₦airaland Forum

aminusodiq:
try uk... I can add u to a nairaland group where u can get direct information on how you can do it on your own... Most of the guys there did it themselves.. I backed down cos i dont have enough

Please addme bro thanks 08064832142

Amen , thank you this really gave me courage

Layormiii:
Savloon the grass isn't always greener in the other side. What makes you feel you will be fulfilled if you had married the other lady??

Even for people that love eachother and dated for years, the first few months of marriage isn't always easy, fights here and there, trying to get use to staying permanently together and seeing all the flaws and mistakes of eachother.. it is always not easy.

What I did personally was to stay away from social media for the first few months, because trust me seeing others upload fine pictures of themselves and their marriage will make you feel bad the more about yourself and your choices. You see that your ex, erase her thought from your heart.

The time you stay away, creat time for eachother. start activities that both of you enjoy doing, maybe talking about music, etc, in the evening stroll out, hold eachothers hands. Bathe together, eat together maybe dinner, make it an habit to bathe and eat together even if nah once per day.

Remove the regrets from your heart, e don happen e don happen, it's how to make it get better you should be thinking about, make your woman happy, treat her well, she will do same in return, y'all will be happy again.
Be truthful to her too. Have a lengthy talk and promise eachother to try and make this work, then don't forget prayer, commit everything to god's hand, morning and night before sleeping. Be flexible, listen to her, pay attention, she would do same too. Things would definitely get better

God go help una

Am scared bro, what about after doing that and tomorrow something strange happens to me ( something in my mind tells me that walking to the alter and making vow there and now wanting out is very wrong before God and that no matter what I should manage my. Home )

cybersoldiers:
The girl trapped you with fake pregnancy.

Divorce her on the grounds that she fraudulently trapped and forced you into the marriage.

But next time don't f¥ck anyhow again.

No I don't intend to.
Honestly there's been some relief on my chest now have been carrying this on my mind wanting talk to someone who dont know me so they wouldn't laugh at me .

Even if I'll see a priest to talk about it I'll go to another parish where no one knows me just to get some counseling

I really appreciate the advices from you all your the best

Charmingrascal:
Stop searching for your ex's pictures
You are now married to another woman.

Sincerely it is difficult to be with someone you don't genuinely love, but I believe that if you stop fantasising about your ex, you might develop sincere feelings for your "LEGAL WIFE".

Be thankful that you married a prayerful wife, perhaps your ex would have brought you bad luck if you had married her.
Don't cheat again because the way you write I feel you are someone who will still cheat.
Above all, make up your mind and see yourself as a married man.

Better still, you could opt for a divorce before it is too late, before you start making babies and making someone's daughter go through unnecessary emotional trauma that might occur due to your unloving attitude towards her.


I would have said you should pray but when you pray, you have to work too.
Pray to God to instill your woman's love in ur heart and also work towards showing your woman true love.
"Heaven helps those who help themselves"


Au revoir brother.

She said people do see for first time and get married too, that yes she knows we didn't date but since we've come this way let's make it work or let's speak to out parents and know what next to do

Klass99:
Does she feel the same way you do? Like she made a mistake too and she's not really vibing you either?

Yes she's good and was the fist woman I woke in the morning with and said let's pray others don't.
At least trying with her job too. She keeps telling me that it would get better and I do tell her same too but inside our heads we feel we are faking it , I don't know

Connected1:
The most important thing is that she loves you and she's trying to make the marriage work.

Sometimes we don't always get what we desire but with efforts from our side, we can turn that thing we hate into something we love.

From your description, she's not a bad woman, you have to love her and observe her good qualities too, na demonic women full everywhere oh.

The bottom line is that you are stressing yourself over nothing. That girl you really desire so much, when you live with her for a month , I am sure you would want this your current wife back.

Appreciate your wife she seems like a good woman.

First miscarriage was around April and second was 2days after our marriage invitation shared and then she was with my mum we felt it was the running around for the marriage .

We barely sleep together now even . Today we laugh next minute is quareling and not talking to each other

Davash222:
I took out my time to go through your story twice. Here are my assertions;

1. Did you find out the cause of the miscarriages?

2. The second pregnancy wasn't yours.

3. She was already pregnant before forcing you to sleep her without protection.

4. During honeymoon, she said she regretted marrying you. She was honest.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.

5. You married her out of pity. The pity was out of her evil manipulations against you.

6. 98.353% of men married Nigerian girls are not happy with their marriage. Most are living in denial. You're one of the few to speak up.

7. Don't trade your peace of mind for anything.. be it marriage or whatever.

No I can't go back to my ex because she'll see me as a weakling, she's blocked me everywhere.

But your very right I just need to love my wife and take care of her no going back.

Am glad I let these words out my mind and head honestly I feel relieved talking to you all

Acidosis:
You look sick ke? You think marrying the other lady will make you well? Don't even think about it.

The issue here is that you weren't mentally prepared for marriage. That's it. There's absolutely no reason to blame that woman in your write-up. You tried so hard to find a fault but couldn't see any. You had sex...she had miscarriage...she met your family, you want 6ft.. yhen yhen yhen...! So?? Who should she have met? Your exes??

Abeg abeg, take responsibility, make your marriage work and stop mastu.rbating with your ex's photos! Your marriage won't work if you won't take responsibility! And that includes creating the fun you want! Dem no dey give fun for registry You have to create that fun or keep complaining and, by the way, marriage is not an everyday fun affair - if this is the idea of marriage in your head, omo your breakup with her or any other woman on earth is inevitable!

I don't love my ex, but when I see tall ladies like her, clothes on dommies I just imagine her. You wouldn't believe am still surprised someone I met around February we are married around the 5thonth around and now we are bother seeing faults on each other everyday getting tired .

Am so happy for the advice you gave, thank you.

Tenkobos:
The first year in a marriage is usually difficult because that's when you will learn to drop some "I" and pick several "we".

It's also the time to fight for the position of the head of the house.

Living with a woman for the first time is not easy.

And this time, she's pregnant.

Pregnant women are usually difficult to stay with if you're not matured emotionally.

My point here is that the woman might be a good woman but because you're living with her for the first time and she's pregnant could be the reason for all the problems you are seeing.

Advise?


You're a married man now, forget all your EXs and concentrate on your wife. If you love your ex like you claim then I don't see why you got involved with this one.

You've a wife now and she's yours forever, love her right, treat her well and watch her become a different person.

Thanks so much for the advice God bless you

Sonnobax15:

One of the major reason why most marriages break up is when the couple stops doing exactly what they used to do that ignited the relationship during courtship

Op, perhaps,you should go back to the drawing board and start thinking about how to make things right.. Because the deed has all been done...No reasonable person would advise you to divorce your wife . If she tire you,na only you go do wetin fit you

When she had these miscarriages yes I paid for her hospital bills .

greenie77:
Twice she miscarried, were you involved in her hospital stay?

Am the OCD kind of person but this my marriage made me a schatterbrain .
I know am O+ve and AA when she was pregnant I just had a dear ears and didn't bother to go for any test because she said she's same as me too

Olaoluwa112:
Every time, sex sex, do you people even do blood test before going into a relationship?

What if the girl you're having sex with is a carrier?

Anyways, the Bible says who God has joined together, let no one out asunder.

When you guys were rocking yourselves, we no hear words.

Better go do check up with your sweetheart.

I never saw myself never ever in my life marrying and having a divorce or not loving me wife and this is happening now .

Am worried my villagers , family , friends , colleagues at work what all would say .
A whole me

JaneYave:
Give it time. The deed has been done.

Please help a brother, I'll try to make it brief. I got married to someone I don't really love but because of pregnancy.

we met sometime around January, spent the night together around February we didn't have s*x 3nights she stayed, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with sitting room well arranged, my kitchen was excellent and bathroom was neat. She was like you need to buy a dinning table, chair, she was like if I like her I should come and see her people I told her this is the first time we are staying together please calm down and let the relationship grow, we don't know each other before. I was beginning to like her gradually as we kept intouch. Then we met again March and this time we had s*x.

Though I had another girl whom I really enjoy how we get along well and fun to be with knows me better but because I want to get into a real relationship I want the love between myself and these ladies to grow naturally.

in a week time the girl called me that she's dead I was like what and said she's pregnant. because I don't want people to talk or put my family to shame I started telling my family that I have a girl I like I want her to come visiting that was where I think I made the mistake because she started getting into my family. The other girl knows the pregnant one by name coicidentally their names are the same as she usually call my phone but she would be like just follow your heart and I do like her because I said to myself since am average height I would like to marry a tall lady she's about 6ft, the pregnant girl is same height with me.

April she lost the pregnancy and visited me after. awhile and made me slept with her that the nurse said she wouldn't take in even if I don't use protection because she's not seen her cycle yet and she took in within a month after a miscarriage. I didn't like how everything was going anymore and the likeness I had for her was no more there like before but because she kept saying just go and see my people before the pregnancy would show up I didn't think with my head I just started looking for money here and there. I made wedding cards and day I made it available 2days later she had miscarriage for the second time in less than 2mths.

if I'd known I would have just done an introduction between both families that their daughter is pregnant for me call off the wedding. you wouldn't believe I didn't even know how I got money within a month did white wedding and traditional same day but each day I don't feel happy and we've been quareling and settling each day since February till now, we married barely 2mths now even in our honeymoon she was like she regrets marrying me and I don't feel happy within myself I'm sleeping and thinking, am bathing , working anything am doing I'm thinking like what have I gotten myself into marrying someone we don't love each other. she is like she is sorry for what she said I told her each day that everything happened so fast and I didn't even know how I came this far she said we can learn to love ourselves. I wear my wedding band but I don't feel that marriage spirit I've wanted all my life.

My former girlfriend has blocked me on Facebook, WhatsApp, blacklist my number too but I still uses someone else's phone just go to search and look at her photos but I don't even go through my wife's photo at all. As married couple we barely have fun time or cuddle, fall to each other's body and tickle each other, I do say to her I love her but it's not coming am trying my best it things would work.

She too has said she's getting tired already of the marriage because there's no fun like when we met newly. I don't want to discuss this with any of my family or anyone I know I feel very ashamed of myself already. All the plans have got for my future I think of them and see myself not getting there anymore because have just slowed myself down.

Please I need your advice am eating but ematiating everyday, I look sick because am thinking too much. I don't have peace

If I divorce her can I take any other woman to the alter again in future.
Am scared what about if their family now say oh you've disgraced our daughter and do some juju thing on me .
What if tomorrow something bad happens t me and all my mind keeps telling me that it's because of the marriage and that God is punishing me

Daniel61111:
Kuku divorce am nah

I can't even tell my marriage sponsor, nor my siblings .
And because am scare of tomorrow I don't want to use some words to her hearing that she wouldn't like and me regretting all rest of my life.
But both of us are already not comfortable, she's trying to make me laugh by saying some funny words at times and I do same but after a while I feel saddened in my heart like this isn't how I wanted my marriage to be like when I get married in life and now all this

Macsjebs:
Well, sorry about the lost of the pregnancy, marriage is beautiful, put God first and let love lead, the bond did grow with time

It's not fake am sorry how lengthy the message is but it's happening to me right now. Am dying in silence. What should I do please advice me

chidekings:
you all should stop all this fake stories

Please help a brother, I'll try to make it brief. I got married to someone I don't really love but because of pregnancy. we met sometime around January, spent the night together around February we didn't have s*x 3nights she stayed, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with sitting room well arranged, my kitchen was excellent and bathroom was neat. She was like you need to buy a dinning table, chair, she was like if I like her I should come and see her people I told her this is the first time we are staying together please calm down and let the relationship grow, we don't know each other before. I was beginning to like her gradually as we kept intouch. Then we met again March and this time we had s*x. Though I had another girl whom I really enjoy how we get along well and fun to be with knows me better but because I want to get into a real relationship I want the love between myself and these ladies to grow naturally both can take care of the home, can cook, lovely attitudes, both are same age, same name.
in a week time the girl called me that she's dead I was like what and said she's pregnant. because I don't want people to talk or put my family to shame I started telling my family that I have a girl I like I want her to come visiting that was where I think I made the mistake because she started getting into my family. The other girl knows the pregnant one by name coicidentally their names are the same as she usually call my phone but she would be like just follow your heart and I do like her because I said to myself since am average height I would like to marry a tall lady she's about 6ft, the pregnant girl is same height with me. April she lost the pregnancy and visited me after. awhile and made me slept with her that the nurse said she wouldn't take in even if I don't use protection because she's not seen her cycle yet and she took in within a month after a miscarriage. I didn't like how everything was going anymore and the likeness I had for her was no more there like before but because she kept saying just go and see my people before the pregnancy would show up I didn't think with my head I just started looking for money here and there. I made wedding cards and day I made it available 2days later she had miscarriage for the second time in less than 2mths. if I'd known I would have just done an introduction between both families that their daughter is pregnant for me call off the wedding. you wouldn't believe I didn't even know how I got money within a month did white wedding and traditional same day but each day I don't feel happy and we've been quareling and settling each day since February till now, we married barely 2mths now even in our honeymoon she was like she regrets marrying me and I don't feel happy within myself I'm sleeping and thinking, am bathing , working anything am doing I'm thinking like what have I gotten myself into marrying someone we don't love each other. she is like she is sorry for what she said I told her each day that everything happened so fast and I didn't even know how I came this far she said we can learn to love ourselves. my former girlfriend has blocked me on Facebook, WhatsApp, blacklist my number too but I still uses someone else's phone just go to search and look at her photos but I don't even go through my wife's photo at all. As married couple we barely have fun time or cuddle, fall to each other's body and tickle each other, I do say to her I love her but it's not coming am trying my best it things would work. She too has said she's getting tired already of the marriage because there's no fun like when we met newly. I don't want to discuss this with any of my family or anyone I know I feel very ashamed of myself already. All the plans have got for my future I think of them and see myself not getting there anymore because have just slowed myself down.
Please I need your advice am eating but ematiating everyday, I look sick because am thinking too much. I don't have peace