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timpaker: hehehheeheh. Are you part of the rumoured cabal?

nah, we run our things underground




Viewing this topic: ChyEndowed(f), princesa (f), Mynd_44 and 2 guest(s)

yes oga, what can we do for you? You came to check if i was canvassing for votes right? Better take comfortable chair to sit and search

*gulps down two tablets of chill pill*

cos I fear what my hands are itching to type

Nothing fit happen sef... Nairaland na we property

#thought i threw the key into the ocean, seems deiok is such a good swimmer...hehehe#


Anyway Deiok, i appreciate your gesture in putting this up, but most of the readers have unfollowed this thread and they might not see this.

And by the way, I've stopped caring about the awards thingy, because it was really disheartening to know that my story didn't gather much nominations even though it had been the in thing then.

Eventually, I realised that once your story gets to its Zenith and you put down the pen, the faster would it fade from limelight while everyone moves on the next happening story (examples abound but i dnt wanna name names). I guess this is Nigeria as this is nairaland.

So that means i dnt really care for votes anymore. Am proud of myself for starting and finishing this story, even prouder for the attention and support it garnered then, and the status at which it is placing me now. But am not going to dwell in its glory.

Thanks to those who nominated me, but err... Let this oldwoman called taking chances die

#hmm fantasy? First time knowing its a genre of lit. Off to go tread the ask Google path.

Yes, she's well grounded and i respect her.

Chibuebem: Chibuebem wakes up
What is this he says
As he sees his cat
Chewing on his sock
He strikes the cats head
Instantly killing it
And goes back to his sleep

The morrows afternoon
He remembers his night
And laughs merrily at his dream.

you ain't feel the deep sense of pain yet
for Now you wake merrily from the blood that make you wet
we shall indeed crush that reality of Kingdom zest
plea now for a place in the dark side
or watch how we shall on your blood ride

Kaycee7: Chibuebem looks back
To meet eyes glowing in the dark
He wonders why into the forest he wandered
Instead of staying in among the tapestries to ponder

The eyes get closer
The color a dark yellow
Chibuebem spine gets colder
His spirit is mellow

He makes to run
But there is no turn
He closes his eyes in fear
For the sight of the beast, he cannot bear

Some distance to light
Screams pierce the night
As claws slash away
As flesh and skin are strewn a near.

That's the deep wrenching pain-giving attitude
This is how the vampy's get their stomach dues
stone cold fear shouldn't make you halt
Free flowing blood will surely keep you hot

Vampy's get scorched by the sun
Its rays makes us deep within burn
when the moon dance, we come out to shine -
snatching mortals for our evening dine.
And we don't want the sun-brushes' tan
The hues of our skin, we'd love to keep crimson bright.

Kaycee7: Who do you think I just feasted on?

you obviously did not cut the prey
For here he comes to dangle yet again
spring forth your claws and get in the game
We quote, we name, for we are the great givers of pain


Aye guys! Firestar, is now here with us
sprinkle her blood from the initiates of the club
The field is wild miss, so welcome to the hunt -
where we spit fire and only rhyme tight
And fresh wandering souls, we are ever quick to bite




Now Tim, you come to dine with the devil
yet you think to go un-disheveled?
When you know, the blood lust quenches not!
If my ex, now in our plates lounge
And his blood satiates our midday brunch
But when the moon is up and the vampy's day is break
who do you think will become my play?

Hidden posts nolonger scare on nl, chilax okay?

Well you don try with ur judgement, judge foxy.

But the fact remains that he started it all. Calling the female judges 'know it all' and to cap it all, he called me, Princesa, a d1ickhead. And i wanted to show him how d1ckheads do

but you came with ur peace talk and am cool... unless if he still wants to be a mofo, then no p, am here for him.


and so plain, am sorry, i take back my word. I don't determine your fate in this competition.

Omolola1: You guys don't need this

lets spice up your Sunday Jo, just grab popcorn and enjoy the show before the 'hidden post' begin

plainmirror: Now i see how shallow and myopic your reasoning is . You are simply an opportunist cos der are lot more of humble writers out der. You claim to be an established writer but y ring †нэ bell urself ; allow U̶̲̥̅̊я works to speak for itself.

*empty drum makes †нэ loudest of noise*

you forget that those works put me here in the first place, they are speaking so loud that its even deafening


*yeah, and they are gonna get served*

Mr giddy, i feel your deepest hurt
And am glad you made the culprit rot.
You should also burn his corpse in fire hot

Timparker, sons make better meat
spiced, boiled, when killed
that's Just the way we eat.


Kaycee, your prey since, awaits
even now, he roams unscath
The kingdom man, chibuebem is the bait

Double post

plainmirror: Determine U̶̲̥̅̊я own fate and not mine d1ckhead

Thank you

Well, did i determine my fate indeed? Yes! How? Through the series of my activities on this section i earned a place for myself as a judge of this honorable competition.


and now, did i decide your fate still on this competition? Yes i did. How? you didn't make my top five list, and that's one point less for you...and oh! It seems you didn't so impress majority of the other judges, wonder if you can make it right with Efe.



Hmm...Maybe i wont be seeing you in the next round? Oh well, at the end, I, Princesa, contributed to your fate in this competition.


And You are welcome sir

plainmirror: @ Efemena_xy
You are a good fellow.

This is how appraisals should come. You appreciate †нэ good sides and discourage †нэ flaw area without hurting †нэ writer. This way, †нэ potential writer will gladly accept error and happily improve.
I hope these female judges that claim to 'know too many' learn from you.

Merci beaucoup

yeah, that's 'her' style. She has got the knack and the time. But the Bottom line still is: every judge stands equally with the power to determine your fate in this competition. So now that she has stated/would state your flaws and finesse, please take your corrections and then buzz off.

Thank you

[quote author=Mynd_44]FYM[/quote]yes. My very very left mind

That's cos i know where to whine his battery

- Kslib - all is indeed well with your good descriptive prowess. But as my lecturer would often say 'over skill kill monkey'. Now what do i mean by that? You were so describing and painting the scenes that you forgot to note that we the readers are eager to know what happened next! Some descriptions seemed extraneous and it felt like I was picturing rather than reading a story. Also, please disregard brackets in between the narrative unless it is very important. But i think an hyphen (-) should serve better for any side comments you want to input into the narration.

Nugess; yours was a short story indeed, You did your homework well and came up with a suspensful, intriguing and well developed piece. Please take whatever corrections other judges cited and work on them.

- Bestluv58, your story leaves nothing to be desired am sorry to say. There was no beginning or an end. 'A man wakes up, kills himself, then the priest comes to say he deserved it.' And voila! the story ends? You obviously watch too much below the average Nollywood movies.

- Sammyhoe. I think You were doing great until subsequently you tried to overdo the grammar and that started the confusion 'therapy'. Simple and correct everyday English tinged with little 'high' vocabulary sells more millions than you think. Plus i also had problems connecting the dialogues and actions. Like who slapped who? The whole remnicising period. Was it your dad that spoke to you then? Precision is very important so you don't confuse your readers.

- Rubyspice, you put the short upon the short in a short story. I know you are a writer and can allow the words flow more! But you were thrifty with details and that trivialised your story. The readers didn't get more and better details of the love drama, it would have been a more lovely story if you'd been generous, but i guess you felt, it wasn't worth the effort huh?

- nastydroid - your story started and ended so abruptly that 'The end' left me speechless and I was like 'Has the story ended when it only just began?'. The bottom line is, there wasn't any intriguing narrative, just normal family daily life activities which kicked start the story, and when the real action began, you just cut it there! Having wasted much words on describing frivolous daily happenings that should have just started and ended in a paragraph. So, the way you narrated your adventure wasn't spectacular to me. And i would advise that you do more plot development and organisation next time.

Damexx - you, like some others are fighting cat and dog with the phrase 'please space your works' and to think it was emphasised. Plus your story lacks a definite direction, jumbled up scenes and dialogues, that got me confused till the end. Even though Its obvious that you know what you want to write but unfortunately you weren't able to communicate it effectively to your readers, but i urge you to work more on your writing, especially the organisation.

- Sambroose- Your story was nice, (the theme and plot, i mean). But your inability to separate dialogues from narration messed up your effort. As a literature section regular I thought you would have done better.

And so that wraps it up for the analyses. I hope i left no one out? And no one has as an axe to grind with me, because am just a harmless mofo judge oh.

Now, I'd like to recommend the following for the next 'rounders':

- Do make the first paragraph simple, precise and catchy.

- Let your characters talk, because we are not reading a textbook for jeez sake.

- offcourse the importance of spacing and paragraphing cannot be over emphasised.

- adhere to the length of words required. A rule is a rule.

- Avoid parathetical phrases that are not essential, but if you must, try using the hyphen symbol to indicate so. Brackets makes me see the work as unserious.

- watch out for tenses, grammar and punctuations.

And On that note i wish you guyz the very best!

My top five in no particular order are:

Royver
Oma4u
Miss fibre
T-flow
Nugess.

Thank you

The first round of the competition has come and gone, but not with a little set back that often times characterise every planned activities. So, for all those contestants that deliberately or indeliberately failed to submit their work, all i can say is that you guyz are so not cool (Mofos infact), because who knows, you would have been the one to make ur phone smile with the coveted price. But alas! you never even tried! So next time, please eat some boiled and seasoned livers! Thank you.

Now to my analyses

Let me start with a quick definition of a short story as culled from the internet, it goes thus:

a) A short story is a piece of prose fiction which can be read at a single sitting.

b) It ought to combine matter-of-fact description with poetic atmosphere.

c) It ought to present a unified impression of temper, tone, colour, and effect.

d) It mostly shows a decisive moment of life (which can entail a fatal blow).

e) There is often little action, hardly any character development, but we get a snapshot of life.

f) Its plot is not very complex (in contrast to the novel), but it creates a unified impression and leaves us with a vivid sensation rather than a number of remembered facts.

g) There is a close connection between the short story and the poem as there is both a unique union of idea and structure.

h) The short story is a piece of art that tries to give us a specified impression of the world we live in. It aims to produce a single narrative effect with the greatest economy of means (words, character) and utmost emphasis.

@The bolded, they are the operative underlines that i think should guide short story writing. Unfortunately it didn't tell on some works posted and i still think that it would have been insightful if some of the writers had taken the 'ask Google' path, atleast that would have created a land mark for treading, and give a better perspective of what is expected of them.

A quick look at the entries

T-flow: good choice of diction, impressive
narration and dialogue, consistent plot. But the opening paragraph was bulky and looked like some copy and paste work, such might bore your readers, Please endeavour to keep the opening paragraph catchy, precise and punchy.

Numerruno- I think your story lacks a definite sense of direction and the plot was inconsistent with so many characters that
do not have clear-cut roles. I advise that you concentrate on and develop very few
characters next time.

Oma4u: it sure felt like i was watching a flick from 'yollywood' (the yoruba version of nollywood). The proverb-coloured dialogues suit the epic piece, your plot was consistent and your spacing was good. But the
length! Did you word count? Don't forget you have to always work with the rules of any competition.

- Miss fibre, seems like you are an ardent reader of the biblical book of Revelation, because your piece got my mind Wandering and imagining how the streets of heaven might be (lol). I guess you know that that means you have a very powerful descriptive ability that tend to task all the senses of your reader to flow along with you. But i think, over describing things might turn-off some 'easily-bored' readers, especially since you did not incorporate much dialogue into your work, discussions among characters is one of the spice of writing, so i hope you get your characters talking more, if you make it to the next round.

- Plain mirror, I must say that you obviously think literature and writing is limited to flows' chistar and foxy autobiographical piece posted on this section. While i don't say it is a wrong style to adopt, i urge you to read wider and get other influence from which you can then form a unique writing style of your own. Because honestly, this style you adopted, as Mazi said causes speed breaks and apart from that, i think it makes your work look unserious. If you were writing for the commonwealth competition for example, then you best know that you sir, are going nowhere with that.

- Rovyer, with an all round developed elements of writing: good description of scene, consistent plot that kept the readers yearning for more, i guess i can say you did your homework well. So please take other judges corrections and work on them.

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]

Mazi have spoil me.

Oya, Princesa open the river let me enter..[/quote]you never drown before ba?

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Princesa hasn't released yet? Foxy, you must be getting it all wrong with the cuddling. Make her come nau!

#released as in upload her scores;
#come as in bring forth her analysis#

Dunno what u're thinking![/quote]na me you dey use learn metaphor ba?


infact make i kukuma come and release sef

[quote author=Foxy_Flow]You are still here. I thought when I saw your comments it would be the analysis. Princesa, na you shout pass when this story start o. Where your voice come go now?

Like seriously, the judges that submitted should not overwhelm you, they did their job. I never see where another fellow judge work dey fear the other one. Nairaland, I hail.

Oya baby.. You know your sweet little whinings made my sword to fall on your head. Just do the do and don't let the do, do you. Kya kya submit you judgment.

Boyz are not smiling.[/quote]for your mind na, you are cuddling me abi?

i shall post when i shall post. I am not intimidated by anyone

Princesa is present now



no worry enh, i get plenty Tory to knack you about this ur story and blog business sha, make i go cook first

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Yea. We're awaiting princesa, kayemjay and efe. Kaye will submit later this evening; Efe will submit tomorrow. Princesa needs a little cuddling before she submits; that's exactly what Foxy is doing.[/quote]but he's not cuddling me well, infact he's getting me infuriated