₦airaland Forum

The most anticipated battle finally happened. I thought both guys did well, but I expected so much more from Ibime. I thought he let his emotions get in the way and his composure was found wanting here.

Battle rap is a law court. Battlers are the attorneys and the voters are the jury. One of the attorneys must convince the jury that the other is not as good with his material and the jury will make a decision based on what they have read.

When Ibime said:

while he was planting yams. . . I was planting timebombs!/

This was absolutely brilliant. This is the way to convince the audience that Coogar is an unexposed village boy without actually saying it. The case has been presented, let the jury decide themselves.

Again, when Ibime said:

32 year old disgusting baboon!/ Irresponsible fool!/ on every thread from morning till noon/ discussing with dudes/ And one thing is true/ . . .He started screaming like a monkey in zoo/

This is just an infantile rant that you get to read on FFR every other day. It doesn't present any case and it has taken the decision away from the jury to decide themselves whether Coogar is a monkey, irresponsible fool, disgusting baboon.

I voted Coogar in the punchline category, closer and tied wordplay. I thought nüde plantain lacking a-peel was hilarious. His **√(-1) 8 π** = I hate pie in sine language was also great. I thought he was also creative with the huge circumference = 2πr math formula

Ibime was no slouch as well. He came out smoking. Minus his angle of going too direct he could have won this because his material seems fresher.

Misbehaving witches in flight school was fünny, planting yams/time bomb was very döpe. TV/HDMI feeds was also decent - although some HDMI feeds are on the sides(not back). Ibime was on point throughout minus what i mentioned earlier.

Coogar got the closer, in my opinion too - the tennis umpire - love means nothing was great. It's punchline and wordplay together. In Tennis score, love = 0.

Having said that, My vote goes thus:

Opener - Ibime

Rhymes - Coogar

Similes/ Metaphors - Tie

Punchlines - Coogar

Personals - Ibime

Flow - Coogar

Wordplays - TIE

Closer - Coogar

MVGT - Coogar

Besides, I don't know what will happen if Coogar is allowed to add 5 more quatrains to his material. But I think Coogar will win by some margin if Ibime removes 5 of his weakest quatrains to match what Coogar posted.

Cougar: IBIME's ANNIHILATION
Fück upon a time, there's a cave called Nairaland/where a tyrant sat/he feels he's god...cos he's worshipped by minor cats/

I got confused....Here's supposed to be a slaughterhouse/who allowed these rubber touts/to point flaws in other's bouts/

The newbies couldn't speak/they always looking weak/too scared to express themselves.....under the crooked king/

Mikuz was a ruthless prïck/With the brains of a tuna fish/his decision making?...Ludicrous/
He uses the ban button to cross posters out like the crucifix/ How could a mod be such a lunatic?/

I soon figured out/there's a bigger lout/with a sniggered snout/

His name is Ibime/what a waste of the semën/dude's mentally-impeded/....with the weight of six skinheads/

This mentality has to change/Battle rap isn't a brute's food chain/all the self adulations are just too vain/

So i set to task/stalk the evil entourage/but I was yet to rank/

Then came the king tournament/I got a bit fortunate/I was made a judge...to reduce turbulence/I spooked arguments/I was testing the heat levels.....just like a crude arsonist/

I made it known/I'd fight for the gay king's throne/I was in the mood to break splintbone/

My request was rejected/FFR thought The Coog was reckless/I couldn't cross swords till I get my verse inspected/

I threw them the chaff/Long boring lines like the graph/Just to inflict them with laughs/

The stage was set/Ibime's card remained unchecked/He changed his mind....like the statement of a räpe suspect/

Ibime must protect his credibility/he knew it was the end of his killing spree/ I dropped my verse....just to expose his sensitivity/

The cat can't face his threat/He went about making dissent/he even claimed my pen game is spent/

Mikuz became my next project/I had to make the wet whòre decked/like the dïldo recipient of a lêsbo sëx/

Lo & behold...Kim got bodybagged/his donkey asś/ thought he could win a sword fight with sloppy bars/

Coog's rise made O'bis envious/His body temp....100 degrees celsius/like a woman going through the C-section/

Jealousy is a female trait/O'bis became salty...as the newbs had their image raised/he went to war....with the help of his village mates/

O'bis started amassing his troops/harassing the noobs...in a way rapïsts love attacking cute böobs/

No debating...FYH killed Kim clearly/Limerick is nice...his wits, skills -Scary/always on point - weak frees? rarely/

Nihilist broke O'bis down in the sports section/He got a confession/when he drilled O'bis with 4 questions/..O'bis plan was to hinder..... the newb's progression/

Who is Ibime? He's bïtch-made/that loves to rock the skin fade/He was jailed years ago & got södomised by 6 inmates/

Ibime knows nowt about street life/His toughest brawl...was preventing a bïtch fight/He still got punched in the face about three times/

When O'Bis turned 9/playing footie with his mates in the sunrise/I was on the streets shooting at drug dealers...that won't reduce the cost price/

When O'Bis hit 13/wankïng his dïck in latrines/I was with Liberian rebels slicing arms like i was giving vaccines/

It's surprising/The same gay crew accused others of biting/Till they jaw marks were exposed.....like the ear bitten by Tyson/

Fake buncha hypocrites/including Emaprince or Emobïtch/Who queafs & get erectïons.....for The Coog like the clïtoris/

The Coog's swag alone is box office/O'Bis is a fâg....repulsive than a dog's vomit/We should take this to the streets....I'm done talking/

One word - Flawless

Nairaland's rap section is a dungeon of lyrical warfare and creativity. As an avid observer in the last 8 months I felt it is essential to pick out the best 5 lyrical monsters on the forum. My criteria centred on achievement, consistency, impact, quality of the opponent, battle frequency and skills.

The task was not easy but here goes the top 5 lyrical wizards of Nairaland in my own opinion.

5) ThePrekky

Ever since his emergence in 2012, ThePrekky has become a very consistent rapper. During that time, he has stayed relevant and he took some heavyweights on his way to the top. Granted, ThePrekky lost against Ibime. But at his best, ThePrekky is an entertaining, lively and captivating textcee whose freestyling abilities are full of heavy bars, humour, punches and conviction.

4) DBR

DBR is the type of textcee who could easily be number one if he was more active. He has faced tough opponents and he has dropped classics after classics. More than anything, his style of rapping is very unique and highly technical. There have been whispers he has hung pen and pad. The battle rap community hopes he bounces back from his retirement.

3) Siddoggg

You would be making a big mistake for thinking Siddoggg is a newcomer in this battling terrain. He entered the fray as far back as 2012. His last performance against Mikuz in the Brutal Combat Series got him a huge respect from every quarter - like the emergence of a new star, a textcee who could rap circles around his competitors. Yes, his verses seldom lack structure but he has improved a great deal since the early days. Over the past year, it’s very plausible that no textcee stock has surged as much as Siddoggg. He's unfuckwithable!

2) Ibime

Ibime is the most influential battle rapper on Nairaland. His DNA is all over the present day battle culture in this forum. I have studied his lyrics over the past few weeks and he always brings deadly material to the table. In some respect, a string of unfortunate events kept Ibime from the top spot. He suffered very few losses in the last 12 months. Either way, one can expect him to bounce back and claim his spot before 2014 wounds up.

1) Coogar

The trajectory of Coogar's career has a very bizarre perspective. He came from nowhere, started the year taking shots at DBR/Ibime and just recently, he defeated Mikuz in one of the biggest matchups of 2014. Love him or hate him, That is a murderer’s row of battle talent. Coogar is different as he doesn’t dilute his stature with weak matchups. For that, he deserves credit.

He has proven he’s one of Nairaland's most versatile battlers, capable of switching between hilarious content and vicious bars with ease, all while taking a very direct aim at his opponents. ever disappointed. Coogar's pen game is the best on NL in the last 7 months, imbued with solid pop culture references and street-savvy lyricism, and delivered with his trademark comedic expressions.