Hello Folks,

They say the heart beats over 3 billion times in a lifetime. However, August 22nd last year in a heartbeat mine got beat out.

My world collapse, the clock stopped ticking and everything stopped moving. In a beat my entire life was lost in the abyss of despair.

How will I ever continue to live, how will I face the kids, what will I tell them when they ask of mummy, what will this say of my faith and of my God?!!!

At some point I needed to let it out so I poured out my heart on this forum and you folks shared of my grief.

Today, I can sing of God's faithfulness, of how He wrapped His arms around me and gave me peace beyond imagination. He sent people my way who touched me in special ways.

Thank you everyone for being so special, for all your kind words and gesture. Truly someday when I walk through that Golden Gate, I shall find my "Angel" who touched me in an ever special way.

Sleep on my love.
I celebrate the life you lived.
And the love we share.

Hello Folks,

I ran into these posts whilst I was looking for some support resources during my loss.

I am 38. I lost my wife a month ago. We were together for 16 years (married for over 7 years). She used to say we had a jinxed life. Everything worked for us, career and an enviable loving christain home. I am a hands on dad who juggled home and career successful. I had taken on most house chores, laundry and the kids upkeep from my wife who equally had a very successful career.

We have three sons; 5, 3 and the last one is barely 3 months. Everyone acquainted to me will tell you my life is built around God, my wife and our kids. We have been through a lot together and I must confess she was not only very beautiful outside but had a beautiful soul. She was a mother to all. I never cheated on my wife. I swore that I will not break my vow with her and God, my kids will have a father who they will can look up to and I will cause her no pain.

Trust me I know grief, having lost my mum 25 years ago (blamed myself for years ), my dad over a decade ago and a lovely aunt who practically took care of us after our parents demise. However, this one is very different.

I love her so much and it was very easy to do that, cos she was an angel. During her 1st crisis during child birth, I was with her throughout the 21 day ordeal. My wife wouldn't ever want to inconvenience another, so I played the nurse, bathe her, fed her and even carried her to the bathroom when she was weaned off the bag. I slept on the ICU floor and held a vigil by her side most nights. She got one of the best medical care in the country.

The other crisis lasted 7 days and I took my place at her side even till she went into coma and she eventually passed on. I have tried to be strong not asking the why question and hanging on to my faith in Christ. I know she's in a good place. During her 1st crisis God gave her a glimpse of heaven (she was climbing this stairs and walking into a warm peaceful light. She said her spirit attested to the fact that she was a child of God and she was heading home) but our prayers prevailed and she found herself saying she couldn't leave me and the kids inconsolable.

I am not selfish. I know if she had survived, she would have been brained damaged requiring extensive care which she may never recover from. Isaiah 57:1 talks about the mercy exits of the saints and I know without a doubt that she was one. Testimonies of her life abounds everywhere. She was a non compromising person who held fast to God's standard. She would not even hold a grudge cos like she said, she will allow nothing to hold her back from her heavenly pursuit. Her life was worth emulating. She was a role model to many and people that barely knew her loved her for her kindness, her immense ability to love and go the extra mile to help anyone.

I apologize for my taking too much of your time. I am usually not an expressive person. I am used to internalising my emotions dealing with stuffs on my own and mostly with the help of my wife. It is somewhat different being vulnerable and talking to strangers.

I am at sea at the moment, my whole life was built around her. Why do bad things happen to good people. I'm glad it's me and not her, I can't imagine her going through this travail. We've talked about death and she said she can't imagine life without me. She calls me her rock but she was my soul. She's the reason I'm a better person. To people, they say I am strong cos I am the one consoling them. Privately, I am a wreck. I wail everyday for my love. I do not know life without her, I do not have any other. I barely sleep at night and with the kids all I see is her in them. This pain is too much, when it hits I can barely breath. How do I live without her, how will this pain go away.

Lord help me, holy spirit please comfort me. I trust you Lord and you know I love you. I praise you for in all of this I give thanks, for you are my God, the lifter of my head.