Klass99:


Haruna kids do not bond with their mums more than their dads!

Kindly amend that to read as - boys bond with their mums more than their dads.

Male children are 99% of the time the ones who allow their mothers turn them against their fathers.

My aunty tried the same BS in the past and only succeeded with her sons, all of her daughters gave it back to her, hot hot and refused to accept the brain washing and maligning of their father.

I mean no offence but it baffles me how you guys are so gullible and easily manipulated like that and it began from the Garden of Eden o!
This is often a problem with the male child, not with the female ones.

And pls it is not the woman's duty alone to ensure father & child are close, it is a father's duty as well, to make that happen.

I will have to agree with you. girls generally have better relationship with their father.

Mindlog:


To fulfil all righteousness!

most people give birth to kids because it is the normal thing to do.

Klass99:


Oh yes, we do. I guess opposite poles attract.

My own mother tried this with me too, if you see the mental walls and defences I put up to guard myself against it ehn?

In my mind I was like, there's nothing you will tell me about this man that will make me turn on him, because I grew up seeing him pay the bills, handle his responsibilities and do right by all of us, wetin you wan come tell me?

I don't have a too close relationship with both parents in my own case. not that they don't reach out to me, but I love having my own space. My only sister is the one closer to my father.



We guys are very weak emotionally so it is easier for mothers to manipulate us.
once a man's heart start yearning for love and he does not get love, his ability to reason properly is affected.

with girls, I don't think it is easy to manipulate them. you can only brainwash her into believing you.

justosee:


co breadwinners by spending money on makeup and their siblings?

men do take care of other demanding chores like fixing electricity and other stuff.

The OP father may have treated him badly but sent him to school which is enough reason to not abandon him.

If married women spend their money on make up and siblings then married men spend their money on prostitutes and beer parlor. Mtsheeww

OP does not need to continue taking insults and emotional trauma because his father paid his school fees. His father brought him into this world, it's an obligation for parents to train their children and give them a good life, people should not bring children to this world if they cannot take proper care of them and give them a good life. OP doesnt owe his father anything, he didn't force his father to give birth to him.

dominique:
I knew this topic wouldn't get up to 5 replies before they start blaming the man's failure at parenting at the wife. In reality we know what's happening. Most men don't bond with their kids, they feel the only thing they owe their kids is money, they push their kids away with too much strictness. Once the children are old and on their feet, they want to start getting close but it becomes awkward, they blame the mother for turning their kids against them.

Don't bond with your kids you hear, continue pushing them away because you can conveniently blame your failure at parenting at their mother. We're in the generation of woke kids, if you do anyhow you see anyhow. Let's even look at it critically, how can one person have so much power to turn you against your own parent? That further proves how much the father had failed in parenting.

Careful the way you use the word "most"!

I really don't wanna say more than that.

CHoccolaTE:


If married women spend their money on make up and siblings then married men spend their money on prostitutes and beer parlor. Mtsheeww

OP does not need to continue taking insults and emotional trauma because his father paid his school fees. His father brought him into this world, it's an obligation for parents to train their children and give them a good life, people should not bring children to this world if they cannot take proper care of them and give them a good life. OP doesnt owe his father anything, he didn't force his father to give birth to him.

The father also do not owe him anything. he could have used him for money ritual and nothing will happen. He could have abandoned him.


What about the men who don't drink?

justosee:

The father also do not owe him anything. he could have used him for money ritual and nothing will happen. He could have abandoned him.


What about the men who don't drink?

Every parent is under obligation to take proper care of their child whether they like it or not, if the father knew that he could not take care of his child or provide for him then he should have not had children.

Parents must do their best to give their kids good lives if they cannot then they should not have kids, plain and simple. There is nothing like the father should have used him for rituals, what are you even typing?

justosee:

Nigerian women hardly support their husband financially. How do expect men to balance work and family time when they are probably financing everything in their homes?
Majority of Nigerian men have little free time and they prefer to spend it on themselves. Things will be different if women support more.

Why not say Nigerian women I know instead of generalizing? I come from a line of financially stable women who supported the home despite what the husband is earning. I see so many married women out there hustling, doing all sorts of jobs for who if not for the family? A lot of women pay school fees but cover up for the husband by telling the kids that they should go and thank daddy for providing the school fees. A lot of homes are being solely supported by the wife so let's die this matter of women don't support the family. The truth is most men think they don't owe their kids anything but financially providing, those ones are even the good ones. Some will rather spend on outsiders, extended families than their immediate families and still won't bond with their kids. They are unnecessarily strict and harsh on their kids, the kids are afraid of them and avoid them by all means. The relationship becomes awkward by the time the children become adults and they start expecting the kids to bond with them.

Don't spend quality time with your kids you hear, be wasting time with girlfriends, in beer parlours and other frivolities. Thank God we're in the generation of kids wey no send.

dominique:


Why not say Nigerian women I know instead of generalizing? I come from a line of financially stable who supported the home despite what the husband is earning. I see so many married women out there hustling, for who if not for the family. A lot of women pay school fees but cover up for the husband by telling the kids that they should go and thank daddy for providing the school fees. So let's die this matter of women don't support the family. The truth is most men think they don't owe their kids anything but financially providing, those ones are even the good ones. Some will rather spend on outsiders, extended families than their immediate families and still won't bond with their kids. They are unnecessarily strict and harsh on their kids, the kids are afraid of them and avoid them by all means. The relationship becomes awkward by the time the children become adults and they start expecting the kids to bond with them.

Don't spend quality time with your kids you hear, be wasting time with girlfriends, in beer parlours and other frivolities. Thank God we're in the generation of kids wey no send.

a few odd ones out does not change the truth.


Do you know the stress men pass through just to provide for the family financially? Women and kids should understand we can't give them everything. We are not perfect.

I am beginning to think that having kids is of no use to men. A man is probably going to die early while the woman live long to enjoy all his hardwork.

I will need to prepare before getting married. I will shut any child who give me problems out of my life.

CHoccolaTE:


Can you imagine the nonsense?
Look at the foolish comments stupid males have started making
"It is the duty of the mother to pull the children closer to father"

honestly, I have never met a set of men so unwilling to be be accountable for anything. They want to be leaders and claim they are superior to females but they dont want to take responsibility for anything.
Even when a father treats his children like crap their idiotic selves will still look for how to justify his actions and blame the mother.

Let the tables be turned and a guy comes here to complain about his bad mother you will never see them blaming the father or even opening their mouths to say the father has any role to play in fostering unity in the house even though fathers are supposed to be leaders of the home.

Very disgusting people.

Don't mind them, they want to be called the head but don't want to be held responsible for anything. We have so many deadbeat fathers today because the predominantly male society have absolved men of any responsibility but continuously shame single mothers who are forced to raise the kids on their own. In marriages, the men are pushing the responsibility on the wives while they spend money on girlfriends. They think the children are not seeing all these. When they're old and wasted, they expect to be embraced by the wives and kids they failed to bond with.

CHoccolaTE:


Every parent is under obligation to take proper care of their child whether they like it or not, if the father knew that he could not take care of his child or provide for him then he should have not had children.

Parents must do their best to give their kids good lives if they cannot then they should not have kids, plain and simple. There is nothing like the father should have used him for rituals, what are you even typing?

I will shutdown any child who give me problems out of my life.

Kids are also obligated to understand their parents. You should try to know what your father is going through before judging the poor man.

justosee:
a few odd ones out does not change the truth.

Do you know the stress men pass through just to provide for the family financially? Women and kids should understand we can't give them everything. We are not perfect.

I am beginning to think that having kids is of no use to men. A man is probably going to die early while the woman live long to enjoy all his hardwork.

I will need to prepare before getting married. I will shut any child who give me problems out of my life.

So much stress that they're spending countless hours in joints and beer parlours. The stress is so much that they keep several mistresses or at least a side chick whom he maintains at the expense of his family. Is there any woman that is not working and bringing something on the table in the Nigeria we have today?

If you know you can't be there for your kids, it's better not to have them.

Your dad regrets his life's choices.

He is getting older, the onus is on you to make the relationship good. Give him something to smile about. Brush off the insults and backhanded comments.

Life expectancy is low in Nigeria, either parent could die any minute.

You say they have been sleeping in separate rooms for 15 years, are they having any sex?

The level of frustration is probably unfathomably high.

Klass99:


Oh yes, we do. I guess opposite poles attract.

My own mother tried this with me too, if you see the mental walls and defences I put up to guard myself against it ehn?

In my mind I was like, there's nothing you will tell me about this man that will make me turn on him, because I grew up seeing him pay the bills, handle his responsibilities and do right by all of us, wetin you wan come tell me?

No child can be manipulated into seeing a parent as a monster, unless the parent was truly a monster to them.
I really don't believe children can be turned against a parent
A good father/mother will always be a good father/mother to their child.
Children aren't foolish, and they actually see all that's going on around them.
Any child who turns against his parent usually has his/her reasons. What was the behaviour of the parent towards them growing up? Was the parent actively present in their lives ?
I think some men just want to blame others (since they've refused to accept any responsibility for not being close to their children) for their own failures. It's a failure as a parent to raise children who detest you, and that kind of failure is easier to bear if you think someone else made them do it.

dominique:


So much stress that they're spending countless hours in joints and beer parlours. The stress is so much that they keep several mistresses or at least a side chick whom he maintains at the expense of his family. Is there any woman that is not working and bringing something on the table in the Nigeria we have today?

If you know you can't be there for your kids, it's better not to have them.

There are many men out there who don't drink nor visit beer parlours. Even women now keep boyfriends.

Some women don't buy common salt with their own money. they spend it on makeup, siblings and buying secret properties.

The kids must understand that father is not perfect and he cannot provide everything. They should be grateful if he provide the needed finance.

justosee:

I will shutdown any child who give me problems out of my life.

Kids are also obligated to understand their parents. You should try to know what your father is going through before judging the poor man.

Raising kids is a lot of work and don't expect any reward for it, because you made the decision to procreate.
If you put in enough effort (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially etc) to raise decent children, then perhaps you and the society may benefit from them.
While raising them, remember to prepare for your retirement also because they shouldn't be a retirement plan.
So think deeply before embarking on the journey of procreation.
You can decide to get a vasectomy.
We're not all cut out to be parents, and that's fine.
Not every woman is maternal and not every man is paternal either.

:To fulfil all righteousness! most people give birth to kids because it is the normal thing to do.

eyinjuege:


Raising kids is a lot of work and don't expect any reward for it, because you made the decision to procreate.
If you put in enough effort (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially etc) to raise decent children, then perhaps you and the society may benefit from them.
While raising them, remember to prepare for your retirement also because they shouldn't be a retirement plan.
So think deeply before embarking on the journey of procreation.
You can decide to get a vasectomy.
We're not all cut out to be parents, and that's fine.
Not every woman is maternal and not every man is paternal either.

giving birth is the normal thing to do. I was brought into this world so I plan on bringing someone into this world.

Whatever I am doing for them is a favor because I will save for the future and won't be needing much financial assistance from them.

I will die when I am still strong enough to take care of myself.

justosee:
giving birth is the normal thing to do. I was brought into this world so I plan on bringing someone into this world.

Whatever I am doing for them is a favor because I will save for the future and won't be needing much financial assistance from them.

I will die when I am still strong enough to take care of myself.

You're not doing them a favor by looking after your kids.
It's your responsibility, your obligation, a must e.g like paying your taxes.
You can't birth them and expect me or other strangers to support them. We have our own children to support.
That's why it's better you don't even bother to have any. We have billions of people in the world already, overpopulation. Your own quota won't be missed especially if you will struggle to raise them
Your mindset is why many homes are dysfunctional. The children are

eyinjuege:


You're not doing them a favor by looking after your kids.
It's your responsibility, your obligation, a must e.g like paying your taxes.
You can't birth them and expect me or other strangers to support them. We have our own children to support.
That's why it's better you don't even bother to have any. We have billions of people in the world already, overpopulation. Your own quota won't be missed especially if you will struggle to raise them
Your mindset is why many homes are dysfunctional. The children are

And it is not their responsibility to take care of aged parents?

It is your obligation to take care of your aged parents even if they did nothing for you.

duro4chang:
You are here castigating your father here. You did not say anything about your mum. I know women are fond of turning the hearts of their children against their fathers. Have ever asked your mother what really happened?

Do you know how to read at all or is your misogyny just not allowing you to reason.

Your father might have npd (narcissistic personality disorder) did a research on it yesterday and your father shows most (if not all) of the traits, if he is utterly self centred (everything must be about him) and feels like he is better than everyone that completes it.

What do u expect?
Are guys here not would- be father- tomorrow?

Once you start bonding with your kids or show vulnerability, your scrotumm wi'll disappear.

No advice except if u wish, try to be different.

justosee:

And it is not their responsibility to take care of aged parents?

It is your obligation to take care of your aged parents even if they did nothing for you.

No, it is not at all.
Aged parents should save for old age when they are young. Also, you reap where you sow irrespective of whom you are.
It's the parents obligation to take care of their children till a certain age or they should forfeit having any. The moment you don't do that, you have automatically lost that right to have a say in the life of that child unless the said child decides to look your way.
We guilt trip children so much that parents can get away with anything just because they sired you.

That's why some of us pop out many cos it's an investment.
Mtcheew

justosee:
a few odd ones out does not change the truth.


Do you know the stress men pass through just to provide for the family financially? Women and kids should understand we can't give them everything. We are not perfect.

I am beginning to think that having kids is of no use to men. A man is probably going to die early while the woman live long to enjoy all his hardwork.

I will need to prepare before getting married. I will shut any child who give me problems out of my life.

A woman whose husband abandoned her to take care of their 5 children alone while he goes on to go live a carefree life where his children' welfare doesn't bother him and feels comfortable being a deadbeat father, hoping when he is old and spent the society would emotionally blackmail his then adult children to forgive and forget, accept him back in their lives and cater for him. The abandoned wife with all the burden left for her to bear alone is still more likely to live longer than the husband who walked away, at least we see that around

Klass99:


I like your candid take on this and you are the second man saying something I've heard before. Kudos for keeping it real

I always tell my friends that I will love my first child to be a girl. I will be happy even if I don't have another.

It is rare to see a girl who is doing well abandon her parents. A guy can fall in love and forget his past.




I have made a vow never to abandon my parents in their time of needs, unless it is not in my power to help. Nothing they will ever do to me will change this.

Mindlog:


A woman whose husband abandoned her to take care of their 5 children alone while he goes on to go live a carefree life where his children' welfare doesn't bother him and feels comfortable being a deadbeat father, hoping when he is old and spent the society would emotionally blackmail his then adult children to forgive and forget, accept him back in their lives and cater for him. The abandoned wife with all the burden left for her to bear alone is still more likely to live longer than the husband who walked away, at least we see that around

There are men who provide for their kids financially only for them to abandon him in old age because he didn't bond with them emotionally.

Giving comments on this if you are not experiencing anything close to it, your comments will definitely be biased.. I can relate with the OP, my father is more like his, a perfectionist and wants things done his own way and when it goes south, you get the blame alone... I changed church from the one he attended due to a simple reason, people in that church always see me as a big boy who should never lack money cos he donates huge sum when needed in church whereas all he does is for we children to eat and remain indoors all day, no pocket money go to school and remain friendless not even communication with extended family members and so many other things, if we must watch TV, it must be that he is not at home and we must tune to the right station and volume or else he will know when he comes back, so many other issues like partying even school own, not listening to radio, remembered he seized my radio and cuts my earpiece several times all in the name of focus, forced me to take a path in academics I never wanted cos I knew my strong side but had no option than to do his bidding, finished university unfulfilled..

descarado:

No, it is not at all.
Aged parents should save for old age when they are young. Also, you reap where you sow irrespective of whom you are.
It's the parents obligation to take care of their children till a certain age or they should forfeit having any. The moment you don't do that, you have automatically lost that right to have a say in the life of that child unless the said child decides to look your way.
We guilt trip children so much that parents can get away with anything just because they sired you.

That's why some of us pop out many cos it's an investment.
Mtcheew

Then it is okay for a man to focus on saving for future and leave the kids to toil with their mother for food?