₦airaland Forum

Oga ,Don't be a Simp ,Be Bold and be a Man Joor .You.Why are so full of Fears and Anxiety .This Happened to me before ,I Just decided it's not going to happen again .I shut the door ,Even my wife was supportive .

I never Married yet oo so don't invoke fear in me please.

This is what happens when you marry into a hungry family

If you're well off financially it's always better to marry someone from the same social class as you

Oh lord, so much ridiculousness.

popesco123:
Please Nairalanders, can anybody tell how to recover my phone contacts and vital apps which i lost after flashing my phone. some of my phone contacts were not backed up on my google account. Please let me know if there is any special app to recover my data and contacts intact.

usually when this happens, there is just one only special thing i do to it, i just get the pone from where it is, the i get the battery and remove it then out it back, and charge for 24 hours, sorry charge till it is full, remove the sim card and put another sim card. while doing this make sure it is connect to power, use a redeptor amp, if you dont know what it is , download it or go to computer village and let them put it for you. then head to one place beside computer village, it is called ipodo, when you reach there, ask the to drect you to where olosho house dey, enter there and ask one to piss on it , thn put am for sun to dry and walla , all will be restored. peace

Viknat:
Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home

Some poor families have dignity,they don't even ask you for help,sometimes you give them even when they never asked.
But you see, no matter the status of a family, rich or poor,don't ever pray to meet a family that is self entitled.
It seems you've not seen someone that is richer than you,still beg you for handouts?...

Block their numbers on both your phone and your wife's.

They'll appreciate you better when there's a buffer only you can control.

Your responsibility is to your immediate family, not your in-laws.

Try it and experience peace, your mental health needs care.

MejiLoyon:
Your problem is solved already from your write-up.
I'm here to give advice to future husbands.
Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky.
I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.

And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace

This is a very sane advice..

E no dey finish at all..

Fixey:
You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil


Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life.

I love your comment sir.

Lol
This guy really hates his brother in law.
See, you have already married their daughter. They can't take her from you anymore.
Stamp your feet on the ground and tell them this is what you can do. They can't force you naa
Na you get your money. Show them you are the boss.

[bros you no get sense, na communication you wan chop. Anumanu]

Your communication skills is really horrible and it makes your post a difficult read.[/quote]

Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

My brother these days friends are more family than extended family members, and they are not as demanding.

Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

Not all families support one another. Some families are devil. Some friends are better off than families

Save yourself. don't give them nada. Download "ahun nimi" mp3 and get some morale

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

are you here to tell us how irresponsible your in-laws are or what? Cos I can't see a reason to bring this topic here, you are a man you should know how to handle situations. You are the husband to your wife set boundaries, take desicions let no one push you to the wall, as you father inlaw, what was he doing during his hay days that he couldn't built a house of his own?

If you can afford to secretly build a bungalow for the old man, pls do...don’t build it through the irresponsible brother, else he will milk you dry on the house project, after u build the bungalow, just put papa there and be giving stipend for upkeep. Or relocate papa to ur side and be taking care of him. You don’t owe any lazy person ur hard earned money, but parent is key as they are too old to fend for themselves

MejiLoyon:
Your problem is solved already from your write-up.
I'm here to give advice to future husbands.
Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky.
I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.

And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace

Thanks I will take this advice serious

You are a JOKER - smh for you comment.

Mide3367:
You no get family ni?

1. You've been bewitched.
2. Tell your wife to change her number
3. If worse become worst, tell her to choose between your new family and her own paternal family.
4. You've been directly or indirectly enslaved in your giving-mentality.
5. It is glaring that you love your wife so much that you don't want to break her heart.
6. Don't love her dad more than you love yourself and your own immediate family.
7. You are not their personal bank account, stop behaving like one.
8. Quit smoking! You are too high getting addicted to their demands.
9. If they want to die, let them die.
10. Remember this, "A curse, causeless shall not stand."

You have a good heart don't let anybody frustrate you or kill you before your time.


If your wife finds it difficult to accept, just tell her that for the next 15 years, you want to focus on helping your own paternal family members too. I'm sure she will get the message. It might lead to a little confrontation but if she loves you more than cheap emotional blackmail, she will put her family members in their appropriate places. Don't encourage able-bodied fine baara!

God bless you, for your line of thought.

[Qquote author=Fixey post=99433850]You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil


Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life.[/quote]

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

When people know ur stand they will stop pushing their luck. They will understand anything after what u regard as fair Won’t be listened too and tolerated. Any useless talk or emotional blackmail will be turned down b4 they even say it. Helping irresponsible people is encouraging stupidity. It is not done. Suffering cures stupidity sometimes stupid people need to suffer so they can learn the hard way.

I can’t encourage stupidity. Neither is it ur main responsibility to takecare of ridiculous and entitled inlaws. 1 Naira them no go see. Sorry.

Just so much ridiculousness.

It's a hard thing finding the right spouse already. Do we now need to start 'dating' prospective in-laws too? Because it seems we actually do marry them too, only that they mostly share in the benefits of their children's marriages and not necessarily the hardwork.

I'm beginning to feel the element of luck in remotely successful marriages is bigger than I first imagined. And that's not good. Because it seems we don't only have to cater to only our spouse's idiosyncrasies, we now have to asshlick a full generation just to have peace in our own marriage!

A successful marriage is really a measure of how much ridiculousness you can stomach. Arrgh.

Baawahala:
Some poor families have dignity,they don't even ask you for help,sometimes you give them even when they never asked.
But you see, no matter the status of a family, rich or poor,don't ever pray to meet a family that is self entitled.
It seems you've not seen someone that is richer than you,still beg you for handouts?...

yes my brother. It actually starts from d man's impression from d very beginning..he must create impression that his wife joins a new family in all totality and not vice versa.

mutter:
Nothing wrong in people asking.
If you can't give say no.

Any beggar spotted

lordsniel:
I am not married though but I feel you should just place her father on a monthly stipend and never mind who chops the money then if she wishes to build him a house so as to make the father happy she should get a land in their village and build a small house as baba retirement plan.
All will be well bro

How would he placed him on a .monthy stipend...?/ gradually the guy is being burdened....probably the wife might also be jobless...
This is one of the causes of untimely death in man. The act of carrying more loads than your capacity
If I were in the guy shoe I know what I will do...

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

Look, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, and stop reinforcing bad behaviour.
Your wife is responsible for her father so are her siblings, I will advice you run on a budget, decide on an amount that you will support the old man with monthly and send to him. Make it clear that no other monies would be remitted to him. In fact all siblings abroad should come together and collaborate on what to send their father monthly, that way the pressure on all is reduced and they should all have a conference call with him stating the new development. The I will curse you is just a manipulation technique, to scare you into parting away with your money. You are his child and not a retirement plan, if he has nothing to fall back on, that's not your fault, that is the result of poor financial planning, you didn't ask to be born, he and you mother made a choice to make that happen. Every other thing that has happened after that has been a responsibility that comes with the package of having children, so don't let anyone make you feel bad for their inactions.

From the write up, one can feel the outburst and frustration.


Na as e de hot u take write am...


Try and find peace and joy within your household. Ignore billing requests for a while and try and enjoy your life. Remember pay your self first always.

you're a good son in-law � you and your wife should stop sending anything for sometimes because money does not grow on trees naw! and concentrate on yourselves I did that naw others have taken up their responsibilities I always tell them no be only me una born o why will parents have 6-7 children na only go dey carry all the load especially daughters, dey suffer. so do what you can because if you die another go carry the responsibility by force ni � and life continue the person's young family will suffer. imagine that fool @40 that supposed be responsible but still pressure his sister � even their phone calls mostimes na heart break because is money money � selfish kinds of people you need to be tough to save yourself from their unnecessary demands. GOD bless you!

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

WHEN YOU ARE READY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, YOU WON'T COME ON NAIRALAND TO ASK SUCH QUESTION.

Viknat:
Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home

i understand where ur father is coming from .lol

There are some responsibilities you should not bear as a young earner because they will delay your progress. No be every load you go help person to carry. Reduce the load now so you can carry it more Conveniently later.