Caracta:

Gbam!

The woman is at the receiving end. Na the maga dey give generously...both in bed and out of bed. Who cares about the bait and the hook? So long as someone is getting benefits...

Lmao. Which player is a maga abeg? Player wey go handle you you go sell ya papa house give am money!

Seun: You say that a situation where every member of a group of guys gets to sleep with the same girl is a sign that girls have fish brains, but have you considered the fact that the girl in that situation got to sample all of you free of charge? Now she knows which one of you is most skillful in the act and she can just summon that one anytime she is in need of a good bleeping. I think women are happy to let us think we're the smart ones as long as they are the ones actually getting the most out of relationships. We get ego boosts, but they get real benefits.

Oh my God! Seun is officially a comedian.

I'll find that GIF someday. A lady asks a Wushu master,

"why do they praise a man who has slept with many ladies and insult a girl who has slept with many men?"

The master answers,

"because a key that opens many locks is a master key but a lock that is opened by many keys is a poor lock."



Seriously, Seun. No girl wants to make that boast. Na all dis post-modern formers wey go try am come de vex too when you call them sluts.

Seun: @Mynd_44:
Imagine a world where all the women around were doing all they could to get your favour. Buying you all sorts of gifts. Taking you to nice places. Thinking of innovative ways to entertain you in order to gain your favor - writing poems to make your head swell, borrowing expensive cars to offer you free rides, etc - and all they asked in return is the privilege of letting them bounce on your joystick and do whatever else it takes to get you to hallelujah whenever you are wanting it. Would you consider yourself to be the fish or the fisherman in that situation?

Three words: Crazy. Stupid. Love.

You should see the movie by that title. How much does it cost to buy a woman a drink? How much work does he have to do when she's trying to impress him so he can take her number or take her home? Sex? Are you kidding? In this day and age, you seriously think players are out to pleasure women. That's so funny. A player wants his fun. He makes the lady work to entertain him, entertain him and entertain him some more.

sailormoon: They're both using each other and being 'tricked' in one way or another, who 'benefits' the most is subjective and since I believe that money > sex, the gals are winning in my opinion.

Moral of the story is everyone is a 'fish'.

Who said anything about money?

Mondisweets:

This is what you want to make us think. It has more to do with ego boosting, the better woman he manages to get the better he feels about himself.
He thinks the more he gets the more he wins, but does he actually ever win? No! Why, he is never satisfied, he always feels there is a desparate need to prove himself to others just to make him feel "adquate"
The more he gets the more he feels some sense of superiority, we know better

Story! He has screwed you. He can brag about it. End of.

iropelebe:
Are you for real? So what happens after they have all passed her round? Does it increase their ego? Does it stop them from falling in love with another woman? This same girl gets a guy who would still love and cherish her,spends on her and treats her like a queen. A guy like me and you who would still marry her so who's got the fish brain here?

Pass the weed, brah. Your thinking stinks

Justeenaleo:
"Our mama" got the "knowledge" tru d apple which wasn't out of reach

Which knowledge? The one that made her like God? She got it?

ypepe: Ty lannister,
From a babe's POV, u hv done d needful, anything outside that is simply choking to some babes.
Stop calling and texting or whatever and let her make her decision. If she gives u signal(trust me u will know if she has interest),then u can proceed but if she don't, pls don't force it,she aint interested.

U c her, greet her normal and move on.
U will soon hear from her.

Remember, babes trip for guys who always look and act like they r in control even though they r like jelly inside.

Yeah, I get it. Thank you very much for answering me.

I'm just concerned about how to get my emotions in hand.

Nashville:

Abeg I am a learner o. I think Pickabeau nailed it. Give it time. She might not be ready to date anyone yet for many reasons. I will advice that you give it time and try be friends with her first. She may have a boyfriend or even other toasters and she is not sure.

Try controlling your emotions. The fact that she isn't picking your calls does not mean she doesn't want to speak to you. Some women just don't have their phone near all the time and it may be like she is deliberately avoiding you. I just suggest give it time, stay close and make your intentions known but don't over do it.

Bros Nash, my problem is learning to control my emotions. I am not ordinarily emotional. This is only the second time I'm falling in love and I still don't know how to control the feelings.

For me, control is switch off. And when I switch off, assuming that I can, I stop caring. I just wanna learn how anybody else does it so that I can try.

bukatyne:

Why is she not ready to date you?

I think it's because she wants to get to know me first (she's said something along those lines to me). We met over the Internet on a forum. I have a way of deciphering people's real personalities from their online activity so by the time I'd checked out her online behavior and we exchanged a few emails I had the score on her. But she may not know me as well as she wants to.

I also think it's because she doesn't want a relationship right now. At least she's said that to me.

But I wonder if there isn't competition, some guy that she likes more and hopes will come to heel. I know of something like that. Not sure if it's a before or after we started talking thing. I fear that she might actually prefer that guy and wants to hold the space for him a little while longer.

What is your current relationship with her? toaster? friend? etc

Friend. But, by my judgment, very peripheral friend. I'm not very good at being friends when there is distance.

what is her past experience with guys especially her last relationship?

I'm not very sure how much I can tell you. But she's had a few relationships. As far as I know, no big drama. She walked away from a lot, if not all of them. The last one I know about is some guy she appears to think isn't right for her. I can only speculate why. She hasn't exactly told me all about it. And I'm reluctant to ask because she doesn't seem particularly enamoured with the idea of telling me about it.



PS. At the beginning, it seemed like we could talk about everything, like we were best friends. But I fell in love with her. Told her about it and it ruined everything. Now we can't talk so freely. I still wish for the earlier days when it wasn't hard. But maybe having these feelings have taken them away for good.

pickabeau1: I will leave that to the resident dr Phil...Nash baba


Take note though a girl that likes you has always liked you from like day two

But generally a man has to be measured with his feelings in this case

Give it time
Build the friendship

Thanks bro. The matter is just that it's so hard to hold my feelings in. I'm not ordinarily an emotional person but I'm always feeling choked by how I feel for this woman. I get a bit depressed when I don't hear from her. I get depressed and angry and miserable when she doesn't take my calls or answer my messages.

I like feeling things o, but sometimes I wish I didn't care. I don't know how to talk to her anymore. I feel like I'm trying too hard every time I try to make conversation. I'm not ordinarily what people call a good friend in terms of communication. So I worry that she might think I don't care when I don't reach out to her and I worry too that she might start losing interest in me if I don't reach out often.

I go also wait for Nash baba but help me with any insight you have in the meantime.

uj_sizzle: @Ty aren't you the analyst. Are you sure i don't know you? Thank you for understanding the whole point of this, not everyone is blessed with the rare gift of perception

Lol. Do you?

Now Ty, lets talk......

Sure. Let's.

zeb04: Why is everything about ladies? D pple u insult all d tym,still the ones u nid the most. I ve com to a conclusion dat talking bad about ladies makes u all feel more like men....well if dat makes u happy,who are my to stand in the way of dat.

Why you de vex? Is it a lie that you people fall for guys that act like you're not all that special? How is it an insult to state the truth abeg?

Justeenaleo:
I don't think dat apple was out of reach for "mama eve"

Which apple? Who said anything about an apple? Una mama Eve wanted knowledge that would make her like God. Is that out of reach or is that out of reach?

My fellow boys, I de hail una o

Much respect to all married men here o. Y'all got the girl. And you keeping her.

I've got a question o abeg. Please is it possible and how do you rein in your feelings for someone who isn't ready to date you?

@OP, you have yarn it finish! You have head the nack on top the nail. I gbadun your reasoning die.

And women go come here come yarn dust o like say no be one bad guy like dat wey dem de feel die. But I don see bad boys operate get tight chicks wey tech die but good guys go de de read book de hope say one chick go say hi. Once you form bad nigga ignore babe de do like say you sabi enjoy life without am, all her neck go just stand she go de find you like say you be visa. And the funny thing - that's the part that pisses me off to no end - is that that is just natural. They don't do it on purpose. They just like things that are a little bit out of reach. Just like their mama Eve.

But like you said and I learned very early in life, to have any babe you want you gats kill your emotions and any empathy and humanity you have. So I gats cut out my heart to get fine girl. Ok o. E de vex me but I don see enough to know say na like dat dis tin de work.

Sha, there might be another side to that story.

Mynd_44: Compare what the OP wrote with this article

https://www.nairaland.com/918742/opinion/21#20613781

Ok, bros, I just read it. First off, it was engaging writing. Same as the OP's article. Now here's the crucial difference: the article in your link is simple and straightforward actually where the OP's is not at all simple or straightforward (remember the adjective you used to describe it: discombobulated).

The article in your link obviously says this: women are easy to get if you're willing to be a jerk. It's really that simple. The writer came across as amused and as though he knew that even telling women the tricks that trapped them in a jerk's clutches would not make a darn difference. But there was nothing complicated about it. It was simply someone passing on some information that amused him.

The OP's article picks up an argument and develops it. It appears (deliberately) to legitimize gold-digging using rather positive and affirmative expressions to suggest that the author is really defending gold-digging. But that is not all. By the time you get to the end of the article, you have a confusion in your mind. Now if you already have issues with gold-digging and are passionately against it, you will not see clearly what it is that brought on the confusion but you'll automatically hate it because whatever it is suggests that the article is not only affirming gold-digging thus forcing you to hesitate, a reaction that only confuses you more.

But if you are for gold-digging, you'll applaud the op until you've finished the entire article. Then you're not exactly sure that the writer is really on your side. So you also hesitate and start looking for anything to lay hold on to claim the arguments as favorable to your position.

In the end, there is a confusion. The article is not clear. Is the author rooting for gold-digging or is she anti-gold-digging? Nobody's sure but everybody wants to fight so the article is mentally reconstructed to suit each party and interest.

But a careful analysis shows that the author was deliberately turning a gold-digger's mind inside out, thinking a gold-digger's thoughts and constructing a gold-digger's arguments but for a strange reason. To actually defeat gold-digging as a mindset. Here's how I mean (I feeling too lazy and too hampered to go hunting quotes from the op, so please indulge.me and check what I'm going to describe against what she wrote):

The gold-digger thinks happiness is, well, a woman's right. And she has as much right as any other woman to "choose" what makes her happy. Some are happy in love, some in careers, and others in whatever they please. But the GD is happy in money. As long as she has money, everything is just dandy. For her, money can buy happiness. For her money is happiness. She will only ever be wherever the money is. And as far as she's concerned, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Everybody else can be where their happiness is, why not her? Besides, is it her fault that men always come at her with their money first? Even if they complain that she likes them for their money, is it not them that insist on her seeing that they have money?

Now, that is the chassis, the body of the argument. It is straightforward. The gold-digger is excusing her weakness but what about the inner parts of the argument. That's why it's confusing. We're not hearing only a gold-digger, there's someone else there too. That person agrees that the men have some blame for the perpetration of gold-digging and ibsists that men should try to offer something other than their wealth. That person does not bother to judge the GD (that's the source of the confusion). Everywhere you hear that person in the whole article, what you see is "there, that's another reason this crazy system is still here messing things up". The person appears only to be interested in saying, start from what you can fix. Some women think like this. Don't tempt them with money. If you do, don't complain later that it's your money they're after. Teach them instead that happiness is more than what money can buy or what money is.

It's a confusing article. You feel the confusion because it demands that you hesitate and think about what she has said. And hesitating is not ordinarily what you would do.

Mynd_44:
Dude, if you wanna write from inside the eye of a person and try to reason from that angle you can try but you do not come across as defending it. The op in many instance clearly insinuated that "men should chase money and they chase men". That's what she closed with.

In what you speak about, it is usually to correct a social vice and at a point, you deviate to what is right or you feel is right, the OP did none of that but stuck to the point that what these women do is not "gold digging" but pursuing happiness.

If you wanna write in the form you mentioned, you write of the failures of this system, the OP did not. The OP completely neglected that and ended it in the tone she wanted which is in defence of this horrible and sub-human way of living.

There's a literary device very much akin to a devil's advocate's argument. It's called the satire. You will not see any straightforward condemnation of the vice or ill or evil in a system that is being satirized. But if you have any sense of humor you will notice that the whole effort is meant to mock the vice or evil. That is why comedians can get away with insulting principal persons in public.

As to this particular article, the author clearly pointed out that it is nonsense for men to chase money so that women chase them when they will only turn around later to complain that the women are gold-diggers. In that very last paragraph, the whole point of the writing was unveiled. Evidently, she meant that men help to worsen the vice by presenting their material wealth as their selling point to women they want. And by saying that, her point was made: gold-digging will not go away as long as men choose to use their money to chase women.

Mynd_44:
Newspapers with good reputations don't write discombubulated articles with wrong titles and expect the readers to call the editor to explain what he/she meant.

What you wrote up is in total support of Gold diggers.

Bros, it really wasn't. There's a reason that you could see an element of "discombobulation" in the article. That happens when a writer is playing devil's advocate with intent to actually denounce or hamper the viewpoint that they appear to be defending (edit). The writer both appears to be defending and condemning the view that they are writing about. The confusion results in readers polarizing the article and insisting on only one approach for whatever reason they fancy, in this case, the title.

The OP presented the insides of the reasonings of a gold-digger and went on to show that improper appreciation of those reasonings will only lead to a perpetuation of the vice. It's like the OP is saying, "if men understood that gold-digging women thought like this, they would not try to impress them with money and thus worsen the situation."

The style is not so well-developed fully developed (edit: that's more correct. Same as later in this paragraph) in this writer but it is not poor either. It's good enough for an unbiased analyst to recognize. If it were well-developed fully developed, it'd take a dunce to fail to recognize it. An emotionally-blinded reader would be drawn into it and defused within the first few paragraphs unless they did not read it at all then. But as it is now, it isn't bad, but it is recognizable.

Madam, men and women are not the same. After facing the challenges of a day and pretty much fighting your way through everything, a good back rub or cuddling might restore you because you're a woman. A man needs good sex to regain himself. Whether he can tell you so or not, good sex is validation for him. It says that he's valuable to someone and there's a place where he doesn't have to fight. What cuddling, a massage or back rub are to you are what sex is to a man.

Abeg I no read again. The thread too yeye

ax2xb: Not to bore you all with long talk ;
Met her in late-2011 and we broke up late-2012.
We made up around Feb 2013 and I got boxed up quite well.
Bought a car for myself; and bought one for her around Sept 2013 . .
But her attitude is pissing me off. I always try to live on a budget; and she doesn;t
She's the big-spender type of grl and I have always told her it's good to save for the rainy days. All na wash!!! She nor dey gree hear.
What pisses me is that this lady is actually 29. How can a 29-year old not know how to manage finances?
We had a quarrel last three weeks and she drove home, and ever since has not called me or even pinged or sent a message.
She's actually waiting for me to say I'm sorry (for a crime i didnt commit; she's wrong not me). Ive done that before, always saying sorry and pampering her even when I am right. But no more!! I refuse to do so again. Right now, she uploads pics of her jugs on Facebook and BBM;
What the heck is she doing? Trying to find another man? I have totally lost it.
How can you not even call me? To know even if Im alive or dead after 3weeks . . instead you're busy changing DPs on BBM
Well, i;ve decided to move on, but i can forfeit all i've spent and invested . . But I no fit leave the car? I only gave her the copies.
The originals are in my name, so I want it back. I can actually leave it for her, but i dont want anyone pointing at me to her friends,
calling me the greatest mugu of all time . . .

What do you think?

Before I read the rest of your thread, bros, I wan tell you say you get serious problem. You neva marry woman you buy motor give am vome de complain say she de waste money. Lol. You try.

Medunah: Theres nofin wrong with bin honest

Anybody here say there is?

Caracta:

Word!!! I totally agree with the bolded.


However, i think it's wrong to attract a woman with money. Personally, i think it's rude, childish, dumb and unnecessary.

Men chase women with money too o

Lol. Maybe they do. Who cares?

However repugnant you find it, hun, it works. And sometimes, a man hits the jackpot and catches a 'happiness-seeking' woman who's actually willing to relearn life and do it right. It does happen. Not sure the odds are good enough though for me to bet my life goals on

uj_sizzle: @Ty, i never said she was going to stay happy, did i? All i said was that the feeling is present at some point however momentarily



Tywin wasn't as smart as Tyrion

Nope, he wasn't. Nor was he quite so short too

Yes, you never said that. It's a tough op you made. I already said that.

You are right. Money can buy happiness in that sense...just as it can buy misery too. However, I was particularly focused on the meaning of the pursuit of happiness. You pursue something you hope to catch and keep. You won't keep the happiness of finally owning the newest BB when there's a new Rolls on the market or when the BB starts to demand attention. That was what I hoped to expand from your op.

I have a cousin who married a wealthy man. Dude was already making big bucks by the time he married her. She is annoyingly vain and perhaps irresponsible (that bit I don't quite know, haven't been close with her for a long time now). She owns more latest-release phones than she knows what to do with. Pesters her husband for new houses and new cars just because, well, the money's there. Imagine what would happen if he gave in, can you?

That feeling is so fleeting that it would seem that even the moment never was there in the first place. But a responsible woman? Man, you need to see that glow!

Caracta: @TY Lannister, I supported the OP as regards the bolded in the sense that people are different and perhaps some people find happiness in money. I can't speak for them. I can only speak for myself.

Nice points you have up there.

Sometimes sef money can be a curse!

I actually agree with the OP's argument. The essence of it is that Nigerian women may have skewed conceptions of happiness but indulging such conceptions is not going to make them change and it makes no sense to indulge them and later blame the women for entertaining them.

My position is simply that I am not responsible to teach a grown woman what happiness is and how it can be had contnuously. So I will term you a golddigger if you hang with me for money or you leave me for more money. But if I think you're worth it I could go the extra mile to show you what happiness really is and how you can have it continuously.

Basically, that means that I hold that a woman is a gold-digger if it is money that determines her relationships. But I also hold that men are responsible if they chase women with money. If they chase women with money, at least, they should cut that off when they've got them and teach them something better if they'll learn it. But that might be hard because emotional involvement could make it difficult to risk losing a woman whom you can keep by giving her some money (which you have anyway). If you tried to teach her and she doesn't wanna learn, she could up and leave chasing after new money. And that can hurt like a bitchh.

uj_sizzle:
Tyrion you are truly a wise man.
Happiness is the feeling of contentment, and money can buy that. Now whether that feeling can be sustained by money in the longrun is another matter altogether. But can money and all it gets make some people happy even momentarily? Yes it can.

Why'd you call me Tyrion? What makes you I'm not Tywin?

Yes, money can buy stuff that makes you happy. I bought a pair of shoes the other day. I still stare at my feet when I walk. I'm happy jare. But I don't believe that money buys happiness. I believe that some people believe that it does because they think that the stuff they buy makes them happy.

But let's see. The shoes are suede. My city is fairly dusty. And the weather can wear shoes out quite easily. I'm gonna have to rack my brains to figure out how to keep the shoes good and working. I'm also gonna have to give them up sometimes when they are not the best option for a movement. Only the ability to respond correctly with respect to them is gonna, well, keep me happy.

So, while I agree that buying a new Porsche or gold-plated BB makes some vain girl happy as a lark, I do not agree that she can stay happy (which, I suppose, is the whole point in pursuing happiness) unless she buys more and more and more until the money's gone. And when it is (and it will be unless somebody teaches her to grow up or dumps her) so's the happiness. So if love is fleeting, this happiness thing might be worse unless the female is grown-up and responsible.

Caracta:

I can only define my own happiness (perfectly). Serial killers and vampires derive joy in seeing/drinking blood or inflicting pains. So the OP got it right to an extent.

To each his own.

I don't believe that money can buy happiness. I don't believe that money is happiness. I believe that happiness is the emotion that accompanies achievement. It may be called myriad other things but it always is the result of getting something.

When a woman believes that having money will make her happy I stay very far away from her especially if I have or plan to make money because she's deluded. When she gets the money, she'll find that itself is a responsibility and she won't want the responsibility so she'll destroy it. Then the illusion is shattered and she finds a new sucker to build new illusions for her.

If she believes that money will buy happiness, it doesn't matter how much I've got in the bank or how many stocks I own and how many enterprises I own she'll go through it all like wildfire and still be unsatisfied (that is, unhappy) because happiness is not an object that can be bought with money. So I'll live at the other end of the world from her if I can help it.

But an adult woman who understands responsibility will find happiness because the habit of fulfilling responsibility is the package in which happiness comes. Now that's a woman I'll build a goddamn kingdom for. Hell, I'll build a galactic empire for her if God gives me life long enough to do so.

Caracta:

True that.

People are different. Let the mere mortals enjoy their happiness. A toast to that

They are at that