimum. For me personally, relocating anywhere is a no no. Nigeria is good enough for me. I hate stress.

Well-written but I do not agree entirely with the second paragraph but I understand you are in Naija. For me, I don't think it makes sense to stay away from my family. I wouldn't like the idea of being away from my wife and kids. For the kids, I will make sure the go back home at least once every year...mostly long summer holidays until we gradually move back home together.

Eriokanmi:
I can't subscribe to this 'tittle-tattle' write-up OP. . I chose not to marry the abroad or akata girl because of divorce issues it mostly ends in and the way they live their lives over there, recklessly. Please guys, don't subscribe to ideas of marrying over there when you can always come home to pick your wife. If you have the opportunity of coming home to pick a wife to marry, do so without looking back. You'd be glad indeed , that you did.

About those always citing an example of those who regretted doing this and eventually divorced or killed their wives, this is just one out of ten cases we've had. Out of 10 guys who invited wifey or came home to marry and moved with their wives , only one wouldn't end successfully, compared to almost 6 out of 10 people who married Akata but ended up in divorce.

Our background most times wouldn't allow many to marry and cope with the so called akata wives 99% of the time. We are cultured, mannered and respectable, even grew and brought up in different environments. We want to cater for our wife and love her dearly, ensure she looks good and takes care of our children, that's how we were brought up, different from the way akatas and our people who have chosen to be like them in their reckless uncultured lifestyle are. Those ladies here, who tend to emulate the western world tend to end up breaking up with their husbands as well and when this happens, they say all manners of things to justify their actions...the man is authoritative, he's domineering, he's this , he's that.

[b]What i don't seem to be cool with, on the part of the guys is all about those who always marry akata with the intention of getting papers or have what is called AOS done and later dump them as soon as they're through with the whole process. The law of karma would surely strike someday. If it didn't strike through unsuccessful marriage with the home breed, it would strike in the career or in some other painful ways. I know of someone downtown aurora in Chicago back in the days, who married an American young girl for the sake of papers. This pretty girl loved him so dearly. Eventually he divorced this girl and she committed suicide. There are several of such cases happening on a regular basis. I paid a brief visit to my cousin in texas in 2019 before returning home after my holidays, he narrated a similar story. If you're not going to be sincere with her, let her know from the onset, she could do a contract stuffs with you if she wishes to... else, your punishment awaits you big time.
[/b]

Nicely-composed. Nothing irks me like seeing guys use white/akata ladies for paper and residence and then dump them. I mean, how terrible can that be?

mich2012:
Nicely-composed. Nothing irks me like seeing guys use white/akata ladies for paper and residence and then dump them. I mean, how terrible can that be?

It's worse than an act of terrorism

banmee:
Ordinarily i would be scared too. I fear Nigerians in general. Doesn't matter if they are male or female. That being said, there is only one Nigerian i thank the gods i met and that is my wife. She is the most amazing person i have ever met and probably the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was born Nigerian. That is a miracle in itself. My advice to you is to know the person you are going to marry as best you can. I made sure i lived with my wife for 24 months before we got married. I don't care who you are, you cannot pretend for that long. Especially with someone like me. I will stress the phuck outta you till your break. And she passed with flying colors. I don't regret anything. And this was 20 years ago. How time flies.

Congratulations bro. I am happy for you and wifey

mich2012:
Well-written but I do not agree entirely with the second paragraph but I understand you are in Naija. For me, I don't think it makes sense to stay away from my family. I wouldn't like the idea of being away from my wife and kids. For the kids, I will make sure the go back home at least once every year...mostly long summer holidays until we gradually move back home together.

That's what my dad did with us, but things were very different then. The environment is no longer the same as it was.

God bless you.

mich2012:
You have nailed it. These attacks have become popular these days and they are largely being sponsored by Nigerian ladies, both online and offline, who feel men leave them abroad in the cold and go back home to marry.

The issue here is character! You can meet a good/bad person abroad and the same goes for back home. I have seen guys that met their wives online and went home to marry and are now living happily abroad.

Be it home or abroad, as you rightly-said, shine your eyes well before settling with anyone.

A bad person is a bad person anywhere - abroad, heaven or hell, the person will always manifest his/her bad traits.

nedekid:
Sorry about the perfect part
"What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude"
The main point of my response to you is how do you shine your eye and marry women with the right character and attitude?
As I said earlier, character and attitide might be a reflection of the current circumstances and enviroment. It applies to both men and women. So how do you shine eyes to know?
A man might be rich, have a good character woman with all the right attitide, he runs in to financial or health problems and sees the worst character he never believed the woman could ever have. Vice versa.
Same applies to a man that shines his eyes, disregards the chicks abroad and his mum or him picks up a very well brought up girl with good attitude and character, they relocate as the op says and few years down the line the enviroment brings out the worse. Same way you have some married couples in naija that relocate to Canada etc and you see the man or woman misbehaving or divorce after few years.
It applies both ways.
So in sumarry, the bottomline is mutual respect, understanding, the grace of God or call it luck that makes marriages work.
That was why in my first response I said the mythical good character woman. same applies to men.

True!

efficiencie:
When you marry a public toilet you can expect be in for a lot of high blood pressure...it doesn't matter whether you take her abroad or not. Provided she is a public utility, everywhere you find yourself with her will be a living hell.

Lol sad but true...and then DNA issues

Johnnyplus01k:
So in summary a guy in abroad should marry akata because they are better than the Nigerian that we thought are cultured and well-mannered.

Very Correct!

And it doesn't have to be just Akata. There are other women who reside abroad and are not Akata.

Those so-called "cultured and well-mannered Nigerian women"...Some of them are just pretenders because of the present society they are residing in. Once they are able to move to a society that favors more women all that so-called cultured and well-mannered behaviors goes out the window.

wjxavier:
Your angle is all about Karma. What about the good guys who never hurt a fly but their wives grow wings on them? This is the most prevalent case.

What do you have to say about that?

The truth is that America is a woman’s paradise. The government supports women to the core and the disadvantage of men.

I know a guy who was broke when his wife had a baby. It was from the hospital they were telling her the Govt would support her financially IF she dumps his azz.

Truth is, the world is changing diabolically. The family is under attack. This is the BIG picture to keep in mind.

When the Centre can no longer hold, the devil has reign. So all these dumpings are not just physical shyte. They’re spiritual in nature.

Keep in mind always that the devils goal is the destruction of the family system. When this is achieved, it is easy for a kid to wake up one day and say they prefer to be another gender. Or to be ghey.

This is the big picture. If women have it in mind, they won’t be seeking liberation so eagerly.

Valid points. The devil is at work and the first place to start is the family and when the family is attacked and in disarray, he can penetrate fully. Now, the curriculum in North America is being heavily changed to support and infuse gender transformation, homosexuality etc and these are being forced on the kids in school. Parents are now battling hard to re-orientate their wards. With the way things are going, there may not be a family system in a couple of years to come.

angelfallz:
Nice write up. A woman whose character and attitude changes from good to bad because her environment changed or circumstance(finances) changed was not a good woman to begin with. This also applies to men. Once you're a good person you're a good person.

How do men shine their eyes?
By consciously looking for the good qualities they want from a woman in the lady they're dating instead of only looking for sex. By investigating the lady, getting to know her family's background, Getting to know her friends.

Please, I must add, there are no guarantees when it comes to marriage, you can only do your best to reduce the possibility of ending up with a bad woman.

Very very true

HisMajesty1:
It's not easy anywhere. If marrying back home in Nigeria will guarantee a peaceful life for you and your spouse, why not? I lost interest in aspiring to travel abroad a while ago... Nigeria isn't such a bad place with an above average income and a small, peaceful family... If God bless you well you can take your family for vacation abroad and come back home jejely.

Yes my brother. Abroad is not all that...

mich2012:
You have nailed it. These attacks have become popular these days and they are largely being sponsored by Nigerian ladies, both online and offline, who feel men leave them abroad in the cold and go back home to marry.

The issue here is character! You can meet a good/bad person abroad and the same goes for back home. I have seen guys that met their wives online and went home to marry and are now living happily abroad.

Be it home or abroad, as you rightly-said, shine your eyes well before settling with anyone.

A bad person is a bad person anywhere - abroad, heaven or hell, the person will always manifest his/her bad traits.

u can't know if d lady u about to marry has bad character or good character if u are in an urgency to marry and she was arranged back home by family friends or a friend if urs.u are in d US and u tell ur parents back home that u want a village girl or home bred girl to marry and they look around and arrange one woman for u and lady knows d person she wants to marry is based in the US won't she put up her fake best character.until u bring her over and boom she shows u wat she is really made up of.most of d guys who cry about home based wife dealing with had wives from naija arranged from them .yes they probably came from a good family but won't be a gurantee for her to be good.courting for some time is essential for u to study d person but again if d time u looking for a wife in naija is wen u already based abroad then there is a high probability the woman u meet will just be pretending.

lefulefu:
u can't know if d lady u about to marry has bad character or good character if u are in an urgency to marry and she was arranged back home by family friends or a friend if urs.u are in d US and u tell ur parents back home that u want a village girl or home bred girl to marry and they look around and arrange one woman for u and lady knows d person she wants to marry is based in the US won't she put up her fake best character.until u bring her over and boom she shows u wat she is really made up of.most of d guys who cry about home based wife dealing with had wives from naija arranged from them .yes they probably came from a good family but won't be a gurantee for her to be good.courting for some time is essential for u to study d person but again if d time u looking for a wife in naija is wen u already based abroad then there is a high probability the woman u meet will just be pretending.

Lol do people still do that village girl arrangee?

Holywizard:
I'm planning on migrating to Eastern Europe this year.
With the experinces I have here, I'm even scared of getting married to a Nigerian

Oga marry whomever u want E no concern us. May be u are yourba. A word for my ibo brothers ,come back and marry for ur own good. Look for a good woman or find good ibo girl in abroad there and marry. Dont follow yourba men dey do nonsense. Dont be a sperm donor that will regret in ur old age. To date akata is not easy. They are so crazy. A word is enough for a wise. We ibos have a lot to do in our villages.

ndindiatu:
Oga marry whomever u want E no concern us. May be u are yourba. A word for my ibo brothers ,come back and marry for ur own good. Look for a good woman or find good ibo girl in abroad there and marry. Dont follow yourba men dey do nonsense. Dont be a sperm donor that will regret in ur old age. To date akata is not easy. They are so crazy. A word is enough for a wise. We ibos have a lot to do in our villages.

It's Igbo and not "ibo". You should be ashamed of yourself if you are truly Igbo.

MasterRahl:


Marry your friend. Marry your pal, and you won't go through unnecessary stress in marriage.

The things that happen in today's marriages leaves me speechless.

Well, who cares?

You said it all.

A bad person is bad not because of their race, tribe or skin color. Most people marry for all the wrong reasons and wonder what is going on. Have an open mind, believe, pray and work towards marrying your friend from whichever part of the world. No matter what goes wrong, you’ll still be at peace knowing you chose them for all the right reasons, you go get the mind to ask God “why me” in case of any problem because your reasons were genuine.

Leebeedo:
It's wrong to make a generalization based on just one or few cases you witnessed. I brought my girl over to the USA and everything has been smooth. I was scared though, but marriage no be by being smart, just pray you don't meet the wrong one cos you can meet them when you're based in Nigerian as well.

You said it all.

solasoulmusic:
When you can let go of control and manipulation in love you have found the essence of love. Character is something you can’t hide for long. A strong foundation in God or Allah regardless of where you choose to reside will help build a loving relationship. Egos get in the way how much is he bringing to the table how much is she bringing to the table ...cheating and secret affairs a lot of things can happen but if you focus on the purpose of your marriage there will not be any cracks.

Remember what you feed will grow be if positive or negative. You can’t drain the life of your spouse because your not happy. Be kind be helpful and also forgive but don’t be a fool for it.

Life is about rising to the occasion in anything your committed to.

African Americans are the most generous real people I’ve ever met they plug you up for real but they don’t take crap in the name of love. I borrow a piece of their attitude I invest in it I get the best of it. It don’t respect me me it don’t please me. Of all the men I’ve dated the respectful ones were the African Americans your treated as an equal ...a woman you are cherished you are loved. It’s not war it’s not disrespect it’s not misogynistic it’s admiration it’s contribution and that’s all we need from Nigerian men worldwide we see your flexin now embrace awareness of your partner e sanwo ma Sa Lo no matter how little take care of your own in America and Europe they don’t play na only me Dey here like that.

Life is much more than just random hookups it’s building the best with your mate with love and respect no matter where you live. I must say this sometimes you will spend years loving a spouse who is just there to contend with you. No sweet words just always ready to reign insults on you. It is a sign of displeasure but not a sign that you are not worthy of love, respect and affection


Recognize it before it’s too late and you assume everyone is out to hurt you when they truly are sensitive towards you. Bad intentions will always require more explanations but good intentions is direct and rewarding.

We sit and judge people that don’t talk like us, act like us or love like us but who we are on the inside will show how we are truly loved and remembered on the outside.

This one hit home. But me and akata girls don’t have anything in common

chuquiz:
This one hit home. But me and akata girls don’t have anything in common

I understand and it varies since my post id add that Nigerian men are loving and I am in love with a Nigerian man but it took incredible patience and also forgiving and forgetting to get to that point

solasoulmusic:
I understand and it varies since my post id add that Nigerian men are loving and I am in love with a Nigerian man but it took incredible patience and also forgiving and forgetting to get to that point

Not working for me . I’ve never had a successful relationship with any akata; there’s a strong attraction but our cultural differences weigh in.i hate to shoot darts but that entitlement coupled with zero accountability is a deal breaker. I mean I’ve witnessed true femininity and I think that’s the problem , my yang needs a ying to even out my soul. The masculine energy and power struggle isn’t going to cut it . I’ve tried . Lol..

Nigerian women in Lagos on the other hand are a big no no. I refuse to marry a stranger .it just looks like professional black immigrant men are in deep shit when it comes to finding a partner . We’re screwed lol

chuquiz:
Not working for me . I’ve never had a successful relationship with any akata; there’s a strong attraction but our cultural differences weigh in.i hate to shoot darts but that entitlement coupled with zero accountability is a deal breaker. I mean I’ve witnessed true femininity and I think that’s the problem , my yang needs a ying to even out my soul. The masculine energy and power struggle isn’t going to cut it . I’ve tried . Lol..

Nigerian women in Lagos on the other hand are a big no no. I refuse to marry a stranger .it just looks like professional black immigrant men are in deep shit when it comes to finding a partner . We’re screwed lol

You’ve got to know the person and blend cultures. Relationships are just Love, Respect and Reciprocation

Ihekwoabasam:
To b frank,
Nigerians HV their reasons, we African love to b respected unlike white or black ladies over there,
is mostly the reason Nigerians come bk to marry

Black and white women want to be respected as well.

BigBashiru:
So half cast will enter bus in Lagos without being kidnapped?

Are you saying a biracial person will be kidnapped in Nigeria?

Holywizard:
be serious dear

baba i greet you sir. I have a little problem. When am alone, my dick gets erect like rock solid hard. But when its time to do short time with hookup girls, it will refuse to get erect. This is not the first time. I've tried inducing it with porn but anxiety and pressure won't let me. They said i should go and get agbo and japata. Why am asking u is becos i know you from ashawo thread. Its not like am impotent. I've do actually ejaculate at night. Help a brother. I dont smoke, i dont drink. Just a normal guy altho i take soft drinks sometimes. This is getting worrisome and am not married yet.

lusid:
baba i greet you sir. I have a little problem. When am alone, my dick gets erect like rock solid hard. But when its time to do short time with hookup girls, it will refuse to get erect. This is not the first time. I've tried inducing it with porn but anxiety and pressure won't let me. They said i should go and get agbo and japata. Why am asking u is becos i know you from ashawo thread. Its not like am impotent. I've do actually ejaculate at night. Help a brother. I dont smoke, i dont drink. Just a normal guy altho i take soft drinks sometimes. This is getting worrisome and am not married yet.

reduce surgery things. For now, stop taking those soft drinks, too much of energy drinks etc, they all contain a lot of sugar.
Go buy natural honey, ginger and garlic and mix together.
Another thing is that u should look for a girl that is not an ashawo, that will not just ask u to fuçk quick and leave. Make sure u calm down, romance, kiss her and then penetrate.

Holywizard:
reduce surgery things. For now, stop taking those soft drinks, too much of energy drinks etc, they all contain a lot of sugar.
Go buy natural honey, ginger and garlic and mix together.
Another thing is that u should look for a girl that is not an ashawo, that will not just ask u to fuçk quick and leave. Make sure u calm down, romance, kiss her and then penetrate.

thank you sir

angelfallz:
All These Na story.

If a man marries a good wife take her to mount Everest, take her to the centre of the earth, her character and personality wouldn't change.

Your piece is just advocating for men to marry "akata" girls instead of home based girls. While forgetting that everyone is different.
Or do you want to say that there are no bad experiences from men that married "akata" girls?

What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude.

Gbam! I don't have anything further to add.

Hintona:
On nairaland or in real life?

Lol.