So I'm probably SOL on this one since the topic so old, but I need some advice and I have no where to go for it. I don't want to brag these facets of my situation vital to any advice. I am a very good looking guy, and at the young age of fourteen I fell deeply in love with a girl from my school. She was and is still very beautiful, but beyond that I feel that we established a set of morals growing up together while dating that I cannot find in any other girl. We dated for three years, and then we broke up to date other people. I never wanted to date anyone else, and I don't feel as if I ever will. I am now 19 years old, and it has been two years since our break up. I am in college now, and I have been with 24 other partners. I feel sick over this, but I feel like I am in a never ending search to fulfill what my "x" once was to me. I have decided to just stop looking and let it come to me, and i know I am very young and this probably seems stupid to everyone. The truth is, in two years I have seen my "x" about 4 times, but I think about her at least 20 times a day, dream about her almost daily, and I worry about her well-being constantly. She is currently with someone that loves her, and she loves him I believe, but he really is a terrible person. He has faced criminal charges for gang assault, among other things. Anyway, I have used drugs to relieve my pain since the break up. At 17 I was one of the most intelligent and attractive students in my school, and I now I use drugs. My "x" got into drugs, and I think I started to impress her. I havent gone one week without taking some kind of drug since I started, and while I feel it is under control, I have brothers that look up to me. Waiting around to find someone doesn't hurt me, because I occupy my time sleeping around. I always use protection and I have been tested and I am physically healthy (besides the drugs), but I have been scared enough to stop sleeping around. I don't think I will fall in love again, and I don't know if I want to. I have everyone around me fooled, hence the resortment of "Nairaland?" I almost feel as if she wants to move on, I want her to be happy, but I never want to be with anyone besides her. I truly and deeply love her. For someone that has since cheated on following girlfriends, I never cheated on this girl and I couldn't even think of it. It was physical with her even at a young age, but it wasn't the physical relationship that was important to me; it was the feeling I got in her presence, holding her while she slept, and kissing her every chance I had for three years. We broke up because of trust. I had the only thing I could ever want in my grasp and arrogantly tried to contain her from her friends and other boys. I have grown, but really all I want is to kiss her everyday for the rest of my life. What the f*** can I do with myself?