₦airaland Forum

Dynssy: But nw dat u mentn it, I'll go over d story more critically and drop my observations.

On d whole, dis is absolutely cool. I hope 2 c it on book-shelves in d near future.

Its nice havin ppl comment on ur work, as 4 d observations, plz spot 'em out so i can effect corrections.
I appreciate.
Tnks

Noted... By mornin corrections wud be effected.
Yet 2 say THANKS anyway.

ninja4life: Nice work there

Tnks man,
Èrrhm... silent readers plz encourage dis young lad wid ya comments, especially in regards 2 corrections... Tnks palz

Am sowi 4 d short installment its a product of tight schedule.... "Work and post" nai i dey do.

beyonDskygirl: ok na am waitin..

copy

The morning was cold but looked promising. A mild ray of sun was shining through the blue skies and illuminating the earth majestically. Every trader was hoping the weather remained friendly.

"Anabel!" her mother called from the sitting room.
"Ma!" she replied from her room, forcing a novel into the hand bag she was holding. She was going to the market with her mother and the place was usually boring.

Most times the women who sold similar wares like her mother, engage in lengthy discussions which Anabel never found fascinating.

She wasn't a great talker herself but at least during school days, funny comments from hilarious fellow like Morris made the difference.

She rushed outside and shut the door behind her. She met with her mother who was already leaving the compound and they both walked to the junction where they boarded a taxi.

"You are a big ram." the driver cursed another driver who had slammed his brakes and pulled out of the road before using his indicator light. He didn't wait for the reckless driver to reply his insult before he sped along into the busy road.

Few minutes later, they were at the shop. Anabel opened the door and swept the place. They sat down like every other trader expecting customers to patronize them.

ITbomb: Abeg , she need the moni for my groom price

abi? Maybe u neva wash wrapper b4.

Oliver twins... Sowi twist tinz

Gud mornin palz, d last update was short but 'll complete it lata.

Patrick sat between two officers while the inspector sat at in the front of the Hilux with the driver. His hands were still bounded and it would take more than a collaboration of Clark Kent and Merlin to free himself from the officers.

As the vehicle entered the compound, he raised his head and read a sign post.
"The Nigeria Police Force Headquarters." Why was he taken to the place he did not know. He wanted to demand for a lawyer but something kept him. He actually did not have a Law student as a friend let alone a Lawyer.

He sighed as he was dragged out of the vehicle ruthlessly by the Sergeant. He was immediately taken into a dark, stuffy and congested cell which held five times its maximum capacity. As he entered the cell, the inmates chanted words he didn't understand. Why were they happy? Patrick did not know.

The smell from his previous night cell was nothing to compare with his new abode, immediately he dragged in the second lungfull of air, he realized how hungry he was and there was no hope for food. Even if there was, how could he possibly eat in the cell he thought.

He stood at a corner, starring at other inmates. Most of them had terrifying scars, deep voices and horror looks. Their breathes definitely will stint judging from the colours of their teeth.

"Hey, mr man come hear." a scraggy fellow with rough hair and unkempt beard ordered. Patrick turned to see who the rude remark was directed at.

"Me?" he asked touching his chest.
"No, meat pie" the small fellow replied. Immediately Two firm hands held Patrick and with all the energy they could muster, pushed him forward.

Patrick was a strong fellow. He had encountered bullies in their neighbourhood as a young child and never did he return home defeated.

He knew how to fight and win, but somehow he knew in would lose if he chose to retaliate. Perhaps due to the hyper chronic hunger he was enduring.

He turned and looked at the two people who had pushed him. One was extremely ugly with much scars on his face like he had a contest with a tiger, while the other could pass for an ape.

He raised both hands above his head as he regained his balance.
"I don't want any trouble." he muttered walking towards the tiny fellow with red eyes which was a glaring fact that he smokes what ever is wrapped in a white paper.

"Introduce yourself " he ordered. Patrick remained mute as he mentally assessed and weighed him. He was certain the guy was the "don" inside the cell. How the little fellow lord over giants eluded him.

"Are you deaf" he asked the defiant Patrick again.

"And why should I answer you" Patrick inquired. A resounding slap on his left cheek blurred his vision. He stood still for a few seconds before realizing that he was in a Nigeria Police Cell and there was absolutely no margin for mutiny.

**** **** **** *

yormite: Nice piece

Tnks

oleku baby: PANTING FOR THE NEXT UPDATE

hmmm, ok o

princesa: nah, motivational, inspirational bla bla bla... they bore me to death. I get inspiration from real life experiences, issues and peoples.

I see... by d way chime shud try and continue na

Smhart1: Hands crossed

I see u...

princesa: so intriguing and unpredictable...

I guess am yet 2 say
THANK U

[quote author=Eni~girl]U qettinq dere...nyc 1[/quote]abi? U are pushin me der jare

beyonDskygirl: oh no! I feel something bad is goin 2 happen 2 pat..

Rily? I just wish i had a clue...

beyonDskygirl: hmmmm.. Oliver twist.Thanks so much... you really dropped some ink into my pen.

wow... So glad i did ...

AdeSuave: Nice one!!!keep it up

Tnk u Ma'am... Pray u stick around.

princesa: poor you! Somedays are like that

hmmm.... Attempt a motivational book plz

U doin pretty wel. Am not gud in correctin ppl as am new in writin but i guess u cud stick 2 a particular tense... Preferably d past tense. Mean while am stil expectin mur... Lolz

princesa: They are gone! Good job and keep it that way too

hoardin d tnks stil...

Benson and Susan hurried into the station. The Nigerian flag and police flag stood still at a corner of the compound. Various cars and motor cycles which apparently had been seized filled the place.

Patrick sat over the counter and two officers stood beside him. They seemed to be interested on the bulk of papers before them. As they worked, they argued and corroborated their stories in a confusing fashion which Patrick could not understand.

His mind wandered distantly as he recalled several events. He had turned blind eyes to the portent of his predicament and he is to pay the price. He was yet to be accused of anything relating to drug or fraud and that made things loony but some how, he managed to remain calm. What would become of the troublesome two if things doesn't get better? He thought. He shook his head in pain. His pains were more of regrets than physical assault he had received from their bartons.

Patrick raised his head as silhouettes darkened the entrance. He raised his bent head and his heart skipped a beat seeing his siblings standing before the counter, partially drenched by the rain which had subsided.

"Good afternoon officers" Benson greeted. Susan stood behind him.

"yes?" the constable who had removed Patrick's clothes the previous day replied. The smile on his dark face had transformed into a wicked questioning gaze.

"Ehm... I'm Patrick's bro... brother. Benson said with a shaky voice. He had never been in such situation before. All his life, his elder brother had been there for him now he felt vulnerable without Patrick by his side.

"Ok, you want to see him i suppose? " The officer said. He had standing orders so he need not ask questions before setting up a meeting for the trio.

"Just be brief my young man. And who is the lady with you" he asked.
"she is my sister." he replied, peering past the officers to catch a glimpse of his brother who remained quiet all along.

The officer placed a metal hand cuff on Patrick's wrists and ushered them into a small room with poor ventilation.
"What's happening Pato?" Benson asked in a whisper.
"Ben, things went sour but they are even yet to talk about that since yesterday. I had 300k which they collected"
"Bro P! Why didn't you tell us about the deal?" Susan chipped in, looking behind her to make sure nobody else heard her.

"How are you fairing Suszy?" Patrick replied with a forced smile on his face.

"Am fine" she managed to say.
Patrick leaned forward on the table.
"Ben, I don't understand these people. If things get any ugly you know what to do right?" he asked with all seriousness. Seriousness Benson never knew existed within his brother.
"yeah" Benson nodded.
"Take care off your self and Susan ok?"

"Mr man its time up" the officer with his loutish attitude was back. Susan looked up and read a poster, "The Police is your Friend." this people weren't just unfriendly but enormously wicked she thought as they both walked out of the station, the rain had finally stopped and the wet cloths had dried up.

Benson understood things clearer. Patrick had gone alone on a deal and things had gone bad. He was berkerk and sober that his brother was in a helpless situation and he couldn't do anything but sit and watch things as they unfold.
**********
"We are transferring him to Headquarters immediately sir." the Inspector said over the phone. He had be debriefed of "the Benson" visit. Since no cartel had reached him that their man was arrested, he was certain his hypothesis was right, the guy was a freelancer.

"Once he gets these, every thing 'll be in place, nothing to worry about. Absolutely." With that he dropped the call and picked his black beret from the table. He walked out of his office and stood before the officers at the counter.

"where is Okoro" he asked no one in particular.

"sir" the sergeant replied.
"Get your men and bundle that Idiot lets move." he instructed without the slightest of smiles on his face.

"Yes sir." the Sergeant replied as he marched out to effect his orders.

Patrick stood up slowly with his hands bounded by metal cuffs. The Sergeant dragged him by the shirt and he quickened his step. As they moved out off the station for the dark blue Hilux which had an inscription "Anti crime patrol B Division." Patrick looked sternly on the Sergeant who walked by his right. He looked at his barge and saw the name "Okoro Amadi." he memorized it.
"Sergeant Okoro Amadi" he said softly under his breath.

beyonDskygirl: here we are.... Over to you now...

I see... Ok lemme
*dropped* it

princesa: okay then, my eyes are on you

Its done! Plz just go 2ru again if dey are all out, yet 2 say Tnks.

underage: Yeah, you are right. Its short because it's non-fictional. Thanks for the compliment.
As for future works, there are few am working on presently but none is ready to be posted. I'll try to keep you guys posted when they are ready.

Copy "Cia"

Anytin else 4 "us" 2nyt?
Stickin around sha...

Anytin else 4 "us" 2nyt?

beyonDskygirl: great...waiting for more updates...

en route dearie... BTW u owe mi smtin

princesa: Okay, am in...

-good story line so far, superb and captivating suspense too......
-story seem multidimentional and really a shift away from the one-dimensional status quo stories, kudos to you...

-but, you ain't working on spacing to give it some eye comfort, especially as it is being read online
-and i noticed the recent updates kind of give spoilers with comments like 'or so he thought' 'how wrong he was' 'but not for long' etc. Please cut out that ending phrases, if this is a novel and not an autobiography, then such comments shouldn't come in. Instead the readers would follow the story as it unravels, to get the heights and fall of the characters okay?

Now say thank you.
and Nice job still

I 'll work on the spacing certainly. As for those phrases, i tot against 'em but smhow i included 'em but I am gonna pull all out.
I rily appreciate ur concern towards d success of dis work.

Did I say THANK YOU?
I 'll...