₦airaland Forum

Hi; One of my close friend has asked for my advice on this matter; The Situation is him and fiancee has been together for over 8 years, since college been engaged for 2 years; both are now University graduates and have good jobs for over two years. They did their traditional wedding in Nigeria May 2007, and had fixed their wedding for May 2008 here in the US; Venue ; Wedding Gown Etc have been booked. His Fiancee recently discovered that she is two months pregnant. Now he needs advice on what to do; as this is unexpected and all plans for the wedding is at risk of being in jeoipardy; The girls parent are not yet aware but he has a good relationship with them and is afraid that this might jeopardise it also. I think he wants to keep the pregnancy; but not too sure about the fiancee. I have initially advised he to keep it and worst case scenario postpone the wedding; but i want other peoples opinion as i am not too sure.

Having read and reread the advises given above: i see that there are two advices prevalent here, one is for me to be there for the kid and not withdraw my support; the other is to findout the position of the biological father concerning he´s son.

On the first Issue - I have decided not to withdraw my support for the boy; though am looking to take up work in another country i will be flying in to see him forthnightly or atleast once a month and be in communication with him- would i be considring taking up this job if this issue has not arised truthfully i dont think so; and in a way am preparing myself for the worst.

On the second issue I have asked the mum to contact the dad but she said she does not know where he is? but i have insisted she finds out ASAP. So hopefully she would take it seroius and find him. I Also made it clear that I would like to be part of his life, hence my continual support to him but will not be party to deny another person of their right and the child of the right to know his real dad.

I also plan to confide in the Eldest person in my family and I believe she can keep a secret pending how it all plays out. Any suggestion in regards to the decision i have made are well; and thanks guys for your inputs

Thank you guys for your advise;
To say that i love the child is an understatement- My whole persona; and Outlook on life changed from the news of his impending arrival- before finding out that the mum was pregnant with was thinking of quiting university- had to change my mind; him being around had made me work harder to achieve or make something out myself that my son would be proud.
@ NaJa HaJe- It is my name on the birth certificate; The biological father is not aware; as the mum and him are not in contact but am not kidding myself that he will not know.

The advise am getting mirrors the position am in as if i continue as usual someday the biological father will come and take him away and my definately not going to protest or litigate against that but if i let him go now am not sure what damaged it will do to him as i don't want to see him in future and think he could have done better with having me as a father figure.

I have found out that my 4 year old son is not my child- I have confronted the Mum with It- and she said she all along thought it was my child though knew that was the chance it might not be- as she has a fling with an ex- but the similarity between my son and me laid her mind to rest. which I must confess is great- as the boy does look like me. Although we have not been totally together since my son have been born; I have been a great dad to my son and he has been everything to me. These discovery has brought my world crashing- I confirmed this through DNA ; I have taken my son to nigeria few years back to meet my family- How do i explain this to my family and friends. How do explain this or relate with the child; that has always seen and known me to be his dad. Should I stay away from the child and cease all responsibility financially and morally.

Note: Am not with the Mum