₦airaland Forum

I can't speak or write Ibo, can understand my parents dialect tho : Mum - Amparo, Dad - Umiaks. Definitely learning a lot from you guys on here.

Shinatu is right.

You know that Women are exquisite deep and complicated people. Your aunty may have started off liking you, and somewhere along the line you may have done one or two annoying things (she found them annoying even if you didn't) which she may have been able to ignore/forget if you lived in your own place: however the fact that you live in her house and she has to see you/signs of you in her house on a daily basis may be stressful for her. That stress/irritation is manifesting itself in the way she interacts with you.

Basically, you need to move out asap to ensure that this doesn't escalate into something worse - I'm sure you know this already. At 24 you're certainley old enuff to look after/live by yourself. Your uncle is simply being kind and trying to please his family members, however it is affecting you and his wife negatively, so his kindness is actually counterproductive and not helping anyone.

Make sure that you plan properly: moving out today and then moving back in 2moro (due to lack of funds or whatever else) will be more irritating for uncles's wife, so make sure that when you move out you are well prepared to stay out.

Try to have a number of good options of places to stay incase one of the places doesn't work out the way you had hoped. In particular, I advise that you stay with other ladies/women (no couples or guys) - you dont want to look as though you moved out simply to stay with your 'boyfriend', that will cause problems for your uncle within the family, (not saying u shdn't have a boyfriend - just dont live with him right now).

Think of a tactful way to tell your uncle, he likes and cares about you (and has done a good thing by letting you stay in his house so don't repay with something bad, ok.) Write him a letter (while you are still in his house and not when you have left), it will smooth the way before you sit down with him and discuss further: no txts or emails, it's too impersonal and slightly rude considering that he is not your age-mate. It seems hard and daunting now but once you have done it, its finished with and you can have peace of mind knowing that you tried your best to leave amicably.

I don't advocate staying in your uncle's house and trying to work out the situation because the dynamics in the house cannot change for your benefit: the fact is that it is their matrimonal home and you are a his neice, your rights will always be limited in their house.


Peace.

Earthmama,

You are of course correct. Having worked at Senior Level for many years, I am inclined to agree with your perception of women in power. The reason however is not conclusive. We can speculate that although men and women are capable of doing many of the same things, their physiology is fundamentaly different and therefore affects their behaviour, characteristics and dissposition differently too. Of course this is not necessarily the case of all women in power, however the numbers are significant enough to have been noticed and delebrated on by a great number of people.

Peace.

lagos88

Thank you.

Depends on the secret and on the husband. I never tell my husband when guys have been toasting/trying to get physical because he seems happier when he is oblivious to this and unaware of my effect on other men.

I know this because his face automatically drops and takes on a different shade of colour if I even bring up a close cousins namea or a colleague from work, or if I mention that I met a friends new boyfriend. He genuinelly doesnt like it, so I usually dont do it at all.

If the secret is more serious and could affect your relationship, eg: you have a child stashed away in another country etc, then that is not the kind of secret that you can joke with. Similarily, things like for example, murder, putting someone in spiritual bondage, causing someone to go to prison for a long time because of lies you told against them, stealing kids, etc are a great deal more serious and need to be shared sooner rather than later.

I am always completely disgusted with Nigerians who were brought up in Nigeria but cannot speak any language. Its either that they had their ears soldered shut or they were being completely ridiculous and possibly daft too. I dont see how a child with an absorbent brain is not able to pick up the sounds of languages that are being spoken around them all the time

What annoys me further is the fact that they cant speak a Nigerian language and they cant speak english properly either. So what is it that they can speak? Broken English just doesnt cut it as a language.

Even though I was bought up in London (Hampstead and Mill Hill - at that time there were no blacks in that area let alone Nigerians), I still understand my mum and dad's language almost fluently, and not because they spoke it to each other all the time but because I was interested in where I came from and made an effort to learn. I havent started speaking it yet because I am not confident in my speech and more importantly there is no one to speak it to on a regular basis.

2Legit, you made some very valid points. I was born and brought up in London (I'm still Nigerian either way) and I know for a fact that the large majority of single mothers that I know (Nija or otherwise) got pregnant because it would be easier to secure accommodation/benefits and funds and general sympathy. In some cases people got pregnant for the sake of holding on to their boyfriends or simply because they thought having a baby was cute.

Some of them were even in competition with friends etc: 'this person has two, I need two also.

I remember an uncle telling my cousin that she was actually becoming an old cargo so it would be better for her to forget about marriage and at least find a guy and get pregnant so that no one would think that she was a witch or worse, a barren witch. I know that there are people who gave birth because they procrastinated over the issue for so long/didn't realise that they were pregnant until it was too late and had the child for that reason only and not because they wouldnt have dearly loved to have an abortion, (nothing to do with being brave, resillient and responsible at all).

Whether anybody is comfortable with the facts or not is irrelevant, simply put, not all single mothers are responsible, nurturing, kind and lovely people. They are simply people like any other who happen to have given birth without the full participation of the other concerned party. Some are very good people and parents, some are ok and some are quite rubbish.

Further more having a baby does not mean that your womb is intact or that you are fertile. What it means is that your womb 'was' intact and you 'were' fertile prior to having your baby. Having a baby is not a straight forward procedure and many complications can arise during and after the event. Having a child already is not a guarantee of anything.
There are people who manage to have one child and no more.


Being single and childless could be due to the fact that you are careful and protect yourself well at all times (not just when you feel like it) and not that you are a risky area.


It has been clearly stated in the posts of others, however incase clarification is needed: Widows and victims of rape are in no way connected to this subject matter.

Peace.

okay, you need to be sure about what is going on first: there is usually no smoke without fire (maybe they had a big argument about something that you are clueless about), or it could be that your lil' sis is a bit jealous about the 'couple' thing that husbands and wives share.

The fact is that you and your wife are in your matrimonial home and your sister is there because she is related to you, and not because she has any real right to be there. I am sure that neither you nor you wife expected that your married life would come with these issues.

My bro, put ur self in your wife's shoes: imagine it was her kid brother giving you grief, pissing you off, being rude and disrespectful, and causing otherwise unnecessary conflict in the house, be honest, how forgiving and understanding would you be, how long would it take before you dealt with the boy for his actions and then dealt with your wife for doing nothing to stop her little brother??

I am married and the main reason that I dont enjoy family members getting involved in my family life is because of this type of nonsense. Im assuming that you are in the UK too, then you know that life here is cold and miserable enuff without all the added stress.

I know of a situation that is exactly identical to the one that you are describing although the 'wife' is putting up with the stress of two sisters and not just one. In her case she tried everything to encourage peace and harmony within the household, but when it became too much, she found her husband's two sisters a room to share in a shared house. Her husband didnt like it, but his actions were too slow for his wife's liking.

Although your parents are in another country, it is unfair for such a young married couple to shoulder the responsibility of a rebellious teenage girl who is not their daughter and who they have no real authority over -- after all you told your sister to stop her behaviour and she ignored you, which means that there are three people making adult decisions in the house where two should be making them, this can never never work.

You should know what type of person your little sister is and what she can do. Gone are the days when people allowed family members to ruin their marriages. Thats for the movies.

If you give a damn about your wife then sort this out, after all if she divorces you, your sister cannot marry you instead. Trust me, if your sister is the cause for divorce between you and your wife, you will not forgive her and you will feel resentful later on in your life that such a little girl ruined an extremely important part of your life and then went away to enjoy her own marriage. I know that you love your little sister, but you can not ruin your life so that she can enjoy hers.

Make the right choice and stick to it, even if you are worried about the outcome. And remember that your wife does not have to wait for you and your sister to sort yourselves out, she is not made from wood or stone so when she has had enuff it may be impossible to get her back.

Peace.

I take it none of you has ever heard of Oeidupus? Gross crap like this has been happening for centuries, we just dont go around talking about it.