Nashville: I really pity you cos you do not know what you want. You do not want to marry a cheat and you are convinced your bf is cheating, so what are you waiting for? Sorry you are highly insecure and you should deal with your insecurity before you think of marriage. You are absolutely not ready for marriage and anyone that marries you will have a hard time.

The reason is that you believe almost all men cheat which is a lie. One very important thing for a successful marriage is trust. You do not seem to have trust so having a happy marriage will be very hard for you because your insecurities will always hunt you even when there is nothing wrong.

Your boyfriend may or may not be cheating. I cannot tell you that for sure cos I dont know him. But what I can tell you is that there are still many good God fearing guys out there who do not cheat on their gf and wives. Your responsibility is to find a good man that loves you and does not cheat on you and your should in turn trust him. There would always be lots of bad boys out there too but you first of all need to understand there are good ones out there before you can even get one. You just need to change your mind set, period.

thanks o, but firstly I'll humbly advice you to pity yourself first. Like you said I know him better than you do. "ALmost" not "all" men. That a man cheats doesn't classify him as a bad guy, its all about nature. I'll also advice that next time, kindly read through the thread, understand it well before contributing.

What are you even saying guy? .please read the thread well before u comment. Which one is july salary inside matter. Hian!

Morayo747: I bet my July salary even if you catch him red-handed nothing will change you will still be in this relationship. Now do you really want to do that to yourself? Let sleeping dogs li...what the eyes don't see the heart don't grieve.

emiye:

Strange text messages ?!, What were the contents of the strange text messages, since it is coming from a particular number. I will implore you to challenge your fears once and for all, instead of going through continuous emotional pain that might get worse if you eventually get married to him. Hack in to his phone for a shor

chidyhels:
If your exclusive with someone, and the both are faithfull to each other, the very moment you start feeling he's cheating, forget evidence, he is cheating. You guys have been together for long, so the moment he changes you must knw. The question is, as much as you love him, will you leave when you get your evidence. Why not face it upfront, y is he cheating? how much have u both communicated about faithfulness and staying true to one another?

t duration.

chidyhels: If your exclusive with someone, and the both are faithfull to each other, the very moment you start feeling he's cheating, forget evidence, he is cheating. You guys have been together for long, so the moment he changes you must knw. The question is, as much as you love him, will you leave when you get your evidence. Why not face it upfront, y is he cheating? how much have u both communicated about faithfulness and staying true to one another?

exactly what I'll do

I get u honey. Thanxx

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^ ^ Just see the siggy of the poster above. What is that
@op, I really don't know what to say to you. If this relationship is tending towards marriage, you really want to know what you're getting into...none of us here knows your man as much as you do, try and be sure. It could be your mind playing tricks on you but someitmes, I believe in the word 'INSTINCT'. I wouldn't advice you to just brush it aside, at the same time, you don't have evidence, you shouldn't behave rashly. Be careful, I really hope you get wisdom to tackle this.

Like I sed, I'll jst take it slowly. Thanks anyway

kokosheen:

You're looking for something that's not lost and would simply create it yourself. I had an experience once where the lady ended up exchanging messages with a lady friend pretending to be me. The friend was so suprised, played along and sent "my love messages" to our mutual friends telling them I'd gone wacko. Eventually the 1st lady got a call from someone saying what I was up to. You can guess the humiliation to all concerned and my action afterwards

IMO, you'll end up driving him away.

freecocoa: You say you are sure he cheats,what else are you looking for na?

If you are sure and don't want to be with a cheat then leave, catching him won't make any difference as far as I'm concerned since you are already sure.

See confusion.

your the confused being here. Please read through the thread before commenting

Oohrhii:

You are about to lose a husband.

Whats more important, him cheating or him respecting you?

To get a man that doesn't cheat one way or the other, is a hard task.

Just focus on your relationship and dont bother urself with the flings.

its easier sed than done. The way a man feels when being cheated on is the exact way a woman feels.if a man respects a woman, why should he cheat. Its as good as saying, i can as well cheat and he should just concentrate on our relationship. Then everybody goes gaga. Even worse as the environment we find ourselves has claimed it to be a man's world. Like I sed in my earlier post. Its just a means to tackle the issue. Thanx sha

Wen you get him what will you do to him?[/quote]please read thru the thread before commenting

dmcdad: I truly understand your fears gurl.... It takes a sincere heart to worry on such matter to this extent. The thing I detest most and would be very hard to tolerate from my future partner would be unfaithfulness. I so detest it that I would rather remain single for life than being cheated upon for once.

Anywayz, I am the kind person that don't allow things bother him. There are two ways I arrest issues that present themselves to my mind. First, I try as much as I can to let it die a natural death and forget about it for life. Secondly, if its something that proves abortive, then the only alternative would be to face it and arrest it asap cause trust me, I hate to have something bother me.

Well... people can be quick to judge you unfairly because they feel you are just hallucinating or having a phantasmagoria. Since it has become so pressing that you find it hard to bear, then I would say you satisfy your cravings and figure out a way to catch him red handed. I cant tell you what to do or how to go about it. You know him and as such you should figure out a way to clear up everything and be free becauee I tell you girl, you dont wanna continue like this as it will ruin you big time.

Have you thought about it like you are just being insecured? You know sometimes when there are emotions flaring, insecurity tends to show its ugly face and make you fave fears that are unreal.

I would advice you think it through and through and try to see if you can kill it. If you can't, then its either you figure out a way to confirm your fears or you leave him for good. If you get to find out its true what would you do? And if leaving him would be the option; if you leave him, how sure are you that the next man would not do the same? And if you wont leave him but talk him out of it, i would rather you do that now and get reassured once more that he loves you and wont hurt you in any way. There are lots of questions that needs answering. Don't you agree?

Take it slow so you dont make a mistake please.....

*sighs of relief* so relieving to know that someone truly understands me. Thanks so much. I actually hav a few clues I only want a situation where denial is impossible.thnks once again

emiye: tap in to his phone for just 2 weeks, if nothing special is detected, you are simply insecure.



There is a very strong case you are simply insecure based on what you wrote above as fuelling your suspicion.

like I said above, there are clues. Seen couple of strange text messages frm a particular number, off course if I decide to confront him, he'll give some silly stories.besides that so many more.like the guy above sed, I'll just take it slowy when doing my findings out.you guys rock. Thanks once again

ibkaye: Are you going to leave him once you find your evidence?

Mynd_44:
Why not choose to trust him until you find evidence?

And oh yeah, what happens when you get evidence that he is cheating?

please read above

mr.drizzy:
Funny! Are u sure ur mind isnt playing tricks with you,most ladies have dis habit of having dis insecure feeling when dating,if u dnt have any clue,fact nt even a tiny one jst forget it and play on.

if I dint have the tiniest clue, I won't be here asking this

kliq: If u hav d cobviction dat he's not true to u,u really nid not bother urself bout catchin him in d act cus u will never...dats a true playa for u,he's smarter dan u(smooth operator).If however u catch him,what do u intend to do? Walk out/cry?...u really can get a St on dat cus ur next myt b worse

please also read my post above

Mynd_44:
I say this cos I know that jealousy is not good. It makes your mind clouded and you lose sight of everything else.

You get bitter and not fun to be with. You start nagging and you become the evil witch

I get your point now. Believe me my case is completely different. I don't nag,cos I can't stand it either. No matter the issu I must find a way to sort it out, and nagging is way way out of my proceedures

Mynd_44: You already feel so strongly about this and you keep hurting yourself looking for evidence that he cheats.

You would not stop looking for evidence even as you have none and it will keep driving you crazy. Eventually, you will drag him down too and make him nuts with insecurity.

My advice, let the man be

you say this because you are unaware of what it feels like to be in a ladies shoes

dBard:

Good question..as d adage goes ; beware wat u look for cos u mite find it.
Have found out most girls just want t get married t feel secure or complete not necessarily cos they're ready. u are already thinking of marraige yet are running around distrustful n suspicious, is dat how you're going t carry on in marraige? abi u tink marraige will change anything??
U need t take a chill pill n work on yourself n ur relationship bf going any furthr cos as of now.... U aint serious yet

thanks for your advice honey. Trust me, no girl wants to find herself secured cos of marriage. The society we find ourselves puts that mentality of insecurity and completeness. Its totally different outside here.A large number of married ladies regret being married (find out yourself) They only admit it within themselves (the ladies) It all still falls down to the society

Its not about being ready or suspicious or even distrust. Its about fighting it now to avoid it later(not physically o). If I don't fight it now, then who I'm I to fight it later. Communication is what we hv built the foundation of our relationship on from day one till date. Now tell me, how can I communicate when he refuses to admit, when there's no evidence to bring the issues to discussion.Off course I've tried a number of times to bring the matter to table, it just becomes a waste of speech nd energy. Nothing comes out of it. That's the only reason I want him caught.

Henry praise: so after catching him red handed what will u do? fight him or end the relationship? u better wake up.

look dear, finding out about a cheating spouse/boyfriend is one thing. Him admitting to it another thing. It only helps me tackle the issues better

So we've bn in dis relationship for over a year. I know he cheats, (which. Painfully gets to me, straight right into my bone marrow) but I cant seem to find any evidence to nail him. Gush! He plays his game neatly without a single trace. I've tried reaching him severally at night and my boos phone is busy for long minutes, he keeps claiming its an international call. Seen just a few txt messages with nothing concreate to hit on. Yeah I lov him but I honestly can't stand being cheated on. He introduced himself to my folks just last week which means he's wants to marry me. The cheating aspects drives me insane. I want to know what's up in his sleeves? I want to catch him. Cos I don't want to end up with a man who leaves his family at home and end up withother girls out there(I know its normal with almost all guys) but why can't mine be diferent? I need advices please, I can't stand it.this is one of the most thing scaring me away from marriage. And it stares right at my face, I'm scared, I want him caught red handed. How do I go about this?