₦airaland Forum

jify:
I need matured advice. (Long read)

My husband has become like a thorn in my flesh.

When we got married, we were sharing responsibilities and financial contribution like 60:40; I take the bulk because I earn more. The goal was that I would support until it gets to a point where he was earning more to take up more responsibility. I don’t complain about money, if I asks and he says he doesn’t have, I don’t ask again. Over time, I don’t ask, he just uses his initiative to drop whatever he has. Whether its N60k or 90k per 3 months as income increases, I don’t bother.

He gives me issues on money problem, he wants us to save jointly, I refused. The reason for this is because in the course of this marriage journey, we have both really hurt each other. I am not the type that talks too much, but when he gets me angry, I would vomit words that is unpalatable as a result of piled up anger. When he starts with his arguments, most times I go silent. But he starts poking me to talk. In some cases, I tell him that if I open my mouth to talk, he would not like what would come out of it, but then he starts dragging me on the cloth, leg or anywhere he can grab me saying I must say what is on my mind, just so I would respond. Sometimes he starts to insult my parents, siblings, etc.

He looks for every reason to quarrel. If I tell him that I am very tired and not in the mood for sex, the next day, he would wait till 6.25am and tell me that henceforth I have to start prepping the children for school, I leave for work by 6.30am. Meanwhile I have been up since 4am, cooking and arranging the children’s things. My kids stay for afterschool and so I have to cook what they would eat till evening. Then later in the evening, he would tell me he wants sex. Truth be told and I think he also knows that sex is more of a moral obligation for me, so that he won’t have something to accuse me of. During sex, I remember all the hurtful words and messages he has sent to me while in the office, and I just can’t wait for it to end.

In May this year, he told me that because my brother told him 3 years ago, that he doesn’t know why I am still with him, that I should have left as I can take care of myself and don’t need him, therefore he would no longer contribute money for food. I said nothing. Since that time I have been taking care of feeding. Before now I do part feeding, children’s school, children’s lesson, children transport to school, cleaner, hospital bills, etc. He takes care of rent and electricity. At some point, I was doing electricity and lawma but I had to stylishly push that to him.

I don’t have a problem if we share these things with mutual agreement, but each time we have an argument, he reneges and uses the kids to start punishing me, putting my job in jeopardy, insulting my parents as much as picking up the phone to insult my mother just to make me react, locks me outside when I tell him that the decision he took on something has caused an issue. These days I don’t express my feelings about anything, whether I like it or not, because if I say I am not happy with how things are, I would most likely get a call in the office and if I don’t respond because I know it is to harass me and mess up with my mental state, when I get back from work, the doors would be locked since he comes before me.

I have begged to hire a nanny (I would pay for it and he knows that); all I need was approval, but it has been denied. I begged for 3 years to have someone come in to clean the house on weekends. He is the one doing it but the complaint was too much. Eventually he agreed to have someone come in on weekends, but if we have disagreements (not quarrel o), he would stop the person from coming, so that I would do it myself.

My family don’t like him, I have been told several times to leave him. But he is an amazing father, my children adore their dad and love him. Leaving him would also affect them, but my mental state is in tatters.

I am a very private person but since I married him, he has reported me to every pastor I know, and when I am asked and I lay my own side of the story, he quarrels with the pastors for not taking sides with him and we have to change church. I have told him that if he reports me to anyone, I won’t honour it because it’s become one too many. Are we the only ones who cannot seem to manage our problems? And I am done hopping from one church to the other.

His family members have waded in, and he gives me like one month and we are back to square one. I am tired and frustrated. I told him all I wanted from him was peace of mind. My mother’s mantra raising us was if your husband does not do it, then you do it. Don’t wait for any man to do anything for you. As girls, we were not raised to be dependent. My mother hates it. So we don’t usually ask husbands for money, we expect that husbands would do what is right and if they don’t, we take it up and do it.

So I don’t wait for him to do anything, I do it or provide the money to do it, and I have told him I won’t enter into a joint savings with him where he has the full control. This year alone, I have been locked out of the house up to 6 times, if I save money with him, it means when he locks the door, I would be stranded.

Please how do I navigate this? When he locked me out of the house 3 years ago, I had to rent a place to stay. Mind you, the house we live in now, was the house I rented when I left because it was far better than our previous accommodation. For almost one year I was away with the children, he didn’t pay them any visits, didn’t ask to see them, occasionally he calls to talk to them, but he didn’t see them, and my kids were broken. They need that stability and I am so afraid of denying them that fatherly love (maybe because I lacked it in my childhood and it affected me badly). The only thing holding me here is my children. But God knows I am tired, frustrated, bitterness is growing in me at a rapid rate.

helinues:
You can't feel threatened if the jokes didn't touch you somewhere that's not good

WhiteIverson:
Help me like and retweet guys. If it gets to 40 likes, 20k giveaway go dey
Im currently at 28 likes

https://x.com/anomem_/status/1844347007152029900?s=46[/quote]Done.

ABANGWABOI:
You just dey force me make I dey yarn some kind things online...

I for collect wella ?? Me wey dn go court martial twice and came out unscathed...

Go and take several seats...
You think say na all of us be Zombie...

ABANGWABOI:
I laugh when bloody civilians wants to enlighten me on a job I joined almost 2 decades ago....
I will address only the first point you raised.. He disrespected me first and that is the main reason he couldn't do shit

ABANGWABOI:
I remember having a faceoff with one stupid 2nd lieutenant..
The fool wan use me shine cos em carry one small Uni girl..
Funny enough I am older than the fool both in age and service.. thou he has the rank...

I change am for the Ediot wella.. and at the end .. he couldn't do shit...
Dude dreaded me till we were reposted ..

fohlarp:
No dis time ard it's dat newly elected Yetunde Alubankudi dat spoke with one of us,d chat was shown.how eey had meeting because of is with d minister of finance,n dat we will be cleard two/ three wks Oct,we pray dey be able to fulfil.dat woman purposefully came out cos of is.just search for Npower payment news,u will see infos

360command:
I laugh at your entire writeup.
Builders of the world: I work in the oilfield and when a woman is placed to work alongside with the crew, we are shorthanded and we get exhausted. She can't move a pipe, making us work more. This also applies in the construction field,electrical field, heating and plumbing yet they ask for equal pay.

Women ruling a country: a woman cannot rule her male child who just turned a teenager and you talk about women ruling the world. Women rule knowing very well men would be use as puns. But a man ruling does not require to use Women as puns.

Same women you write about as to how they can stay without sex are the leading powers when it comes to the use of intimacy gadgets. But when a man should use a sex doll he will be mocked at.

I have said this before, all the things you talked about, a program carried it out. Men and women on seperate island. On the men side, they were able to make weapon,use the weapon to hunt for their food. Able to start a fire so they can eat their food. Build a house to which they can live in. Create a hierarchy system for the community to live in without problems.

On the female side of the island they were unable to make weapons, can't hunt food,can't build a fire, can't build a house. The whole place was in chaos. No hierarchy, no govt,no sound leader.

A woman needs a man to survive but a MAN does not need a woman to survive. This is a fact well researched, well experimented and you are here writing BS.

Bullfallo:
guy you are a fool if you think you most be dangote to be able to date women.

Kampack:
Bro, you said it all! where we wan start from? where? just where na? mothers believed being super strict was the best approach to raising a disciplined child. It was particularly worse if you were a male child and the first! their misconception was that if they got it wrong with you as first child, others (your younger siblings) will follow suit! Alas they were wrong! They'll brag about beating you till you get traumatized with signs of physical scars written all over you and go ahead to achieve it. Neighbours then will wonder if you're truly her child or not! But it's all in the past now, fogerrit bro! na tough luv! If some of us tell you our experience, you'll delete this your thread o! So just put all that behind you, smile about it when you remember, thank God for keeping you, and pray for them! Just shrug it all off, and move on!

Bullfallo:
I saw this two babe across the road.

I had eye to eye contact with one of them. The contact was so strong and I could tell we both like eachother.

Then the other one crossed to my direction while the one I had eye to eye contact with went the other way.

So I talk with this one that came to my direction and collects her number.

I am not really into her but that her friend. I have chatted her and where she stays is too far from my side. You know fuel and transportion currently it's wise to only date people close by.

How do I tell her I like her friend and she should help me with her number?

Rebuke:
See this theif, very lazy and anyhow man. Continue to steal from others and see what will become yhur end then. Maybe yhu will end up like Tinubu.

I already know most of yhu here are theives defending thieves. Continue....

sweetkev:
What about those who inflate prices of goods and those who do runs in private and government organisation. What about the market women who adjusted their measurements for more profits or your government who scam you everyday. My brother, we all scam in a different ways to survive and you are not exempted except you are not born or live in Nigeria

360command:
in all those crimes you mentioned above, there are females engaging in such crimes. To add ontop of this, despite there are men engaging in bad vices we still have many men who are builders of the world, inventors,creativity,entrepreneurs, immerse contributions to the world,liberated men and women from an uncivil society, defended the country from invaders, finding cures of diseases so humankind don't exist. Life evolves around men. I rest my case brother.

360command:
again, to be born a male, the tendency of you going to prison is 5x more than female whether you are into crime or not. You brought the prison statement which do not make sense and I quoted you to answer your statement saying, if it is was you who pulled your boxer presenting it to a female, you going to jail. That is the disadvantage to be born a male.

360command:
there are other crimes we see females go into and is no different from the men but you saying that there are more males in prison is understandable but does not mean they are useless.

A man coming to this world is at a disadvantage in life. The society treats him different than the women.
A man cannot speak freely than the women cause he can go to prison for it.
A man cannot dress indecently cause he will receive harsh judgment for it.
A man has to go out,look for job and provide for his family and if he does not,he slides into criminality. Unlike the women, their gender alone can get them a job.
If I have an argument with my wife,she calls the police, I am likely to go to prison just because I am a man. Even when the woman might be in the wrong no jail time for her.

I can go on and on but it is your point from the main argument.. how illogical a woman can be which brought about the argument.. "how can a woman take off her panties and give it to a musician". Just imagine yourself taking off your boxers and giving it to Beyonce or tiwa savage.

It is funny you talked about males having lots of baggages making them highly incarcerated in prison but you have failed to reason that males are at a disadvantage in life and if it was you who took off your boxers and present it to Beyonce or tiwa, you did be put in a correctional facility.

360command:
men are more useless but they are the builders of the world, the protectors, the innovators of the world.

This is a proven fact. Men were kept in a separate island as well as women in another island.

Men were able to build weapons to hunt for their food, build houses to sleep. Men were organized, they were able to create a hierarchy system based on their contribution, man power and ability.

On the female side of the island, they were clueless, can't make weapons, can't build houses, can't haunt for their food, cant make fire. The program director had to buy tents, brought them food, brought them tools so that they can live in the island.

Sweeetheart:
Look at this foooool, so those that owned many certificates don't bet? Bankers bet even people in oil sectors, you're just too naive, I guess you're still living in your father's house that's why your brain is not developing with your growth


People place 2 million and above on bet and you think all of them don't have their certificates?


Your success is tide down with certificate, I wonder how miserable your lives will be without the minimum wage



My own bet is even less than 10k yet many gambler who have everything including the certificate you're crying about all bet



You need someone to be hitting a 2 by 4 on that your big empty head 2days in a week maybe then you will be able to reason like a complete human again in your life


You've certificate yet you're still crying of hunger, carry ya your useless certificate to restaurant and eat, just tell them you're a graduate they will serve you ozuor

lekonso:
Because they are looking for money to give you the females

Shikena:
Let my people go is PASS degree. I will still employ a reputable university graduate of Engineering with ordinary pass over one with 1st class in Yoruba. I know what it takes to even gain admission into Engineering not to talk of graduating. But enrolling for a degree in Yoruba? You dey craze?? An Engineering dropout will easily get a 1st class in Yoruba if he is into such joke

MrPOTUS:
Better your wife starts doing something to support you.

Abi u be like those men wey dey form Superman (wifey shouldn't work).

You go just die quick

You wonder why most men die before their wives in this part of the world, it's because of things like this.

Shikena:
They are a few keystrokes from you but let's keep enjoying you making a fool of yourself with your fully funded ignorance in Yoruba Engineering

Shikena:
They are a few keystrokes from you but let's keep enjoying you making a fool of yourself with your fully funded ignorance in Yoruba Engineering

Shikena:
Bro, you are practically unemployable with 1st class in Yoruba. Your only escape route is to pile up easy degrees in your field.

Shikena:
You sure? You must be holed up in some remote village

Shikena:
They are everywhere fully employed but definitely not in Yoruba Engineering

Sweeetheart:
So people who aren't interested in diaspora should do what with this your epistle


Nigga pack your watery brain together, I'm not interested in this imbecilic epistle you cooked up there


Carry your diaspora certificate dey go heaven when pressure of the world kpai you soon



I came out with 2.1 and never will I be ashamed to say it if it was pass. I don't feel inferior of myself, not you and your imbecilic rubbish epistle you cooked up there will change that



If you need attention check the next door frustrated cow


The credentials of excelling in life is attached to certificate to you really show how uninformed you're here with technological innovations. My cousin was a chattered accountant before he even gain admission into uni dumb rat like you, need proper education on academic prowess because is obvious the dispora rubbish that caused your low self esteem had really overwhelmed your poor reasoning

Shikena:
Yes, your first class in Yoruba can even make you an engineer in your dreams. You think engineering is story telling & writing?

Shikena:
Not everyone care about full funding dude. There are student loans & family funding

Shikena:
Sorry there are several tech job openings that are very clear and specific in their requirement that you must have a degree in an engineering or science field. 1st class or even PhD in Yoruba obviously not acceptable.

Shikena:
You keep mentioning USA where they mostly don't care solely about your grade except you are applying for jobs at Google, Meta, Tesla, PwC, Accenture etc. You are clueless