Hope the NPF won't arrest guys & gurls with tinted eye Glasses.
Na so I dey go 1 sunday afternoon na hin 1 policeman stop me.
Police: Where is ur license and registration.
Me: I show am.
Police: Come open ur booth,
Me: I open am.
Police: This ur car is tinted o
Me: Come, wetin dey dere
Police: Na bag
Me: dat means u can see thru so no wahala me
Police: okay, just drop sometin for ur bois youngest millionaire
Me: (For my mind borrow borrow car) Oga nothin for u.
They are just foolish

I don Port O x2
I don Port to PDP
PDP- Power to the ACN's

It seems like business is not moving for one of the reps making blocks, he wants to use border fencing to move on. #God dey

Is Nigeria Really Unsafe?

cyril83: akproko! Wetin those idiots be,malian,ivorian or ghanian?.....

U be FOOL. Just because of one person u r referring to 170m people (Nigerians) as useless. Dem put Nationality tag for head abi.

cyril83: Nigerians are so useless.....what's the meaning of all these?

wetin concern Nigerians uselessness with OP's 18th century pishure.

Na Wash

There are high expectations from the over 1.5
million candidates who will troop to the over
3,100 examination centres to write what
could be the last Unified Tertiary Matriculation
Examinations (UTME) in the history of
Nigerian education, this Saturday, April 27.
If the Oronsaye report, which advocates that
the powers of the Joint Admissions and
Matriculations Board (JAMB) be divested and
universities be solely charged with
candidates’ entrance exams, these students
will make an unprecedented mark in JAMB’s
36-year-old history.
Recall that the House of Representatives, on
Tuesday, directed the Board to suspend its
newly introduced computer-based test (CBT)
for the 2013 UTME scheduled to have held on
Saturday, April 20.
Instead, the lawmakers asked JAMB to revert
to its paper and pencil-based examinations,
citing inadequate sensitisation and
preparation, as well as lack of necessary
infrastructure in secondary schools as reasons
for arriving at the decision.
To this end, the House equally summoned the
Minister of Education, Professor Rukayyatu
Rufa’i and the Registrar of JAMB, Professor
Dibu Ojerinde, to provide explanations on
what it tagged, “policy somersault” in view of
the CBT introduced by the board.
Students writing exam
To ensure a hitch-free exam, the Board has
enlisted the services of security operatives
such as Civil Defense Corps, the Police and
some private security operatives, while some
independent watch groups made up of Vice-
Chancellors, Rectors, Provosts, among others,
would be on hand to monitor events.
With over 122 universities, Vanguard
Learning got a mixture of responses when the
candidates revealed that they are ready to go
to any length to ensure that they are among
those who are considered for the limited
admission spaces into institutions of learning.
Chiyere Ijioma is reading extra hard and has
embarked on reading till daybreak to ensure
that she scores high points. “Everything is
behind me and my studies have taken center-
place because I don’t want to cheat to pass.”
Idowu Oreoluwa who wants to study Food
Science and Technology and is in favour of
scrapping the exam body, failing UTME
doesn’t mean the person is not intelligent.
“I am preparing very hard by attending
lessons and reading on my own because I
passed my WAEC and really want to be
admitted this time around.”
For Firminus Idenyi, who opined that
scrapping UTME would put financially
handicapped students in a disadvantaged
position said; “Preparations are being taken
seriously to ensure that I gain admission this
year. I don’t intend to cheat because the
consequences are dire and I don’t want to
waste all my family has spent on my
education.”
For Bukola King, a second timer, perfecting
her timing would mean being a step closer to
gaining admission this year. “I would improve
on all the subjects I did last year. Though I’m
prepared, and my plan is to improve on my
timing as I didn’t finish the questions last
year and that affected my aggregate score.”
Calling on students to shun all forms of exam
malpractice, a tutorial center coordinator, Mr.
Joseph Ajibola, urged them to put in their
best and be hopeful for admission.
“The truth is that it is not all students tat sit
for the exams are offered admission, but hope
is not lost as those that can afford it can go to
neighbouring countries to further their
education.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/students-write-what-might-be-last-utme/

moshoodn: UNILAG is under fire...

Just because of you(MOSHOOD)

WASHINGTON (AFP) – US President Barack Obama has a unique strategy for keeping his daughters from getting tattoos: threatening to get the same design, along with his wife, and turning it into a family YouTube moment.

“What we’ve said to the girls is: ‘If you guys ever decide that you’re going to get a tattoo, then mommy and me will get the exact same tattoo, in the same place,” Obama explained on NBC’s “Today” show on Wednesday.

“And we’ll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo,” he said. “Our thinking is that it might dissuade them from thinking that somehow that’s a good way to rebel.”

Obama and his wife Michelle have two daughters: Malia, 14, and Sasha, 11.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/if-you-get-tattoos-so-will-we-obama-tells-daughters/

OWERRI — The identity and whereabouts of the Mercedes Benz 200 saloon car driver that allegedly rammed into the staff car of Imo State governor, Chief Rochas Okorocha, has remained a mystery.

Imo State Commissioner of Police, Mr. Mohammed Katsina, did not help matter, yesterday, when he was asked to give details of the road traffic crash involving Chief Okorocha and the Mercedes Benz driver.

Mr. Katsina only reaffirmed that there was a head-on collision between the governor’s staff car and a yellow Mercedes Benz 200 flat booth, adding that the driver did not sustain any injury.

The Imo police boss, however, failed to say if the driver of the said Mercedes Benz car was arrested at any point and if he was still in their custody or not.

“The police is investigating the incident and when we are through with it, the public would be informed of our findings,” the police commissioner said.

Vanguard recalls that Governor Okorocha, who is now receiving medical attention in a London hospital, was involved in a road traffic crash last Friday, along the ever busy Owerri-Orlu federal highway.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/driver-involved-in-head-on-collision-with-gov-okorochas-car-unknown/

IBADAN — Residents of Omitowoju area of Ibadan where there was a fire outbreak, Monday night, have been counting their losses.

Many houses and shops were burnt in the incident but there was no casualty.

When Vanguard visited the scene ,Tuesday, thousands of sympathisers thronged the area complaining about the carelessness of the driver of the fuel tanker that emptied its 33,000 litres of fuel on the road.

Many traders who spoke with Vanguard pleaded with Governor Abiola Ajimobi to come to their aid as they had lost their hard-earned livelihood to the fire incident.

The Caretaker Chairman of Ibadan North West Local Government Area, Mr. Wasiu Olatunbosun, said over N500 million worth of property was lost in the incident.

According to him, over 70 houses and shops were razed.

He blamed the incident on negligence on the part of the tanker driver, adding that the fire was so serious that he had to call on a company nearby to assist in putting it out.
Things burnt included deep freezers, beverages, tailoring materials among others.
He disclosed that the fuel had contaminated the water supply and electricity.
To prevent the affected residents from drinking polluted water, he said an order had been given for a tanker of drinkable water to be stationed in the area for the people.
One of the affected traders, Mrs.  Aminat Afolabi, said: “I lost over N600, 000 worth of goods to the fire. What came to my mind was how to survive with those very vulnerable ones under me including my child. I join my people to appeal to the government not to abandon us in this terrible moment.”
Another shop owner, Mrs. Ajoke Joel, said she lost property worth millions of naira.
Vanguard also gathered that a new Toyota Camry car which the owner was showing to his friends was burnt.
Some government officials were seen taking down the names of the affected traders, yesterday.

A building burning after a fuel-laden tanker caught fire on Atowoda Street at Inalende in Ibadan, Monday night. Photo: Dare Fasube.

Lagos State Blood Transfusion Services, LSBTS, has called on Lagosians to develop the culture of voluntary blood donation with a view to closing the gap in blood supply.

Speaking at a voluntary blood donation program- me organised by the agency in collaboration with Four Square Gospel Church, spokesperson of the agency, Mr. Solomon Eka, noted  that there was need for Lagosians to increase the pace of voluntary blood donation for those in need of it for survival.

According to him, “blood is a scarce resource which makes it necessary for blood banks to continuously source for safe and adequate blood to meet the growing needs of the patients.”

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/lsbts-canvasses-voluntary-blood-donation/

tinnymerit: nollywood + Gollywood=?

Akpako nacking

pechiko: pls how much is ABC transport luxury bus from lagos to Abuja?

Depends on time you move with them
Express 5k9
Sleeper 6k2
Express Night 5k1

Nope

The guy looks like a Ghost in the first pics

kunletiwoo: Lol... Funny Dude! Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Beholder sef go fear

baynix: Atiku Don Carry Shoe Come Yanfu Yanfu!!

Make One Clueless Bas.tard No Come Tell Us Sey Him No Get Shoe Again o!

E go tell us say e no get socks and shoe lace. Its not over until it is over

Koolking: The list is not complete without Karen Igho...wait ooo is she even a celeb or a party freak? She will definitely be seen at my 4years old cousin's party next week.

Lol, just put sometin carpet in the I.V and u'll see her

Rossikk: Nigeria's 8 most over-exposed/overhyped celebrities?

1 -Tonto Dikeh
2 -Tonto Dikeh
3 -Tonto Dikeh
4 -Tonto Dikeh
5 -Tonto Dikeh
6 -Tonto Dikeh
7 -Tonto Dikeh
8 -Tonto Dikeh

You are the one over hyping her. If U fit copy and paste her name 8 times, how she no go dey on 1 yeye list.

Seriously lafin here, adaobi don suffer sha

Nicki Minaj wants to prove to the world
that she isn’t all about her hot lyrics and
sexy body, the female rapper also proves
that she is also a force to reckon with in the
business world.
She’s now going to be a hot competition with
famous headphone makers “Beats by Dre” after
the of an all-pink wireless pill speaker. The rapper
has no intention of slowing down, she’s out to
grab every cent she can both on the music
scene and business world.
She recently just signed a huge deal with
“American Idol,” and here she is again with
another huge investment project.

Lagos- The Computer Village in Ikeja, Lagos, generates about two billion dollars (N300 billion) to the economy annually, Mrs Omobola Johnson, Minister of Information and Communications Technology, has said.

Johnson disclosed this at the Monthly Breakfast Meeting of the Nigerian-South Africa Chamber of Commerce on Thursday in Lagos.

According to the minister, the revenues come mostly from the cloning of phones and the exploration all sorts of software applications.

“I think I am the first ICT minister that has taken time to visit the place and we have seen that the operators have great skills.

“The place consists of wonderful sets of youths who are generating employment for themselves, while inventing new ICT skills.

“We have encouraged the operators to come out with local brands to support the growth of the economy,” the minister said.

Johnson said that the ministry was working closely with the executives of the market association to ensure that the operators’ skills were harnessed to generate more revenues.

She said that the ministry had plans to ensure that 60 per cent of rural dwellers had access to personal computers and the Internet by 2015.

“We plan to empower the youths at the Computer Village to fulfill these targets and to create more jobs,” the minister said. (NAN)

www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/computer-village-generates-2bn-annually-to-economy-minister/

NIGERIANS who are intending to migrate to
Malaysia for various reasons and those
resident in Malaysia should become
acquainted with the local rules and
regulations that are bidding in Malaysia, in
order not to fall into any kind of trouble.
Nigeria’s laws and customs are quite different
from Malaysia, and this makes it important
that prior to migration, you have developed
the mindset that is expected to make you
freely interrelate with Malaysia’s laws and
customs, as well as connecting with the
Nigeria embassy in Kuala Lumpur about your
trip for a better consular protection and
updates concerning important safety and
security information in cases of emergencies.
Malaysia: It is important for you to understand
a bit of Malaysia description as a multi-ethnic
country, having Islam as her official religion,
and is being practised by over 60 percent of
the country’s population. Malaysia is the
official language of the country, and although
English Language is spoken widely, migrants
could still avail themselves with the
opportunity of having access to their official
language (Malaysia) for easier inter-relations.
Entry permit: You have to possess a passport
that is valid for at least six months and upon
entry, Malaysia immigration officials is
mandated to place an entry stamp in your
passport to specify your validity period of
stay. Migrants generally are given a period of
ninety days validity period of stay by Malaysia
immigration officials, but since this is not a
guarantee, you should endeavour to check the
stamp in your passport quickly after you
enter, to be certain of the expiration of your
entry permit. Travellers to Malaysia are
electronically fingerprinted on arrival, and
again on departure. While in Malaysia, you
should carry your passport which contains
the Malaysian entry stamp and associated
sticker with you at all times.
Eastern Malaysia: To be able to travel into the
eastern Malaysian states will require that you
declare your passport to immigration
authorities because these parts of Malaysia
have their own immigration authorities who
will determine if you can enter and for how
long. It is very important for you to be
mindful of the period of stay that is allotted to
you in order not to exceed it.
Over staying your visa validity: You would be
detained by Malaysian immigration authorities
if you overstay your permit. The Malaysia
immigration authorities routinely detain
foreigners who overstay their social visit visas
and once you are detected, a fine or
detention and legal proceedings may be
imposed upon you.
In view of the foregoing herein, you should
check your visa status periodically, and follow
immigration laws and regulations strictly to
avoid any unnecessary form of detention in
connection with overstay of visa by the
Malaysia immigration officials. Detentions may
last from a few hours to several weeks, or
more, depending upon the nature of the
violation, pending a formal hearing.
Safety and security threats: It is imperative in
this case, that you register your presence and
itinerary in Malaysia with the Nigeria embassy
as soon as you enter Malaysia. This will enable
you receive updated safety and security
information that will guide you through your
stay in Malaysia and also be notified in cases
of any possible attacks from any extremists
groups.
The Nigeria embassy also is mandated to
draw your attention to the risks surrounding
travels to the eastern islands and coastal
regions of the state of Sabah, Malaysia. Of
particular concern are resorts (and
transportation to and from them) in isolated
areas. If you visit these areas you should
exercise caution, remain alert to your
surroundings, and use good personal security
measures.

www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/what-you-must-know-about-trips-to-malaysia/

Dats for the card. The amount is for to alone or might be a little bit lesser and something around 130 cedis(#10k) from ghana.

If u don't have the card u just pay for it like #200. The price should not be more than 11k

It depends on how you want to go about it. You can follow all dis transport companies like cross country, efex, ABC e.t.c or u can go on your by crossing borders urself and u pay @ d borders.
Requirements- Passport or A valid ID card and a yellow fever card
Amount depends on how you move

History of April 1:April 1 is called FOOL day after Steve April. He was born on 1st April 1579, he did 105 business in his life time. He lost all his father's assets, & so everyone started calling him as father of d fools. At d age of 19 he married a 61 old woman. She divorced him after a year bcoz of his
foolishness. He used to read all kind of fake stories Like u r doing now. Its a gr8 idea to fool u in April. See as you serious read am finish =D=))=)) =))
**** chaIiiii ooops akunamatata

FUNNY SAYINGS

-You won use straw drink hot pap... #hospital go be ur new home.

- You are above 30 and Davido is ur mentor... #u need serious deliverance.

- You kneel down becoz u wan greet person for phone... #are u a learner??

- You carry screw driver go bank becoz u wan open account... #why u no carry hammer join??

- You hate azonto but u luv alingo... #u must be an alien.

- It took me an hour to compose a music 4 u, you con reply wit "k"... #E be like say network no dey ur head.

- You run go baff, wear ur finest dress, do make up, come spray perfume join am, on top say u wan skype... #God bless ur hustle.

- You went to bed with a ruler just to know how long you slept... #Akpors na ur mentor

- You no get shishi for account, u dey sing "Chop mai money" instead of "Mercies of the Lord"...#dats faith.

- You wan do HIV TEST, u come dey find past
questions... #U don dey madt abi?

- China fone alarm no fit wake u up... #ur matter don go beyond physical.

-U erase ur note 4rm ur book as Teacher de clean blackboard. *Speechless*

-U see me dey shiver u con ask, are u cold? Nope idiot i set my self for vibrate mode ni

-Afta u steal ur father last money, u dey go tel am sey dem dey ask 4 school fees..

-U dey slip untop ur wall clock...dem ask y?? U say u wan wake up On-time!....#u hv a problem o

-U pour nutriC inside empty 5 alive pack u com dey pose wit it,u dey fool ur self

-U wan pluk mango u first go touch am weda e ripe b4 u come down come stone am. dem fence ur brain abi?

-You have been jilted by many bf/gf, still yet you are still saying.................if love is a crime, you want to be wanted. €€you are already in prison¥

-U wear nysc kit con dey find gun.... Na army u join?

-Cos u hear say d world small,u won trek 4rm ur house go malaysia....#d weed u took z highly concentrated 4rm jamaica

-U go spray perfume on ur body becos u wan snap pic......ar u a learner?

-U go steal de wall clock of ur mosque or church cos dey say Gods time is de best....u must be a mumu

-You dey read this page you no laugh ,you be witch be dat ooo

-U no get moni 2 by stove u put 4 candle under ur pot say u won prepare joluf rice..........na there second cuming of jesus christ go meet u

-because u hear scratch & win promo, you come dey waka up & down for street dey scratch your yansh dey expect say somebody go call you say you don win something, My brother your yansh go peel!

- U dey middle of sea insyd boat n u r singn... Mami-water power, powerless power instead of reciting psalm 23... U b moses?

-U get acident, u cary ur bb and update ur status to 'dieyin tinz'. Oga hell don dey do welcome party 4 u

-U wan write WAEC english. u cun dey read A-LEVEL in English by DAME P. JONATHAN...... na expressway to G10

-U laminate your ATM card for safety. Are u a leaner?

-U get civil defence case for commandant shem obafaiye command.. your phone go ring and the ring tone na 'oga at the top by dj ziggy'. e don be for u be dat

-U be Senator n no sabi National Anthem, yet U follow D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣ laff "Oga at d top". Election tribunal na ur next destination.
-
Keep it rolling...