₦airaland Forum

One good thing to read today

OKAY, LET'S SEE HOW IT GOES.

lol, there is trouble in the land

DModeCntStopMe:


I made a vow to my God to stop checking names.

I have decided to keep that vow, in view of this, I therefore won't check their names.

I swear not to check their names and promise Seun, Lalasticlala and the entire nairaland crew including zombies, the repented ones and those who are yet to find the light that I will always shut my eyes whenever I come close to these names in order to avoid the temptation of checking their names

Lastly, if the man that goes to the ATM to withdraw money with bullion vans had shared one quarter of the money in one van to these lazy youths (eyes shut therefore names not checked), they would have at least carved out an niche for themselves and families.

That made clear, I hereby absolve them of all the charges levelled against them and they are therefore set free.

Court!

Jehovah's witnesses don't prophesy neither do they predict, do they?

Nice tips. But those who really need this won't see it.

chronique:
I don't know what Christianity is turning into in Nigeria but one thing I know is that some of these people running churches are becoming daft by the day. I'm not going to talk about Oyedepo cos in fairness to winners chapel, you don't see their branches littering the place up and down. But I have a problem with RCCG where I worship. I attend a small local church that is few buildings away from my house and we are still struggling to build the church to look beffiting. But guess what? In December, RCCG went to plant another church on the same street. This is a street that has less than 40 buildings/houses and already has at least 3 churches on it(including 1 RCCG branch). The various streets leading to this my street also has at least 3 different branches of RCCG. These branches are never filled up on sundays and the only one that gets filled is the very small one that looks like a kiosk. When I assess the whole thing, I begin to wonder if the people responsible for doing these traded their brains for food and money. How do you keep engaging in capital projects that are not fully utilized? How do you plant a new branch of a church on a small street that has a struggling branch of the same church? These days, if you want to see people display acute stupidity, just go to the church.

Used to think I'm the only one who sees this.

gbenyi:
About three decades ago, after having a swell time on a date with someone of opposite gender, it was customary for the server to place the bill directly in front of the man. Today, times have changed as have customs and traditions. The server places the bill in the middle, making a 50 50 chance or an equal probable split. This, however, may lead to the first disagreement of the evening.

Some argue that it is kind of customary for the man to pick up the bill, but this really should be a personal opinion thing and everyone is entitled to one. From the first perspective, lately women have been trying to establish themselves to be equal to men in all spheres of life; especially in pay, the kitchen and the other room. So why not on this one?

I would like to know specifically the opinion of feminists on this one.

WHO SHOULD PAY THE BILL ON A FIRST DATE?

https://chofam.com/2018/06/who-should-pay-the-bill-on-a-first-date-guy-or-lady/

For me, it all depends on who asked who out on a date. And if a lady asked a guy out and the guy decides he wants to pay, it's fine still. But the view in our society here in naija is slightly against that as most ladies see it as a tradition for guys to cater for the bills.
The lady pays, the guy pays; shouldn't matter I think, whoever wants should go right ahead.

In my years of existence I have seen many ladies go through series of heartbreak and there seem to be one generic reason for each one of these ladies...."Deciet"
Many ladies know when they are lied to but they tend to accept the deceit no matter how hard they try to caution themselves and at the end they act as though it took them by surprise.
There is one thing the bad guys have come to realize and that is the fact that ladies embrace lies because most of them are embodiment of falsehood from head to toe and no matter how smart a lady may claim to be,it is embedded in the genome of most ladies to love lies because they prefer to hear what they want to hear even if it is an obvious lie.Simply put...JUST TELL A LADY WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR AND YOU ARE ALMOST CERTAIN TO HAVE HER WHERE YOU WANT HER.
Tell a conspicuously fat lady she looks slim and she will say thank you with all smiles and tell a less attractive lady she is sexy and you will be her best friend. Even here on Facebook, ladies tend to like deceitful comments from smart sharp guys more than sincere ones.
A lady sees a guy in his late 30s or in his 40s and he says he is single and she believes without doing serious due diligence.
A lady sees a guy in his 20s cruising a very costly ride and she believes when he says he is legit without asking serious questions.
A lady will ignore a sincere guy just to fall for a popular playboy because he tells her she is the only love of his life while other ladies are side dishes and that is the lie she wants to hear.
A lady wants a man that will be hers only but will look away from a sweet faithful guy who wants to make her his numero uno to start desiring a cassanova many ladies want.
I can continue endlessly to highlight facts that suggest why ladies will forever fall for great liars but my advice to sincere guys is to continue to be real because it pays and only a lady who is sincere to herself can be with a sincere man.
Many ladies will claim to love sincere guys and will say a guy that lies is a great turn off to them but unfortunately they are the exact opposite of what they say.
My humble submission.

Love is a great deal in any and every relationship, yet it cannot stand so strong when other ingredients needed to sweeten a relationship are missing.

There are so many reasons why a man can decide he is no longer interested in a relationship. Most of which are uncontrollable and others could be linked to a loss of love in the relationship. Here we are going to talk about the sort of attitude which amount to the alarming reasons why men quit relationships.

read more

olayinka6138:


She skipped d part where selfworth should come in

You could add it

iamJ:
gbam

that's why i dont take most of these threads here serious

They will be bias

You have a point though
Self worth wasn't skipped
It doesn't have to be just the way you want it. That's why we are different.

erifeoluwasimi:
some have lost self esteem due to over dependin On the man

yeah sure some really have but that shouldn't be the case

lalanice:
on point!
but when they want to lie, they say they're staying because of the child/children

for real

There are a lot of questions for theists, believers, and people of faith and religion that need answers. If a man goes out on rampage killing and maiming, eventually attacks me and I kill him, in order to defend myself. I have killed someone out of a clear conscience and noble conviction of doing the right thing but the Bible says “you shall not kill”

Judging by the literal meaning of the word ‘kill’, how then do we explain these scenarios;
A person who kills someone accidentally
A person who is trying to defend him or herself and prevent his or her own murder (self-defense)
A person who is trying to prevent someone from entering his or her house to commit some violent felony
A person who is trying to prevent the murder of someone else (Protecting the Innocent).

Should it be ‘You shall not KILL?’ or ‘You shall not MURDER’

Several passages in the Bible and Qur’an refer clearly the above scenarios as exceptional cases. Even those who do not believe in God or the authority of these holy books recognize the importance of such “moral distinctions” which have been with us right from the beginning.

Generally speaking, anything a man does out of self conviction, adjudged to be right, does not infringe on the rights or privileges of others and within the confines of moral law is not a misdeed.
Men as higher animals are by so expected to act with the highest level of civility. This is compounded by religion and the growing belief in a supernatural being.

I have never doubted the existence of a God, an omnipotent being, the k.n.o.w.e.r of all and CREATOR of the universe, yet there are times I wonder if religions have not been extended to supplement traditional laws where they fail to conceal and also the personal and political interests of its originators or prophets.

The existence of more than one religion with different teachings and beliefs alone should be a reason to worry. People practicing a singular religion often believe with stern conviction that they are the ones serving ‘the one true God’ or ‘gods’ and hence the only righteous being’s to make heaven. This is only a resultant effect of INDOCTRINATION from childhood.



People act a lot, pretend to be holier than others, beat up and burn thieves, even stone a fellow human to death because she was caught in the act of adultery, yet the people who perpetrate such acts are no virgins.



Criminal acts like rape, theft and even murder are now carried out by Religious people for a supposedly justified course. Why? They say they are directed by their ‘prophet’ to do so, or it is written in ‘the book’. Sometime in the past, we all heard about the atrocities committed by one of the respected ‘MOG’ Reverend King with the active support of the members of his Church.

Surprisingly, people still attend these Religious houses and listen to the preaching of these so called Men Of God with conviction that what they preach is from a higher authority.
“Question not my anointed, He was ordained by God himself” So they say.

Recently, I do not know which is more awful, Is it the two storey church building unlawfully extended to six storeys that collapsed killing more than a hundred people, the pastor who strangled his 18 month old baby because God told him to, the fraudster who is busy collecting taxes for God on the life in which God himself freely gave Or that terrorist who shouts “Allahu Akbar” before blowing himself and others to hell. All these in the name of Religion (not God).

There are so many questions unanswered. If a Muslim extremist shouts “Allah is great” before carrying out murder or a Christian Pastor harbours criminals, rape female members and extort money from his poor followers, yet they say “Islam is a religion of peace”, or “Christianity is a religion of love” Then why did the foreigners term collectively our Traditional Religion as “Idol Worship”?
Why is it regarded as an act of blasphemy to recount the atrocities committed by people in the past in the name of RELIGION?

further read

https://chofam.com/2017/09/religion-christianity-or-islam-find-out-what-you/

I have read so many brilliant articles on why people especially women find it hard to get over or quit abusive relationships most of which are relative to particular experiences of the victims.

Normally, hearts get shattered, people feel devastated when relationships even devoid of violence or abuse are broken. It also feels much more for abusive relationships. Why? Mostly because of the ‘spiritual bonding‘ of the couples especially for those who have been sleeping together for a while. Let’s go a bit off point here, have you ever given it a thought as to how terrorist kingpins convince people to blow themselves up? It may look stupid to you but some people do not see it that way. The human way of reason can be programmed and conditioned. The very exact tactic abusers use to control their victims.


It starts with an overwhelming crush, a handsome young rich guy she’s have never seen before, he’s all sweet. No sweating, he approached her by first chance. In the beginning he’s all good to her and her immediate friends, she got easily won-over because she fell uncontrollably in love with him. He knew the right words to say, where to take her to and the right moments to do the right things to her.

Every one of your friends have heard about him. Of course they feel jealous wishing they were you. The world knows you are dating a celebrity, every girl’s dream. Gradually, ‘toasters’ fled, Mr celebrity is too jealous, too possessive so you chased all your male friends away. Your girl friends hoped for a chance to stab you in the back, you did away with them. Even family became irrelevant for advising you against your dream man or pushing you toward him. Either way, you saw enemies everywhere. All you cared about was your world. Overwhelmed with love, you began to lose bits of yourself to him. He conquered you and completely and it felt much like love.

At this point, a women who has lost herself, friends, family and has nothing to look up to knows not the word ‘abuse’ She would do anything she can to cling to the only thing she has, her abusive man.

Then he starts cheating on her and it hurts very much but without him she feels she has nothing else, her life is as good as finished. Every now and then, he disgraces her in public, she feels that must be because she did something wrong. She resolves to stay on, yet the anger will not calm. She confronts him aggressively, then he hits her re-actively. It gets so bad, she starts thinking. ‘It is my fault, I should not have confronted him after all. Maybe I should try to cook better, maybe I should try to do all that he pleases’. Feeling much like truly the bitch he calls her. Fear and imperfection becomes her world. She is completely lost.

The reasons why abused women still opt to stay in their relationships can be categorized into three broad areas, Emotional reasons, cultural/religious reasons and economic reasons.

1. Emotional Reasons

Fear: She could be afraid as to what will happen if she quits. Women who are threatened into submission to their partners, his family and associates become so afraid leaving the relationship.

Some women believe that abuse is normal: Many women especially those who were brought up in abusive homes tend to confuse what a healthy relationship should be like. They often feel that abuse in any relationship is normal.

Embarrassment: Women especially who are highly placed and are referred to as good examples to others may find it embarrassing to admit that they are in abusive relationships. They worry what friends, family and society at large will feel if they come out publicly with the true nature of their affair.

Low Self-esteem: Many women in abusive relationships have lost themselves for quite a long time. They have no friends and family who they feel will understand their predicament. They feel that their life is better-of with the abuser and they cannot live well if they are on their own.

Love: There are some form of bonding between couples especially those who have been sleeping together for a while. Some abused women still love their partners and stay on, praying and hoping that he would change. Many want the violence to stop but not the relationship to end.

2. Economic Reasons

Social/Peer Pressure: If the abuser is rich, influential and popular, it can be hard for her to tell friends for fear that no one will believe her or that everyone will take the abuser’s side. Also she would be scared that people would blame her for tarnishing his public image and ambitions.

Financial Dependency: A woman who relies solely on a man for finances may find it hard to quit the relationship even if she is abused.

3. Cultural/Religious Reasons

Many Religions and cultures expect marriages to be a life-long contract. The marriage oath in Christianity for example has a clause “for better for worse, till death do us part”. Couple’s joined together by this oath are expected to stay together no matter what happens in the relationship. Also Traditional gender roles can make it difficult for young women to admit to being sexually active.

READ ALSO: EIGHT EXCEPTIONS TO THE PHRASE ‘UNTIL DEATH DO US PART’ IN WEDDING VOWS.

Pregnancy/Parenting: Many women stay on in abusive relationships for the sake of their children. They feel the urge to bring their kids up with both parents together. Also they fear that the abusive partner or his new woman may harm their kids after they leave.

4. Other Reasons

1. Distrust of adults or authority.

2. Language Barriers/Immigration Status.

3. No where to go to.

Women abused in relationships resolve to stay on and fight rather than give up too soon, because they feel too much is at stake if they quit. They blame themselves for everything because they were programmed to overreact. What would people say? They hope, they pray that he may have a change of heart for them. That is if they ever realize that they are being abused.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP

If you know anyone around or close to you who is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, support them and strive to be a source of comfort, love and inspiration to them. Do not judge or offer them advice that would worsen their situation. Be kind, understand that they may still want to stay in the relationship for a whole lot of different reasons.

Say things like, “I’m sorry this is happening to you,” “I know it’s complicated,” “It’s not your fault,” “You don’t deserve this,” and “This doesn’t change how I feel about you”. You can ask questions like “Are you open to getting medical attention, calling a hotline, reporting the stalking, going to the police, talking to an attorney etc”. Instead of telling them what they must do, give them the opportunity of deciding to do it by themselves. Proceed with caution. Beware also that the abuser may see you as an obstacle and make you a target of violence as well.

http://chofam.com/2017/10/427/