₦airaland Forum

If this is real he is going to be a great clown
his facial look is enough to make everybody laugh

ROBERT MUGABE QUOTES ON ALCOHOL INDULGENCE

33. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.

34. Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit

28. Archbishop Tutu said it is nice to be gay, yet he has a wife, he should have begun by getting himself a man for a woman… When you are a bishop and cannot interpret the Bible, you should resign and give it to those who can. We will not compromise our tradition and tolerate homosexuality. We need continuity in our race, and that comes from the woman, and no to homosexuality. John and John, no; Maria and Maria, no…I keep pigs and the male pig knows the female one.”

ROBERT MUGABE QUOTES ON GAY MARRIAGE:

26. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.


27. Even Satan wasn’t gay; he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex marriage.

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23. My dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

24. It’s better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn’t drill.

21. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

22. We are living in a generation where people “in love” are free to touch each others’ private parts but cannot touch each others’ phones because they’re “private”.

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20. If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to schoolgirls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

21. It is every man’s dream to remove a woman’s pant one day but NOT when it’s on a drying line.

18. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your private parts that will suffer the most.

19. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.

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17. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the worst thing ever, because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional.

14. I stopped trusting ladies when my class three girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.

15. Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a “broke” man who’s extremely good in bed.

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12. Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy walking around with evidence that you’ve had s*x

11. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.

10. Men sucking lady’s breast is normal because the act was learnt in childhood when they were young but the act of lady’s sucking men’s d*k is what baffles me. Where did they learn it from?

8. It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.



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7. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don’t need to call those things “your breasts”. It’s called COW BELL, OUR MILK! Repeat after me, OUR MILK!

6. Dear sisters, don’t be deceived by a man who texts you “I miss you” only when it’s raining, because you are not an umbrella.

5. Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.

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4. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father

Robert mugabe Famously called Africa’s oldest leader, he
was born in 1924 and assumed the office
of president in 1987 – more than three
decades ago.below are some of his funny and educative quotes


ROBERT MUGABE QUOTES ON RELATIONSHIP
AND LIFESTYLE:


1. Dear ladies, if your boyfriend didn’t wish
you a happy Mother’s Day or sing Sweet
Mother for you, you should stop
breastfeeding him.


2. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking
about inner beauty because men don’t walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.


3. If you have attended over 100 weddings
in your life and are still single, you are not
different from a canopy.

Nairalanders have been asking who impregnated her, if you see the person did u want to give him the kid?


Or shey u know if na mentally deranged person like her impregnated her?

Well i believe this all depends on the battery capacity of a phone

Can someone summarize this and tell me in 2 paragraphs?

Teacher : Why is India not participating in World Cup?

Sara: Sir its because FIFA cannot accept ten minutes singing and dancing after every goal from the Indians .

lf Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have been in paradise because they would have ignored the apple & eaten thè snake....

Wife: Where is my husband?

Maid: Sir is in the master's bedroom with another woman.

Wife: WTF! Who is she?

Maid: Sir said it is his Mother.

Wife: and you believed him?! Go out there and see who she really is and what are they doing!

Maid: Ok Mam. After 5 mins.

Maid: Mam, it is really his mother. Wife: How did you say it is his mother?

Maid: Because she is breastfeeding him. Wife:

Once a female teacher gave three question to the students for homework and promised with them, those who memorise one of it they will kiss my hand and those who memorise 2 of it, they will kiss my face and those who memorise all of them they will kiss my lips.......Then on next day..

Teacher: Roll#1

Student: Yes teacher....

Teacher: What about homework

Student: Teacher I have memorised the whole book...so lets go to the bathroom.....

A naked lady ran into a taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: "What’s ur problem man? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before?" The man replied: "l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!!!

A naked lady ran into a taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: "What’s ur problem man? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before?" The man replied: "l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!!!

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."