It will be slow and long to heal completely but you will get there.

It is well.

RTFM: I took a couple of weeks off to visit my wife's grave and also visit with her family and friends in Germany.
It was a bittersweet experience. In the course of our marriage, we had been there together several times and to see the same sites, walk the same routes all on my own, was almost too much to bear.
It has been therapeutic to talk and share with her friends and family, as we reminisced we laughed and cried and were thankful. She brought us all together, Europeans and myself from Africa. It was good to see my wife through the eyes of others and I am so thankful for that.
I still miss her so much but the overwhelming aching pain in my heart is slowly being replaced with a measure of gratitude for the time we had together and the love we shared. I came so close to packing it all in. Life had lost all meaning and I failed to see the point of my existence.
Its better now but I am not yet where I need to be. For the last 17 years, I lived for her and worked to build a better life for us both as she did for me. All I know is how to be husband as we were together for the greater part of my adult life. Without someone to share things with, life has been without colour, taste or flavour. I have been trying to pick up the pieces but it is so difficult. At the moment all I can concentrate on is work. I have let everything else slide. I have important documents and administrative tasks related to her demise to complete but just can't bring myself to do them. Maybe it makes things less real and less final. I don't know. It is my hope that by writing my thoughts here. I will be able to find it inside me to cross this hurdle. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm looking for or what I want. This post is rather narcissistic and I apologize for that. I think I better stop now.

Allow yourself to grieve. It's a truly painful process, but you need to pass through it. Your psyche gradually adapts and accepts your present circumstances and then prepares you to gradually move on. Don't rush anything. One day at a time. Feel free to put your thoughts down when the need arises, it helps. The Lord will see you through.

Hello RTFM,
I read your comments and story and realise that you are at the early stages of mourning and trying to find your feet after a loss.
When we see the Lord im sure I wont be the only one to ask 'Why the Lord took away someone so beloved', but while we are here we are bound to miss the, especially since its just the spirit that leaves and we bury the body. their clothes, perfume, memories never really die but time does blur the pain and we can move on.
I posted here some weeks ago that I actually cried and mourned my late hubby 9years later and with a great husband and adorable daughter.

I think you should take one day at a time. when you feel thankful by all means give God all the praise, when you remember her and feel the loss, cry if you need to. Let it all go and allow God to heal your heart and help you move on

your emotions are real and true and God will take you through this season in Jesus name. much love

Wow! Wow! Wow!

My aunty lost her husband in February this year, she has three kids who are under the age of 10 and she has been alone with no one to comfort her. She was going a bit crazy so my parents had to bring her to stay with us. She cries all the time and I didn't know what to say to comfort her. Reading through this thread has helped me understand better what she is going through. I have found it helps when she talks about the good times they had. I know it will take a while but I know she will get over this. She keeps asking where she will start from because she is in her early 30s but I know she will be okay.


Maybe I would refer her to this thread. Thanks everyone

I was just about to ask how you were doing RTFM?

It will get better...let yourself grieve

You are always welcome to write here

@serubawon
Greetings

salsera: I was just about to ask how you were doing RTFM?

It will get better...let yourself grieve

You are always welcome to write here

@serubawon
Greetings

My sista from anoda moda. How na? Hope things are pretty good. I'm here continuously thanking the almighty Father o.

salsera: I was just about to ask how you were doing RTFM?

It will get better...let yourself grieve

You are always welcome to write here

@serubawon
Greetings

Thank you salsera and serubawon. It's still hard, it's still a struggle but I get up everyday and try to soldier on. One day at a time...

RTFM:

Thank you salsera and serubawon. It's still hard, it's still a struggle but I get up everyday and try to soldier on. One day at a time...

If it's ok with you, I would be happy to receive your number and give you a call. Talking also helps a lot. However, that is completely up to you and if you feel otherwise, I would completely understand. What country are you in by the way?

serubawon:

If it's ok with you, I would be happy to receive your number and give you a call. Talking also helps a lot. However, that is completely up to you and if you feel otherwise, I would completely understand. What country are you in by the way?

another reason I can't leave this thread. Sir, u are always ready to lend a helping hand anyday,anytime.
May God bless all that concerns you.

RTMF may you be blessed with the grace to pass through this rough part. God will sustain you sir.

Also help me bless the living God who has continually be with me and my hubby. Manifesting himself in our ministry,home in everything we have. For restoring our lost glory n for where he is taking us too.

Remember I told everyone about the land someone bought for us, well we have completed the building of our house,the church of God is moving forward and God blessed my home with a beautiful baby girl(Jolayemi). Haallleluyahhh
This year is my year of restoration.

Tanx for everything, may the source of your joy never run dry.

Sorry for the long post.

Joy4mi: Also help me bless the living God who has continually be with me and my hubby. Manifesting himself in our ministry,home in everything we have. For restoring our lost glory n for where he is taking us too.

Remember I told everyone about the land someone bought for us, well we have completed the building of our house,the church of God is moving forward and God blessed my home with a beautiful baby girl(Jolayemi). Haallleluyahhh
This year is my year of restoration.

Tanx for everything, may the source of your joy never run dry.

Sorry for the long post.

This is wonderful news. No. the post is not long, but extremely encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. May the Lord grant her long life, His mercies and everlasting favor. I'm so happy for you and I bless God for His mercies in your life. Thank you once again.

@RTFM STILL WAITING ON YOUR REPLY SIR. PLEASE TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED.

serubawon: @RTFM STILL WAITING ON YOUR REPLY SIR. PLEASE TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED.

Apologies sir, I missed that. I am in Switzerland. Thanks for the offer of a chat. That you would make the offer in the light of all you are going through is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. I have spent the last few weeks talking about her to her family and friends, for now, at least for a short while, I want to just remember her, in happiness and joy and perhaps keep some of those memories to myself. I know it does not make sense but I don’t feel as if I want to talk to anyone just yet.
Allow me to explain, since I got back from Germany, I have spent my evenings after work reading the letters we wrote to each other when we were courting. It will take me a good couple of weeks to go through them. It is my special time, a private time, I switch off the phones have a small glass of brandy and remember her with love and gratitude to God for what I had.
I will definitely get in touch soon. I have so many questions for you.
Thank you so much, God bless you.

RTFM:

Apologies sir, I missed that. I am in Switzerland. Thanks for the offer of a chat. That you would make the offer in the light of all you are going through is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. I have spent the last few weeks talking about her to her family and friends, for now, at least for a short while, I want to just remember her, in happiness and joy and perhaps keep some of those memories to myself. I know it does not make sense but I don’t feel as if I want to talk to anyone just yet.
Allow me to explain, since I got back from Germany, I have spent my evenings after work reading the letters we wrote to each other when we were courting. It will take me a good couple of weeks to go through them. It is my special time, a private time, I switch off the phones have a small glass of brandy and remember her with love and gratitude to God for what I had.
I will definitely get in touch soon. I have so many questions for you.
Thank you so much, God bless you.

I fully understand. As I said, take as much time as you want. I just want you to know that if and when that time comes, I'm available. Take it one day at a time. The Lord will definitely see you through.

God himself will comfort u even after these yes.....i know Ts hard but sooner or later,,those wonderful children will need a motherly love&u cant give them that no matter how hard you try.......Just pray God will send u a good woman who will see them as her own.....if u need a friend to talk to,,here is my no 08039247379

Hello Folks,

I ran into these posts whilst I was looking for some support resources during my loss.

I am 38. I lost my wife a month ago. We were together for 16 years (married for over 7 years). She used to say we had a jinxed life. Everything worked for us, career and an enviable loving christain home. I am a hands on dad who juggled home and career successful. I had taken on most house chores, laundry and the kids upkeep from my wife who equally had a very successful career.

We have three sons; 5, 3 and the last one is barely 3 months. Everyone acquainted to me will tell you my life is built around God, my wife and our kids. We have been through a lot together and I must confess she was not only very beautiful outside but had a beautiful soul. She was a mother to all. I never cheated on my wife. I swore that I will not break my vow with her and God, my kids will have a father who they will can look up to and I will cause her no pain.

Trust me I know grief, having lost my mum 25 years ago (blamed myself for years ), my dad over a decade ago and a lovely aunt who practically took care of us after our parents demise. However, this one is very different.

I love her so much and it was very easy to do that, cos she was an angel. During her 1st crisis during child birth, I was with her throughout the 21 day ordeal. My wife wouldn't ever want to inconvenience another, so I played the nurse, bathe her, fed her and even carried her to the bathroom when she was weaned off the bag. I slept on the ICU floor and held a vigil by her side most nights. She got one of the best medical care in the country.

The other crisis lasted 7 days and I took my place at her side even till she went into coma and she eventually passed on. I have tried to be strong not asking the why question and hanging on to my faith in Christ. I know she's in a good place. During her 1st crisis God gave her a glimpse of heaven (she was climbing this stairs and walking into a warm peaceful light. She said her spirit attested to the fact that she was a child of God and she was heading home) but our prayers prevailed and she found herself saying she couldn't leave me and the kids inconsolable.

I am not selfish. I know if she had survived, she would have been brained damaged requiring extensive care which she may never recover from. Isaiah 57:1 talks about the mercy exits of the saints and I know without a doubt that she was one. Testimonies of her life abounds everywhere. She was a non compromising person who held fast to God's standard. She would not even hold a grudge cos like she said, she will allow nothing to hold her back from her heavenly pursuit. Her life was worth emulating. She was a role model to many and people that barely knew her loved her for her kindness, her immense ability to love and go the extra mile to help anyone.

I apologize for my taking too much of your time. I am usually not an expressive person. I am used to internalising my emotions dealing with stuffs on my own and mostly with the help of my wife. It is somewhat different being vulnerable and talking to strangers.

I am at sea at the moment, my whole life was built around her. Why do bad things happen to good people. I'm glad it's me and not her, I can't imagine her going through this travail. We've talked about death and she said she can't imagine life without me. She calls me her rock but she was my soul. She's the reason I'm a better person. To people, they say I am strong cos I am the one consoling them. Privately, I am a wreck. I wail everyday for my love. I do not know life without her, I do not have any other. I barely sleep at night and with the kids all I see is her in them. This pain is too much, when it hits I can barely breath. How do I live without her, how will this pain go away.

Lord help me, holy spirit please comfort me. I trust you Lord and you know I love you. I praise you for in all of this I give thanks, for you are my God, the lifter of my head.

@ subomioluwa, may God comfort you. I'm really sorry for your loss. What a trying time. So sad. Just like your username, may God be with you.

@SubomiOluwa, may God soothe your grief. My condolences, sir.

@SubomiOluwa,

It is well with you and yours....

SubomiOluwa:

serubawon, you attention is needed here.
So sorry for your loss, the Lord be your strength.

@subomioluwa

It is well with you and your family. .You sound like a man of Faith so I know your faith will see you through this difficult time.my sincere and heartfelt condolences

I thank God for giving me hope thru dis thread, makes me knw dat I can survive d pain of loosing a best friend and a soul mate. it is five years now but d pain and loneliness makes it feel like yesterday. He was everything to me, my world , my best friend , my husband.
its a pity he never got to see our son, but the comfort of bringing his child to the world, as a gift to him was what kept me alive, thanks to God our son is four years now and I knw am a surviver.

[quote author=SubomiOluwa]

May the lord comfort you and your children.

It is well,I can feel your grief.

My sincere condolences.

@SubomiOluwa.

I was in church all day and didn't have time to check my mails. I got in and saw your contribution and it is truly heart wrenching. First of all, accept my deepest condolences. I've said this many times: you can be comforted by a million people, but it doesn't comfort you in the least. Only God almighty can do that and He will. I'm a living testimony to that truth....even though it seems like an impossible dream right now.

I would implore you to continue to visit this forum as much as you can. Pouring out the contents of your grieving heart does heal gradually. It takes time and it takes a lot of patience.

One very important thing you have to realize right now is that your 3 children need you even more than ever right now and your catering to their every need will form part of your healing process and making you a wonderful dad to them. You mentioned something very important.... You give God the thanks even in your pain and trust me when I say that God knows that and He is also moving on your behalf. He will never leave you nor forsake you and He will be with you right there in the storm.

I am with you in prayers and the day will come when you will look back on this period in your life and be truly thankful. It might sound like I'm rambling on, but that day will come. When my late wife passed on, my daughter was only 4 and my son was 2. They don't remember her and that is a blessing on its own. All they know is me and my family have been very supportive. Now, my daughter is 14 and my son is 12 and that terrible day is only like a bad nightmare to me. I still cherish her memories, but for the sake of my children and my sanity, i had to move on. It took me awhile to do that, but the Lord saw me though. He will see you through in Jesus' name. My sincere regards to your kids. Hold them tight and never let them out of your sight. They will bring you joy and happiness for the rest of your life. Be strong.

@RTFM and SubomiOluwa

I am so sorry for your loss. I havent said anything, simply becasue I dont know what to say, but I have been praying in my mind that God comforts you both and anyone else going through the sadness of losing a loved one.

Only God can do it and help you through these dark times. I do however beleive that He has you in His hand and He will sooth you and comfort you

You are doing the right thing, which is to talk and not keep things bottled up inside.

May God help us all. ((hugs))

@Serubawon.... I actually saw this link today. Read the 1st to 4th or so pages den went to the last. Was curious abt u actually. Im not a widow. Actually in a happy marriage. The devil is a liar. And I pray for strenght for pple dat ve lost dere spouses. Im happy u fine. I lost my daddy in 2005 and foryears I couldnt even enter a Church without crying. He was 1 in a milkion. Sad u lost someone u loved so much. Have u remarried? How are your lovely kids?

@SubomiOluwa
Am deeply sorry for your loss, we may not be able to understand or really feel what is going on inside you, bt our dear Lord can understand more than we can, he will console you,give you heart to bear this loss, we will continue to pray for you, just take it easy, take one step @a time,I trust it will get easy. Remember she is always wit you in your heart and on the faces of your children.

@ RTFM and Subomioluwa
I really don't have words,nobody really does. Only God can comfort you. My prayers are with you both. RTFM I am a sucker for true love and you wrote beautifully.Not everybody in this world are blessed and favoured to have this beautiful gift of being in love and being loved right back. God blessed you indeed,accept my sincere condolence.
Subomioluwa I have a good friend and colleague who lost his wife. She left two kids,a new born baby and a toddler. He was in a daze zombie like state for a while but he came out of it because of his children.I can only imagine how hard things will be now but please you have to try because of your kids. They are watching you and they will be fine if you can be strong for them.
@Ope
My prayers are with you and your son.
@Uncle Seru
Please Don't mind the devil,its what I call last minute gragra.He so hates happy ending but its a happy beginning already. Olori's daughter will get stronger and then the wedding.
Where is Mr analytical? He has a good and deep way with words.
Stay blessed everyone.

hadidej:
@Serubawon.... I actually saw this link today. Read the 1st to 4th or so pages den went to the last. Was curious abt u actually. Im not a widow. Actually in a happy marriage. The devil is a liar. And I pray for strenght for pple dat ve lost dere spouses. Im happy u fine. I lost my daddy in 2005 and foryears I couldnt even enter a Church without crying. He was 1 in a milkion. Sad u lost someone u loved so much. Have u remarried? How are your lovely kids?

Thanks for the encouragement. It's almost unbelievable, but this December will be the 10th year anniversary of my late wife's demise and I still look at this thread and can't believe how time has passed. I'm not married yet, but will be soon IJN. My kids are doing great. My daughter just joined the ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corp) of the US Airforce and I'm truly grateful to my father in heaven for His favor and mercies on my kids and I. A few years ago, I would never have envisaged myself being positive about anything. However, here I am encouraging others and it's all by God's grace. My girl (a teen now), wants to be a gynaecologist and my son wants to be a pilot and they kind of have their lives mapped out. I pray God favors them and shows mercy.

To those that are bereaved, it is only for a season. However, the decisions you make now will determine how the rest of your lives will be. That's why I want you to depend on Him that will never betray or turn His back on you and yours. I'm giving thanks today and so will you. Just give it time.

oluite:

@Uncle Seru
Please Don't mind the devil,its what I call last minute gragra.He so hates happy ending but its a happy beginning already. Olori's daughter will get stronger and then the wedding.
Where is Mr analytical? He has a good and deep way with words.
Stay blessed everyone.

My sister, we all know that the bigger the trial, the greater the testimony. The Devil likes to shakara, but God has the final say. Thanks and God bless you.

Make I go find Analytical jare.

@subomioluwa, i shed tears, real tears having read your post, all i can say is that may God continue to comfort you.
How are your sons, believe they're fine, because IJN, tribulation shall not arise the second time.