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[b]SCANDAL THREATENS TO DOG OBAMA

WASHINGTON – President-elect Barack Obama hasn't even stepped into office and already a scandal is threatening to dog him.

Obama isn't accused of anything. But the fact that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, a fellow Democrat, has been charged with trying to sell Obama's now-vacant Senate post gives political opponents an opening to try to link him to the scandal. A slew of questions remain. The investigation is still under way. And the ultimate impact on Obama is far from certain.

He pointedly distanced himself from the case Tuesday, saying, "I had no contact with the governor or his office, and so I was not aware of what was happening" concerning any possible dealing about Blagojevich's appointment of a successor.

In Chicago, US. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said prosecutors were making no allegations that Obama was aware of any scheming. And Blagojevich himself, in taped conversations cited by prosecutors, suggested that Obama wouldn't be helpful to him. Even if the governor was to appoint a candidate favored by the Obama team, Blagojevich said, "they're not willing to give me anything except appreciation."

Republicans pounced nonetheless.

"The serious nature of the crimes listed by federal prosecutors raises questions about the interaction with Gov. Blagojevich, President-elect Obama and other high ranking officials who will be working for the future president," said Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, the new GOP House whip.

Added Robert M. "Mike" Duncan, chairman of the Republican National Committee, "President-elect Barack Obama's comments on the matter are insufficient at best."

Robert Gibbs, an Obama spokesman, said, "We did not know about this recent part of the investigation until today."

The two Illinois politicians have never been especially close and have largely operated in different Democratic Party camps in the state. Blagojevich's disdain for Obama was clear in court documents; he is quoted as calling the president-elect a vulgar term in one phone conversation recorded by the FBI.

Despite all that, at the very least, the episode amounts to a distraction for Obama just six weeks before he's sworn into office while he works to set up his new administration and deal with a national economic crisis. It also raises the specter of notorious Chicago politics, an image Obama has tried to distance himself from during his career.

In court documents, FBI Special Agent Daniel Cain detailed several phone calls between Blagojevich and his aides that were intercepted on court-authorized wiretaps over the past month. Blagojevich is accused of conspiring to sell or trade the vacant Senate seat for personal benefits for himself and his wife, Patti. Among his alleged desires: a Cabinet post, placement at a private foundation in a significant position, campaign contributions or an ambassadorship.

There were signs the continuing investigation could still involve Obama.

It appears that Obama friend Valerie Jarrett, an incoming senior White House adviser, is the person referred to repeatedly in court documents as "Candidate 1." That individual is described as a woman who is "an adviser to the president-elect" and as the person Obama wanted appointed to the Senate seat. Court papers say that Candidate 1 eventually removed herself from consideration for the Senate seat.

Blagojevich talked at length about Candidate 1 in a Nov. 11 phone conversation with an aide.

One day later, Jarrett, a Chicago businesswoman who is one of three co-chairmen of Obama's transition team and was a high-level adviser to his presidential campaign, made it known that she was not interested in the seat. On Nov. 15, Obama announced that Jarrett would be a senior White House adviser and assistant for intergovernmental relations.

Obama's circle of major Illinois political allies and supporters is largely separate from Blagojevich's, with two major exceptions. Both Obama and Blagojevich got extensive money and support from Chicago businessman Antoin "Tony" Rezko, who is awaiting sentencing after being convicted in June on charges of using clout with Blagojevich's administration to help launch a $7 million kickback scheme. And Obama is close to Illinois Senate President Emil Jones, who has been the governor's staunchest legislative ally.

At least one top aide to Obama, Michael Strautmanis, previously worked for Blagojevich. Obama has appointed Strautmanis to serve as White House chief of staff to the presidential assistant for intergovernmental relations and public liaison. The Chicago native was legislative director and counsel to Blagojevich when the governor was a member of Congress and then helped Blagojevich win the governorship in 2002. There is no indication that Strautmanis is involved in the case.

More details on the case could be forthcoming.
Court documents say they don't include all calls dealing with the governor's efforts regarding the Senate appointment. And many people in the documents are referred to by aliases; there's little doubt their identities will eventually surface.[/b]

I’m not sure ethics has anything to do with whether or not you should spy on a cheating spouse. If your spouse is cheating, it’s my opinion that a person has to do what needs to be done to protect themselves. As long as your motives are not to get revenge on a cheating spouse or to use the information you find to cause problems for the other man/other woman, I see nothing unethical about spying.
Things to Consider Before Spying:

There are things you should take into consideration before you begin your quest to find out if your spouse is cheating. First, are you ready for the conflict that will occur when your spouse finds out you have been spying on him/her? You should expect your spouse to be upset, to accuse you of not trusting them and to deny their own actions in favor of trying to make you feel guilty for spying.

Secondly, certain forms of “spying” are illegal. There are state and federal laws that regulate the use of surveillance equipment, recording devices and Internet software. You should become familiar with your state’s laws before you go full steam ahead with any sort of covert spying behavior.


Reasons Why You Should Spy:

There are 4 important reasons you should find out if your spouse is cheating:
To protect yourself emotionally. Worry over that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach can be emotionally draining. Find out for sure what is going on will enable you to stop worrying and start coping.

To protect your health. If your spouse is cheating there is a danger of sexually transmitted diseases. If your spouse is having an affair and not using protection, they are putting your health at risk. Protecting your health is ultimately your responsibility and the main reason you should try and discover the truth.

To protect yourself legally. If the infidelity means the end of your marriage some state divorce laws still allow it to be used as grounds for divorce. Even in states with no-fault divorce laws a judge can and may take into consideration the conduct of your spouse when determining spousal support.

To protect your self-esteem. Infidelity in a marriage can cause a person to doubt their worth, doubt their attractiveness and question whether or not they themselves are responsible for the infidelity. It is imperative that you stand up for yourself if you feel your spouse is cheating. The best way to do that is gather information and confront them about their unacceptable behavior.

You have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, something is not right but you can’t quite figure out what that feeling is about. Your spouse has become distant, he/she is working late on a regular basis or, maybe your spouse has moved out of the house with no explanation. You suspect there may be someone else but every time you bring it up with your spouse, he/she denies the possibility. All the signs are there but you don’t have any proof. So, pay attention to the signs and your instinct but, be careful and don’t confuse signs with proof.

1. "I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE."

If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.

2. "WE ARE JUST FRIENDS."

This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.

3. A SUDDEN NEED FOR PRIVACY.

If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!

4. “I NEED SOME SPACE TO FIGURE MY FEELINGS FOR YOU.”

Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.

5. REGULAR WORK HABITS CHANGE.

Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.

6. SPENDING A LARGE AMOUNT OF TIME ON THE COMPUTER.

In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.

If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.

7. SECRETIVE PHONE CALLS AND MORE TIME SPENT ON THE PHONE.

Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.

8. BEHAVIOR THAT JUST DOESN’T ADD UP.

Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.

9. YOUR OWN FEARS AND SUSPICIONS

If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse's behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then talk to him/her about what you've found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.

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Good day room! Compliment of the day!
Sometime ago I posted a topic regarding my wife and her attitude towards from her family. It did not end there, the family of the girl and her self had to proclaim aloud that I am not the father of the child. They even went further to announce it both in the police station and before my families. My parent concluded that I should let go of them and the child since they have found as new father of the boy who they claim is richer than me.
Not long, they man decided to abandone them insisting that he can't go on in such madness. He looked for me to appologise for what they conspired against me. I told the man that I have forgiven him but as long as I live both in death and life, I will not have anythin to do with the lady and the child including any member of her family.
After a while, the lady started calling me on phone, but I don't pick her calls because I have peace and rest of mind in my new world and wont want any more problems in my life.
As a result of my redundancy, she decided sending text messages to me,  her last message read thus "Austin the women u are meeting are not better than me. u kant even call to ask of ur son"!
Well, I think I don't want sentimentality to lead me astray any more since she concluded and even signed in the police station that the child is not mine and now coming back to blab. Should I report back to the station or just forget about the madness for life. But one thing still remain certain, I still have strong feeling for my SON. But allowing their wickedness take me back to my past misrable life.
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Having a child is a major lifestyle realignment that can be very stressful.
Parenthood is a life decision.
Recognize that you may be resistant to giving in to the changes that occur with parenthood. Embrace the challenges instead of resisting them.

Make a shift in priorities.
It's not just about you anymore. You have a powerful role as a parent in your child's life. Make a life decision that your child is going to have a parent who is plugged in.

It is important that a child has both parents in his/her life.
Each parent plays an important role in the child's development. Although mothers tend to be the primary parent in a child's life, fathers need to expand their definition of success as a man to include what kind of father they are and what kind of connection they have with their children. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "The mere presence of a father is far less important than the nature of his involvement with his children. When fathers play a visible and nurturing role in their children's lives, the children have better emotional and social outcomes and are more likely to have stronger coping and adaptation skills, be better equipped to solve problems, stay in school longer, have longer-lasting relationships and have a higher work productivity."

The most powerful role model in a child's life is the same-sex parent.
It is imperative that this parent has a strong, positive presence in the child's life. A child's personality is largely formed by the age of 5. The early years are very critical because the child is looking to the same-sex parent and modeling him/her. The child picks up voice intonation, as well as whether the parent really values time together. Whether the child feels special or not comes from both parents but especially the same-sex parent.

Life is about choices.
Weigh all the costs. When you make a choice, there are costs in other places. If you choose to make your home life a priority, then there may be sacrifices professionally and socially. Likewise, if you choose to spend most of your time at work, your home life may suffer. Children are demanding. If protecting your home life means you can't work 70 hours a week, then you may need to make changes.

Don't bring baggage into your current life.
No matter how legitimate your pain may be from a prior situation, don't carry those bags into your current lifestyle. Heal those painful feelings and get closure on it, or you will contaminate your current life.

Make emotional deposits.
People are like bank accounts. If all we ever do is make withdrawals, we'll wind up emotionally bankrupt. You can't give away what you do not have. If you're not emotionally available to your child, you're cheating him/her. Make taking care of yourself a gift to your child.

Children mirror what they are exposed to.
If they are exposed to stress, tension, frustration, or anger, they will mirror that behaviorally as well as internally. They reflect what they experience.

Make a priority to nurture your relationship as husband and wife.
Leave the children with a babysitter for an evening and spend some time together. The greatest gift you can give your child is to nurture the relationship with his/her parents.

Decompress.
Taking care of a child as well as other duties, such as caring for the household, can be exhausting. If you sense your spouse is frustrated, stressed or tired, treat him/her to a day off while you take care of the children.

Once you've made the decision to never fight in front of your children again, use this strategy for sticking to your plan.



Turn around and walk away if you think you'll have a hard time dealing with your urge to fight. Decide that you don't care if your partner sets your skirt on fire. Recognize that when you don't walk away, you are attacking your kids, putting your need to explode ahead of their well-being and peace of mind.


After you walk away, write down everything you're thinking and feeling, so you can give it to each other later and discuss — when the kids aren't around.


Then, get one of the kids and tell them three reasons that you love them and think they're special. It takes 100 "atta girls" to erase one "you're not worth the trouble."


Decide on a visual cue with your spouse — holding up a card, for instance — to signal that a fight is starting and it's time to nip it in the bud.


If you're going to have a discussion, take it somewhere private and conduct it hand-in-hand with your mate. Deal with your partner closely and personally. It makes it easier to communicate, and much harder to argue.


Take the word "anger" out of your vocabulary. (Words like "steamed" or "ticked off" aren't allowed either.) Instead, replace it with what is at the root of the anger — possibly fear, hurt or frustration (or all three).


Express your needs to your partner. He/She may not already know what those needs are. Be articulate. State what you need plainly and specifically. Remain calm.


Work out the problem. Cooperation, not competition, is the idea here, so take some time to calm down before finding a solution to the issue.


Share a moment of peace to reaffirm your bond once a resolution or decision has been reached. This might be, for example, a silent 60-second hug, or looking into one another's eyes for a minute.

Factor 1: Create a Nurturing and Accepting Family System.

The number one need in all people is the need for acceptance, the need to experience a sense of belonging to something and someone. The need for acceptance is more powerful in your family than anywhere else. The following to-do list can help you bring the spirit of acceptance into affirmative, interactive action in your family:

Put your family on Project Status.
This means you must consciously decide to actively and purposely work on improving your family situation every day. You may need to do such things as:

- Reschedule business activities to make time for your kids.
- Help your children set and achieve goals.
- Set aside an hour a day for the family, every day.

Bring out the authenticity of every family member.
Each child in your family came into this world with a core set of unique skills, abilities, interests and talents — all of which make up their genuine identity, their "authentic self." Authentic children have a sense of hope, a feeling that today is as fun and exciting as yesterday and that tomorrow will be as fun and exciting as today. The following suggestions will help you get started on ways to discover and bring to the surface the authenticity and hidden talents and interests of each of your children.

- Respect and encourage your child's uniqueness.
- Catch your children doing something right.
- Look for the best intentions in your children.

Create a sense of security and peace in your home.
Your children look to you and your spouse as a solid and safe base of operations. Yet when they're subjected to a conflict-ridden home, their base is shaken to the core. Here are some actions that will ensure that your family becomes and remains a secure stable base for your children and not a war zone.

- Take arguments private and keep them private.
- Stop being a "right-fighter."
- Eliminate patterns of verbal abuse.
- Deal forthrightly with destructive behavior.



Factor 2: Promote Rhythm in Your Family Life.

Children need rhythm in their lives, and it is unsettling to them when they don't have it. This factor is critical to the well being of your family, and here are some steps to help promote that rhythm.

Create a predictable pace of family life.
It can be difficult to schedule the events of the day or the week, but your family does need a pace — a rate of progress throughout the day built around key activities, such as:

- Specific times when meals are served.
- Regular bedtimes.
- A specific list of chores.

Be accountable for your choices.
The choices you make are 100 percent your responsibility, and they affect your interactions with everyone else in your family. Acknowledging your accountability means that you should be willing to ask yourself questions like the following:

- Are there certain behaviors or bad habits I need to stop?
- Do I spend more money than I can afford?
- Have I, in any way, treated my children unfairly?
- Do I choose to put work over the priority of my family?

Factor 3: Establish Meaningful Rituals and Traditions.

Your family may celebrate rite-of-passage rituals such as baptism or bar mitzvahs, or bedtime rituals of a bath followed by story time. Here are some ways to establish rituals and traditions in your own family:

Plan purposeful celebrations.
Birthdays, Father's Day, Mother's Day, and other events are all opportunities to create a tradition or even a ritual.

- During the holidays, create traditions such as baking certain foods.
- Play the same music at birthday parties.
- Make sure your children either buy or make their own gifts.

Hold naming rituals.
Naming a baby blesses that child and welcomes him or her into a family and community. Renaming rituals allow the individual to connect with and express what is at the heart of who he or she is.

Tell family stories.
Build into family get-togethers special times for retelling these stories, complete with slides pictures and mementos. Bring out picture albums or old films to enhance the storytelling experience.

Worship together.
For many families, attending a worship service is a major family ritual. Family participation in worship is an excellent way to enact a family's faith through rituals and lay a spiritual foundation for children.



Factor 4: Be Active in Your Communication.

The greatest things you can give your children are your ears and your voice. Meaningful dialogue takes into account each family member's need for acceptance, self-respect, encouragement and security.

Change the backdrop in which communication occurs.
You'll find that your children are much more comfortable, more receptive and tend to open up in "safe" environments, rather than if you "sit them down" in a chair or at the table to talk. Here are several strategies for encouraging active communication"

- Make time to talk in the car.
- Have discussions during game time.
- Listen to CDs with your children and share your thoughts.

Discuss sensitive subjects such as politics or religion.
These discussions are for the sole purpose of teaching children how to express their opinions and learn how to communicate. Providing a forum for your child's self-expression is one of the ways you can bolster their self-confidence and enhance their communication skills.

Do some "quilting."
This is a term used to describe family interactions involving a common activity. The object of "quilting" is to begin a group project together, such as:
- Painting a room.
- Cleaning the house.
- Washing the car.
- Building a playhouse or treehouse.
- Tending a garden.   

Factor 5: Learn How to Manage Crisis.

When it comes to family life, it's not a question of whether or not a crisis will hit — it's a matter of when. No matter how smoothly your life goes, no matter how well you parent with a purpose, you'll encounter some crisis, and it will impact your life together as a family. Maybe you discover that your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Or your family must adjust to life with a chronically ill child or parent. Your best chance to navigate the rough waters of a crisis is to have a consciously designed crisis management plan in place for overcoming the tough stuff — before it hits. Your plan might include any of the following.

Be prepared before a crisis strikes.
The crucial thing about crisis is preparation. Keep in mind certain Hot Warning Signs that can serve as clues that a crisis is brewing.
Remove danger.
This may mean calling the police yourself, confiscating dangerous items, keeping your child from having contact with certain people or removing him or her from a dangerous place — physically or emotionally.

Work the problem, not the person.
Never attack or blame the family member in crisis When you're upset with a child, it can be terribly tempting to blame and criticize them. But when you do this, that child learns to "cover his tracks" the next time he or she gets in trouble. Aim your energies at solving the problem instead.

Close ranks.
When a crisis hits, family members tend to turn on one another, blaming or ripping into someone with personal attacks. You must resolve that your relationships will exist on a level above blame and personal attacks. If family members are unable to turn to one another, a crisis will shatter family unity.

Find meaning in your suffering.
Don't allow yourself to be devastated for no reason, no meaning and no purpose. You've got to create some value to the pain that you experience in life. Should some injury or tragedy befall one of your children, you may learn from the event, and thereby protect him or her and your other children more effectively in the future. You may choose to take some social action to create meaning out of suffering.

Tool 1: Parenting with Purpose
One of the most important and exciting decisions you can make as a parent is to define success goals for your child. Choosing, communicating and pursuing clear and age-appropriate goals for your child will give them a sense of purpose that brings them the experience of mastering their world as they achieve the designated benchmarks in their lives. Your definition of success for your child must reflect your child's interests, skills and abilities and not just yours.


Two possible goals to consider are socialization and authenticity. Socialization means helping your child to become a responsible citizen, learning how to work in harmony with other people and to develop intimate and trusting relationships. Authenticity is fostered when you set goals suited to your child's interests, abilities and talents. One of the great responsibilities you have as a parent — and one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children — is to teach them to develop their gifts fully to build their lives around whatever it is that fulfills them.



Tool 2: Parenting with Clarity
This tool is based on the principle that communication between parents and their children is essential for building and maintaining a loving and productive relationship. Children need to feel that they have certain power and influence within the framework of the boundaries that you've created in your family. The primary way to promote that feeling is to give them your full, undivided attention and weigh very carefully what they're seeking to convey. Listening is key.

Too often, the only communication that takes place between you and your child is when a crisis has erupted. It's important to talk about critical issues outside of stress-packed situations. The time to discuss curfew, for example, is not when the child comes home 30 minutes late. The rules should be established before the kid goes out at night. If he breaks curfew, save the discussions of consequences until the calm of the next morning when you both have clear heads. Yelling and screaming in the heat of the moment is the poorest form of communication you can practice. Sometimes when it comes to communication, timing is everything.

Children want to be heard and know that their feelings are being considered. They want to know that they can earn certain rights and privileges if they do what is expected of them. They want to have a perception of some power, some ability to create what they want.



Tool #3: Parenting by Negotiation
As parents, you can negotiate with many different styles. The first step is to assess the kind of personalities and types you're dealing with. That will tell you what type of negotiation approach to take. If you've got a highly rebellious kid, you don't necessarily want to approach the negotiations in a heavy-handed way.

One of the first steps in teaching your child negotiation basics is to make sure he or she can predict the consequences of their actions so they have a sense of responsibility for the outcomes generated. Five critical steps to successful negotiation are:

- Narrow the area of dispute.
- Find out what it is they really want.
- Work to find a middle ground.
- Be specific in your agreement and the negotiation's outcome.
- Make negotiated agreements, shorter term in the beginning.



Tool #4: Parenting with Currency
If you want your child to behave appropriately, you have to set the standards for the behaviors you want. Too often, parents look only at undesirable behaviors and their parenting styles dissolve into complaining and reacting. If you focus on developing the positive behaviors in your child, then the negative behaviors won't be so overwhelming. You also have to determine your child's currency. Currency is anything that when presented during or immediately after a target behavior will increase the likelihood of that behavior occurring again. Figure out a way for them to get as much of what they want through appropriate behavior.

There are a number of different currencies that can vary with your child's age. This can be stuffed animals, DVDs, television and computer privileges and stereos. Once you understand what is valuable in your child's life, then you can mold and shape his or her behavior.

It is also effective to put in writing what you expect of your child, and what the consequences will be if he or she does not go with the program. These are called contingency contracts or behavioral contracts.


Tool #5: Parenting Through Change

You must be willing to adopt a commando commitment. This is having a whatever-it-takes mentality. This may mean that you may have to take two weeks off from your job and stay home with the children. You might have to drive a less expensive car, live in a smaller house, cut down on eating out or vacationing closer to home. The future of you and your children is at stake. Drastic problems call for drastic solutions. It's called creating "disequilibrium," because it results in a redefinition of roles and a major shift of power that can be temporarily unsettling to those who were running the show and having their way. Shaking up a family requires thoughtful planning.



Some ways to create disequilibrium are writing an expression of commitment, developing a communication system, holding a support system and anticipating resistance.

Tool #6: Parenting in Harmony
You do not have to compete with distractions like TV, cell phones, video games or Instant Messaging. The best way to accomplish your mission for family control is to insist on an environmental cleanup. The sooner you start this process and the younger your children are when you change the rhythm of your life, the easier it will be and more profound will be the impact.

You can start by listing your family's top ten priorities. Then list the top ten things that waste time in your household. Once you compare the two lists, determine whether or not the way your family is living and investing their time is congruent. If you find the priorities and values at the top of your first list reside at the bottom of your time allocation list, you must consciously start reordering your time and energy commitments in such a way as to put what you know to be important back on center stage.


Tool #7: Parenting By Example
The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling.

Through your actions, words, behavior and love, you can direct your children to where you want them to go. Show them how to be happy, well-balanced and fulfilled adults. Shed any negative attitudes. Dump self-destructive behavior patterns. Turn up the positive attitude.

Key 1: Realistic Expectancies

What sets people up for disappointment is when they think something is going to turn out one way, but it turns out to be another. That is why it is important to have expectancies that are realistic. The good news is, no matter what anyone tells you about pregnancy, you're about to begin the most joyous, fun, unbelievable time of your life. You're getting ready to change all of your thinking about what having a child is like and you're getting ready to have a completely different attitude. The rewards outweigh the sacrifices 1,000 to one.

Key 2: Preparation

You must be as prepared as you can be for what is ahead and what you'll need to do. It is very important to include the baby's dad in the process as well. The father really needs to not be crowded out of the pregnancy and baby experience. Dads: Stake your ground and change those diapers, get involved with bonding with your child right away. Moms: He may look like a bear with boxing gloves on trying to change that diaper, but don't take over. He'll learn just like you did. And together, you can grow as a couple with the joys of the parenting process.

Key 3: Patience

It seems obvious, but it's extremely important to learn patience. Expectant mothers can go through many different emotions due to the hormone fluctuations and they may have difficulty dealing with the changes in their bodies. For the first time, it isn't all about you and it requires a shift in body image. Weight gain is a part of pregnancy and is needed in order to support the growing life inside your body. Research absolutely supports exercise during pregnancy, such as low impact cardio, yoga and light weight training. Women who exercise during pregnancy are much less likely to have postpartum depression, and much more likely to regain their figure and lose the weight rapidly afterward.

Key 4: A Unified Front

An expectant couple should provide a unified front in the pregnancy experience. Mutual support between you and your partner can make all the difference. As you work together planning for the family addition, listen to your partner's ideas and negotiate. Things like negotiating a name for your baby can be a fun experience.

The number one thing parents can do that may put their child's life in jeopardy is to not cherish the relationship with their partner. When you become a mother and father, you have to be careful to not stop being friends and lovers. It's so easy to be consumed by your child, but you have to remember that kids join our lives, we don't join theirs. Of course they are important, but don't forget to take care of the relationship that is their base of operations. Spend time as a couple and nurture your relationship so your child has a solid future ahead.

MYTH #1: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON A GREAT MEETING OF THE MINDS
You will never see things through your partner's eyes because you are two entirely different people. You are genetically, physiologically, psychologically and historically different.
You will not solve your relationship problems by becoming more alike in your thinking. Men and women are wired differently. Attempting to blur your fundamentally different viewpoints is unnatural and even dangerous.
Recognize that a relationship is far more enjoyable when you're with someone who enriches your life, not simply reflects it. Appreciate your differences.

MYTH #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A GREAT ROMANCE
Yes, your life with your partner should include plenty of romance. But don't kid yourself and expect an unrealistic Hollywood fairytale. The truth is that in the real world, being in love is not like falling in love.
Falling in love is only the first stage of love. It's impossible to remain in that stage. A mature relationship will shift from dizzying infatuation to a deeper, more secure love.
Don't make the common mistake of thinking that when the initial wild passion fades you aren't in love anymore. The answer is not to start a new relationship so you can recapture that emotional high with someone else. The answer is to learn how to move on to the next stages of love for a different but richer experience.

MYTH #3: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING
Don't fall into the trap of believing that you and your partner can't be happy if you can't resolve your serious disagreements. Ninety percent of problems in a relationship are not solvable.
There are things that you and your partner disagree about and will continue to disagree about. Why can't you once and for all resolve these issues? Because in order to do so, one of you would have to sacrifice your values and beliefs.
You can simply agree to disagree and reach "emotional closure" even though you haven't reached closure on the issue.

MYTH #4: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES COMMON INTERESTS THAT BOND YOU TOGETHER FOREVER
There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don't share common interests and activities.
If you and your partner are forcing yourselves to engage in common activities but the results are stress, tension and conflict, don't do it!

MYTH #5: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS A PEACEFUL ONE
Don't be afraid to argue because you think it's a sign of weakness or relationship breakdown. Even the healthiest couples argue.
If approached properly, arguing can actually help the relationship by (a) releasing tension and (b) instilling the sense of peace and trust that comes from knowing you can release feelings without being abandoned or humiliated.
Instead of worrying about how many times you argue, worry about how you argue. Here are some guidelines:

Don't abandon the issue and attack the worth of your partner during an argument.
Don't seek conflict because it's stimulating.
Don't pursue a take-no-prisoners approach in your arguments.
Don't avoid achieving emotional closure at the end of an argument.

MYTH #6: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP LETS YOU VENT ALL YOUR FEELINGS
Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can't forgive something that was said during uncensored venting.
Before you say something you might regret, bite your tongue and give yourself a moment to consider how you really feel. The things we say while we're letting loose often don't represent how we really feel and shouldn't be communicated — especially if they are potentially destructive.

MYTH #7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX
The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.
Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the "importance scale."
Don't restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

MYTH #8: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER
Nobody's perfect. As long as your partner's quirks are non-abusive and non-destructive, you can learn to live with them.
Instead of focusing on your partner's shortcomings, remember the qualities that attracted you in the first place. Perhaps some of these idiosyncrasies were part of the attraction? Just because a behavior isn't mainstream, doesn't mean that it's toxic to the relationship.
Be careful to distinguish the difference between a partner with quirks and one with a serious problem. Serious problems that are destructive and abusive include substance abuse and mental/physical abuse. Unlike idiosyncrasies, these are not behaviors you should learn to live with.

MYTH #9: THERE IS A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP GREAT
Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no definitive "right way" to be a good spouse, good parent, or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you.
Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules.
Remember not to be rigid about the way in which you accept your partner's expressions of love. There is no "right way" for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn't make those feelings less genuine or of less value.

MYTH #10: YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME GREAT ONLY WHEN YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER OUT
Don't fall into the trap of believing that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship.
Let go of the childlike notion that falling in love means finding someone who will be responsible for your happiness. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.
If your relationship is distressed, the most important person for you to change might be yourself. Once you identify the payoffs you are subconsciously seeking with destructive behavior, you can choose to remove them from your life.