₦airaland Forum

hammary:
I kind of understand her, she may not know what's wrong with her but somebody needs to talk to her so she'll know who will b better for her. not that cos she's crushing she'll go for a guy that's not too good and will b regretting later, d guy may not truly b in love with her and she may not know. bro if time isn't on your side pray and move on, youll c someone better. she may learn and come back but u have to move on, keep your mind open... don't put your life on hold for somebody, there will b hundreds of good girls that will want to b with u. sorry

MarieSucre:
OP scantee pls I beg you. Ignore this jomoh fellow's advice infact throw it into a trash can till Jesus comes. You can see that he is also a "white people" worshipper and a bitter man. And I bet he is not even married or in a committed relationship.

Now to your issue.

This is one of the problems of long distance relationships. The physical side. Now I am not talking about sex, but the bonds that are formed with being in close proximity with each other. Its now even made harder with the fact that she is in a youth environment (university). Where all he needs to do is show her some attention and she starts having doubts, meanwhile all she is able to get most of the time from is your voice on the phone. Women like attention. Humans in general like attention. I will liken your situation to a child born into a family where the father is always on transfer or works on an offshore rig. He will bond more with uncles around his compound and in school than the father who is hardly ever around.

Now it is not your fault that you can't be with her as she would like, you guys are in different stages of your life. Marriage MIGHT harmonize that, but that is by the way. I am neither excusing her actions because she is in a committed relationship and if she had any misgivings about the relationship, she should have communicated with you. I am just trying to see her position. Communication, that is what I advice you to do now. Have a heart to heart with her now. Iron these issues. And if you have or can create breaks from works, spend it with her. Let her have your attention and not feel like she can get it from elsewhere.

Finally keep in mind that a lot of the guys on this forum(from their comments) are still in "sampling punanii" and "girls are bitchess" stage. You on the other hand are a responsible man who wants to get married. You can't run away from every problem or treat it like you're a teenager. Because that is what all that "make her jealous crap" is all about. Abi are you in secondary school? So communicate with her and try to make it work, if it doesn't then seek for closure. For both your sake, I hope it works. Goodluck scantee

ariyike23:
lol,yes.. ur heart is feeling beta naw? .

iamosamede55:
OP na do the girl fine reach? Or do you feel u can't get Anoda girl that Is as beautiful or even more pretty? I'm sensing that u r not sure of your ability of landing a more beautiful girl.

justmenoni:
Op she's seen a better option, don't feel bad about it anf even if she comes back and claim innocent just ignore her..u know why?? what you don't know is better than what you know...she's probably been influenced by peer pressure..find another girl who appreciates you and move ahead but I'm sensing complex issue,do u think she's better than you and op are u educated urself She might hv been using u all this while why waiting till d end time....alot of naija girl are guilty of this act but our sisters from the east are d most common violators..

Amhappy:
My humble submission are as follows
1.She is not cheating yet
2. She is more likely to cheat if the long distance relationship continue or even during nysc
3. She may cheat after marriage if you are gone for long(she is not matured and emotionally ready) unless she changes.
4. She is still young and wants to explore
My advice;Inform her that you are going to give her the space she asked for. Reduce communication and see if she will initiate it. Socialize with others but don't date or get intimately involved with anyone. Make out time to see her face to face(after her project)and let her know your marriage timeline(eg 3-6months) to make up her mind. Once the grace is over,find ur way. Lead her to Christ,so if you ve not given your life to Christ,pls do. God is the third person in marriage. Tell her to watch Tyler Perry's Confessions of a marriage counsellor, Not easily broken.
If all these fail,I ve a young,beautiful,responsible, single 042 babe in my office with a heart of gold,contact me if only you are still the same guy after this experience and have not changed for the worse.


connect me in the new generation network. lol...anyway the deed is done,believe me after reading all the comments here, the man in me just awakened, the worst of it all is that this girl is from a particular place in the SE people ran away from when it comes to marriage, my uncle almost gave me a crazy slap the day i informed him i want to marry the girl from that place because i don't believe in the hearsay story, but notwithstanding her attitude will nerve make me believe that everybody from there are the same.

ariyike23:
i used to surf this forum as a guest,jes joined today when i saw ur post. Yur gurl is onli bored of the relationship and has found sumone thats tickling her fancy because his still new to her,its better that shes showing all these now,because what i can decipher from here is that shes not psychologically ready for marriage,she still feels young and wants to explore, and the idea of been stuck to one man is scary to her. Your best option is to give her space,i mean real space,dont break it off with her,but start going out with other gurls,dont date for now because the probability that any gurl you date now will be a rebound is very high,you may just want to use her to cure your heart break which isnt fair to the gurl. with time,if your relationship isnt meant to be,you"ll find yourself withdrawing from her gradually. One thing is if the trust has been destroyed,dont bother going further,because no matter what she does,you will always doubt her fidelity and thats bad for your health. You'll be fine,it will only hurt for a while..i promise

ogaprime:
I think you need on last concrete evidence....hope she doesn't know you are on leave and she is in school. Try to give her impression that you are not around....Go and visit her in her school unannounced. Get there early, lodge into an hotel close to her school then you go to her hostel kinda late....

And bro

as for that she always wish i visits her in school any day anytime, i don't know if is just to show off to friends or just her pure wish to be around me.

i once played blank on her that i am close to her hostel gate around 11:30:pm she was so excited and have to go settle gate man to allow me drove in whenever i get there...afterwards she felt hurt i played her. the truth is that i have never visited her in school.
Use your HEAD....

jblessed:
Op, ignore her for now but if you can't I think you should pay her a surprise visit to her school if you haven't done that. Ask few people about her attitude in school, you shouldn't rush to break up now. Yes, she's confused, it's normal. Try to be sure before breaking up.

You need to sit her down and talk, do not show any emotion, follow what your heart tells you, that little voice that tell you go when you really want to hear come.

If possible collect her phone to go through, check her facebook or other social media platforms. Anyone that says you shouldn't have access to them is simply a dishonest person, if you have nothing to hide why protest.

I'm married but before then my wife and I have access to our phones, social media and so on, even nairaland.

I was once in your shoes and it wasn't easy, I followed the above advice and after some months she came begging for me to marry her, but boy I was long gone, I can tell you till today that girl still have strong feelings for me. I handled her well by beating her to her game.

I thank God I didn't heed to her plea cause till today she's single, flirts. How did I know, I have a couple of friends who has friends that have friends that are sleeping with her, they were discussing about her and one of my friend pointed them to me that I am her ex.. so you see that if I had marry that girl my life would have been in shambles. Be careful bro.

yinkeys:
Bros do not give her time. Let her go ooo. Seriously you are going about it the wrong way. If you eventually marry her, I won't be surprised if you are on the rig & she's cheating. You see signs & yet you ignore. Always follow your instincts,logic & not your emotions.
I wish you the best

sonofananimal:
Nigga! You traveling out of the country and didn't get any foreign babe as backup plan

Always telling you mugus! Never give your heart to a NAIJA WOMEN!

There are all evil creature and now you paying for it!

I know you must have pay her SCH fees and some other stuff!


Wise up man, wise up!
There is nothing like love and marriage in this present ara. Now forget that creature and concentrate on another stuff.

DaBullIT:
And you believe her? Niggeur are you crazy?

Met this under grad lil biatch a while back, we got dating, I had plans, dubai vacation for starters, I do not stay at home much so we talk a lot



Until I started noticing, then I came home surprisingly biatch was screwing an ass wipe opposite my street


I don't trust ladies no more, to keep one you have to be a tyrant, I'm not talking violence, I'm talking full investigation shyt hard-core monitoring if she ain't comfortable


Biatch please move

torqque7:
Gbam..seconded and thirded kwa..imagine a guy working in shell na I'm one small girl the use play anyhow,.SCANTEE u better don't allow one small pikin dictate ur happiness o..ur a great catch for women far better than her..u need to be strong and MAN up,beautiful women ARE NOT in short supply yet biko..

torqque7:
Wow I understand sha...but over the years I have come to realise that women are the same everywhere o,they get bored with nice..they like mystery and if u become too predictable and she can tell what u can do then I can assure u her eyes will wonder off..u have to be strong to keep a woman o,and being strong means ignoring somethings that love would make u do normally, once a woman is comfortable that she has a grip on u then ur in trouble,I am sure she felt u were desperate to wife her and ur not going anywhere.. next time let a woman know that u can find someone to replace her any time..good luck bro

kaziblake:
I read your previous thread,she is blackmailing you emotionally,I don't think she is ready for marriage,dump her b/4 she gives you HBP.

How old is she?

kaziblake:
Women issues, so complicated.
Since she begged you not to break up with her and you still love her,i will advise you to give her a break to sort herself out.

3yrs no be beans.

yinkeys:
Bros seems you work for an international oil company (OIC). I studied petroleum engineering & being on a rig will be a dream come true to me. You're really blessed, I guess you don't know how some girls would fight to date an industry worker regardless of the dwindling oil price per barrel. Stop celebrating mediocrity & go for the best of girls.

Ifakiland:
she just teasing u

torqque7:
Lol..bro now love na survival of the fittest o,ur too soft and mushy..that doesn't help a man in marriage let alone relationship,havnt u heard stories of working class guys not wanting to date students cos of issues like these?u should av had it at the back of ur mind that shit could happen to u too so y did u put ur whole heart into it?smh people will never heed the warnings signs and then latter complain..sha the damage is done already so man up and move on,they say the best way to get over someone is to get under another so find a rebound chick ASAP and when u eventually get into another relationship, use ur head too not just ur heart,and please try to stay away from student girlfriends,its very rare to be lucky and find a good student girlfriend, this h oes aint loyal bro..girls make it sooo difficult for guys to love them these days,now who will blame this dude if he decides to become a bad player cos of this bad experience??like I said bro survival of the fittest

bigx:
One thing I've learnt, when women see you care a lot and they can make you jealous they would milk that jealousy till the last drop, they want to see you in that "state". Most though. I mostly act like I don't care (even if I do), get my own crush or crushes, stop paying too much attention. Always works

jomoh:
Don't delete them. Just pack them and keep somewhere somewhere you won't or can't access easily.


I know its not easy but you just have to disconnect yourself from her emotionally. Block your mind from seeing her as someone you love. Start seeing her as a close friend rather than a lover.

When she texts, don't text back immediately even if she says its urgent. Take sometime before you reply and don't let emotions show in your text.

Same with calls. Reduce your calls and don't return her missed call until hours later or the next day. Make it a duty not to let your missed call be more than twice.

Anytime you're tempted to make the call or to continue calling after calling twice, just drop your phone and walk away from it as far as possible.

If you can do it for just 3weeks, she'll notice the change. If she queries you, give her excuses of work stress or that you forgot then apologise. As time goes on she'll realise she's no more in control.

NOTE: no matter what she says or does, never let things go back to the way it was before. Just keep giving her promises but don't change the new attitude. When she confronts you do not admit that you've changed until after sometime if she persists. You can now let her know that you changed because you can't trust her again until she regain your trust. Let her feel she's losing you. Let her feel insecure and start chasing you but if she doesn't chase after you, just count her as another one that bites the dust and move on.

I repeat no matter what she does or says never let her melt your heart again until you've put the ring on that finger. Even after the marriage there are still ways to make her feel insecure.

BTW please and please give your crushers some chance and have fun. Give at least 2 of them chance. You don't know they might give you the lasting peace of mind you so much seek but if they don't it will have help you in more ways than one to reshape your mind and relationship.

SeverusSnape:
Scantee

Are you a learner... How dare you date an undergraduate girl albeit a long distance relationship for that matter. She can never be loyal to you, She'll surely cheat because she's always getting numerous attentions from guys.

See, I broke up with my last girl friend when she got admission in Ghana to further her studies. I did what I did because I know what's up with girls of nowadays. I loved her, but what should be done must be done.

Sorry bro.

charlemon:
Please kindly ignore some aspects of comments such as "never date an undergraduate" , "Avoid long distance relationships" etc. These have nothing to do with discipline. A woman that's disciplined and loves you genuinely will definitely wait for you and guard her heart for you in various ways.
Every human (married and unmarried) come across an individual they admire for one thing or the other but genuine love and discipline is the difference here. It determines if they will court such temporal attraction or not.
Your girl isn't a baby and we do not know what has been occurring in your relationship. You may have quarrelled severally , she has seen something in you she doesn't like etc that has made her consider other men.
The first thing to do is to sit her down and ask her what she wants. Let her speak while you listen. If she says she wants to be with you then you let her know the conditions necessary to proceed with the relationship. If you notice she is sceptical or unsure bout the relationship; it is better you move on with your life. However, if you have no trust in her please just end the relationship if you don't want to turn to a detective all your life.
Do not be quick to action. Sit her down and talk. Let her do more talking while you do more listening. Ask her bout the person, laugh and tease her over it and you will hear some details that have been hidden. She will describe him either in the most loving manner or not, she will pause or smile when talking bout several things concerning him or she may do none of these and you will really know where her heart is. From there you can take your decision. Never end your relationship in anger or pain. Smile and let her see you leave quietly without any fear or pain (you can cry in ur house ooo lol). It will let her see that you know your worth and have self value and respect. Women are everywhere so take your time before making a decision

valdes00:
Right on point bro... part of the rules of dating...
Neva ever take a student serious in relationship, there is a possibility dat she will crush on a brilliant guy in class.....

yorex2011:
I'm really sorry about your ordeal.
Dating female undergrads (btw 19 - 23) most times can be a hassle especially if it's long distance. First thing you need to know, you are in charge of your happiness. Take pride in the fact that you are a wonderful fellow who did you very best...
The human mind / psychology is very delicate especially in matters like this..
I've been in a similar situation but i took pride in the fact that i tried my best, but she forgot that no one is perfect..even her.... I overlooked hers, she used mine as a tool to breakup...

So bro, keep calm and be happy jor, you need the happiness

Dexema:
your last sentence is the best you have made so far, long distance relationship with a young female student whose emotions are still wavering and immature is a recipe for disaster, just have a serious convo with her for a few minutes to determine your fate, cos therz nothing as annoying as chasing a woman who believes you are stalking or disturbing her. I guess you are seeing the signs already.

yinkeys:
That's life for you sir, it doesn't always turn out the way you plan it. That's why people have plan A, B & C.

hebenezher:
100 female crushers? jeez! the boy na van vicker

wilybebsy:
#TrustIssues