₦airaland Forum

addictiv: Love is a choice. Its chosing what you want more over what you want.....you either choose to stay in love or to fall out of it........so op who do you want more? Your wife or ex......

I dont know, I think I am damm confused and so many thoughts are in my head that I can not think anything further.
Earlier due to some situations I decided to separate my way but she never went off from my inside, I dont know if this is my love or attraction or selfishness or lust or mirage for my ex, but thats what is happening with me always.
I dont have any strong reason to be away from my wife, she is innocent, lovely, knows everything, but its all about me that I am not here with her. Either I am sick or I need some psychological help to come out of this situation.

Dantedasz: @OP,
Do you really in all honesty feel you are being fair and truthful to all parties concerned in this triangle? Are you being just to your wife, your ex lover and yourself?

You are right and I feel same that I am not being honest to everyone.
But how do I control myself of not thinking about my ex when she is in my mind always and I know somewhere she is angry and unhappy because I married with someone else (which happened in different circumstances). Now I feel guilt for her, and also somewhere somehow even I think that I can not live away from her for long and if I will be away then I might not be 100% here too.

andromida: I hope you are not husband to the wife on the other thread who cannot trust her hubby anymore. This is just sad and i feel sorry for your wife and you. But you have no one but yourself to blame and knowingly dragged someone into your confusion. Why did you use your wife like this? WHY? you used her as an emotional band aid you want to keep on using that girl as a drug for quick fix. *sighs*

From this i see you don't like facing yourself and telling yourself the truth but now you are coming out of the closet. Closet isn't for gays only everyone who tells the truth to him or herself comes out of the closet. For me this is a decision you alone have to make don't ask us we can't wear your shoes. This is your life actually. This is reality and its alot about tough decision but what about your wife? is she O.K with leaving her? Have you talked with her about how you feel? Are you considering her feelings? Try Radical honesty with yourself first and your wife you will have all the answers you are looking for. Don't forget God talk to him bare it all because you can't impress him with falsehood. He knows you flaws plus thoughts and all.

Thank you andromida for response. The thread you mentioned is not my wife, trust me.
Regarding discussion with her about being separate, yes we did talk openly. Since she is tired of my this behavior (I don't cheat her for any other women or for anything, its only about my behavior when I get my ex's thoughts I cant handle it very well and gets upset and silent by myself). She is ready to be separate if that is in good for both of us but I know that she love me a lot and care for me too much, which I have no problem for that at all. Also there is another truth that I can never merry my ex (due to some genuine personal reasons). So if we get separated at all then we all will be living our life separately on their own world. Now my dilemma is, by doing this am I not loosing a great partner? If I dont, then am I not spoiling her life by being with herself and not giving her what a proud wife deserve?

alutacontinua: https://www.nairaland.com/1562245/love-husbandbut-loosing-trust

Are u related to the woman in the above thread?

Trust me this is not my wife. None of the things matches with our situations.

A Hell No. Thats a problem forever. Which will leave you in insecurity and dilemma.

deeptesting: You can divorce your wife on the basis that you no longer love her; you are lonely and depressed even when you are married which may lead to your untimely death and you don't want to die now....Then you can move in with your Ex...

Thanks all. @deeptesting, this situation is with my wife. I am cooperative with her but she might feel that she is lonely because I am not with her mentally and my ex has taken over my thoughts always.

I had a serious affair with a girl for long time, for some serious reason I thought that this will not work then I got married to one of my friend. It has been few years now but I still can't forget her and her thoughts are all over my head always.
She is still unmarried or not engaged yet, but really angry with me. We talk sometimes but not like love birds anymore.
I like my wife but don't love her in actually. I am thinking of staying away from my wife so that I do not spoil her life anymore.
Am I thinking right, or should I continue this relationship the way it is. I think that I am not doing justice/fair with all three of us currently.
Please help.

You already solved the problem. never go for it back. you need a partner not the burden for life.

I had a serious affair with a girl for long time, for some serious reason I thought that this will not work then I got married to one of my friend. It has been few years now but I still can't forget her and her thoughts are all over my head always.
She is still unmarried or not engaged yet, but really angry with me. We talk sometimes but not like love birds anymore.
I like my wife but don't love her in actually. I am thinking of staying away from my wife so that I do not spoil her life anymore.
Am I thinking right, or should I continue this relationship the way it is. I think that I am not doing justice/fair with all three of us currently.
Please help.