MPVGoddess:


How can i help? What do you need?

I read it on this forum that you have link in licensing office Abuja.. please can you connect me..God bless you

MojiDelano:
Robbery Scare In My House By Joseph Edgar

Early yesterday morning against my usual grain of thought, I decided to attend the area meeting. The ones communities hold during the environmental sanitation exercises. I had stopped attending mine, because of the usual lame discussions and banal attempt at showing off by people who used to have money, but are now struggling and at the same time refusing to eat the humble pie that comes with apparent poverty.

Well this time, the discussion was the rash of robberies and vandalisation that has been going on in the 'close'. I had been a major victim and indeed the most tormented in the whole area. I happen to rather unfortunately have five cars parked in my compound, so the label of 'rich' man follows me. Nobody seems to notice that three of the cars have seen better days and that the other two are official cars. All I get is different stares when I walk pass, appreciation in prices and being a soft target for burglary and vandalisation.

As usual, discussions went in circles and as always is the case, ethnicity came into play, religion also became a major topic and finally no concrete decision was reached as to how to curb these robberies. I left the place with the same impression I have always had, that it's their children and wards that carry out these nefarious activities, or how do you explain how my apartment which is just one out of six is the only one that gets burgled monthly. How do you explain the fact that during the burglaries only my bedroom is ransacked and broken into and also in my bedroom, only my wardrobe is picked out for special attention. Also, of all the ten cars parked in my house, only my five get vandalized and the others never get touched.

Well, with that mindset I go about my activities during the day and get home late as usual. As I enter the house, I bolt the doors and switch off the lights and begin scanning the net in preparation for my journey into solo seeking pleasures, when I hear the softest of knocks on my door. As I ignore it, it comes back ever so persistently, irritating me and disturbing my sweet journey into melancholy. So I stand up dropping the IPad and walking to the door, peep at the pigeon hole and see nobody.

I hissed and went back to my pursuit, only for the door to keep rudely interrupting me. This time with anger I open the first door but just as I was about to open the second, I decided to be careful, so I peeped again and still saw nobody. All of a sudden I saw a shadow and I bent down. Low and behold, an urchin was crouched by the door. He was the one doing the knocking and each time he knocked, he crouched so I could not see his face, but I saw his dirty long nails peep out of a weather beaten slippers.

I said, ok. Today is today and quickly went into my Swarzeneger mode. I jammed the door again, woke everybody up and moved them into the store, pushed them into the overhead cupboards displaying pots and pans. This was war and I did not want the kids seeing their father engage the enemy so the sight of the robbers blood will not scar them for life. Once I had secured them, I asked them all to pray for the lives of these robbers, that God should accept their soul as I was dispatching them to him.

Went into my room, started gathering my weapons. By this time, the knock was getting more aggressive and impatient. I brought out all the weapons I had kept for a day like this, my belts- the Gucci one with the huge big buckles, my Versace belt with the mighty medusa head, my suede shoe polish for blinding eyes and my hard heeled boots from Primark. Arranged them properly in order of usage and began reciting the strategy. This was for the first engagement, assuming they were teenagers and unarmed. For the second engagement, which would involve medium use of force, I brought out my second degree of weaponry. Out came my mortar and pestle. The pestle for hitting the groin and mortar for covering the head while the pestle was working the groin area completely turning the dick and testicles into mashed potato and finally where they were a team of robbers fully armed, my final weapon was ready, my phone. The phone was to call for help even as I jump out of the third floor balcony, landing on the roof of my Honda Pilot and rolling on to the roof of the BMW and landing on the bonnet of the Kia Sportage and running as fast as I can to my mother in Fola Agoro.

Now the weapons were ready, i had to dress the part. I brought out my pink echo pants, this was to send a wrong signal of weakness, making them feel I was effeminate and as such I would be easy target thereby taking them by surprise, next came out my Michael Kors wristwatch, recently bought in the UK. This was to time my engagement with the Robbers, reminding me that this battle must end in exactly 10minutes. After that, my Tommy Hilfiger polo top came out, complete with its huge badge by the left hand side of my chest. This was to stop bullets finally, my Brooks Brothers ankle length boots came out. This was obviously meant for that decisive kick to the mouth, removing all teeth of the five robbers at the same time while blinding them with an accurate and lethargic spray from my brown suede shoe polish and finally tying them up with my over 21 different designer belts leaving them in piles of sorrowful regrets.

After all these preparation, I went back to the room, making sure my family were ok and asking them to pray one last time for the souls of the sons of dogs I was about to despatch to Hell. I apologized to them, for allowing them at such a young age to witness the carnage that was about to unfold but still reminded them that these are the things a man must do not only to protect his family, but also send a very strong signal that I will not continue to tolerate this kind of intrusion and violation. My kids begged me to show the robbers mercy, that I should not kill them but just incapacitate them and hand them over to the police. I told them that enough is enough and that this time they must die.

So I came out of the room, stood at the beginning of the corridor leading to the godam door where the perfidious, slimy hyenas where still crouching oblivious of what was about to happen to them. I started my walk, a walk of confidence, a walk I had seen many action heroes walk, the kind of walk Sylvester Stallone walked as he approached the enemy, just before he killed one hundred with one blast of his sawed off shotgun. As I reached the middle of the corridor, I remembered that I had not put on my headband. Kai, the headband that will complete my look, so I ran back and could not find it. Where is this Godforsaken headband when I need it most. No time to look for it, there are people that need to die, so I made do with madams scarf. The same scarf she used to to tie my legs for two days when she saw a n......e pic on my phone. So I tied the scarf on my head and brought out my HTC phone and took a selfie. This was for CNN so that they can get the story right when they are reporting. I started my work again, to the sound of Michael Jacksons ' Beat It' ringing in my head.

When I got to the door, I heaved a huge sigh and told myself, This is it. The beginning of the apocalypse, the rapture was about to begin, I was about to unleash the kind of violence that has not been seen since the atomic bomb was dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the Second World War. As I stood there, I pitied the mothers of these bastards, for their skin was going to be shredded and turned to suya for the vultures already circling the roof of my house sensing a feast.

I stood there arms akimbo, hands firmly stuck to the suede polish, boots hitching to kick somebody and bloody mouths and a strong resolve not only to kill but to savage turning myself to a blood thirst Hutu tribesman. The moment has come, it's time and in one shriek, almost faint whisper I asked very calmly in a strong effort not to annoy and further aggravate for keeping my guests waiting for so long, 'sir, who is there?

No answer came. And the silence was defeaning, I asked again, Sir, who is there but this time, explaining why I had not come to the door earlier because I was bringing out the valuables not to waste their time and this time an answer came and it was Mohammed the hapless maiguard knocking as he usually does to tell us NEPA had brought light and that we should change over.

Kai, I piss for trouser.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/robbery-scare-in-my-house.html

wonderful write up

ERUDITEE:
This is a simple tutorial with steps on how to fart (messs) in public and get away with it.

N:B it is written in pidgin for easy comprehension.

step 1;
As the messs just caash you, jejely survey the area first with your eyes. Especially if Na inside church, mosque, bank, bus. . . . Suffer say people plenty.

Step 2;
Act as a gentleman man or cute lass.
No smile o. . . Just dey neutral.

Step 3;
If the people around you dey discuss join am but if not just feel free. Press phone or do something to keep you busy.

Step 4;
Now sit tight. . . You fit cross your leg if you be girl. (For easy releasing of the nuclear bomb).

Step 5;
Now raise one part of your yansh slow and steady like tortoise. Then release am small first to know if Na messs wey go make noise. (Still dey form busy o.)

Step 6;
if Na the type wey dey make noise suppress am small by pressing your abdominal muscles.

Step 7;
Now allow the fart go out with total freedom, make e circulate wella. (Keep acting busy. Afterall nothing concern you.)

Step 8;
When people begin make comments like
"hmmmm, fuuun, who messs?"
"Some people wicked o. ."
"Na wa ooo, for this heat."

Just say..
"Haaa e never smell reach my side, but who be that kind wicked person naa".

Step 9;
As plenty people dun perceive am, you self join the crowd dey complain on how bad the messs dey smell.

Step 10;
But if nobody complain. U self keep quiet , form busy like lalasticlala and focus. No time for dulling.

written by: ERUDITEE

you be expert o

barbiee:
yes it's true

thanks sis

please is it true that there are no testing centers for NCLEX RN in Nigeria. barbiee and others please any information ?

MPVGoddess:

Lovely!

please I need your help... it's about my license renewal..

God is ever faithful to his own people

Samakus:



Noted. No promises but you'll be duly informed if any opportunity arises.

thanks bro

Samakus:



Thank you for the kind words. Please shed more light on your preferred location(s) and your years of experience.

I have my BNsc and RN certificate with three years work experience... I prefer to work in Ikorodu cos that's where I stay... thanks a lot

Samakus, you are really doing a great job here.. God bless you.. please invade you find any vacancies for nurses please do kindly post.. thanks

[quote author=nennynj post=49988318]I will be admitted today in d hospital against my CS tomorrow. mamas and papa in d house plz remember me in ur prayers. After 9 Yr +, I just can't imagine that it is happening. Though fear dey catch me small cos of the afterwards pain but I kw it must surely end in praise

Cappo Feddy27 ,hw is Fedora doing? All Oct teamies remember we no dey carry last. I need a birthday mate for my lo ....lol

I ll keep u pple posted.[/quote
God will surely see you through.. he that started the good work will complete it

tchiwinnie:
Mamas I greet o. how we dey na. Hhhhhmmm, I come wt not so good news. I started bleeding on Wednesday and yesterday confirmed my pregnancy isn't viable. The kind bleeding I had last night eh, hhmm. the blood kept pouring, double pads kept soaking. Its well sha. I pray no one experiences this . Its well, I know God ll gv me another in due time. Happy bumping mamas.

it is well Sis, God will give you double for the loss

you be sharp shooter oooo .. congrats to you and your wife

Sixx:
Its ok teamie, d most important tin is dat lo is fyn, tho am js wandering if placenta position remains same for subsequent pregnancies, will google it. Edd 5th n gender boy, duly noted, its lyk May is a gud month 2 try 4 boys, dnt u think? Pls team january who will giv us our first princess oooo.

lol.. it's been boys' affair all the way

[quote author=Sixx post=49924739]#teamjanuaryforsupernaturaldelivery
#newyearbabies
#pacesetters
#chocolateonicecreammummy

Hi everyone, its anoda beautiful month again o, how bumping nah? Sorry 4 d short silence, av bin really busy, we shud be in our 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th n maybe 26th week now, yeepeee! counting down to 3rd trimister now n i just cant wait 2 see n hold my lo.

So I had a scan n its a 'BOY'! ,according to dh "I tot as much!" wit a great sense of achievement dt d Radiologist had to wonder aloud if dia was a particular s**x equation he didnt knw about lol.

And OMG lo has bin at it, my tummy is now a mini playground wit all sorts of toys lyk my bladder, my intestines, my stomach n evn my jajaina, he just kicks at dem anyhow n anyway . Anytime my stomach rumbles or thunder bolts, he just goes on a kicking spree as if to say "what is that, i dnt get it" n I hv noticed dt he does a kinda happy dance at meal times n funny moves weneva am hungry, lol cant wait to see u my little prince, kisses. Pls share ur experiences mummies lets hv some fun. Those yet to update on edd n gender, mmm me am still waiting o.

Present MA... my EDD is 5th January and it's a boy how I wish I can get more kicks but I've got anterior placenta so no qualms about the 'fewer' kicks.
@Suzy are you sure your baby's placenta is not anteriorly located.

please what of ma'am Lifted hands.. it's been a long time, hope you are doing great
Captain sixx how are you doing too

fruitfulhome:
Dear Mummies. Goodmorning. Congrats to all those who have their bundles of joy. And a successful trip to all those belleful mummies. Plz I want to know if its normal to feel cramps like menstrual cramps this early days. And secondly, will I be having more discharges off and on? Yesterday I felt plenty discharge, my heart skipped so I ran to the convenience to check, it was just darker shade of cream colour. Thank u

first of all, put your mind at rest ma'am, those cramps are most times as a result of the expansion of the uterus, it's kinda normal in the early stage of pregnancy because I experienced same in those early days, just like you most times I rush to the loo to check my pant...but glory to God nothing bad happened.. but I think it's better to go and consult your doctor so that you will be reassured.. shalom

mztyqal:
Why is life so mean?
My world crashed before my eyes. I can't go on anymore. I lost the only thing keeping me sane. My baby. My Akorede Oluwasemilore.
You gave me no sign.
You just left.
Have you forgotten how I always touched you to pray for you?
How I always told you how I loved you?
How I used to sing for you.
You were my succour in this life.
All of a sudden life was snuck out of you at 19 weeks +.
I just started leaking water and I prayed it was urine cos it wasn't much anyway. I went to the hospital and was asked if I was having cramps or bleeding. I said no. Then I was asked to do a scan.
Akorede I still saw you sucking your thumb and moving your legs. I smiled at you. Little did I know that would be my last smile. All of a sudden the sonographer said my cervix was dilated.
Ah my world crashed.
How will my cervix just dilate?  No pain nothing.
I was sent back to the gynaecologist and he checked me and just shouted ah madam the membrane is already in your vagina. Baby is already out. Then they moved me to the labour room.
I suffered oh.
I looked at my mum who followed me. She was just shaking. I knew I had to be strong for her.
They induced me and the first drip finished.
I was going through emotional and psychological pain and I was crying and singing praises to God at the same time.
The second drip was administered with double dose of oxytocin. And misopristol.
I started shivering violently.
I was just praying.
God please don't let me die cos I know my mother won't survive it.
God bless my mum for me.
The second drip almost finished and I had a strong urge to poo and my baby came out. He was still breathing but they had to cut the chord.
That was how Akorede left me alone in this cold world.
I was given the 3rd drip again to induce the placenta. An hour later it came but there was still some stuck inside. And they had to suction it out.
I cried so much. Not from pain but because I was going through labour and I knew my sun won't go home with me.
When everything was done, I saw him.
My baby folded his legs and had his right hand under his chin as if he was saying "what a wicked world"
That image of him can never leave my head.
Now my baby is lying buried in the ground instead of my tummy.
In everything, I give God thanks and I know he will give me double for my trouble.

Am really shaken by this...take heart sis it is well with you...

2008 the year I entered Great Ife..am seriously waiting to comment on page 2016

DentalDr:


Pls try and educate without generating controversy

Thank you for this matured comment

This write up shows your level of ignorance....what do you mean by cadre of healthcare professionals that has more females...you mean Nurses..am highly dissapointed in you...

@dexterush...there shall be no loss in your family...your twins are cute.

Good morning to our wonderful mamas...January babes how are we all doing...pls ooo am sorta confused, I clocked 16 weeks yesterday but since last week I noticed that the baby rests more on the left..is it that the baby is not moving ni or what could be wrong...please pass me not experienced mamas.

iomoge2:


Dunno y this change is so sudden.

Am I lazy now

I was saying how heavy I feel n hubby told me baby would be d size of a pawpaw soon.

So fast?

God is your strength sis..

@ enkaydewdrop congrats oooo, this your baby is cute

[quote author=Sixx post=46673228]Rollcall for Team January mamas

My sweet teamies, how bori ds evening? Sha 4 me I thnk God o evn tho ds is like my worst week ever, evn had 2 see a doctor 2day.*anyway no long story*.

Welcome Jazzyjazz n other peeping newbies... Yea we can see u, beta come join us now.

My dear @Jazzyjazz, sorry o, I dnt hv much 2 tell u only dat am luving ur DH ryt now, can u believe dat mine has lost it dat evn upon ds sickness, he still wants 2 do *chai*, last nite my body was extremely hot wit fever, yet my guy in d prossess of comforting begin carress my b**bs sey he wan try him luck? Oh my God, of course it was a flat NO. Lol. Lord how did u create men?

Anyways my honourable teamies

ConvenantBabies
Rukkington
Mzora
Kittana
Flodel
Whyterose
Kemesty
Dunni29 and d newest
Jazzyjazz

We are growing small small o.
Infact #Teamjanuaryforsupernaturaldelivery
#Mummieswithoutmorningsickness
#Sexiestmamasinurneigbourhood

I luv u guys. Greetings to all mummies in d house especially dose who take out time 2 answer our questions like mama BritneyStacy, Zaynie, Mitchyy, Blessedmum. Lomoge, Enque, Ozycy, Sugah n others too numerous 2 mention, God bless u. Nice weekend all.[/quot
please oo captain add me ......

Federal Govt Girls College Akure.... oh fegicolla, our school we all hail thee for honesty,loyalty and discipline our motto ere remains that in unity we stand our goal we must achieve to the glory of our school... I son forget jare

@whyterose don't try to self medicate o..most deworming tablets are contraindicated in pregnancy.

@iyabetajos...it is well, am not coordinated enough to know what to write.. am so sorry about what happened.just know that very soon the lord will give you double for your loss.