₦airaland Forum

I actually would like to buy Nairaland. I have made similar inquiry in the past but have been met with silence. I think Nairaland can be much more that it is currently and I have robust ideas in terms of scaling the business. If anyone here knows what the ideal forum to post this in or how to reach this Seun guy or if he is reading this post, please reach out to me and let's talk business. My email is whirlout@yahoo.com.

GoodFaith: Listen dude
You are talking to a dude that have paid very close to $1600 monthly for a child and paying other person $500 monthly
To manage the payment for your child support you have to fight for three nights
If you fail to get three nights or any night
You are going to pay a lot
The more nights you get, the less you pay
So if you get three nights your payment will be 60%
I understand that it is stack against men but you can fight it
I work with an India dude that have his three daughters his ex wife is paying the child support
the ex is white
Prenup is very good and I have one today
If you ever going to remarry open yourself to all women not just Nigerian women

Point taken. Thanks for the advice. Am definitely not just going to lay down and not fight so I understand. By the way, I might have some questions down the line as I go through the process, so if u can, pls shoot me your email.

GoodFaith: You cannot buy your happiness
After the divorce you might have to get a part-time job
Make sure you ask for a minimum of three nights with the kids
If the kids are boys and over 10 year old
If you think you have the time and resources to keep the kids in your house
fight for it
A man can teach a boy to be a man
Things can get better, I am telling you I have Bleep up $2100 monthly
You need to school yourself on child support law - you don't need a lawyer
Talk to single mother American they will bring you to speed
I have become stronger and better, I have more assets today
Thank God for the bad mess housing market
You have to make sacrifice to be victorious
No sacrifice, No victory

Trust me, I have learned a lot about child support law in this country and it is certainly stacked against the man. I already know potentially what I am going to have to pay out but at this point it is what it is. I 'll do all of that and certainly will come back stronger I believe. For the lady that advised that I might be able to offset that if I marry a good woman with good salary, I agree that is a good idea but after this, am not so sure if I will ever get married again. My focus would probably be more towards rebuilding wealth to make up for what I will be losing and taking care of my child. Though never say never, but right now, I am not interested and better believe that if I do go down the line in the future, I am going in with an iron clad prenup. Fu.c all the married for love nonsense.

FlowerPower: I gave you the advice earlier. Is she from the North or the South (SC, NC, GA, VA, KY, TN, LA, AL)? If she is from the North, then going to family may not work. However if she was born and raised in the South, you must get someone like her aunts to "talk some sense into her head". As for the mother, it is easy to win her over. Nigeria and the US are not much different when it comes to getting an in law to like you. Invite the mother over and say you want her to see the grandchildren. Take "Momma" shopping and tell her you don't know how any man could leave such a fine woman. If you spoil her mother with gifts and money, you will see how fast she turns her daughter around.

Thanks for your advice but at this point, I think everything I do is futile. Keep in mind I am not a young guy per se (in my late 30's) so I have exercised a lot of wisdom in this scenario all of which obviously cannot be delved into on here. She is Nigerian just like myself who now resides in the US but I think she is now more westernized than ever. Even I know 'akatas' that came out of the ghetto that have more manners than her and that is saying a lot. Her dad resides here in the US as well. Her mother lives in UK whom by the way, I have been over to visit and invited her over here. Now I would admit, my wife had been through some challenges in her childhood as she was raised by her grandparents while both her parents ran off to the western world to move on with their life but then again, she never lacked as she was raised by a wealthy grandparents in Nigeria before making her way here to the US. I have essentially being her rock and support system in every way imaginable for as long as I have known her and there has always been problems but I always dealt with them as normal marital problems but now that she seems ultra-comfortable, am I suppose to now be her doormat? Listen, when things start to get to this level of destruction, then one needs to start thinking about one's health and the untimely death that could result and I think that is why I can no longer take any chances. I have much to lose in a divorce especially here in America (boy how I wish I was in Nigeria), but u know what, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

AVECDEO: Guy are you stalking and talking about me...i'm going through the same situation and right now my wife has left with my kids for the past two month...though she still ask me for upkeep but i vehemently refused insisting that i will not take care of any child not leaving under my roof...will you believe she standing her ground and even came to my apartment to pick all her things and my kids.

Same exact scenario as mine. Someone said perhaps I should talk to her parents which I did, her dad has pretty much pushed her to the side due to her behavior and her inability to listen to anyone. Her mother on the other hand who by the way is no longer married to her dad seems to be backing her on every action she takes. She's never came to visit her or my child and at this point, I already put my foot down that her mother is not welcomed in my house. I can't allow such devil in my household. Her siblings do come and one of her aunts as well but that's about it.

By the way, are u in Nigeria or outside 'cos you know u do have options regrading your kids. I 'll tell you this, NEVER, EVER abandon your kids and don't use the excuse that she took your kids is why you are not seeing them. So much as you know where your kids are, go for them, try to spend time with them and go through the system if you need to to get access to them. You don't ever want your kids to resent you for what seems like their abandonment. Two long months and not seeing your kids is just that.

I really feel sorry for your plight and I hope you can find a bit of comfort in knowing that I am going through exactly the same scenario and how am dealing with it. I married my own wife about 4 years ago, we dated a few years before that, we have a little girl together. I take the role of a husband and a father seriously and made certain that my family do not lack in any area of life. I love excessively and I cherish my union greatly. But just like you, my wife has an issue with my mother coming to see her grandchild. That is in addition to all the abuses, both non physical and physical fights where she would rip my clothes and create a nuisance in my upscale neighborhood. Mind you, I live in the US and my mother lives in Nigeria so she will have to travel all the way here to see us and more importantly spend time with her grandchild. The last 2 occasions have been quite a disaster with my wife cursing my mother out and blatantly disrespecting her. I have consoled my mother and assured her that she is always welcomed in our house. She's cried over the situation many times and I have been saddened over it cos I really couldn't understand where all of this was coming from. She disparages my entire family every chance she gets before descending on my personality. And please don't call it being soft 'cos I have been violent with her a few times over these things, but things are still the same so what has it accomplished? By the way, too many violence here in America and the law here will make you wish you were dead. Long story short, over the years, I found out my wife confides in too many people (men & women) outside of the marriage and she goes from parish and pastor to pastor to seek only God knows what and she comes back and act on those things. I have talked about those things with her, advice we seek counseling and all have fallen on deaf ears. Fast forward today, I am almost like a doormat to her, she has no respect whatsoever for me, my family means nothing to her, she's made certain to me that she will destroy me and I know her goal right now is to do anything possible to keep my child from me. So back to you, I understand how you feel but let me advice you at this point, forget about how your parents feel. You need to focus on how you feel about the situation. As in my case, I feel like when a woman goes out and start confiding in others on matters on your marriage without including you, then you are just as good as dead 'cos such woman becomes a very dangerous woman. No one here can advice you concerning what to do, you have to look at your situation and all of the things that have transpired and make a decision what you need to do to make yourself happy. Only if you are happy, will everyone be happy and that includes your parents. In my case, my happiness I believe will come from me being alive to care for my child but I am certain at this point that continuing to stay with my wife with how bad the situation gets will not allow me that opportunity. As a result, sadfully and painfully, I have decided this year even against the pleading of my parents and my belief in the bible to get a divorce and at this point to me, it is already decided. People can judge me about what the bible says about divorce but at this point, I could care less. No man of my calibre who goes to every limit to make sure his family is cared for should not be subjected to such abuse. If I die today, am sure she 'll move on to the next person and I will be a forgotten men. So the only ones that will end up losing out is myself, my kid and my parents. Sorry, I am not taking that chance at this stage of my life. Am not saying you should do the same, but you need to sit down alone and thoroughly assess your situation and truly see what will make you and your kids happy. Your kids should not continuously experience such abusive treatment as those things do have developmental issues on them in the future. It's sad because when we see even adults today, we are so quick to call them mental not even knowing what they 'Ve been subjected to in their childhood. If your wife can change, then that's good but in my case, I have come to the conclusion that nothing would ever change and the longer I wait and hope that things will get better, the closer to death I get.

I feel sorry just a tiny bit just because I don't feel anyone has the right to be disrespectful to another irrespective of your status but this sort of thing is a peeve of mines and I equate it to ignorance both on your part and the other party. We seem to think Pastor can cure all of our issues and Pastors and their accomplices seem to think the same. The same Pastor you are going to for wedding advice obviously hasn't put his own house in order judging by the disrespectful manner that you described his wife's behavior. Perhaps you all should see your pastors as just a man of God and not a messiah. His name is Pastor ABCD, why should you have to call him daddy, SMH. But then again, you put yourself in that position. Has it occurred to you that whatever you are seeking from the Pastor, you and your husband can kneel in the four corners of your room and ask it of him in confidence? Just saying.

Rossikk: What a load of garbage. His fedora hat plus dark dashiki is his heritage. That is how nobles in his area dress traditionally, with no care about "accentuating their skin tone". You have a problem with that, move to another country.

Of course, your ignorance will show. I guess if nobles from his area walk around butt naked, I guess you will expect him to go there butt naked. You probably don't even go to work, at least a professional workplace, without shirt and tie, am almost certain of that. Think, think before you respond. He is on official duty as such he should present himself equally as his counterpart that he is visiting. And as for your comment about moving to another country, people like you are what is wrong with Nigeria, I have an opinion and I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS IT AND I DON'T THINK I PLEADED WITH YOU TO RESPOND. I bet you are probably a transplant here who is now comfortable and now feel like you can dictate to another person where they should move to. SMH for you.

I don't know why African leaders can't wear suits like their foreign counterparts when on official duties. How can the world power in attendance particularly at a UN gathering take him seriously with that ridiculous looking hat on? Besides he is too dark already to be wearing black throughout. At least wear something that will accentuate your skin tone. With a black suit, at least u have a white shirt and a colored tie to brighten things up a little. African leaders need to do well in the appearance department afterall image is almost everything.

What has this god damn country turn into. So our so called lawmakers are making statutory rape legal while other countries are pushing against and implementing statutes to get rid of it. Goodluck, u can even voice concern about this despicable law. SMH, I feel sorry for those little girls who are going to be the victims in this case and are going to be consistently raped against their will. What does a 12 or 13 year old know about being a wife. Sounds like legalized slavery to me all over again, worst is that it is amongst our own people. When the civilized nations call us animals, we take offense to it but how is this not an animal act. God help us. It seems like we are just going backwards and backwards in spite of the efforts of other civilized citizens to move us forward. We are one cursed country

speedyboi: You are pathetic...try to think deeper before replying next time

You don't need to resort to direct insults and by your comment, I can almost see your ignorance. My comment was more in a generalized manner rather attacking one individual. I was just referencing some odd beliefs that we Nigerians have held onto for quite sometime which to me is just ridiculous. We think if we buy or apply something expensive, then we are automatically producing or representing a good product. The fact that you buy the most expensive laptop doesn't necessarily make you a good writer. The fact that you can afford to buy a golden boot doesn't necessarily make you a good football player. The fact that you buy the world's most technological advanced car doesn't mean you 'll be good at operating it, afterall it's not going to drive itself. The fact that you buy the world's most expensive canon camera and lens combination doesn't necessarily mean you 'll produce good pictures. In the same token, good film making requires more than equipment. It requires a good plot, it requires planning, it takes time, it takes skills, it taking great pre and post production editing and most of all, it takes a great mind. That was just my point. Sorry to the poster if you feel I was directly insulting you.

Our level of ignorance in Nigeria in this century still cease to amaze me. What does it matter if a red or blue camera was used. The quality of a movie first and foremost depends on the intelligence and the ability of a director to actualize a great script. Casting the proper roles, creating synergy, bringing to life in most cases, actual events that people can relate to. I guess the poster thinks the red camera can help you do more film tricks

Nice 2004 VW Touareg for Sale shipped directly from the US. The car has V8 power, all leather, automatic adjustable suspension system, very much loaded and in excellent condition. It has about 90K miles and I am looking to sell as fast as possible. Am selling for N2.7m. So if you are seriously interested in buying, let me know. Feel free to ask any questions.

email: whirlout@yahoo.com
Mobile: 08103280300
VIN Number: WVGCM67L74D007901

Nice 2004 VW Touareg for Sale shipped directly from the US. The car has V8 power, all leather, automatic adjustable suspension system, very much loaded and in excellent condition. It has about 90K miles and I am looking to sell as fast as possible. Am selling for N2.5M. So if you are seriously interested in buying, let me know. Feel free to ask any questions. 

email: whirlout@yahoo.com
Call: 08103280300
VIN Number: WVGCM67L74D007901