Oyindidi:
okay, sorry about that. Hope you are okay now ?

Hanging in there

Oyindidi:
Yeah, thought you saw it. It's too personal.

I read everything. Wanted to read it again.

Arondizuogu:


My brother I wanted to create a topic on depression now before I saw yours. You are not alone. The worst part is that people think it's my pride or ego but it's not it. I'm depressed. Super depressed. I was just watching this medication in my room wondering if I could just down the whole 12 pills.
I stay indoors 24/7, my family is shit, no one cares, you are on your own. Prayer not working. Mom not working, bills piling up, extended family has no regard for me. It's just too much and I'm tired. So tired of it all.

I don't know what to say. It feels like a kind of hell nobody around me understands.

MsRoe:



I know that I should probably create a new moniker for this just like you have done, but Bleep it!

I'm like you. Maybe I'm a lot more screwed up. So, I can relate to your dilemma.

The first time I contemplated suicide, I was less than ten years old. I remember thinking that I would rather end it than live with the persistent melancholy. My life has always been a miserable rainy day no matter what went on. I've always been filled with an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness. For as long as I can remember. The frustrating thing is that, the feeling would settle on me like a heavy blanket of glum with no significant triggers. Sometimes, a trigger could be as small as someone not flushing the toilet or Nepa taking light. I would ask myself: is there anything at all on this earth worth holding on or out for, and the answer would always be 'no'. I couldn't find any justification for getting up everyday to live life.

I've gotten by, by escaping my life through novels, movies, music and writing. I get so invested that the make-believe matters more to me than reality itself. And in real life, I would let everything slide very close to the edge before attending to issues. I think the reason that I eventually work extra hard under the pressure, to ensure I do what's required, is because I instinctively choose fight over flight when it comes down to it. But even after realizing this, I cannot bring myself to care enough to stay the course. I cannot live without the possibility of escape. I find it too suffocating. For me, a death potion on my nightstand is like opening a window to let the air in.

The first time I actually attempted suicide I was fifteen. I didn't know enough about what would constitute a lethal dose of Valium, so I only ended up enjoying a long nap and none was ever the wiser. The next time I was twenty three. I did it with Valium again, after conscientiously stockpiling the pills over several months. But I ended up in a hospital with a tube down my throat, and a judgmental doctor speculating that I had tried to off myself over some boy. It was humiliating! I didn't mind that my parents did not want to talk about it afterwards. They decided to tread on eggshells around me.

Of course, all my relationships are bound to suffer for this. I would switch off my phone over the whole weekend (I cannot afford to stay incommunicado during the work days if I don't want to be sacked) because, on especially bad days, I'm instantly worn out when a call comes in. I just feel like screaming: leave me the Bleep alone! Sometimes I let it ring and prepare my excuses for when I eventually call back. But I'm always good natured when I get round to interacting with people and I'm forgiven for flaking out on them. Underlying this disorder is a self-absorbedness - a narcissistic element. I know I cannot commit to anyone. Having a child, for me, would be just as suffocating as having no diazepam on stand by. I think it would be irresponsible of me to ever go down that road because a responsibility like that would root me in place. And I'm a tumbleweed.

At first I thought I just had a really shitty temperament, but I have read a lot looking for answers. And I have come to terms with the fact that I'm clinically depressed. I know most doctors believe it cannot be treated or managed without antidepressants, but I do not want to be hooked on drugs. My thinking is that the doses would constantly need to be tweaked to maintain a certain level of 'happiness' and if I ever go off them I would be in an even deeper trough than I am in now. Psychotherapy is a worthy alternative.

But with this awareness, I have met people that have similar conditions and it has helped to know I'm not alone and can actually talk about it. Knowing helps me appreciate the triumph of making it through a day. And I've learned that escaping can be a valid coping mechanism. But not into a world of fiction. Doing stuff for other people also gives me a break from myself.

You just described me. Damn!
I will be back to write more.

Oyindidi:
Try and be happy. One love

Smiles. I was looking for it. It's gone

Debbielam:






Hi a lot of people don't know this but if you grew up like this then you're probably bipolar (probably stage 1).....its something a lot of people don't really take into consideration in nigeria. ..
My friend has the same problem. ..He was on meds before but he stopped now ....He learnt to take control over his feelings. ...its quite complicated but easy. .are you the only child?
Ps- he was treated abroad

I have given it a thought. I know it's probably bipolar but the problem I have is that I don't want to be diagnosed of something like that here in this environment. Everybody will say am crazy, I have heard medical practitioners in Nigeria talk about these things. The stigmatization is enough to ruin a person.

I have been struggling with this all my life. I wanted to open up to my mum when I was around 6 or 7. I told her I was sad, she looked at me with disgust and told me never to say such. That's how I kept quiet and I have always kept to myself.

sunnysunny69:
will check and get back to you.

Ok thanks

sunnysunny69:
Some anti depressants work wonder, you should give some a trial. All is well.

Which?

MISSCONGENIALITY:
Do u have low self esteem?
Do people around u always say derogatory things to you.
Do u feel worthless at times.
Do u spend most of your time bothering about what your future will be like?u need to identify what cause depression and then u can do d out how to help yourself.
U need to appreciate yourselfbevenbif people around u do otherwise.
Your life is precious and u must not be like others. Look at the mirror and appreciate what u see.

Stuffs you mentioned up there are true. I just feel different things might have contributed to the cause making it so huge for me to tackle.

ReneeNuttall:


What You are passing through right now is only but a *phase* and u will sure get over it.
I was once depressed especially wen I had no job with loads of expenses to take care of.
What I did was ,I try as much as possible to keep myself busy by attending chch services, I strolled out just to catch a glimpse of the outside life ,I frequent nairaland almost on a daily,listen to music and ofcus watch movies.Before I knew it,I got over it.I know it ain't easy but just try and loosen up a bit.

Thanks. I try to loosen up sometimes but it's very hard most times.

wahles:
Whrs ur Location? We should b buddies

Israeljones:
Op which side u dey stay?

Ibadan

Oyindidi:
Don't quote that post. I'll modify it later

Ok, I won't. Thanks.

johnson232:

How old are u sir?
Are u a student or working?

Working
Mid 20s

phoenixthefirst:
Depression usually has causes. One of the causes being a loss or lack of a job. You know why you are depressed and if you don't know, try to find it. By finding it, you should work on it. But I want you to know that whatever the cause is, things should be better and you need to be alive to see this. So, I urge you: stay safe. Stay alive. As I said, things should be better.

A lot of people have been, at one time or the other, depressed, yet many of them are alive today and have seen that committing suicide would have been a mistake.

In conclusion, stay safe. Stay alive.

To be sincere, there are times I have everything going perfect for me and I just feel am empty. The only thing I know is that every simple thing starts to irritate and piss me off at such time.

Oyindidi:
I was like you till I decided to change that in 2016.

What did you do pls?

I grew up like this.

I just get sad for nothing or stupid reasons. I have tried drugs and alcohol but I always come back to the same spot.

It has gotten worse now that the country is in a bad shape.

I have had suicidal thoughts countless times and am afraid one day I would yield.

My life is miserable. Nobody knows am dying inside, people just think am proud or being a snob.

I need someone to at least tell me if this is a common problem or how to go about it before it gets out of hand totally.

.