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[quote author=tope_teadr link=topic=77649.msg1803225#msg1803225 date=1198923429]Skipo, wtf? R u saying[/quote]hehehehehhe
don't mind him

lol

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "i should be in charge, because i run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because i pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because i process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because i'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

NO
u?

Actual answering machine messages recorded and verified by the world famous international institute of answering machine answers:
1.) My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished washing dishes.

2.) A is for academics, b is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

3.) Hi, this is john: if you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, i have plenty of money.

4.) Hi. Now you say something.

5.) Hi, i'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6.) Hello. I am david's answering machine. What are you?

7.) Hello! If you leave a message, i"ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, i'll call sooner.

8.) Hi, john's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator, Please speak very slowly while i write down the message and i'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.

9.) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10.) This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where i can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call.

11.) Hi. I am probably home, i'm just avoiding someone i don't like. Leave a message and if i don't call back, it's you.

12.) Hi, this is george. I'm sorry i can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until i call you back.

13.) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

14.) Hello, you've reached jim and carol. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Carol likes doing it up and down, and i like doing it left to right, Real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
We got married and got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.
But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.
That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
" We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us head our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest ."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success."


Love You All

Several men are in the locker room of a golf
club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing , the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape,

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge", whispered Mildred.

"What", said Marge.

"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.

"What makes you think that", asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

toyinrayo:
ni wo? ibo lo ti ri 42? eh? last time you told me 4. . . ngba wo lo di 42?

huh?
ti oba ti di 50 maje komo

sexytitan:
No, Idiot. I'm typing through a computer in my brain



Did PHCN leave your electricity?
Upgrade yourself

Am testing your brain you sound like a male
Bye!!!!!!!
Do you know that there are a$$hole on nairaland?

Ban you cos this is rubish

No
Have Nepa bring your light?

I ban you because this banning is shit

Yes
Do you like thugz

Huh

I ban cos i don't understand you

I ban you because this thread is boring

huh?
i ban you for banning sake

Will you like to meet me?