AVECDEO:

Guy are you stalking and talking about me...i'm going through the same situation and right now my wife has left with my kids for the past two month...though she still ask me for upkeep but i vehemently refused insisting that i will not take care of any child not leaving under my roof...will you believe she standing her ground and even came to my apartment to pick all her things and my kids.

Same exact scenario as mine. Someone said perhaps I should talk to her parents which I did, her dad has pretty much pushed her to the side due to her behavior and her inability to listen to anyone. Her mother on the other hand who by the way is no longer married to her dad seems to be backing her on every action she takes. She's never came to visit her or my child and at this point, I already put my foot down that her mother is not welcomed in my house. I can't allow such devil in my household. Her siblings do come and one of her aunts as well but that's about it.

By the way, are u in Nigeria or outside 'cos you know u do have options regrading your kids. I 'll tell you this, NEVER, EVER abandon your kids and don't use the excuse that she took your kids is why you are not seeing them. So much as you know where your kids are, go for them, try to spend time with them and go through the system if you need to to get access to them. You don't ever want your kids to resent you for what seems like their abandonment. Two long months and not seeing your kids is just that.

whirlout:

Same exact scenario as mine. Someone said perhaps I should talk to her parents which I did, her dad has pretty much pushed her to the side due to her behavior and her inability to listen to anyone. Her mother on the other hand who by the way is no longer married to her dad seems to be backing her on every action she takes. She's never came to visit her or my child and at this point, I already put my foot down that her mother is not welcomed in my house. I can't allow such devil in my household. Her siblings do come and one of her aunts as well but that's about it.

By the way, are u in Nigeria or outside 'cos you know u do have options regrading your kids. I 'll tell you this, NEVER, EVER abandon your kids and don't use the excuse that she took your kids is why you are not seeing them. So much as you know where your kids are, go for them, try to spend time with them and go through the system if you need to to get access to them. You don't ever want your kids to resent you for what seems like their abandonment. Two long months and not seeing your kids is just that.

I gave you the advice earlier. Is she from the North or the South (SC, NC, GA, VA, KY, TN, LA, AL)? If she is from the North, then going to family may not work. However if she was born and raised in the South, you must get someone like her aunts to "talk some sense into her head". As for the mother, it is easy to win her over. Nigeria and the US are not much different when it comes to getting an in law to like you. Invite the mother over and say you want her to see the grandchildren. Take "Momma" shopping and tell her you don't know how any man could leave such a fine woman. If you spoil her mother with gifts and money, you will see how fast she turns her daughter around.

FlowerPower:

I gave you the advice earlier. Is she from the North or the South (SC, NC, GA, VA, KY, TN, LA, AL)? If she is from the North, then going to family may not work. However if she was born and raised in the South, you must get someone like her aunts to "talk some sense into her head". As for the mother, it is easy to win her over. Nigeria and the US are not much different when it comes to getting an in law to like you. Invite the mother over and say you want her to see the grandchildren. Take "Momma" shopping and tell her you don't know how any man could leave such a fine woman. If you spoil her mother with gifts and money, you will see how fast she turns her daughter around.

Thanks for your advice but at this point, I think everything I do is futile. Keep in mind I am not a young guy per se (in my late 30's) so I have exercised a lot of wisdom in this scenario all of which obviously cannot be delved into on here. She is Nigerian just like myself who now resides in the US but I think she is now more westernized than ever. Even I know 'akatas' that came out of the ghetto that have more manners than her and that is saying a lot. Her dad resides here in the US as well. Her mother lives in UK whom by the way, I have been over to visit and invited her over here. Now I would admit, my wife had been through some challenges in her childhood as she was raised by her grandparents while both her parents ran off to the western world to move on with their life but then again, she never lacked as she was raised by a wealthy grandparents in Nigeria before making her way here to the US. I have essentially being her rock and support system in every way imaginable for as long as I have known her and there has always been problems but I always dealt with them as normal marital problems but now that she seems ultra-comfortable, am I suppose to now be her doormat? Listen, when things start to get to this level of destruction, then one needs to start thinking about one's health and the untimely death that could result and I think that is why I can no longer take any chances. I have much to lose in a divorce especially here in America (boy how I wish I was in Nigeria), but u know what, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

whirlout:

Thanks for your advice but at this point, I think everything I do is futile. Keep in mind I am not a young guy per se (in my late 30's) so I have exercised a lot of wisdom in this scenario all of which obviously cannot be delved into on here. She is Nigerian just like myself who now resides in the US but I think she is now more westernized than ever. Even I know 'akatas' that came out of the ghetto that have more manners than her and that is saying a lot. Her dad resides here in the US as well. Her mother lives in UK whom by the way, I have been over to visit and invited her over here. Now I would admit, my wife had been through some challenges in her childhood as she was raised by her grandparents while both her parents ran off to the western world to move on with their life but then again, she never lacked as she was raised by a wealthy grandparents in Nigeria before making her way here to the US. I have essentially being her rock and support system in every way imaginable for as long as I have known her and there has always been problems but I always dealt with them as normal marital problems but now that she seems ultra-comfortable, am I suppose to now be her doormat? Listen, when things start to get to this level of destruction, then one needs to start thinking about one's health and the untimely death that could result and I think that is why I can no longer take any chances. I have much to lose in a divorce especially here in America (boy how I wish I was in Nigeria), but u know what, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

As I am a black American woman myself, I take offense to the word "akata". However if you truly feel your life is in danger, then you have no choice but to leave. If you are a good man, you will surely find a good woman. Whatever you may have to pay in child support can be offset by finding a woman who makes a good salary also .

whirlout:

Same exact scenario as mine. Someone said perhaps I should talk to her parents which I did, her dad has pretty much pushed her to the side due to her behavior and her inability to listen to anyone. Her mother on the other hand who by the way is no longer married to her dad seems to be backing her on every action she takes. She's never came to visit her or my child and at this point, I already put my foot down that her mother is not welcomed in my house. I can't allow such devil in my household. Her siblings do come and one of her aunts as well but that's about it.

By the way, are u in Nigeria or outside 'cos you know u do have options regrading your kids. I 'll tell you this, NEVER, EVER abandon your kids and don't use the excuse that she took your kids is why you are not seeing them. So much as you know where your kids are, go for them, try to spend time with them and go through the system if you need to to get access to them. You don't ever want your kids to resent you for what seems like their abandonment. Two long months and not seeing your kids is just that.

To start with i live in Nigeria and My not giving her upkeep is a ploy to frustrate her and get her back home but she seem to have a thick skin in spite of the fact that i know she needs money... a few days a go she called me late in the night to remind me my that my daughter is resuming school(a new one i guess) and i reminded her that the little angel did not get to seat for her term exam just because of she can not control her uncalled for anger....my conclusion is that she doesn't seem to see the bigger picture that its about the kids and not her and i hope she realizes that promptly and get back to her senses.

whirlout:

Thanks for your advice but at this point, I think everything I do is futile. Keep in mind I am not a young guy per se (in my late 30's) so I have exercised a lot of wisdom in this scenario all of which obviously cannot be delved into on here. She is Nigerian just like myself who now resides in the US but I think she is now more westernized than ever. Even I know 'akatas' that came out of the ghetto that have more manners than her and that is saying a lot. Her dad resides here in the US as well. Her mother lives in UK whom by the way, I have been over to visit and invited her over here. Now I would admit, my wife had been through some challenges in her childhood as she was raised by her grandparents while both her parents ran off to the western world to move on with their life but then again, she never lacked as she was raised by a wealthy grandparents in Nigeria before making her way here to the US. I have essentially being her rock and support system in every way imaginable for as long as I have known her and there has always been problems but I always dealt with them as normal marital problems but now that she seems ultra-comfortable, am I suppose to now be her doormat? Listen, when things start to get to this level of destruction, then one needs to start thinking about one's health and the untimely death that could result and I think that is why I can no longer take any chances. I have much to lose in a divorce especially here in America (boy how I wish I was in Nigeria), but u know what, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

You cannot buy your happiness
After the divorce you might have to get a part-time job
Make sure you ask for a minimum of three nights with the kids
If the kids are boys and over 10 year old
If you think you have the time and resources to keep the kids in your house
fight for it
A man can teach a boy to be a man
Things can get better, I am telling you I have Bleep up $2100 monthly
You need to school yourself on child support law - you don't need a lawyer
Talk to single mother American they will bring you to speed
I have become stronger and better, I have more assets today
Thank God for the bad mess housing market
You have to make sacrifice to be victorious
No sacrifice, No victory

GoodFaith:

You cannot buy your happiness
After the divorce you might have to get a part-time job
Make sure you ask for a minimum of three nights with the kids
If the kids are boys and over 10 year old
If you think you have the time and resources to keep the kids in your house
fight for it
A man can teach a boy to be a man
Things can get better, I am telling you I have Bleep up $2100 monthly
You need to school yourself on child support law - you don't need a lawyer
Talk to single mother American they will bring you to speed
I have become stronger and better, I have more assets today
Thank God for the bad mess housing market
You have to make sacrifice to be victorious
No sacrifice, No victory

Trust me, I have learned a lot about child support law in this country and it is certainly stacked against the man. I already know potentially what I am going to have to pay out but at this point it is what it is. I 'll do all of that and certainly will come back stronger I believe. For the lady that advised that I might be able to offset that if I marry a good woman with good salary, I agree that is a good idea but after this, am not so sure if I will ever get married again. My focus would probably be more towards rebuilding wealth to make up for what I will be losing and taking care of my child. Though never say never, but right now, I am not interested and better believe that if I do go down the line in the future, I am going in with an iron clad prenup. Fu.c all the married for love nonsense.

whirlout:

Trust me, I have learned a lot about child support law in this country and it is certainly stacked against the man. I already know potentially what I am going to have to pay out but at this point it is what it is. I 'll do all of that and certainly will come back stronger I believe. For the lady that advised that I might be able to offset that if I marry a good woman with good salary, I agree that is a good idea but after this, am not so sure if I will ever get married again. My focus would probably be more towards rebuilding wealth to make up for what I will be losing and taking care of my child. Though never say never, but right now, I am not interested and better believe that if I do go down the line in the future, I am going in with an iron clad prenup. Fu.c all the married for love nonsense.

Listen dude
You are talking to a dude that have paid very close to $1600 monthly for a child and paying other person $500 monthly
To manage the payment for your child support you have to fight for three nights
If you fail to get three nights or any night
You are going to pay a lot
The more nights you get, the less you pay
So if you get three nights your payment will be 60%
I understand that it is stack against men but you can fight it
I work with an India dude that have his three daughters his ex wife is paying the child support
the ex is white
Prenup is very good and I have one today
If you ever going to remarry open yourself to all women not just Nigerian women

GoodFaith:
Listen dude
You are talking to a dude that have paid very close to $1600 monthly for a child and paying other person $500 monthly
To manage the payment for your child support you have to fight for three nights
If you fail to get three nights or any night
You are going to pay a lot
The more nights you get, the less you pay
So if you get three nights your payment will be 60%
I understand that it is stack against men but you can fight it
I work with an India dude that have his three daughters his ex wife is paying the child support
the ex is white
Prenup is very good and I have one today
If you ever going to remarry open yourself to all women not just Nigerian women

Point taken. Thanks for the advice. Am definitely not just going to lay down and not fight so I understand. By the way, I might have some questions down the line as I go through the process, so if u can, pls shoot me your email.

whirlout:

Point taken. Thanks for the advice. Am definitely not just going to lay down and not fight so I understand. By the way, I might have some questions down the line as I go through the process, so if u can, pls shoot me your email.

Be very careful how you talking to other Nigerian
They might past information back to her or cause you more problem

AVECDEO:


Not when her mother is the one driving (encouraging her) the restiveness. The Ironic twist is that her mother also took them from their father when they were very young and most of her aunts are not presently with their hubbies including the ones outside Nigeria. That's the trend in their family,I had already married her when i git to know all this...I'm trusting in GOD to help me.

ha that is serious.
It seems it getting more compicated than I thought. I pray the lord lead you , you must break that nonses tread is not your children portion.

every family is not yout family...you have siblings whereas the Op is the only son,the Op parents are part of the family and the wife was married into that very family.

3days holiday cant be too much to ask for,atleast for the kid to know his roots.

mind you the Op parents trained the Op and without the parents she wont marry the Op.

look at it objectively not tru your family lens

Sarah a: Not every thing that we should be praying about,some time you need to take action .
Heaven help those who help themselves. If op like make him pray from today till Jesus come without action be taken ,oh boy na one chance you enter oh.
A word is enough for married man like you.

Ach the impetuousness of youth. First of all there is nothing like Heaven helps those who help themselves in the bible so be careful.
Another thing marriage is one-chance as nobody is perfect. We are all work-in-progress in one way or the other.
Finally this situation does not call for getting rid of anyone but careful repentance and discussion with the wife whereby her fears which may be irrational are calmed.

-

I have grown to understand that not everything can be solved thru diplomacy and gentility, somethings are better the hard way.
I don't support violence but the day you try nonsense with mama lanre you go back home for lectures on a loving home.
I will never tell you not to see ur parents but I will send you back to them to learn how to be a good wife.

you won't even try nonsense with my mama
nigba too ya were

opetu:
My wife has been a torn on my flesh, giving me headaches daily. It happens dat I met her in my final year in school (fellowship), we got close just as friends nd within 7 mnths of knowing her one thing led to the other nd she got pregnant for me, well i accepted my responsibilty. telling my parents also, It was actually a thing of mixed feelingz, bein dat i am the only child of my parentz, at least thats like having a second child for dem. Long story short i decided to marry her cos of the baby..wit the notion dat we woud build our early relationship in marriage ..

Now issue is dat My wife doesnt like d idea when my parent come see me in my home, alwayz grummble, she doesn have a close relationship wit my mom, mom is alwayz sad about this..I ve been married for 5years now, ma kids ve only visited my parents for a week, anytime i bring up d idea of dem goin to see them..we always quarell!! just last week sunday ma parents left their home so dey come take d kids for d nu year break, i ddnt tell ma wife, but she found out, it was a fight that happened ....wit her tearing my clothes.. my old man nd momma both cried seein dis, dey had to travel back dat evening seein dat my so called wife ddnt welcome dem in my home, Dis is just d little i can narrate !!

I have two kids now, i kinda hate having a second child wit her, now am thinking divorce, which i dnt want to, tried to b patient, but its like shez getting evil advice from sumplaces everyday, how many years more does my parents ve on earth dat i wont make dem happy at least to be wit their grandkids!! at first i thought dis was normal, or is it a normal thing for mothers to cling to their child dat way?? maybe am too soft on her!! sigh i wish i never married her d first place, i only wanted to rewrite my mistake by marryin her.

Ye!!! You are dealing with the Devil Incarnate. The same thing happened to me where she tore my clothes. i gave the torn cloth to my divorce lawyer as exhibit and i won complete custody of my kids while divorcing her ass. They now visit my parents everyday day . She later came back kneeling down and begging while confessing that people gave her the wrong advice so u r right! She is receiving the wrong advice. I chased her away with my dog. I later gathered that she don go kolo and she is in one mental hospital while i am happily remarried to a gentle and caring woman who is even a model. My mom praised me for my swift action! My guy u r the man here. Do the needful in time or else u will suffer forever

immortalvoices:
Sorry sir for the domestic marital problem...

Op the truth is dat she is seriously tired of the marriage, and she is using the wild behaviours of her to frustrate you...

My take... Maybe she thinks you ruin her life by getting her pregnant early and she is actually regretting us as a husband to her

SOLUTION...look for someone she respect tell that person to advice her, apologize to her and show her more love...never fight her in return and above all Go to God in prayer

It is well.



I HEAR VOICES....

you no dey hear 'voices' again lol