₦airaland Forum

This is funny than all my jokes
AIM: kiss+my+sexy+ass
MSN: leave-me-the-hell-alone
YIM: Get+A+fucking+Lyf
Email: hidden

toyinrayo:
dnt get me wrong o. . .but any naija films. . .i love. i just hate the fake crying. even as i type, am waiting for my mom to get back from work, so we can watch a movie. i only got 2 weeks here, want to spend it with her

ahhhhhhh. . . a man that wants to spend xmas with family. . . that is so nice.

huh? a man
i will be 19 by feb
u?

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

toyinrayo:
well, was going to go visit my because in london. . .but my mom decided it'll be best if i spend christmas with her. so am at home now. with the best of people, my mummmmmy. . .lol.

and nice jokes . . . unlike the stale, useless ones ADICK post. like me, i don't have intesresting jokes to post, so i don't. him, it don't matter if it's interesting or not, instead he tortures us with is vile jokes.

That is nice.
I will be spending xmas with my family,watching interesting films together and go to the mall in the evening.
What's your favorite movie?mine is The Kingdom

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.

She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

toyinrayo:
lol. . .getting the christmas spirit on.
and if i may ask. . .where is thuz's mansion? i've googled it and even checked my atlas, but location not found ^{lol, just joking with you}

hehhehehehehehehe
How do you want to spend your xmas,not feeling sleepy here,reading some articles and posting some interesting jokes

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female, Any part under a car's bonnet (hood).
Male, The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female, Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male, Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female, The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male, Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female, A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male, Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female, A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male, Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female, An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male, A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female, The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male, Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female, A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male, A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes

Important things to a man,

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

toyinrayo:
LMAO. . . oh lawdy nice one there

Yea baby
how u doing?

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've
met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same
goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
contact me,

signed,
Mr. Rich Guy

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

[color=#000099][/color] am not laughing

Nice video
Do me I do you

Dbanj
P-square
Ikechuku
Sasha

The video sucks bro.

The guy is cool,i like him personally.

Migines:
D video is wack! Lacks content! Lacks concept! Dat guy is cheap!

Three women are about to be executed.

One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.

The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

There were these two morons driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.
The first slowpoke says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."

They fought for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.

All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.

The second slowpoke says, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

Universal Law:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer
from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First Law:

A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, untill on unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy.

Second Law:

The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of
the bank balance.

Third law:

The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

Cat in home, Man lost no direction

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and
decided to get rid of him one day by driving
him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him
at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking
up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40
blocks away. He put the beast out and headed
home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the
cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further
and the cat would always beat him home. At
last he decided to drive a few miles away,
turn right, then left, past the bridge, then
right again and another right until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance
from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son
of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and
need directions!"

:d

presido1:
You can fix the marriage on sunday. abi you dey work on sunday?
But this your boss must be sometin else.

@poster
Leave the job and go on with your wedding

Am new here, but don't judge me by my user name lol