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Nairaland Forum / Tolex34's Profile / Tolex34's Posts
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Politics / Re: 'My Oga At The Top': Wife Protests At Channels TV' by tolex34(m): 11:41pm On Mar 16, 2013 |
If this is true, Dame should be imprisoned |
Sports / Re: Keshi Release List Of Foreign Pro's To Play Kenya by tolex34(m): 10:24pm On Mar 08, 2013 |
Greatken007: After una go dey shout say WAEC fail una for English language,hw did u finish ur comprehensive passage,Obj alone cant giv u a 'D',na which country warri dey?To some warri is in Norway. |
Forum Games / Re: How Many Dots Can You See? by tolex34(m): 8:31pm On Mar 08, 2013 |
Zero or Seventy. Viewers discretion is advised |
Jokes Etc / Akpos Jokes by tolex34(m): 10:47pm On Mar 06, 2013 |
ENJOY THIS THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS (SEASON 1) INTRO: In the land of Nairaland and the time of jokes, the destiny of most jokes rests on the shoulders of a young boy(or man, as the case may be) His name, . . . . . . AKPORS. . . EPISODE 1 A teacher lecturing on population said, 'In the world, after every 10 seconds, a woman gives birth to a kid.' Akpors stood up and said, 'we must find and stop her!' Akpors: Why are all these people running? Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Akpors: if only the winner will get the cup, why are others running? Akpors told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Akpors: So what, take an umbrella and go! Postman: I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this package. Akpors: Why did you have to come so far, instead u could have posted it. Akpors at an Art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror! Akpors was writing something very slowly. A friend asked, "why are you writing so slowly?" Akpors: I'm writing to my six year old son, he can't read very fast. Flash news:A 2 SEATER plane crashed in a GRAVEYARD. Akpors and his townsmen have so far found 500 bodies and are still DIGGING for more. EPISODE 2 Akpors' son: Mom, when I was on the bus this morning with dad, he told me to give up my seat for a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: ... but mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap! Father to Akpors after exam: Let me see your report card. Akpors: My friend just borrowed it, he wants to scare his parents . Akpors was driving down the freeway, his phone rang. Answering he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Darling, i just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Umokoru highway, please be careful!' 'its not one car' said akpors 'its hundreds of them, am trying my best to avoid hitting them'! How do you recognize Akpors in school? He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases the board. EPISODE 3 Once Akpors was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on the other so a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast prophesied that it would be cold on one hand and hot on the other. Akpors bought a brand new Range Rover sports and decided to drive down to another town near umukoro to visit his friend. After some days there he called his wife to expect him in the evening. He didn't come in the evening. The day after he wasn't back. On the third day he came back. His distraught wife asked him, 'what happened my husband?'. Obviosly tired from a long journey, Akpors stepped out, 'These Range Rover people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward and only one for going back.' Wife: Do you want dinner? Akpors: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: YES AND NO. EPISODE 4 Man: How old is your father? Akpors: As old as me. Man: How can that be? Akpors: He became a father only when I was born. Akpors took his girlfriend out for lunch and ordered for a hot pepperish peppersoup, after they were done eating with their BARE hands of course, Akpors went to the toilet to ease himself, when he came back they started chatting and after sometime he started feeling pepper around his 'gentleman's area'{which was as a result of touching his ***** with his pepper infected fingers}. He tried to ignore it but it grew worse and worse and pain was clearly written on his face. His date asked what was wrong and Akpors couldn't control it any longer, with a tearful face he shouted, 'my thing is on fire' the girl was stil asking 'what thing??' So Akpors just stormed out in pain looking for relief anywhere. Watchout for episode 5. EPISODE 5 continued.. . . . . Akpors being a police sergent by profession was supposed to be on duty on the day of the incident. So he rushed home amidst his pain and quickly put on his khaki uniform and went 2 the station. He was still undergoing serious pain when he got there and was almost out of control. So he sat down in the visitors seat and was just fanning himself. He removed his gun and kept it aside, unbuttoned his shirt and threw his cap and kept on fanning himself. Unknown to Akpors the commisioner of police was to pay a visit to their station on that day. After sometime the commissioner arrived and saw Akpors and the state of things. O boy Akpors don enter soup o... See what happens in episode 6!! EPISODE 6 As the commissioner came in he was wondering which irresponsible person was on duty. Akpors in his misery couldn't even recognize the person before him. The commissioner started shouting who was on duty and ignorant Akpors replied, 'It's me.. Who are you and what do you want here, eh abi you want make I put you for cell? This one wey you con here they shout anyhow so, you no they fear face' As a result of whatever the comissioner's aides did to him. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AKPORS WENT INTO COMA !!! EPISODE 7 After Akpors wakes up from his coma with his ever faithful girlfriend(Ekaitte) by his bedside. He is faced with a new problem - employment as he has been fired from the police force. After some weeks of job hunting, he finally found a job as a teacher in Umukoro Development Community Primary School(UDCPS). He was doing well with his new job until one day something happened. Skip to disk 8!! EPISODE 8 One faithful day after school hours, Akpan one of Akpors' students was having problem putting on his shoes so Akpors went to help him. Akpors managed to untie all the laces of the shoe and struggled to slip it into the boy's leg. After about 15 minutes the shoe was on and Akpors was eager to go home when he heard Akpans annoying voice saying, 'Uncle my sweet is inside the shoe'. On hearing this, Akpors told the boy to go like that but he refused. So Akpors summoned the last ounce of patience in him and removed the shoe and gave the boy his sweet and put it back on which took about 20 minutes. After Akpors was through he was about to go when the boy said, 'the shoes are on the wrong legs'. Akpors almost slapped the boy but he bearly managed to control himself and switch the shoes which took about 10 minutes. Once again Akpors was about to go when Akpan says, 'Uncle, this is even my younger brother's shoes, my own is in my bag'. Just like flashes of light, Akpors' experience with the commissioner of police flashed before him as he put it into action. . . . . . . . . AKPORS' TRIAL STARTS NEXT WEEK!! EPISODE 9 After much delay, Akpors' case was finally heard and sadly enough Akpors was sentenced to 3 years imprisonment with hard labour for child abuse. Anyhow sha, Akpors got into prison and soon started getting used to prison life but he missed home, his friends and his girlfriend. Now Akpors was fond of getting into bad company and this case was no difference. His cell mate by name Ambali started putting ideas of prison break into Akpors' head constantly with his obsession of Micheal Scofield. Akpors soon consented. EPISODE 10 Soon Akpors, Ambali and other inmates got together and carefuly planned on how to stage a successful prison break. This was their strategy, unlike in Micheal Scofield's case there were no tunnels in this prison except for soak-away lines which was not an option. Their only option was that unlike fox river prison, there was only one way out of this prison, and it was constantly guarded at night. So Akpors and Ambali suggested they would all grab anything big, huge and long and attack the prison guards unawares at night when they were asleep. The d-day came with the huge task ahead, so as they all matched to the guarded gate ready to beat living daylight out of the guards, they were stunned by what they saw. The gate was completely deserted with no guards present, so since the guards were not there and their original plan could not be done as anticipated. They decided to go back to their cells till the day that the guards were present. Scroll down for Episode 11 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wetin una still dey find? Hehehehe... Una sef too like tori... |
Jokes Etc / Akpos Jokes by tolex34(m): 10:39pm On Mar 06, 2013 |
ENJOY THIS THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS (SEASON 1) INTRO: In the land of CBJ and the time of jokes, the destiny of most jokes rests on the shoulders of a young boy(or man, as the case may be) His name, . . . . . . AKPORS. . . EPISODE 1 A teacher lecturing on population said, 'In the world, after every 10 seconds, a woman gives birth to a kid.' Akpors stood up and said, 'we must find and stop her!' Akpors: Why are all these people running? Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Akpors: if only the winner will get the cup, why are others running? Akpors told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Akpors: So what, take an umbrella and go! Postman: I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this package. Akpors: Why did you have to come so far, instead u could have posted it. Akpors at an Art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror! Akpors was writing something very slowly. A friend asked, "why are you writing so slowly?" Akpors: I'm writing to my six year old son, he can't read very fast. Flash news:A 2 SEATER plane crashed in a GRAVEYARD. Akpors and his townsmen have so far found 500 bodies and are still DIGGING for more. EPISODE 2 Akpors' son: Mom, when I was on the bus this morning with dad, he told me to give up my seat for a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: ... but mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap! Father to Akpors after exam: Let me see your report card. Akpors: My friend just borrowed it, he wants to scare his parents . Akpors was driving down the freeway, his phone rang. Answering he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Darling, i just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Umokoru highway, please be careful!' 'its not one car' said akpors 'its hundreds of them, am trying my best to avoid hitting them'! How do you recognize Akpors in school? He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases the board. EPISODE 3 Once Akpors was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on the other so a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast prophesied that it would be cold on one hand and hot on the other. Akpors bought a brand new Range Rover sports and decided to drive down to another town near umukoro to visit his friend. After some days there he called his wife to expect him in the evening. He didn't come in the evening. The day after he wasn't back. On the third day he came back. His distraught wife asked him, 'what happened my husband?'. Obviosly tired from a long journey, Akpors stepped out, 'These Range Rover people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward and only one for going back.' Wife: Do you want dinner? Akpors: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: YES AND NO. EPISODE 4 Man: How old is your father? Akpors: As old as me. Man: How can that be? Akpors: He became a father only when I was born. Akpors took his girlfriend out for lunch and ordered for a hot pepperish peppersoup, after they were done eating with their BARE hands of course, Akpors went to the toilet to ease himself, when he came back they started chatting and after sometime he started feeling pepper around his 'gentleman's area'{which was as a result of touching his ***** with his pepper infected fingers}. He tried to ignore it but it grew worse and worse and pain was clearly written on his face. His date asked what was wrong and Akpors couldn't control it any longer, with a tearful face he shouted, 'my thing is on fire' the girl was stil asking 'what thing??' So Akpors just stormed out in pain looking for relief anywhere. Watchout for episode 5. EPISODE 5 continued.. . . . . Akpors being a police sergent by profession was supposed to be on duty on the day of the incident. So he rushed home amidst his pain and quickly put on his khaki uniform and went 2 the station. He was still undergoing serious pain when he got there and was almost out of control. So he sat down in the visitors seat and was just fanning himself. He removed his gun and kept it aside, unbuttoned his shirt and threw his cap and kept on fanning himself. Unknown to Akpors the commisioner of police was to pay a visit to their station on that day. After sometime the commissioner arrived and saw Akpors and the state of things. O boy Akpors don enter soup o... See what happens in episode 6!! EPISODE 6 As the commissioner came in he was wondering which irresponsible person was on duty. Akpors in his misery couldn't even recognize the person before him. The commissioner started shouting who was on duty and ignorant Akpors replied, 'It's me.. Who are you and what do you want here, eh abi you want make I put you for cell? This one wey you con here they shout anyhow so, you no they fear face' As a result of whatever the comissioner's aides did to him. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AKPORS WENT INTO COMA !!! EPISODE 7 After Akpors wakes up from his coma with his ever faithful girlfriend(Ekaitte) by his bedside. He is faced with a new problem - employment as he has been fired from the police force. After some weeks of job hunting, he finally found a job as a teacher in Umukoro Development Community Primary School(UDCPS). He was doing well with his new job until one day something happened. Skip to disk 8!! EPISODE 8 One faithful day after school hours, Akpan one of Akpors' students was having problem putting on his shoes so Akpors went to help him. Akpors managed to untie all the laces of the shoe and struggled to slip it into the boy's leg. After about 15 minutes the shoe was on and Akpors was eager to go home when he heard Akpans annoying voice saying, 'Uncle my sweet is inside the shoe'. On hearing this, Akpors told the boy to go like that but he refused. So Akpors summoned the last ounce of patience in him and removed the shoe and gave the boy his sweet and put it back on which took about 20 minutes. After Akpors was through he was about to go when the boy said, 'the shoes are on the wrong legs'. Akpors almost slapped the boy but he bearly managed to control himself and switch the shoes which took about 10 minutes. Once again Akpors was about to go when Akpan says, 'Uncle, this is even my younger brother's shoes, my own is in my bag'. Just like flashes of light, Akpors' experience with the commissioner of police flashed before him as he put it into action. . . . . . . . . AKPORS' TRIAL STARTS NEXT WEEK!! EPISODE 9 After much delay, Akpors' case was finally heard and sadly enough Akpors was sentenced to 3 years imprisonment with hard labour for child abuse. Anyhow sha, Akpors got into prison and soon started getting used to prison life but he missed home, his friends and his girlfriend. Now Akpors was fond of getting into bad company and this case was no difference. His cell mate by name Ambali started putting ideas of prison break into Akpors' head constantly with his obsession of Micheal Scofield. Akpors soon consented. EPISODE 10 Soon Akpors, Ambali and other inmates got together and carefuly planned on how to stage a successful prison break. This was their strategy, unlike in Micheal Scofield's case there were no tunnels in this prison except for soak-away lines which was not an option. Their only option was that unlike fox river prison, there was only one way out of this prison, and it was constantly guarded at night. So Akpors and Ambali suggested they would all grab anything big, huge and long and attack the prison guards unawares at night when they were asleep. The d-day came with the huge task ahead, so as they all matched to the guarded gate ready to beat living daylight out of the guards, they were stunned by what they saw. The gate was completely deserted with no guards present, so since the guards were not there and their original plan could not be done as anticipated. They decided to go back to their cells till the day that the guards were present. Scroll down for Episode 11 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wetin una still dey find? Hehehehe... Una sef too like tori... |
Autos / Re: Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 7:53pm On Mar 02, 2013 |
Still available |
Travel / Re: How Can One Travel From Uyo,to Ghana By Road? by tolex34(m): 2:34pm On Mar 01, 2013 |
Cross country will charge around ₦9500 and if ur luggage is above 10kg u pay |
Travel / Re: How Can One Travel From Uyo,to Ghana By Road? by tolex34(m): 10:42pm On Feb 28, 2013 |
You have to go to Lagos. Go to mile 2 as sam said or Yaba where the likes of cross country, efex, young shall grow and co. are 1 Like |
Celebrities / Re: Burna Boy Is Sick & The Hospital [PHOTO] by tolex34(m): 11:28pm On Feb 24, 2013 |
skales:May be he is a Public servant |
Sports / Re: Fashola Splashes N54.5m On Super Eagles by tolex34(m): 10:14pm On Feb 15, 2013 |
They are paying them for the next 19years. LOLz |
Travel / Re: Any Nairalanders In Ghana Accra That Can Help With Free Accomodation Plz by tolex34(m): 3:59pm On Feb 08, 2013 |
Where are you in Accra and which area will you like to stay |
Celebrities / Re: Pictures Of Goldie In Malaysia by tolex34(m): 3:54pm On Jan 13, 2013 |
Gbogbo nkan ton dan ko ni wura bere lowo Goldie |
Business / Re: What Is Your Business Plan For 2013? by tolex34(m): 11:00pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Can u please share with us the biz u started with 5k. |
Autos / Honda Civic 1999(registered) For Sale by tolex34(m): 4:28pm On Nov 18, 2012 |
*Clean In and Out. *In a very good condition *Cold Ac *Intermittent wipers Price: 520k Location: Abeokuta, Ogun State
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Autos / Re: I Need Registered Carina E Wagon And M.l Mercedes Jeep 02/03 Model Urgently by tolex34(m): 2:48pm On Nov 12, 2012 |
I have a blue carina E but its not wagon |
Autos / Re: Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 2:43pm On Nov 12, 2012 |
Beauty
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Autos / Re: Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 2:39pm On Nov 12, 2012 |
Rear
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Autos / Re: Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 2:26pm On Nov 12, 2012 |
Back seat
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Autos / Re: Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 2:17pm On Nov 12, 2012 |
tolex34: For Sale
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Autos / Toks Honda Accord 2000 @ 950k by tolex34(m): 1:51pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
For Sale Make: Honda Model: Accord LX Year: 2000 Colour:Blue Price:950.000 Non Accidented Clean In & Out Features *Automatic Transmissiom *Ice Cold AC *Power Steering *Fabric Interior *AM/FM *5 seats *Airbag *Clock *Intermittent wipers *Collapsible mirrors *Cup holder *Steering Cruise Control CALL: 08062791032, 08179550462 OR blitautos@nokiamail.com
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Food / Re: Price Of Garri Skyrockets Astronomically by tolex34(m): 11:50pm On Oct 15, 2012 |
gbomo jomo: If u cant beat them u join them.Finally chief seun has join the garri pple. But i refuse to be their member, becos na wheat and semo me dey shop. That one used to be 1500 but now 1800 naira for PH.If you cant beat them arrange for them to be beaten |
Food / Re: Amazing Uses Of Coca-cola by tolex34(m): 2:21pm On Oct 15, 2012 |
Todaynatoday: Wow that's very informative. but come o, shey I fit use am as fuel for my car/generator?Come to think of it Using coke would be more expensive because 1 litre of Coke=₦160 while 1 litre of PMS=₦97 |
Autos / Re: Mercedes C Class Or Toyota Camry, Advice Me by tolex34(m): 1:19am On Oct 10, 2012 |
Benz all the way but i love c230 1 Like |
Phones / Re: Samsung-Galaxy Note 10.1 Now In Nigeria by tolex34(m): 11:20pm On Oct 09, 2012 |
venorite: this one na for oga and madame them.....[code][/code]listening to good time on my nokia 303pls, hw much is the 303 |
Politics / Re: Dame Patience Jonathan Suffering From Cancer Of The Uterus - P.M News by tolex34(m): 11:19pm On Oct 03, 2012 |
Sharp9: . She hold post 4 her state joor. We deserve 2 knwshe's holding the post of a P.S. Do you even know the names of other P.S in ur state not to talk about there health status. |
Politics / Re: Dame Patience Jonathan Suffering From Cancer Of The Uterus - P.M News by tolex34(m): 11:15pm On Oct 03, 2012 |
Yomieluv: knowledge is power,knowing her ailment is our right,cos she's is a public servant in her state.Do you know the ailment that is disturbing the wife of ur local government chairman. Focus on ur lyf |
Politics / Re: Dame Patience Jonathan Suffering From Cancer Of The Uterus - P.M News by tolex34(m): 11:11pm On Oct 03, 2012 |
ceejay80s: .....emmm!! Dem swear for dat presidential seat ?! Why presidents and 1st ladys dey die? 1.OBANSANJO'S WIFE 2. MUSA YARADUA 3.it started with abacha. And its going like president-firstlady, president first lady. We have 2 watch out. |
Religion / Re: 3 Types Of " Christians " On Nairaland by tolex34(m): 1:08pm On Oct 03, 2012 |
Caracta: You are either a christian or a non-christian. Categories? No, no, no I disagree with dat. There are Some christians dat still worship idols(smaller gods). |
Autos / Re: Tokunbo Honda Accord [baby Boy] At The Cheapest Price. 08023295044, 08064452948 by tolex34(m): 11:38pm On Oct 02, 2012 |
Ennythong Model: 2003 Its 01/02. Happy sales |
Autos / Re: Help: Info On Car by tolex34(m): 11:03pm On Oct 02, 2012 |
It depends on how sound the engine is, the year and some other factors |
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