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Also, pay utility bills! Wow.

By now, you ought to have known that this story didn't start here! You can see what my wife does...
https://www.nairaland.com/8072603/what-wife-does

What my father-in-law said when he met me for the first time

Like play like play, I follow this girl go their house after reaching an agreement that she would see me as her incumbet boyfriend even though say I no reach. She agreed and we got moving. That day, she told me to pose like an assassin because her father likes meeting strong, strange and neat people and I complied. That day, I nearly wore spiderman attire to that man's house and they welcomed us well until it was time for introduction and the daughter introduced me as her secondhand boyfriend which didn't go down well with the man as he had to take her aside and ask her if I wasn't her bodyguard as he had assumed. When they came back, he was smiling from chin to chin and I knew it was a done deal. So, he apologized to me for keeping the cola waiting and every other thing went well. Seeing no other reason to refuse my bidding, my wife told me to wow them with my driving skills. That was when I hopped into one of those mack trailers in the compound and set my direction due south! Everybody was clapping as they confirmed that small body no be sickness.

He mother told me to always hold her daughter's hand when we want to cross main roads and her father said I should never tell his daughter stories about other girls. I agreed and we left. That same evening, I started failing to fulfill my own side of the promise.

Now, I would have allowed you to hear my wife's side of the story but she is still asleep. Thank you!

Before Peter, before Ahmed and before General, there was Yar'Adua. That was why when I looked left, looked right and there was no other strategy to leave home and focus more on my personal goals, I picked up my phone and texted my boss one evening detailing the need for him to let me off the hook so that I could take sometime out to rearrange my life, better understand life from another perspective and even be able to regain my peace of mind again after having numerous face-offs with my wife, her mother (in conjuction with her twin sister) and her union of uncles but surprisingly enough, my boss bounced the message back by saying, Young man, you don't deserve it.

It pained me a lot and I nearly reported him to the Police but I remembered it was a corporate matter. So, I stayed down for another two weeks and decided to take the bull by the horns by making a heart-felt appeal to my wife. On that note, she called her father on phone to let him know of my next move. Actually, I told her it was time to take the education route again before continuing with the business stuff as I had to remind her I never went to NYSC after graduating 12 years ago! At first, she had mixed feeling about the whole thing but she remembered that I never cheated on her. So, I further reinforced her confidence by telling her,

Honey,

You know this NYSC is the only opportunity I have in order to come face to face with the Federal Government of Nigeria and that is the only way to say truth to power and as a strange man, I will live everyday as a happy man without fear of being pointed accusing fingers at knowing fully that I will not soil my garment at the orientation camp. Moreover, this might be the divide between who people say I am and who I truly am.

Immediately she heard the last paragraph, she held my both hands, uttered some incoherent words of prayer and said,

You're free to go, my son.

At first, I felt relieved but her closing remark got me laughing myself to stupor as I fell to the ground out of a naive shock.

Wait, who's your son? I asked as I mildly got myself back together.

Abeg get out. She said,

You hungry civilian. She added and went to her own sleeping space.

The next morning, I gave my daughter a gift from my grandfather's archive containing our family history written in blood, sweat and infinity as I moved out like the Solopreneur that I was. Till today, I never regret my actions.

For my inactions, I harvested uncertainty with both hands. Gradually, they riped into reality

princepee:
I can relate oo
I did same thing last Sunday and I have just done it again today.

My wife is a business woman she makes a lot of money but will never spend any for the house.
She takes my money without telling me, and when I find out she will tell me she us it for the house case close,

Last Sunday when she and the children went to church I bored and some how found a lot of cash in here bag( most be the sales she made the previous day). Took some cash there went to uncle B bar had some good time bought cat fish from the money for them.
Everyone was happy.
Marriage is sweet jare if you know how to relate with your spouse.
My wife use to say my money is our money, but her money is hers.

No prob any money is this house now is ours.
QED.

I don't think you deserve to be blamed! Eziokwu.

brain54:
Maybe she Don loan you money in the past...

And you no make good use of it. Na why she no Wan release you cash again.

I no see why else wife no go assist husband if she get.

No matter what don't be proud of stealing your wife's money though.

Don't feel entitled to her wealth either... What if she didn't have. Won't you strive hard to succeed and take care of your beautiful daughter - as a man?

Before our new neighbour arrived, things used to be smooth between us! Now, I can't say much.

Wait, you call it *stealing?* bom'b dey your head! No offence.

Thanks for the advice sha.

I sha know say she no go fit leave the marriage because of our daughter! That one is another unrefined Gold. She asks questions that can pass one's brain through the furnace.


If I ever survive this, I will give other young men sound advice! I promise.

brain54:
She fit go know if she no see her 30 paali...

We will settle outside the court.

I ready for anything.

Besides, this is not my first time!

Far, intermediate and immediate causes of the squabbles.

I told my wife to give me N600k let me add to the one I have and buy shuttle bus that I will use and be plying all the dangerous roads in the country with the last energy in my veins so that I can become a man of my own because things are hard but she refused and said I should find a way to make both ends meet because even my certificate is not useful to me. I thought about it and wanted to borrow money but then, I realized that I had no collateral. So, I went down on my knees to beg her and yet she refused despite having reminded her of how we met, how we used to be and how many times we came through for each other but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. So, I was dumbfounded, emaciated and disenfranchised in my own house.

Just when a new neighbour showed up to provide solace to my battered heart, soul and body, my wife is now conniving with strange people to monitor me and I don't want to have any meeting with her family and friends as my brain cannot carry it.

Right now, I have not even defined my relationship with this new neighbour but I believe it's strictly business and nothing more.

Hmm...

brain54:
Silent loud achiever...

Why you come dey broadcast am?


This one Wan buy farouz 30k. Na achievement be that?


Better no go house this night!

I dey outside, she no fit know say na me dey write all these things. Moreover, I go spend small money for here, carry the remaining arrange myself.

Cold War, One.

My wife and I are having issues at home and I wouldn't want to go back anytime soon. The thing is, there is a new neighbour around the corner who is always fanning the flame of war in my marriage with her silent beauty, unprovocative smile and stylish modern wears and I have taken ample time to study her only to find out that she is deeply into tech and that made me to loosen up a bit towards her. The problem now is that my wife knows me too well! I hardly smile with anyone but this neighbors's case is different because she promised to teach me how to achieve fast internet connection without money or data in my Sim card! So, whenever she talks, I smile because I don't want to lose the business bond between us. Now, my wife is thinking otherwise.

OK, now I am losing my cool but I just have to keep her because she has been doing a lot for me. If I ever come out of this, I will go for thanksgiving.

As we speak, two of my guys are telling me to man up to the occasion and tell my neighbors how I feel but I don't really feel anything. Besides, my wife comes from a big family and strangely enough, I don't know if she has a single bone. Right now, my safety is in the hand of God but I promise to play along fine.

Note: this story is bringing back memories and I may have to stop soon as I am trying so hard to hold back emotions!

OK, there is something you have to know about me and that's the fact that I don't enjoy spending my own money! So, early this morning I found my way to my wife's purse and grabbed a whole lot of wads of the green currency and I quickly left the house to avoid being detected! So, along the way, I had to count the money and it came out to be 30k.

Right now, I am at an open place with two heavily armed bodyguards quite close to my back as I sip from my independent bottles of Fayrouz. Thank you!

In the ancient time, it's a shameful thing for a man to go to his wife's purse to achieve, grab or hunt anything but now, anything can happen.

Hmm

Facts about her union of uncles

01. They are the Overseers of my marriage.

02. They were the ones who set an examination for me which I needed to pass before I could marry their daughter. At the end of it all, I scored 48/100 and had to bribe my way in because I like politics!

03. They once told me to come and stay with Uncle Bolaji for 6 months so that I could learn how to take care of their daughter well. When I asked them why, I was met with a deafening silence.

04. They are ever ready to defend their daughter at any court of fitness! Even against her will. I don't know what they are protecting. Hmm

... And the rules go on and on! Fear those people.

How I changed it for my mother-in-law

Ok, fine. I am not all that humble but I try to make things work fine. Hence, I am always obedient and truthful to the point of no return. So, you can imagine what I have been through.

As I write this, all my hands shake as I never imagined that I could stood up to that woman. There was a time she called me and said I should come and help them slaughter a goat they would use for their last born's birthday celebration. I was so happy because it was not easy to get close to that woman (and her sister) because their class is too high! So, I called two of my guys to mount guard for me in the case of eventuality. When we got there, we didn't know who to greet first because if you greet the girl's mother without greeting her twin sister first, you will be in trouble. They are dragging greeting position like some of those SSAs Obiano hired during his regime and one wonders which office they work in. So, we went straight to the kitchen to reason with the women who were doing the cooking. Trust me, I came with a satchet of butter, two bottles of fayrouv and seven cans of coca-cola soft drinks. The aim was to top-up intermittently. Whatever that means.

So, we got down to work and were discussing and laughing during the whole process. While we were about to finish, my mother-in-law showed up from the backyard and my countenance changed! Sensing dange'r, one of the guys went to the gate to clear way should the unexpected happens while the other one stayed on ground to cheer me up. For the first time in my life, my morale level was 80%!

Mama, how are you doing? I started with an ugly smile on my face.

Fine, take the meat to the kitchen like that, they are waiting and Catechist would soon arrive. She said with a straight face.

Ah, Mama, we are not done yet nah! I protested mildly because it's not my father's house.

Do whatever the heck I tell you and stop musing around like a Carpenter that lost his hammer. She barked at me and all eyes were on us.

Before I could talk again, she held me by the collar and made me to stand up from where I was kneeling down to cut the meat as I backed her. While coming up, my hand held the handle of the bucket that contained the biggest part of the meat which was the left lone pair of the laps. So, I rose by lifting a bucket containing huge meat and history was made in that compound as we went to the kitchen together! Even my guy who was supposed to cheer me up burst out laughing and some people were just saying chai, eiyaa, e.woo o and I accepted everything with mixed feelings. Meanwhile, my wife was still at home preparing for the party!

When I got to the kitchen, another drama started as my mother-in-law dumped me there and told them to manage me as their errand boy because the one she called didn't show up. So, I lost my cool. I called her three times, pointed at her face with a stern look and told her plainly,

Mama, mama, mama, you have wounded a lion. Now you will see the Beans in me. Then I stormed out of the place and two of my guys followed me. All these things were happening while my Pa in-law was away to buy newspaper. When I got home, I told my wife everything and she ignored me. According to her, she needed to hear it from the horse's mouth first!

On arrival, she told me that I was introduced as the special guest of honour in my absence and I was a bit relieved. Later, her younger brother that celebrated his birthday called to know what waxup but I had already done what was in my mind! Thank you.

How I met my wife

I know I am not supposed to be saying this online but my heart is overflowing. So, let it be let out.

There was a day I visited Onitsha to see a friend of mine who got sca'mmed while attempting to sca'm another person. So, we paid him a semi-condolence visit because he nearly died because of the deal as all his funds were emptied from his diverse accounts. On our way back, I decided to take another route because I heard that Onitsha people are stubborn! So, I went to test their kariability and street ruggedity. That was how I found myself separating a fight I don't know how it started. At the end of everything, I sustained minor injuries, was rushed to the nearby Chemist store or Pharmacy while those who sustained major injuries were rushed to the hospital at once. After treating me, the girl decided to carry me on her back from the patient's room to wherever I was to board the next bus to Awka. That was how I fell in love and we exchanged contacts. Throughout the journey, I was thinking about this chubby girl and her attitude.

Later, she took me out on a date, spent money on me and even spoiled me a bit with long life and prosperity wishes. Thinking I had secured a place in her heart, I decided to play along.

Today, everything looks like a movie because I never expected to get this far. When I traveled to Enugu for some business engagements, the relationship suffered a setback but when I returned, we linked up a again. You needed to see how she complained about missing me, sighting me dedicating me! In fact, e remain small make she cry her eyeballs out while explaining herself to me on how she felt while I was away.

In order not to lose me, she decided to tie me down. Trust woman on that one!

Timeline of events in my life

01. My mother scattered my life by telling me, some of your mates are married, son.

02. I scattered my mother's life by telling her that some of my mates are in the mortuary.

03. My wife scattered my life by telling me that her father and union of uncles can feed me, clothe me, feed my generation and even create a future for me!

04. My landlord now scattered my wife's life by telling her that she cannot paste banners in front of the compound.

05. If I tell you how my boss scattered our lives, you will regret being a Nigerian.

... Honestly

What my wife did that scattered my life

I know it's hard for me but I just have to admit that I am not in control of this marriage! It is either it is in the hand of God or it is in the hand of outsiders of which I suspect that my boss is the head but I can't just say it out loud because my job is in the line. My wife, being the kind of woman that she is does not allow me to air my views peacefully.

There was a time a politician in my locality diverted public funds to his personal accounts and I traced the whole deal independently and when I told my wife about it, she said I should learn to mind my business. I protested by telling her that I achieved the same success some sophiscated law enforcement agencies couldn't achieve in their entire history and she said, Such a careless attitude shouldn't be condoned and if you call it a successful adventure, then it is not necessary! At that point, I knew that I had had it all.

I packed out of the main room and my wife didn't care. A room that was meant for both of us now accommodated only she and her electronic gadgets. I knew I meant nothing to her but I just hope she would pretend a bit to make me feel important. Even her father didn't call to ask us how far. It was only my daughter that showed concern.

My landlord on the other hand was telling me to bear it as a man but I didn't know which angle to start bearing from. Meanwhile, she always provided for the family. So, my problem was minimal, deep and confusing.

One day, I caught her speaking to my boss on phone and when I asked her what gives, she said that she was only motivating the young man to move the company to the next level as a concerned citizen and an elderly states womWhat my wife did that scattered my life

I know it's hard for me but I just have to admit that I am not in control of this marriage! It is either it is in the hand of God or it is in the hand of outsiders of which I suspect that my boss is the head but I can't just say it out loud because my job is in the line. My wife, being the kind of woman that she is does not allow me to air my views peacefully.

There was a time a politician in my locality diverted public funds to his personal accounts and I traced the whole deal independently and when I told my wife about it, she said I should learn to mind my business. I protested by telling her that I achieved the same success some sophiscated law enforcement agencies couldn't achieve in their entire history and she said, Such a careless attitude shouldn't be condoned and if you call it a successful adventure, then it is not necessary! At that point, I knew that I had had it all.

I packed out of the main room and my wife didn't care. A room that was meant for both of us now accommodated only she and her electronic gadgets. I knew I meant nothing to her but I just hope she would pretend a bit to make me feel important. Even her father didn't call to ask us how far. It was only my daughter that showed concern.

My landlord on the other hand was telling me to bear it as a man but I didn't know which angle to start bearing from. Meanwhile, she always provided for the family. So, my problem was minimal, deep and confusing.

One day, I caught her speaking to my boss on phone and when I asked her what gives, she said that she was only motivating the young man to move the company to the next level as a concerned citizen and an elderly stateswoman in the community. For a minute, I wondered if my wife had ever called me a young man if not this small boy she addresses me as all the time.

BTW, I don't blame her.

Juvenile delinquency should have been blamed but the mind is too weak to judge!

The eyes are wide open but the man is far gone!

Far gone into the abyss of thinking that all will be well! Far gone into the abyss of thinking that the society would understand and far gone into the abyss of thinking that the woman should be blamed but here lies the truth.

Inside the abyss comes the fire that consumes the past yet no solution at hand for the woman had gone off the ladder and the man thinks he's innocent but all are guilty for the little fire that started as a means of being warmth has burnt the fingers yet how wretched it is that no neighbour came to help!

Carry your cross they would say when you complain yet no one knows how heavy it is. May the tears you shed today not be transferred to your children for when the flower withers you wonder if it was ever all that beautiful.

Before I withdraw the last N30,000 in my account I will remember there's a man out there crying over spilt milk!