4. MEXICO

Our Policemen are corrupt, no doubt about that but if you’ve ever been to Mexico and back, I’m very sure you would give the first Policeman you see at the airport a very tight hug with tears in your eyes and then enough 20 Naira to see him through a whole year. Why is that?

Policemen in Mexico are not just corrupt, they work with drug cartels, engage in drug dealings and they even kill students too. Every area in Mexico has its own local police. So it’s very easy for the local police to cut deals with drug cartels cos its far safer to cut deals than to let your wife receive your head on a disgusting plate. The locals even fear the police than the drug cartels.

This story would tell you everything you need to know about the brutality and corruption of the police force in Mexico. And please next time you see a policeman in Nigeria, shake him and say ‘you are doing a great job’

If only we can seriously matchete all these copy and paste bloggers

3. BANGLADESH

Bloggers of Nigeria! How is your ad-sense earning and approval going? Bad, i guess. Thank the gods or whatever you pray to cos that’s all you have to worry about.

In Bangladesh, you can be killed for the slightest insane shit you write, and hell, if that happened here, we’d all be dead, cos the truth is we are so good at writing insane shits.(not to forget copying and pasting too)

Imagine seeing your name on a list of 84 bloggers to be killed because you wrote about religious fundamentalism or because you supported women’s right. Sounds far fetched right? OK! Let me shock you. In 2013, an extremist group that have initially killed some bloggers published a hit list of 84 secular bloggers and started hacking them off with cutlass one by one. There is even a name for the killings, you ask a question on your blog? you get what they call a ‘machete-reply’ That involves cutting your belly open for crows to feed on.

Its no big deal? Well imagine visiting Linda Ikeji’s Blog or Nairaland someday and finding out that nothing is there, probably because the bloggers have fled the country due to threats to their lives and because they can afford to run. Now, what if your ad-sense earning can not even get you a taxi cab to your toilet and back, how are you going to flee? Take this advice, stop writing insane shit.

dukie25:
So they voted a dullard as well, season of Dullards.

i laugh

Pics:

1. Empty meat shelves in Venezuela
2. queuing for food

2. VENEZUELA

Just like Nigeria, Venezuela is an oil exporting country and has the world’s largest proven oil reserves estimated at 296.5 billion dollars as of 2012, that’s a massive 20% of the world’s global oil reserve. And like every other dumb country that depends solely on oil production coupled with corrupt leaders, Venezuela is about to become the stuff shits are made of.

95% of the country’s revenue is from oil exports and they were bitten so badly when the price of oil fell and that’s not even all. Venezuela is currently on the brink of economic and political meltdown. The country is currently struggling with water and electricity cuts, vigilante violence, public health issues, huge economic debts, political opposition crises and well every other evil you can think of.

But how are they worse than Nigeria? We go through all these things too. First and foremost, the strike currently going on in Nigeria is nothing to write home about unless you want to count pot bellied men dancing on the streets of Abuja like it’s their February 29th birthday a strike, we also have to look at PDP(sorry don’t look at them), they’ve been reasonably quite and the psychology with which the present administration dealt the increased oil prices on us is so unprecedented it can make any husband extorting housewife jealous.

I don’t enjoy counting the woes of a country but if you still don’t get it, let me go further. See those pictures below? that’s hell in black and white(or red and black if you like)

images showing price increase in Egypt.

1. EGYPT

Personally i have never really engaged in debates about devaluing our natural currency so i really don’t give a hoot what your point of view is. However if you were of the opinion that we should have devalued our currency against the dollars then you need to know that Egypt did it and they are currently biting their fingers like widows in Nollywood movies. According to this news article, the devaluation of the Egyptian pound gave way to price increases.

If that doesn’t count as hell to you, just imagine the things that have increased in prices in Nigeria since the increase in fuel price(include tomato in your imagined list) then multiply the price of each item by 3,what do you have? Hell is what you’ll have and that’s what Egyptians are currently facing.

On the 14th of March, the CBE(Central Bank of Egypt) devalued the Egyptian pound From EGP 7.83 to EGP 8.95 against the US dollar in other to fight against the selling of foreign currencies on the black market(sounds familiar? Nigeria?) All hell broke loose, black marketers went crazy, the government promised this would not result to dramatic price increases and international bodies even praised the government for finally doing something good.

Few weeks after, madness ensued, prices of goods increased by 25 to 50% percent and even the black marketers still flourished in their businesses selling the dollar at an ever increasing high rate.

Did you just say we should still have devalued? There is something wrong with you!

http://www.9jaslate.com/nigeria-terrible-5-countries-way-worse/

FemiFaniKayode:
must you use a "celebrity" and a whack one at that?
you could have invested in an "up and coming" would have stayed till the end and even help you carry your gifts and pack chairs sef

Serves you right! Ntoor

and probably more funny, i know some1 that can do a great job

good radiance to bad rubbish.

hw come people can steal things
return it and go scot free.

I mean, does returning it
erase the fact that the person has done something criminal?

dairykidd:


choke on sh!t u fvcking gay !!

obviously your sense of humor is lost

Crysallis:



D vagina is used to expel urine and other "disgusting" discharges from a female yet guys find pleasure sucking it.

I do assliking hygienically

how do you do it hygienically if i may ask

dairykidd:
op human dck has no bone and slapping is very good tho

I am a master in dick slapping, give me a time and a place.

Crysallis:


Do u see porn stars sticking their tongues into d anus? mind you, the anus is way sensitive than d vagina

Actually they do, as you can see https://www.quora.com/I-have-seen-porn-stars-lick-the-asshole-of-the-partner-they-will-be-doing-Isnt-that-disgusting-How-do-you-eat-food-afterwards My question for you is, industry sugar is sweet but do you see people using it to drink garri? (some people do)! point is its not safe.

Chuukwudi:
I heard that skinny girls don't joke with cum. I heard that it nourishes them and makes them bigger.
Cum; a wonderful source of protein and zinc.

i also heard you can get stds from swallowing cum, so the ball is in you court, Not like there is a throat condom or something

FixNigeria:
No 4 got me like ... Op u 2 much

lol, at least u read it.

lalasticlala, have you done any of these

5. ASS LICKING

This is another level of grossness only rivalled with saraki's stupidity. If you expect me to lick your ass then you can as well serve me your shit in a pizza box and see if i would not let your head swim in your own shit. Funny enough we've heard of ladies asking for this. My answer to them is simple, if you can bend your mouth to rich your ass, would you lick your own ass? I expect a NO, but if your answer is yes you better start doing that now.

Now, just as you would expect with everything that involves eating shit, even if that shit is served on a beautiful black anus, there are diseases that comes with this practise. There is e-coli and there is the brain tapeworm, both of them is bound to make your life miserable, why? for the simple reason you decided to eat shit, which in itself is already sorely miserable.


This porn actors go to extreme lengths to ensure that they are free of any form of diseases. But you on the other hand, when last did you do a check up, or your patner.

You still want to eat shit?
Go Right Ahead.

or like this

4. DANGEROUS PORN POSITIONS

A study by the school of medical sciences, univeristy of campinas, Brazil, put the woman on top position as the most dangerous sexual positions as its been known to break many a dick which i am sure is as a result of an increase in artificially induced, silicon filled large fake asses. But that's not the point, the point is if a well known sexual position can be considered dangerous to the survival of dickdom, imagine how super dangerous it would be with all those alien positions you see in porn.

Ladies, dont think you are save, some positions have been known to burst wombs, while others would make your bones feel like you've been cramped in a box for 3 years. Having sex in dangerous porn like positions is like drinking a heavy mixture of ijebu concotion that does nothing in your body yet you still wake up with a head dropping 'i wish to die' hangover

3. SLAPPING SOMEONE'S GENITALS

Men of Nairaland, we know even the slightest touch on our balls can hurt like hell. heaven knows, that's the first line of attack for many women. But you know what porn is telling us? he is saying as long as you are both naked with your patner, she can slap your balls and you have to pretend to enjoy it cos truth is its not everyday you get to have an naked lady in your bed and you just have to be okay with her slapping your balls, even the thought of this hurts me so much its like i've been kicked in my balls.

Even men are guilty of this, slapping a gal's vagina like its the cheeks of your younger brother. The reason why she doesnt complain is because somehow she hopes your stupidity would fizzle out before she gets totally turned off. unless your patner is okay with this which i seriously doubt, your routine should be fairly simple, it should be something like this

go inside with your fingers
come out
try going in and out slowly
try going fast
watch her reactions,
look for the center of gravity
watch her reactins
ask questions(if its a Nigerian gal, she might never answer)
no porn stunts. slaps, punches,fisting(except you are training her vagina for child birth) is not allowed.

2. SWALLOWING

Swallowing usually follows after you handle a man's genitals in your mouth popularly knows as Mouth Action and then he expulses inside your mouth instead of the floor the house builder has gracefully provided. This is like the senior brother of spitting, only that it involves something thicker which is semen you dumb Arrow. I just want to let you know there is no modicum of sexual satisfaction derived from watching someone swallow your semen other than "I have watched selena doglez(porn actress) swallow a mans cum so if my girl friend can do that for me, it means i have a total control over her and she completely loves me" Ladies, that's the train of thought of most men. I know also that some of you would willingly do this, if you are down to the level were you need to swallow a man's cum before you can prove you truly love him,then all i can say to you is i'm sorry, your self worth is down in the sewage tank mixing with tiny particles of shit,used condoms and ...., fill in the rest.

Apart from the fact that swallowing is just outright disgusting, there is also the issues of safety. Swallowing sperm may not be bad for your health, but swallowing the semen of a man with herpes, genital warts,gonorrhea, syphilis(list goes on) is like wearing a bomb vest while still sitting on a keg of gunpowder, when it would blow up, we would even have a hard time finding your soul.

If you consider the outstounding progress humans have made over the years, you might be forced to believe probably everything was/is a secret agenda to increase the rate at which humans poke one another in the ass. This has however led to so many misconceptions and misinformation because well nobody wants to talk about sex and being the sex starved zombies that we are, we had to look for it somewhere else, PORN!

Now, unless you have an outright permission from your patner,thats if you ever find one, do not try this porn practises,


1. SPITTING

There are many ways spitting shows up in porns, but one that keep eating at my thoughts occurs when a patner(guy) grabs the mouth of his other patner(lady) and then go ahead to pour an inordinate and abominable amount of spit in her mouth while she swallows it up like a morsel of yellow eba and also pretends to enjoy it. Disgusting right? It would surprise you to know that its already becoming a mainstream practise, no thanks to porns that depict this scenes.

Unless science decide to invent a kind of condom we can wear as a form of body armor that would cover the whole of your body you cannot deny the fact that you would always come in contact with your patners body fluid during sex, but when that body fluid is a liquid that has it source from your nose(cartarhh) and finds it way to your throat and you think you can use my own mouth to dump that insanity of yours, then its a no no for me.

Another reason for spitting is lubrication, using spit for lubrication during sex is like filling your car's fuel tank with water because, 1) fuel is scarce and 2) one well dressed mad man(PORN) told you he just used it and it worked for him, so you think to yourself, whats the worst that can happen. First, remember how during harmattan you always try not to lick your lips becase you know the spit would only make your lips look like the feet of a 93 year old lady from ibadan. Now imagine pouring spit on a vagina cos you think its a good lubricant (no wonder those ladies never come back) It because you made their vagina hurt like it was struck by lightning.

Also it's been socially accepted since the days man was a monkey(not that we've changed much though)that we only pour our spit on/at something we find totally saraki-like disgusting, so think of the implication if you let your patner use you as his or her spit trash can, seriously stop thinking.

i believe relationship is about making someone's life beta and impacting them positively,

so instead of runing away as any other man you meet would definetly have one fault or another, i suggest you talk to him, dont be judgemental when you do it and dont make him feel guilty,

tell him how much you love him(if you do) bt also tell him y u want him to stop mastubating, if he loves you too he would work on it, or make sure that you never catch him again. Also remember not to be too pushy about it and dont bring it up in all of your conversations with him.

by the way, masturbating is usually a phase, most guys get over it sooner or later

believe it or not, when i was in school(UNIBUJA)
i survived on 5k per month,

half carton of indomie
3 or 4 spaghetties
i dont buy call credits, if i do then its 100naira etisalat for 2wks!
3/4 modules of rice, beans and garri.
when i cant cook or out of kero
i buy squash and dotch(fried yam n potatoe 100naira) every evening. unibuja students would know this.
i cant but textbooks and dont photocopy materials except the very important ones, i just borrow and read in advance n i make sure to take notes in classes

i had good frnds who were willing to lend me money
cos b4 month ends i'll always borrow like 1000k.

i've gone without dinner for 3 days b4!
drank 5 aside tank water cos i couldnt afford to buy purewater sometimes.

but most importantly, i was HAPPY and JOYFUL!
HAD SO MUCH FUN IN SCHOOL, PLAYED CHESS, LEARNT HOW TO PLAY GUITAR, WENT TO 2 OR 3 BIRTHDAY PARTIES, I WAS PART OF AN EDITORIAL COMMITTEE, HAD AN UNDERSTANDING GIRLFRIEND!!!

2 YEARS LATER and i'm working in a new firm i really want to help grow! paid 80k per month! might seem like nothing but it means a lot to me!

CONCLUSION:

NO CONDITION IS PERMANENT!
BE HAPPY! BE SWEET!!! BE NAUGHTY!
BE YOU!!

To be seriously frank with you,

You were boring and chatting like an AFC

i seriously dont know if the festival should be abolished but i would tell you something i know. I am currently staying around badagry in Lagos State and we've been terrorized by a group of cultists who call themselves 'One Million Boys' They rob, amputate and perform other atrocious acts like making father rape daughter and son sleeping with mother and ever since the police have been unable to do anything.

The Oro people have been able to keep them at bay, in this case they are used as security since the system has failed.

The man you accused didnt have an alibi? what of the victim, couldn't she have been contacted to identify the rapist? and whoever gives a death penalty for a rape case. Your story is complete balderdash.

ELUTEK:
Application made known on 18th January 2015 I. Don't understand what you mean sir.

Application STATUS,,,,,, (how come you did not see that?)

Harmvirus:


Name the Element And you

mine is riddles and new testament!

challenge d guy in d first position in riddles n he'll direct me to you! wanna challenge you

Harmvirus:
Quizup

i play quiz up too,,,,, which topic are you good at