boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.
In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.
I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).
As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.
We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.
Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.
For matured folks.... What do you think?
She's probably not focused now because of the set back in school. Not graduating from school since 2019 till now is actually a serous issue enough to frustrate her but don't let them weigh her down. Guide her through, advise her, encourage her, energize her. If she doesn't still sit up, then threatene her with breakup; that may signal alot to her |
Romance › Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Tessyraph: 4:49am On Jun 15, 2023
