₦airaland Forum

A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:

When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?

One pupil anwers: It's the past of course.

A couple was walking in the street the suddenly he found a penguin .The woman asked what they could do with it,her husband answered that they could ask a policeman.This latter said:
Well.you can take him to the zoo.
Two days later,the policeman met them in the street with the penguin.
He said: told you to take it to the zoo.

The woman answered:
Yes, we did we took him to the zoo, to the muSeum and tonight we are going to take it to the restaurant.
What a lucky penguin.

There's this man and his travelling across the desert, and he suddenly finds he hasn't got any water left. So his starting to get worried, and his very thirsty, but luckily, a man comes towards him on a camel.
So he said to the man, ' I'm thirsty. Have you got any water?' and the other man says, ' No, I haven't, but I've got a wonderful selection of ties. Would you like to by one?'So the other man says, 'No , of course not!' and man rides away on his camel.
After about another hour or two, he's desperately thirsty and he sees a beautiful 5-star hotel. So he slowly goes up the steps, crying ' water! water!' and the hotel manager says, "I'm sorry, sir. You can't come in here without tie."

Don't bite me if you have seen it before



A true football fan
A young man was watching football. He noticed an empty seat in front of him. It was a better seat than his. At half-time he went down to the empty seat. He asked the old man sitting next to the empty one is it ok if i sit here?
No problem, said the old man. It was my wife’s seat, but she’s dead. We’ve been to every home match together for 40 years, and always had these two seats.
A tear rolled down the old man’s cheek.
Don’t you have a friend, or someone from your family, who’d come with you? The young man asked, gently.
The old man wiped his eyes and said yes, but not today. They are all at my wife’s funeral.

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a$$ kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and a$$ kissing that will put you over the top.

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
--Anonymous
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken
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Marriage is a three ring circus:
---engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
--H.L.Mencken

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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course, at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

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" Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter. "

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? "The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled & said "It Really works!"

ituen:
I can't help but notice that its only females that reply the thread

<sub>na so them like monkey blah blah blah

can't wait for Clem's response</sub>

lol

toyin watz dat image doin dere,tell me

nothing

yea baby,can you kiss a thug

Have you slap a mad man before?

[quote author=cute_N_hot link=topic=79658.msg1806650#msg1806650 date=1199044580]fat mothafckur!!!!!! [/quote]

Am a Thug

Yes cos am thug
u?

No
U?

Yes
u?

ituen:
Guy i don't know what to say. but its good u created your own section

Now your matured enough to take responsibility for anything that happens to u. _{because u can repaste the same jokes again in this same section}

No Long Thing
Dbanj is cool

Any Lil wayne fans here?

Are you 50 cent fan?

You try small
I will upload mine later

They must have given him $5000
5million dollars ko 1million dollars ni

Give me the lighter
Pass me the Ganja

Sean Kingston------Beautiful Girls

omg

Real

lol

Read

ayusman16:
Okay oo. Mr-I-think-am-smart.

Hahahahahahahahahah