AN: Not really happy with this part, but here goes


So there we stood, two of the finest hunters in our generation, from a lineage of men that has made this forest their playground, trained by the best to surpass the greats, armed with the knowledge to break the laws of physics with impunity, weapons that would the national army to shame and at our feet lay dead a monster of legend. It is therefore logical what our next action would be.

We ran.

We scrammed.

I have never used as much ase to assist my speed as I used now, the tunnel vision developed as a result was the least of my worries, we must have been going at over 70km/hr and yet the sound from the forest kept getting louder.

“Would you stop screaming like a little girl? You are leading those things to us” Akanni asks snidely as he pulled up beside me, his face screwed up in concentration as he tried to create enough ase to maintain his speed. His fire elemental now curled up around like a coil gives a little giggle.

If my looks could kill unfortunately I do not have that ase yet. Instead I adopt my loftiest smirk dripping in condescension and answer

“Excuse me, I’m not screaming it’s a battle cry meant to channel the spirits of old and receive assistance from them okay.”

“Sounded like the whimpering of a child afraid of the dark.”

“The way you sounded when you saw the Egungun right?” I reply cheekily, fond memories distracting from my impending death.

“Bleep you.” his face turning to almost the same shade as his elemental.

“Nah, I prefer Bisi.” and now I’m on a roll.

“That’s not what sh-----look out” he screams mid-sentence referring the goat looking creature that suddenly appears in my front.

My ada flashes in front of me and obstruction is divided into two equal pieces but it is too late to avoid crashing into the tree. Let me tell you tell you crashing into a tree moving at the speed I was moving at is not a fun experience at all. I think I even cracked my spine. I manage to redirect the excess ase that was powering my speed into fixing my back by increasing the speed the cells in the spine are being produced so as to fix it faster. I stand slowly taking a look at my surrounding and a dawning comprehension begins to fill me with dread.The tree I have just slammed into is exactly the same one at the edge of the clearing, the exact same place I entered the clearing from. My legs mechanically move forward and as I enter I see the body of the dead Kpelekpe.

The thumps become clearer and it sounds like laughter, sounds like but isn’t more like something trying to imitate laughter but not understanding the emotion behind the action. It is flat, empty, devoid of feeling and yet it was managed to project more fear than any human could ever do. The shiver down my spine became a full blown fit. The forest has chosen the worst time or perhaps in its opinion the best time

Akanni’s expression mirror mine. The fear, anger and resignation are exactly the same, even the elemental recoils slightly into him, and the flames flickering out slowly. This is when the stubbornness that made me burn my hand as a child despite all my mother’s beating rears its head and I scream.

“Show your face you ugly reject of your mother, dickless bastard of your father, I Omo Awon Oro Afonja command you.”

I really should be given an award for that performance, I didn’t sound at all like I wanted to vomit.

The laughter increases in pitch as if the thing knew exactly how I felt and then I see a visage depart from the shadows.

“For killing my pet and disturbing my rest you will die here, erased from existence and all who knew you would forget you ever lived, your life ending meaninglessly and cast into oblivion.” Its voice raspy from disuse but delivery no different from someone telling you what the weather is.

Akanni's growling distracts me from my thoughts as he growls and utters a single word

“Ina”

The elemental rushes to confront the monster, growing in flames as Akanni infuses even more ase into the creature.

I slip into the void where all distractions melt away where you become one with the emi that surrounds you and I imbue the ground around me commanding it to rise up around the creature and seal it in with the elemental. I stagger as I leave the void, the action has taken a lot from me and would have killed me if I stayed longer there.

The elemental sees my construction and detonates with the force of several packs of C-6 and only the barrier I constructed prevents us from being burnt to a crisp.

I let a sigh of relief, the combo move appears to be successful.

As the barriers slides back to the ground, we see an inferno still raging inside but what turns my stomach is when the creature walks out of the flames with his hand dragging behind him the elemental which appeared like it had been wrapped in plastic while it was completely untouched by the flame.

It utters a statement unintelligible to me and a sphere of compressed air whips around him. As he steps forward the howling winds become grey with dust before rapidly expanding engulfing the area.

My eyes widen as he releases the hand holding the elemental. The fires from the elemental fuelled by the power of the wind becomes a massive flash of light and heat that roars into the heaven and the entire clearing is engulfed in the searing flames.

I narrowly escape by jumping upwards while Akanni tries to build a wall of fire to surround himself and repel the inferno.

My jump proves to be a big mistake as my chest is punched through by sharp blades made of wind. Blood spurting out from the holes made there. I drop under the pull of gravity but the tree breaks my fall as I land on one of its branches. It seems my luck holds as I am saved from the raging inferno below.

Akanni screams as he is slowly being overwhelmed by his own elemental turned against him.

Alone, trapped, and injured with no chance of help as no Full Ode is allowed to enter the forest to help the initiate. It appears I am dying with no hope of relief. It is that kind of desperation that forces one to do the unthinkable.

I say the words I am not supposed to know, words I saw where nothing was to be seen, words that have been whispered in my mind for the past 3 years, words that do the unforgivable. I say the words to summon the unmentionable. I summon my mother. May Olodumare forgive me.

She appears like she has always been there, not tell-tale flash or sign to signify an authority over space. Dressed in a simple flowing blue dress that yet portrays so an incredible amount of poise. She is a vision of ethereal beauty.

My mother kneels beside me as she floats on the air smiling quietly and she gives a peck on the cheek that reaches the very tip of toes, healing and rejuvenating me completely then turns to face the creature. I am saved and yet I’ve damned myself.

Rain begins to fall as she rises to face the creature. I notice somehow not a single drop manages to touch her. The downpour quenches the fire like it was just a spark and not the large forest fire it was.

Slowly her smile begins to change no longer a loving one but one of a cat that has finally corned the mouse in a corner. The first expression crosses the creatures face and it is fear. It tries to run but is rebuffed by the rain which starts melting it slowly. It runs round in the circle the rain has made trying to find an escape from the downpour.

We watch in silence as it melts to join the water until it is no more. I pretend not to notice the horrified look Akanni is giving me. We are at least alive but whether it is better I cannot tell.

whitemosquito:
Sage, I hail. Your imagination reminds me of another writer of Yoruba legends, my brother, Red.

Though there are a few inconsistencies in tense, my biggest grouse will be with your writing style Or Use of language. There is a particular style associated with the narration of legends - a sort of loftiness of words, a superiority of grammar.. I don't see a lot of that here, or perhaps, I should say its disjointed. For the parts where you write about Seguns lineage or history, you employ a bit of that style but when talking about his present, you switch to frivolous language. The effect is that I cant determine in what time setting this is taking place. Is it in our modern era, where we have books that the "bookworm Sade" can read? Or another time altogether?
The Setting of your work should be clearly understood from the first 100 words you write.

Also, i think it'll improve the reality of your dialogues if you spice it with a few Yoruba phrases.

Forgive the long missive. Im excited about this and you can bet that Ill be following closely.

Weldone.

Thanks, you don't know how much I appreciate this. Your criticisms about grammar is something I've been conflicted about and I think it shows. The story is supposed to be set in the modern times but right now the characters are in a primal forest where time and human understanding of the universe have no place and I think this contributes to the disjointedness appearing in the story. The parts referring to bookworm and distance in modern terms are supposed to show the character is from modern times but I think I can make that clearer when editing.

As for tenses, this has been my biggest problem writing as I tend to switch to whatever feels best in the middle of writing, sometimes unconsciously. This is one of the bad habits I'm trying to break by writing this so I'd really appreciate if for future parts you can help point out where I change tenses.

Next part should be up this evening

Thanks a lot I really appreciate it. I've made some minor corrections to the tenses. Will try and rework the duel to reflect your criticisms. Again I really appreciate your help.

AN:This is my first ever fight scene I'm getting down on paper so I'd appreciate any pointers on how to make it better so please I ask for your help oo. Criticisms are the lifeblood of an author.


The Aja Oro is a creature of Esu, created during the Red night to hunt down the hunters as they battled the forces of the Orishas. It was created to be the hunter’s hunter and they caused a sizeable amount of havoc in those days as it spread chaos amongst the ranks of experienced and battle honed hunters so you can imagine why I was completely terrified and this is understating what I actually felt. What remained of the species at the end of the war were beaten into the forests of old, drilled into their subconscious to avoid human settlements.

Another Dumbfounded presence bursts into the clearance and a small part of me whispers at least Akanni would go down with me, this causes a chuckle to escape from my lips and the Aja oro swivels hits head to face me.

From what I knew the creature was made up of shadows though you would not know with when you stare him in the middle of the forest under the canopy of trees. It just looks extremely black with only the edges of creature showing the with it’s ripples as it danced to avoid the little pinpricks of light that managed to make down to the forest floor. Looking at the creature was like staring into the abyss well this abyss stared right back with burning coals that are its eyes. It was not yet fully grown but that didn’t make it any less dangerous.

“it looks like you have completely bleeped us up yet again” Akanni mutters his first words to me today,

The sound of his voice annoys me and if not for the monster in front of us I’d punch his face right there and then.

“Well at least I know who it will go for first Oloshi, the Aja Oro always targets the weakest person first” A smirk appears on my face as the idiot looked a bit worried there for a second, good to know I’m not the only one that acknowledges my superiority.

He begins to reply but cuts it off as the Aja oro makes its move.

The monster begins to stalk gently moving almost carelessly to his next prey. Us. It believes we can’t hurt it and is looking forward to the thrill of the hunt, fulfilling its original purpose for its creation. The hunting of hunters. A smile so twisted adorns its visage.

My fear quickly begins to turn into anger. This baby monster thinks us prey, we who are descendants of the great hunters of old that drove its ancestors to near extinction, we who have received knowledge that has been passed down generations. We are stronger than the first hunters to face it and I will not go back home to face my family and tell them I was ran away from a beast no matter what it is on my first solo hunt. I’d rather die here than face the humiliation of my elder brothers. A burning rage swells up in my stomach.

“Left ” I say to Akanni with my voice completely flat and without waiting to see if he heard I begin moving so as to flank the creature. I can feel his disapproval all the way from there but I know he understands, we may hate ourselves but the benefit of being trained together means I don't have to explain in detail my plans.

Since I got to the clearing I’ve been converting my Emi to Ase, using my authority over the laws of the natural to strengthen my muscles to preternatural levels, imbuing myself with the strength to lift a tree, speed to outrun a cheetah and bringing the awareness to that has been in the background come the forefront of my mind, right now I can see the individual raindrops in a storm, nothing escapes my awareness. I extend my Ase to my ada breaking as many laws of physics on it as I can making it unbreakable, sharper than a nanoblade, an extra buffer of Ase to surround the blade so as to break through the various protections of the monster. The sword gains a white sheen as the amount of Ase I’m pouring into it begins to manifest in the physical.

As I move I see Akanni doing the almost the same thing as he moves to the right of the creature. This is to make the Aja to split focus between targets and force it to choose who he goes for first which would allow the other an opening. A simple plan but the best plans are often that. His face begins to glow as he starts using his Ase, his authority is geared more towards fire unlike mine which is focused on enchanting objects. For a moment we catch out eyes and I smile as much as I hate the guy I know with him by my side this beast stands no chance.

It honestly surprises me when the beast chooses to lounge towards me, really, the stupid creature considers me weaker than Akanni Akanni of all people. My anger blossoms inside me and explodes around me as I scream my battle cry and charge.

I put on a burst of speed and get near to it before nimbly twisting out of its part and slicing through its calf with my ada, I score a confirmed it. Before it can react any further an extremely thin lance of fire bursts out from Akanni outstretched finger, the scorches the very air it passes through before slamming through the head of the creature. It slumps down.

Well that was easy.

Or not as a roar escapes it, the head shifting in the blink of an eye to where the back was and it comes again at us as its body reconfigures itself into its new dimensions.

I notice its body even after changing still has the injury I inflicted on it and is slowly leaking out shadowy mucus.

I move to block its path again but this time shadow tentacles come from its mouth moving at a high speed and begins trying to entangle me.
It is with lucky shake of my head that I narrowly escape the first. I jump twisting through the air as I dodge the next two, my ada cuts off the next one before it can touch me. I keep moving forward as I hope to enter its range where I can do some serious damage.

With my hyper awareness I notice Akanni with one knee on the ground and his hands in front of him, a very hazy area that surrounds him. Any of the tentacles that seek to touch him simply burns as it reaches that area. Looks like he is summoning a fire elemental. That is some serious shit and I wonder when he managed to learnt that.

Well I’m not out of surprises too as I get close to it. I shape the Ase surrounding my sword causing it to spin at the tip and I jump right in front of it and stab. I close my eyes and quickly activate one of the basic instructions in the use of Ase to teleport a short distance away. It drains me but saves me from the massive explosion that occurs. The whole area awash in a bright light.

As the area returns to normal, I hear Akanni cursing me. I spare him a look and it seems like the elemental he summoned managed to protect him from temporary blindness. I feel a pang of disappointment.

I face the creature and it’s head I completely gone and I start laughing.

It isn’t until Akanni walks up to me and slaps me I stop. I react folding up my free hand to punch his face when his face made even uglier by the snarl of the face he says

“ You idiot, now you have alerted every creature nearby to our location including that ones parent pointing at the headless Aja Oro.

My reply dies in my throat as I hear the thumps of something big coming this way.

Double post. Please Ignore

[size=16pt]ODE[/size]


Meaning: 1 – A hunter
2 – A fool


Summary: When novice hunter Segun Odeolu decides to prove his worth by attempting to slay a monster of legend, he and his friends are drawn into an adventure with monstrous fiends, Orishas, possibly the end of the world and what it truly means to be an Ode.

This work is Copyrighted. If you are going to post this anywhere else please acknowledge me as the author and refer them here atleast.


Note: This is my first attempt at writing fiction. This is intended as a strict writing exercise with the goal of posting at least a 1000 words everyday. It is said the way to be a better writer is to keep writing. I would appreciate constructive criticisms and that is what I’m looking for here. Anyway I hope you enjoy this tale I’m crafting and thanks for the time you take in reading this.



[size=14pt]

Prologue[/size]

The quarry was near.

The forest is quiet with thick trees growing with spindly branches that shoot off to unnatural angles, twisting and turning to defy nature’s order. It is here the fabric of reality begin to fray at its edges. You begin to perceive things beyond what our senses are capable of. It is here in the shadows of the Great Forest that I complete my journey to become an Ode. The Great Forest, home to a thousand and one dangerous creatures is where the initiation into the Brotherhood of the Hunters takes place. The initiate leaves the comforts of humanity with its structured existence and technology and enters into the Great Forest where reality loses its meaning to hunt and bring back his first kill alone.

I am accompanied by the sound of the wind whistling gentle encouragements from my mother, the sound of the night filled with warnings from my ancestors the great hunters of time past when men still hunted gods and the sound of my silence which muffled my own primal fear and excitement as I stalked the beast.

The hunt was drawing to a close and this period is regarded as the most dangerous where the lines between the hunter and the hunted become blurred and the predator can very easily become the prey if one is not careful. I am however Segun Odeolu, son of the Eso Eruku Kunle Odeolu the hunter who singlehandedly felled the river serpent and killed the leader of the underground ghommids of Isale-Eko, Descendant of Ode Agbitan who hunted side by side with Akara-ogun. I shall not be bested by a mere Kpelekpe.

I am soon distracted from my musings when another presence enters into my field of awareness just at the very tip of its range south east of my current position. I focus to determine more details about it and a smile slowly builds my face, finally I have found the creature and in record time. It has taken me 3 days but I finally made it here. I scan around and there is no sign of my fellow competitors. Victory is assured. Tonight I shall be feasting in the coven as a hunter with the ability to travel as much as I like into the great forest with no handholding from any of the trainers. Today I shall prove to my father I am truly his son.

As I move closer, I recheck my hunter’s mask which is to prevent the Kpelekpe from sensing my presence. I make sure my knives are in the proper position and then notch my arrow. I intend to slay this beast from afar, no need for unnecessary danger. Getting to the 100m mark from where I perceive the Kpelekpe to be I see one of the bigger forest trees so I suppress my instinctual fear to the abnormally designed tree and begin to climb. I soon find a suitable perch and take my first look at the the beast's hideout

The beast is said to be a result of an experiment of one the Orishas, I forget which one. Sade would probably know, the crazy bookworm, anyway it was created out of boredom when the Orisha decided that the best way to relieve that boredom was to grant an hyena all sorts of body enhancements, gift it with intelligence and then let it lose in an unsuspecting village. An hour later they entire village was dead and hyena was in the house of the Baale taking his time with the baale’s last born slowly taking little bites out of him while enjoying the song his cries made.

This was the sight that the village hunters met upon returning from their daily hunt. A murderous rage filled them but for all their efforts it managed to evade them and escape into the forest where it began to spawn. The slippery nature and ability to evade anything but the most skillfully set trap has allowed it continue to exist till today. Now hunting it is used as a test for novice hunters as it forces us to use all our cunning to track and really isn’t all that strong in a fight. If you lose to Kpelekpe you don’t deserve to be a hunter in the first place.

As I settle down in my position. I begin to reinforce my hunter’s mask to reduce my chances of detection by anyone and slowly decide to wait for the animal to venture out of the hideout so I can take the kill. Patience my father said is one of the greatest skill a hunter can possess greater even than all his supernatural abilities.

The next 15 minutes pass like this as the beast still hasn’t got the memo that it’s time for it to die and is content to wait me out. I began to adjust when I noticed to my right a glint of light from what was definitely a knife. It appears another of my competitors have found the monster too. This changes the game as now I can no longer be patient.

I begin to affect some changes to my current gear. I channel my emi changing it to ase then tap the arrow already notched to change its property from the piercer to incendiary round. The process takes just over a minute which is far too long. In that time I focus my sight on who exactly it was and as it turns out it is exactly the worst person I could wish for. Akanni Solagberu.

Akanni and I have a very long history as rivals, can’t remember who started it but I know I hated his guts from the first moment I laid eyes on him. Since our parents were friends, his father being the Eso Ole. We were groomed together in the hopes of fostering the same relationship in us our parents had. It didn’t. Going to the same schools only helped fan our hatred for each other.It didn’t help that we always wanted the same thing, the position as head apprentice which he won, the girl which I won and now the prize as the first one to bring down the Kpelekpe.

He notices me and sends a cheeky grin my way before jumping 30 meters in the air to land closer to the hideout without making any noise. Showoff. Seems like he wants to attack the hideout head on.

I quickly disabuse him of that notion as I shoot my arrow which flies true and strikes at the mouth of the hideout. This causes a mini –explosion and the home of the hyena is destroyed. Now is my turn to smirk at Akanni who was destabilized by it.

I jump down to cover the best exit route for the beast and draw out my ada, saw a quick prayer and prepare to cut down the monster.

The wails of kpelekpe sends a chilled feeling down my spine as it emerges from the hideout. The sight of it is a grotesque sight to behold with its body proportions taken to unnatural sizes. It is so obvious that this is not a creature of the Olodumare. I see the moment it processes where Akanni is standing and its decision to run down the path I have blocked, just as planned. Not to be deterred Akanni hurls a fireball at it which narrowly misses striking only a bit of its hind leg and he gives chase.

As the beast nears my position I emerge and use my ada to strike at its flank cutting deep into the creature. The wailing intensify and the forest gains a even darker hue. It manages to shake off my strike and bounds deeper into the forest but I know it won’t be long for this world as my ada is coated with effects that would continue to act on its injury and will eventually kill it.

In any case the chase is on. I run after it the forest greenery turning to a blur at the speeds I’m moving at. I feel Akanni catching up and I pour in more speed as we travel even deeper into the Great Forest.

We suddenly enter a clearing we feet it before seeing it, the pressure of the forest weigh even heavier on us. The forest which has seemed foreboding before gains a new sinister edge to it and the world suddenly becomes a darker place to live in.
In front of us was the husk of the dead kpelekpe, its head missing from the body and standing on top of it slowly chewing what remains of the head was an Aja oro

I wet my pants a bit.
(to be cont)


Ps: sorry about the cliffhanger (well not really) but that is all I have for today, next part should be up tomorrow.

Okay first of all. here is a new excerpt from the winds of winter

Sansa - http://www.georgerrmartin.com/excerpt-from-the-winds-of-winter/

Pretty good. If you haven't read the Mercy excerpt you should. it was awesome. If anyone has a copy of it, should please post it. it seems it was taken down from the site.

Considering the TV show and the books. it has been confirmed the show would be diverging completely away from the books this season, according to news expect characters that are still alive in the books to die this season. This time not even book readers are going to be safe from the shock of game of thrones.

To spark conversation here is a I really hope is true

Howland reed is posing as the High sparrow. This is where the theory is found - http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/116367-high-septon-howland-reed-30/

This would be freaking awesome. Been waiting for the revenge of the north since the beginning of the series