₦airaland Forum

Just do what your mind says. He is not your guide.

Gagare1:
I hope it will be a short read.

So, there is this person I met during my undergrad years who was into youth ministry in the campus. He is a family man. I was introduced to him by a family that I consider my spiritual parents, and being the passionate type about the Christian faith, I trusted him and we started doing Bible study and other campus outreach programs. Our friendship grew well enough that sometimes I visit his house during the weekend (along with other youths he relates with) for Bible studies and what not. With time, I got to trust him enough to allow him into my personal space, which is not something I do easily because I am an introvert (until I trust you, then I sanguinize rapidly).

Fast forward to about two years later, I entered my first relationship with a lady and I hoped to marry her, so I introduced her to him. Gbam! Things started changing between us. Whenever she and I had issues (mainly bordering around her closeness with guys and her dislike of other ladies, even my own relatives) he seemed to take her side, always blaming me for being rigid. Now, he might be right that I am rigid, because we clearly disagreed on certain issues like him claiming to have more authority over me than my own parents because he is my spiritual leader, which I firmly disagreed. Or him saying a good man will forgive a cheating wife, for which I replied "she will go to her father's house and NOBODY can make me take her back". And many other instances.

Now, as time went by I got fed up with her flirting with random guys, and her lack of commitment to the relationship, treating me like an option. So when I graduated and left her on campus, I decided to gradually end the relationship by telling her to simply go ahead and commit to any guy she feels an attraction to, since I will no longer be around. Any reasonable person would have understood what it meant. As God will have it, about two months later, I met the lady that will later become my wife. But I didn't even try to woo her until after about six months when I was on NYSC camp. So everything was done via phone. First, I called my ex and officially ended the relationship, then call the new lady and professed my love.

Despite almost a full year of separation, all hell broke loosed after that call. My ex reported me to that mutual friend, who immediately went ballistic on me. He threatened to take unpleasant measures against me if I don't retract my words and come to the table. Table? To eat what? Tuwo ko Gurasa? I maintained my stance, telling him, "When I return from camp I will come to see you, but don't expect any change in my decision, I will only come to officially tell about it". And that was what I did. And for about two years, we were estranged.

However, when it was time for me to marry, I thought it will be good for me to honour him for the five years we spent together as friends on campus, at least he was kind of a guardian in a way. So I personally travelled interstate to meet him and address any grievance, even offering him the honor of being the guest preacher on my wedding. Now, I had to bypass a host of ordained ministers who were colleagues of my Dad, to choose him. In fact, some of them even told my Dad that they hoped he would have chosen them to minister at his youngest son's wedding, but I made my choice, and my Dad respected it. Of course, he chose his own friend to do solemnization.
Everything went smoothly.

About two years later, my wife and I decided to visit his family for Easter, we went with our daughter who was barely a year old. We spent two days. After about a year we visited again, but this time we returned with a clear decision to end any close relationship with him, choosing to simply treat him as an acquaintance and no longer a family friend. But why the drastic measure?

Here it is:
During the second visit, in the course of our discussion, only the two of us, he admitted jokingly that on their way back from our wedding, where he preached, they were discussing about how I chose not to marry a lady that matches my educational level and age, but instead went to marry a small girl with lesser education because I want to control her. But I will be shocked with what I will get, because that small girl will surprise me (i.e. deal with me).
Literally laying a curse on the very wedding he preached on. That was it!

Ever since we returned, for more than three years now, I give him cold feet. He has tried many times to get us to visit but I always find a way to avoid it. I simply don't feel my family is safe around them. The trust is no longer there.

On more than two occasions, he called my wife telling her to ask me what his offense was, that I am ignoring him. For me, it is a matter of family security.

By the way, the age gap between my wife and I is 5 years only. But she has a small body, so people think she is a small girl. I love that woman too much to risk loosing my guard, not for anyone, much less someone who cursed us while we smiled at each other.

I am open to mature advise.

Did I really go too far by redefining our relationship with him?

alphonsoolajide:
https://eyesoflagos.com/2026/01/16/anu-adeleke-shares-chats-davido-dna-test/

The scrre chats is not verifable , and not admiossible in court unless its hows Davidos number, i can save someone's number on my phone and name it as David Adeleke. the y should take thier claims to court, court will enforce it for them to do DNA test and results will be shared openly

Time is precious and you don't waste people's time

for 500k, You can get this around Badagry and Epe

All the extras you paid na settling. i did everything online in October and i didn't get it till February. However it was ready like 6 weeks though i checked on the portal and it was still showing Processing

You need to use a contraceptive that is convinient for your wife and you need help to take care of them though its expensive abroad

i donty know why he is crying he carried A SIDECHICK to his friend's house and saw his Girlfriend.

You cant judge because of the price alone what is the economy like generally in Zambia. GDP, GNP and the inflation rate

She cant even spell Ferrari

Where can you get these phones in Nigeria

it is very,very real

Fantacy1: For the past few months, there have been rumours of Fidelity Bank cars and cash savings splash in which the bank claimed to have made available 25 Hyundai Accent cars; #25m + more. But am yet 2 see a winner. Can some1 please convince me if dis is true or jux packaging? Tanx and God bless

Chop yansh Chop yansh or PILE

so where are the shoes

what software did you use to do that

My guy, Win 98 nis the worst of the pack i n utilities and abilities.It is just bmore stable and has low lapses .