Any man who thinks that showing more love, trying to reason or arguing with a cantankerous woman or a woman who lacks respect is the way forward, is out of his mind.

Women, especially Nigerian women, do not know the meaning of equality in a relationship. To them equality is a weakness and once they see you as weak it turns to a lack of respect.

If OP was being a man, his wife would not try this nonsense. First he got railroaded into marrying her because she was pregnant. Then now she wants to control the house, I'd ask him to DNA check those kids to make sure they're his. A woman who does not respect you and shows contempt to your parents can sleep with everyone from your guard to your next door neighbor.

That's the problem with all these fellowship and bible-business relationships. It starts off on an assumption that the world is good and certain "moral" standards must be followed. All woman thirst after bad boys, yet when some want to marry they look for a mugu to get married to.

The OP has probably refrained from dealing with his wife in the appropriate manner based on "biblical reasoning", trying to rationalize or be a loving husband. All moves which in my opinion are stupid and pointless. She's only pulling off all this rubbish because you're being a weakling and she has no respect.

Leave all these "new worlders" talking about slapping a woman being barbaric. Even in the so-called developed world, it was a tool for putting women in line until political correctness came into the world 30-40 years ago. Ever watched a Sean Connery Bond movie, he slapped plenty an erring broad.

Don't get me wrong, I believe if a woman errs to the point of total disrespect, a slap is only merited once in the lifetime of a relationship. Any woman who does not get the point after that should be divorced or disengaged from, don't let anyone turn you to a murderer or sadist.

Sometimes there are other ways of getting your point across. Arguing with her is a sign of weakness. If she is unreasonable so is reasoning with her. You can either choose to ignore or let her know that continuing with that attitude will earn her a divorce. If you choose you can start by locking the devil out of your house.

You're in an unfortunate position, but you need to correct it before you end up with further years of misery. This is Nigeria, where women want equality in order to disrespect a man, but won't remember equality when it comes to comes to contributing to the upkeep of a home or splitting a restaurant bill.

There are enough good and well-trained Nigerian women out there especially with scarcity of husbands, who deserve a meaningful relationship where problems are settled maturedly and everyone contributes their quota to making things work. Unfortunately, I don't know where you people meet these devils you end up marrying.

If you had read this thread before you met her, you wouldn't be suffering this nonsense now:

https://www.nairaland.com/396243/how-maintain-control-woman

tensor77:
Another posts full of unguarded utterances. You are definitely not a Christian as your comments betray you. This is his wife we are talking about here not girlfriend. There is a big difference.
What grounds would he have for divorcing her, scattering his home and breaking his marital vows? That he stubbornly insisted on taking is kids to MIL without his wife's consent, and his wife started acting up. That sounds childish.

Tensor,

Abeg apply sensing organ into this issue... If you read thru well, u'll get to know that she never wanted the kids around the inlaws. There is a big difference between a wife and a girlfriend... but note...

Who does the bible describes as a wife? A companion to start with and is she one? I dont want to start counting but is she in the definition range of a wife according to the bible? Do not divorce a wife.... she aint sensible jor!

ladyinred: New things I've learnt today abt marriage, based on the OP and some comments on here,
1. when 2 consenting adults hv s*x without protectn and sum1 ends up pregnant, d girl was trying 2 trap d guy into marriage all along.is she stupid does the bit.ch not know what postinol is? having sex does not mean i want a baby
2. for some men, when it comes 2 family, wives don't count: it's jst their parents, children and siblings. ladyinred everyone has their place. a woman is not a replacement of the man's family but an important part of it
3. for those men magnanimous enuf 2 think of their wives as family, said wives r d least important members of d family, and ofcourse replaceable.if a woman cannot make her home into a paradise for the couple and does not endevour to do her best in making her marraige workable then yes she becomes unimportant and hence replaceable
4. ur mother must always come b4 ur wife- always strive 2 make mummy happy even at wifey's xpense: never mind abt ur wife. she doesn't count anyway.I will repeat it again a wife cannot take the place of a mother neither can a mother take the place of a wife. please let this be clear your mother in law is not your rival!!! unless u happen to be a control freak. when you have your child u will understand
5. it's ok for u and ur parents 2 decide where ur kids live and where they shld spend their holidays without informing d kids' mother b4 hand. Reason? Refer to 4.the husband should have discussed with his wife prior to taking them for the holidays. however that does not permit or excuse or permit the womans bad behaviour
6. a husband is d commander-in-chief of his wife: anything he says, goes. No arguments. Absolute obedience is required from Wifey at all times.yes he is, he is meant to be her leader and not her bit.ch, however a good leader carries along his/her followers.
7. any wife dat 4gets her place and shows her humanity, is a witch.an woman that forgets her place and shows advanced stupidity/or takes blind advice is worse than a witch. she is a killer and murderer of the best of men. she cannot make or ra
8. if ur wife starts saying no to certain things u do, or starts having a mind of her own and stops being ur doormat, u've 2 show her who's d boss.pls stop talking in obtuse terms if she says no to the right things, or behaves the way goats who have minds of their own then it is our responsibility as men to show her the right way to behave or show her the way out. life is too short and beautiful to tolerate nuisances and animalistic behaviour
9. start by scolding and threatening her. if that doesn't wrk, corporal punishment is required: Slapping, kicking, flogging, punching and back-flipping are all viable options. Just make sure she gets d message. Beat her to submission.actually that is a form of treatment for the cases of women who have crossed the line of civility and humanity. there are a lot more worse treatment to give a woman
10. when u're bored with 9, throw her out of ur house. Afterall, she's disposable.when she stops being reliable or being a helpmeet and starts behaving like a wild animal that cant be tamed, then she becomes a epidemic strain of disease that needs to be terminated before causing more damage
Happy married life, people!

get this straight......
you cant expect to plant discord, lack of harmony in your marriage and expect something good out of it.
not everyman will tolerate nonesensical behaviour........
some of us do have high standards

opetu: My wife has been a torn on my flesh, giving me headaches daily. It happens dat I met her in my final year in school (fellowship), we got close just as friends nd within 7 mnths of knowing her one thing led to the other nd she got pregnant for me, well i accepted my responsibilty. telling my parents also, It was actually a thing of mixed feelingz, bein dat i am the only child of my parentz, at least thats like having a second child for dem. Long story short i decided to marry her cos of the baby..wit the notion dat we woud build our early relationship in marriage ..

Now issue is dat My wife doesnt like d idea when my parent come see me in my home, alwayz grummble, she doesn have a close relationship wit my mom, mom is alwayz sad about this..I ve been married for 5years now, ma kids ve only visited my parents for a week, anytime i bring up d idea of dem goin to see them..we always quarell!! just last week sunday ma parents left their home so dey come take d kids for d nu year break, i ddnt tell ma wife, but she found out, it was a fight that happened ....wit her tearing my clothes.. my old man nd momma both cried seein dis, dey had to travel back dat evening seein dat my so called wife ddnt welcome dem in my home, Dis is just d little i can narrate !!

I have two kids now, i kinda hate having a second child wit her, now am thinking divorce, which i dnt want to, tried to b patient, but its like shez getting evil advice from sumplaces everyday, how many years more does my parents ve on earth dat i wont make dem happy at least to be wit their grandkids!! at first i thought dis was normal, or is it a normal thing for mothers to cling to their child dat way?? maybe am too soft on her!! sigh i wish i never married her d first place, i only wanted to rewrite my mistake by marryin her.

You married her to compensate for your mistake. Because she was pregnant for you, you didn't sound like you actually loved this woman that much before you got married to her. The first thing you should ask yourself is this; did you marry her because she was pregnant for you (not that you planned to marry her). I won't advice for divorce. Sit her down, talk to her may be she is ignorantly afraid of something she is trying to protect. That is if only she will sincere. Good luck.

ednut1: until we hear her version no comment

We cant give much advice until we hear what she has to say about the whole issue. Nobody is perfect and as such we expect you to say some of you shortcomings or negative behavior which may have resulted in her attitude towards you. PLEASE GIVE FULL DETAILS THAT WILL ENABLE NAIRALANDERS TO MAKE A SOUND JUDGEMENT.

tai2: Any man who thinks that showing more love, trying to reason or arguing with a cantankerous woman or a woman who lacks respect is the way forward, is out of his mind.

Women, especially Nigerian women, do not know the meaning of equality in a relationship. To them equality is a weakness and once they see you as weak it turns to a lack of respect.

If OP was being a man, his wife would not try this nonsense. First he got railroaded into marrying her because she was pregnant. Then now she wants to control the house, I'd ask him to DNA check those kids to make sure they're his. A woman who does not respect you and shows contempt to your parents can sleep with everyone from your guard to your next door neighbor.

That's the problem with all these fellowship and bible-business relationships. It starts off on an assumption that the world is good and certain "moral" standards must be followed. All woman thirst after bad boys, yet when some want to marry they look for a mugu to get married to.

The OP has probably refrained from dealing with his wife in the appropriate manner based on "biblical reasoning", trying to rationalize or be a loving husband. All moves which in my opinion are stupid and pointless. She's only pulling off all this rubbish because you're being a weakling and she has no respect.

Leave all these "new worlders" talking about slapping a woman being barbaric. Even in the so-called developed world, it was a tool for putting women in line until political correctness came into the world 30-40 years ago. Ever watched a Sean Connery Bond movie, he slapped plenty an erring broad.

Don't get me wrong, I believe if a woman errs to the point of total disrespect, a slap is only merited once in the lifetime of a relationship. Any woman who does not get the point after that should be divorced or disengaged from, don't let anyone turn you to a murderer or sadist.

Sometimes there are other ways of getting your point across. Arguing with her is a sign of weakness. If she is unreasonable so is reasoning with her. You can either choose to ignore or let her know that continuing with that attitude will earn her a divorce. If you choose you can start by locking the devil out of your house.

You're in an unfortunate position, but you need to correct it before you end up with further years of misery. This is Nigeria, where women want equality in order to disrespect a man, but won't remember equality when it comes to comes to contributing to the upkeep of a home or splitting a restaurant bill.

There are enough good and well-trained Nigerian women out there especially with scarcity of husbands, who deserve a meaningful relationship where problems are settled maturedly and everyone contributes their quota to making things work. Unfortunately, I don't know where you people meet these devils you end up marrying.

If you had read this thread before you met her, you wouldn't be suffering this nonsense now:

https://www.nairaland.com/396243/how-maintain-control-woman

guy you are so on point...................
man u just made my day!!!!!!!

tai2: Any man who thinks that showing more love, trying to reason or arguing with a cantankerous woman or a woman who lacks respect is the way forward, is out of his mind.

Women, especially Nigerian women, do not know the meaning of equality in a relationship. To them equality is a weakness and once they see you as weak it turns to a lack of respect.

If OP was being a man, his wife would not try this nonsense. First he got railroaded into marrying her because she was pregnant. Then now she wants to control the house, I'd ask him to DNA check those kids to make sure they're his. A woman who does not respect you and shows contempt to your parents can sleep with everyone from your guard to your next door neighbor.

That's the problem with all these fellowship and bible-business relationships. It starts off on an assumption that the world is good and certain "moral" standards must be followed. All woman thirst after bad boys, yet when some want to marry they look for a mugu to get married to.

The OP has probably refrained from dealing with his wife in the appropriate manner based on "biblical reasoning", trying to rationalize or be a loving husband. All moves which in my opinion are stupid and pointless. She's only pulling off all this rubbish because you're being a weakling and she has no respect.

Leave all these "new worlders" talking about slapping a woman being barbaric. Even in the so-called developed world, it was a tool for putting women in line until political correctness came into the world 30-40 years ago. Ever watched a Sean Connery Bond movie, he slapped plenty an erring broad.

Don't get me wrong, I believe if a woman errs to the point of total disrespect, a slap is only merited once in the lifetime of a relationship. Any woman who does not get the point after that should be divorced or disengaged from, don't let anyone turn you to a murderer or sadist.

Sometimes there are other ways of getting your point across. Arguing with her is a sign of weakness. If she is unreasonable so is reasoning with her. You can either choose to ignore or let her know that continuing with that attitude will earn her a divorce. If you choose you can start by locking the devil out of your house.

You're in an unfortunate position, but you need to correct it before you end up with further years of misery. This is Nigeria, where women want equality in order to disrespect a man, but won't remember equality when it comes to comes to contributing to the upkeep of a home or splitting a restaurant bill.

There are enough good and well-trained Nigerian women out there especially with scarcity of husbands, who deserve a meaningful relationship where problems are settled maturedly and everyone contributes their quota to making things work. Unfortunately, I don't know where you people meet these devils you end up marrying.

If you had read this thread before you met her, you wouldn't be suffering this nonsense now:

https://www.nairaland.com/396243/how-maintain-control-woman

Funny enough, I agree with the bolded

I don't it is a Nigerian women thing only, I guess it is Nigerian generally. Try been nice to 20 random people at first meeting and watch their reaction

curtain: in addition, I will strictly advice you never to fight or beat her up because if a woman posses the guts to tear off your clothes then beating can only make her develop thick skin. And moreover it has been discovered that some demon possesed women lure men into the habit of beating women making them become like animals when you allow the spirit of women beating to enter you by starting with her you may even end up beating up your mother one day. The best you can do is to take her for deliverance.

ledafaze:
Tensor,
Abeg apply sensing organ into this issue... If you read thru well, u'll get to know that she never wanted the kids around the inlaws. There is a big difference between a wife and a girlfriend... but note...
Who does the bible describes as a wife? A companion to start with and is she one? I dont want to start counting but is she in the definition range of a wife according to the bible? Do not divorce a wife.... she aint sensible jor!

Nobody is perfect. Besides I strongly suspect that there is a breakdown in communication here.

One funny thing about this nairaland is that people are only interested in arguing their views out thus tending to two opposite extremes. Virtue lies in the middle. I don't think OP want a debate on this matter. Both OP and his wife have done wrong. It is really callous for the OP to plan and invite his parents to take the kids without his wife's consent and It is very unreasonable for a wife to fight her husband talk-less in front of his folks to the extent of tearing his clothes and to hate his family.Those saying his parents have lived their life should know that they are not dead yet. Their grand children are part of their lives and we all pray to live and see our children-children. I know OP's wife's prays that prayer too. For those condemning OP's wife to divorce,she may not be a devil after all. I remembered i had a strong dislike for a sister-in-law of mine because of something she did during my wedding. I quarreled with hubby severally about her. She was the one that single-handedly trained him. I was forced to forgive her after all the grumbling.

So OP go home and settle with your wife. Talk,shout,slug it out and reach a compromise. Tell her to try and love your parents,she can pretend to. Then You,your wife and the kids should visit your parents together regularly on weekends(start from there).

[b]Reading your post, I can understand your frustration as a fellow man. However I'll suggest you calm down, remember there's no perfect relationship-since none is near perfect(including me)

It takes mutual understanding and respect for two people to have good relationship. This is what sustains every relationship between friends, coworkers, family members and couples. It's not easy for two people to live together in harmony without understanding.

I'll suggest to change your mindset towards your wife. Try to see something good in her, appreciate her and communicate peacefully with your wife. This is very important. I'm sure she's as frustrated as you are.

Try to know when best to discuss with her. Through mutual communication you'll appreciate and understand each another more better.
Every suggestion will present different views, but you have to understand that same solution doesn't always solve similar problem.

Thank God your marriage is blessed with two children.
These children needs their parents together, so consider your children before any decision you choose to take.
Children of divorced parents can suffer the effects of the break-up well into their adult life.

I'm sure your mum and dad doesn't always agree, but with understanding they overcame their differences and compliment each other.
You're a testimony of their togetherness.Try to spend more time with your wife, doing so you'll realize she's not the devil you once thought she was.

Couples should try to pray together and in your private time remember to pray for one another.
May God bless your marriage according to His grace.[/b]

I guess it is safe to conclude we have many apache's in this country..so many more coming out to say they slapped their wives to 'submission'. Did you people marry wives or slaves\animals? I hope women are also permitted to slap their men to responsibility\faithfulness as the case may be. I can't imagine a parent slapping or hitting her child to obedience not to talk of an adult doing it to another adult.

I also hope you guys will also totally find it cool and effective when your daughters end up with weak men who can only ascertain their roles as the head by slapping or beating them.

Domestic violence has come to stay, this orientation is never going to change and I suppose some will start trying this violent method at home because testimonies have been given on this thread. SMH.

Op is a troll. Story is made up.

I dey Vex!:
@ OP: I will tell you my story and you are free to take my advice or not. It is similar to yours. I got married a few months ago and right from the word go, my wife never wanted any of my family members to come close. My mom, dad and siblings stayed in my house for a week during the wedding preparations and she treated them like dirt. Then my bro had an accomodation problem and had to stay in my house for about 2 weeks and she gave him the same treatment.

Eventually, I realized what it was. I was too soft on her and she was taking it for granted. Like every woman, she wanted total control and she felt my family members' presence would prevent that. I come from a family where FAMILY is never taken for granted.

One day, she messed up with my bro and against my principles of never raising my hand against a woman, I gave her a very solid slap. She was shocked. She came to retaliate and I gave her another. I cowed her to submission. Now we have an improved relationship. She now respects me and knows that I can be a beast if I choose to. Deliberately, I ensured I never apologized for slapping her. She has complained that I never apologized and I told her I did not regret it.

Now my advice: Women are different. Some women will respect you when you are soft. Some other women will ride you if they see any signs of softness. Maybe you need to show your wife that you can be beastly if provoked. Do not beat her. Two solid slaps would do. If she is the type you said she is, she would become violent and go crazy. Do not fight with her. Your point is already made. You will see changes I hope. All the best

My brother, just thank God yours was able to change as a result of the slap, but note that women too, are too sophisticated in terms of brain cracking as her silence could be that she has something to do to you behind her mind, I pray her silence is submission. I have seen women like that who started using diabolical means to tame their husbands and their husband become like housemaid.
Slapping cannot change a wicked woman, rather deliverance if you want to carry God along. If you choose to follow your own instinct, kicking,slapping or beating could trigger another dimension.
Ask God to intervene in order to get your family united.

A man should be able to spell out what you want your woman to know from day one in your relationship and herself should state hers out. If she reneged from any of those principles you have stated, NEVER EVER take it kindly as you must stand your ground on your words.
I gave my wife my words and thank God she has kept to those words and any of my words must not be altered. That is me.

@ OP....am a man of similar case with urs. But jst of recent, God giv me breakthrough beyond my expectation after Fourteen Years of facing marriage agony and tribulations!
Kindly av it at back of ur mind that if divorce ur wife, ur children will be affected moraly.
The best way to keep ur wife understood u is to take ur children to ur parents at ur own time, stay with them for a while and and bring tham back. If she (ur Wife) annoyed with ur action, act as if u don't see her.....continue doing this till she will realised that u ar the only son of ur Parent and the best way to keep them happy it is to see ur children as ur siblings.
Don't ever complain/discuss ur family issue in the present of ur Parents, rather meet ur clergys' and don't discuss what to offer ur Parents in the present of such woman, cos she may jeolose of them and take ur Mum as her rival.
Keep praying for God intervention and Holy Spirit to guide u to play ur role as a husband to ur wife and Son to ur Parents!@ OP....am a man of similar case with urs. But jst of recent, God giv me breakthrough beyond my expectation after Fourteen Years of facing marriage agony and tribulations!
Kindly av it at back of ur mind that if divorce ur wife, ur children will be affected moraly.
The best way to keep ur wife understood u is to take ur children to ur parents at ur own time, stay with them for a while and and bring tham back. If she (ur Wife) annoyed with ur action, act as if u don't see her.....continue doing this till she will realised that u ar the only son of ur Parent and the best way to keep them happy it is to see ur children as ur siblings.
Don't ever complain/discuss ur family issue in the present of ur Parents, rather meet ur clergys' and don't discuss what to offer ur Parents in the present of such woman, cos she may jeolose of them and take ur Mum as her rival.
Keep praying for God intervention and Holy Spirit to guide u to play ur role as a husband to ur wife and Son to ur Parents!@ OP....am a man of similar case with urs. But jst of recent, God giv me breakthrough beyond my expectation after Fourteen Years of facing marriage agony and tribulations!
Kindly av it at back of ur mind that if divorce ur wife, ur children will be affected moraly.
The best way to keep ur wife understood u is to take ur children to ur parents at ur own time, stay with them for a while and and bring tham back. If she (ur Wife) annoyed with ur action, act as if u don't see her.....continue doing this till she will realised that u ar the only son of ur Parent and the best way to keep them happy it is to see ur children as ur siblings.
Don't ever complain/discuss ur family issue in the present of ur Parents, rather meet ur clergys' and don't discuss what to offer ur Parents in the present of such woman, cos she may jeolose of them and take ur Mum as her rival.
Keep praying for God intervention and Holy Spirit to guide u to play ur role as a husband to ur wife and Son to ur Parents!

Haunted: I guess it is safe to conclude we have many apache's in this country..so many more coming out to say they slapped their wives to 'submission'. Did you people marry wives or slaves\animals? I hope women are also permitted to slap their men to responsibility\faithfulness as the case may be. I can't imagine a parent slapping or hitting her child to obedience not to talk of an adult doing it to another adult.

I also hope you guys will also totally find it cool and effective when your daughters end up with weak men who can only ascertain their roles as the head by slapping or beating them.

Domestic violence has come to stay, this orientation is never going to change and I suppose some will start trying this violent method at home because testimonies have been given on this thread. SMH.

Seriously,i was in shock after reading so many post that believes violence against a woman will bring her to submission,i can only envisage two things,minors getting married to minors thinking they are adults, a man that will hit a woman to gain respect and a woman that will submit to a man after been abused. It is ridiculous and i am afraid for the future of my daughters.

Wow.. 14 years..

You have some patience

opetu:

hum..dere waz quite a gud level of respect tho, it was all good! shez good wit her family expecially wiv her mom, sumtyms i do think its her mom dat giv her dose ill advices! yup d kids go to her mom, couple of time durin holidays, most times her mom come stays wit us!!

But when it comes mine, its epic quarell..even when dey come stay she frowns a lot! i knw sum kids stay with their grand parents till maybe secondary skul, i wanted that but i cnt ve dat talk less of just an holiday visit. hired a lawyer already incase of divorce.. which happens to be our landlord tnx to him d marriage ve been able to hold for dis years Of course i dnt wanna be a divorcee

@ OP, you are the MAN of the house, NOT your wife. You paid her bride price, NOT the other way round. And those kids are also yours (flesh and blood). ASSERT YOU CONTROL ON YOUR HOUSEHOLD. Do not tolerate all those bullshyte from her.

Op, here are my candid advice:
1) Refuse to eat her food for some time
2) Do not be intimate with her (as in ......)
3) Avoid any discussion with her
4) Make sure you drop money for food and other daily needs for her and kids on the table
5) Play with your kids and show them love
6) Make sure you return atleast 2 hrs late to your normal time you used to return from
work/business but, please do not do what is not right
7) Improve on your dressing
Be prayerful and watch her closely and finally,
9) Do not over do what I listed above

By God's special grace she may wish to know where she offended you and make amends.
Forgive her and accept her . Remember that "The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know"

noblementor: Op, here are my candid advice:
1) Refuse to eat her food for some time
2) Do not be intimate with her (as in ......)
3) Avoid any discussion with her
4) Make sure you drop money for food and other daily needs for her and kids on the table
5) Play with your kids and show them love
6) Make sure you return atleast 2 hrs late to your normal time you used to return from
work/business but, please do not do what is not right
7) Improve on your dressing
Be prayerful and watch her closely and finally,
9) Do not over do what I listed above

By God's special grace she may wish to know where she offended you and make amends.
Forgive her and accept her . Remember that "The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know"

wow you just said it the way it should .well done.

Too lazy to read through 9 pages to discover what others have said but i'll say my bit and go if u don't mind. One, u need to reach out to God on this. Its only him that can guide u thru storms. Repent of ur own understanding and allow him take charge. U may need to crucify ur emotions to get to the truth. And to God. That might include fasting and abstaining from sex. Not to punish her but to set the family life straight. Such is ur responsibility as a man.

I dey Vex!:
@ OP: I will tell you my story and you are free to take my advice or not. It is similar to yours. I got married a few months ago and right from the word go, my wife never wanted any of my family members to come close. My mom, dad and siblings stayed in my house for a week during the wedding preparations and she treated them like dirt. Then my bro had an accomodation problem and had to stay in my house for about 2 weeks and she gave him the same treatment.

Eventually, I realized what it was. I was too soft on her and she was taking it for granted. Like every woman, she wanted total control and she felt my family members' presence would prevent that. I come from a family where FAMILY is never taken for granted.

One day, she messed up with my bro and against my principles of never raising my hand against a woman, I gave her a very solid slap. She was shocked. She came to retaliate and I gave her another. I cowed her to submission. Now we have an improved relationship. She now respects me and knows that I can be a beast if I choose to. Deliberately, I ensured I never apologized for slapping her. She has complained that I never apologized and I told her I did not regret it.

Now my advice: Women are different. Some women will respect you when you are soft. Some other women will ride you if they see any signs of softness. Maybe you need to show your wife that you can be beastly if provoked. Do not beat her. Two solid slaps would do. If she is the type you said she is, she would become violent and go crazy. Do not fight with her. Your point is already made. You will see changes I hope. All the best

Sleep with one eye open. Within a few months of marriage you have slapped your wife over your brother. She then tried to slap you back but because you were physically stronger you were able to stop it and you slapped her again. Use your brain. A woman who attempts to slap you back is not a millipede. You have only been married for a few months? I can guarantee that in a a few years she will be slapping you and fighting you like a man. You brought violence into your marriage when it becomes an everyday thing do not point fingers anywhere but at you. Hopefully your brother that you slapped your wife over will set up his own family and will not let you come destroy his home. The OP is twenty times the man you are. He has been married for years and has clearly made mistakes but you who has been married for a few months is already slapping your wife. I know she will slap you again. It will happen. Next time though to sho how strong you are just pick her up and throw her into the wall.
Here is a guideline you can use
For not getting along with your brother you give her one or two slaps
For not getting along with your parents you give her two swift kicks and two punches in the gut
For not getting along with other members of your extended family just buy a cane and flog her butt

tai2: Any man who thinks that showing more love, trying to reason or arguing with a cantankerous woman or a woman who lacks respect is the way forward, is out of his mind.

Women, especially Nigerian women, do not know the meaning of equality in a relationship. To them equality is a weakness and once they see you as weak it turns to a lack of respect.

If OP was being a man, his wife would not try this nonsense. First he got railroaded into marrying her because she was pregnant. Then now she wants to control the house, I'd ask him to DNA check those kids to make sure they're his. A woman who does not respect you and shows contempt to your parents can sleep with everyone from your guard to your next door neighbor.

That's the problem with all these fellowship and bible-business relationships. It starts off on an assumption that the world is good and certain "moral" standards must be followed. All woman thirst after bad boys, yet when some want to marry they look for a mugu to get married to.

The OP has probably refrained from dealing with his wife in the appropriate manner based on "biblical reasoning", trying to rationalize or be a loving husband. All moves which in my opinion are silly and pointless. She's only pulling off all this rubbish because you're being a weakling and she has no respect.

Leave all these "new worlders" talking about slapping a woman being barbaric. Even in the so-called developed world, it was a tool for putting women in line until political correctness came into the world 30-40 years ago. Ever watched a Sean Connery Bond movie, he slapped plenty an erring broad.

Don't get me wrong, I believe if a woman errs to the point of total disrespect, a slap is only merited once in the lifetime of a relationship. Any woman who does not get the point after that should be divorced or disengaged from, don't let anyone turn you to a murderer or sadist.

Sometimes there are other ways of getting your point across. Arguing with her is a sign of weakness. If she is unreasonable so is reasoning with her. You can either choose to ignore or let her know that continuing with that attitude will earn her a divorce. If you choose you can start by locking the devil out of your house.

You're in an unfortunate position, but you need to correct it before you end up with further years of misery. This is Nigeria, where women want equality in order to disrespect a man, but won't remember equality when it comes to comes to contributing to the upkeep of a home or splitting a restaurant bill.

There are enough good and well-trained Nigerian women out there especially with scarcity of husbands, who deserve a meaningful relationship where problems are settled maturedly and everyone contributes their quota to making things work. Unfortunately, I don't know where you people meet these devils you end up marrying.

If you had read this thread before you met her, you wouldn't be suffering this nonsense now:

https://www.nairaland.com/396243/how-maintain-control-woman

While you are right..i want to ask.....ARE YOU MARRIED??

as far as i'm concerned, if anyone commenting on this thread is single, i will not take you serious..male or female....

All i will say is , the way you start your marriage is the way you will live it.....

No man should be weak...not physically, not emotionally, _{not financially}...especially a married man...

You can be strict and loving to your wife..

The boldened part is the Key..
there is nothing wrong with having a random spat with your wife, but when you see that its now part of a pattern to second-guess you, or a sign of dis-respect ..whenever she starts..just ignore her...carry on with your business....

make sure the money for the upkeep of the house is always on time...make sure you are taking care of them...BUT...when you send the message across that her actions are in futility, then she will want to reason with you and find a better way to send her message across...

soul_glo:

Sleep with one eye open. Within a few months of marriage you have slapped your wife over your brother. She then tried to slap you back but because you were physically stronger you were able to stop it and you slapped her again. Use your brain. A woman who attempts to slap you back is not a millipede. You have only been married for a few months? I can guarantee that in a a few years she will be slapping you and fighting you like a man. You brought violence into your marriage when it becomes an everyday thing do not point fingers anywhere but at you. Hopefully your brother that you slapped your wife over will set up his own family and will not let you come destroy his home. The OP is twenty times the man you are. He has been married for years and has clearly made mistakes but you who has been married for a few months is already slapping your wife. I know she will slap you again. It will happen. Next time though to sho how strong you are just pick her up and throw her into the wall.
Here is a guideline you can use
For not getting along with your brother you give her one or two slaps
For not getting along with your parents you give her two swift kicks and two punches in the gut
For not getting along with other members of your extended family just buy a cane and flog her butt

Oga Soul_glo, are you married? if you are, good for you. If you are not, I pray you never get to the point where you find that you have to correct some stuff physically. I will give you a few tips:

1. Generally, for women, if you find that they have a tendency to be disrespectful, then you have to be a dictator from the word go. If you don't she will take you for a joke. Sometimes, we believe that if we show a woman plenty of love, she will realize just how much you love her and start respecting you. It doesn't happen in all cases. A slap is said to be a device to reset someone's brain. Some women's brain needs this reset once in a while.

2. My wife is such that she says no to everything I ask until I put my feet down. I started seeing it immediately after our wedding but I felt she needed to adjust. When that adjustment never came, I found that asking for things to get done, I had to raise my voice and she will meekly do it. We used to go to work together and I was always late because I was always having to wait for her to get ready. For months, I threatened to go without her but she never changed until the day I left her in the house. She didn't believe it. She called me that she was downstairs and I asked her to take a cab. After that day, everything changed. She finishes before me and waits for me.

You may ask why I am saying all these: I have heard women say they cannot respect a man who does not beat them. I have heard women say they cannot respect a man who is a weakling. Like I said in my initial post, after the two slaps, don't do anymore. Your point is already made. If she keeps talking, go to bed and sleep off. or better still, leave the house. It tells her you are not a woman beater. You just needed to stamp your authority. In conclusion, it depends on the woman that you have. I have a friend who has the meekest husband and she avoids annoying him just because he is meek. Later I found out that beneath that very meek man, is a very temperamental fellow and his wife knows. She has seen that temper once and she dnt like it. She would do anything to keep the man meek. My point is made. You can mouth off if you want to.

I really feel sorry for your plight and I hope you can find a bit of comfort in knowing that I am going through exactly the same scenario and how am dealing with it. I married my own wife about 4 years ago, we dated a few years before that, we have a little girl together. I take the role of a husband and a father seriously and made certain that my family do not lack in any area of life. I love excessively and I cherish my union greatly. But just like you, my wife has an issue with my mother coming to see her grandchild. That is in addition to all the abuses, both non physical and physical fights where she would rip my clothes and create a nuisance in my upscale neighborhood. Mind you, I live in the US and my mother lives in Nigeria so she will have to travel all the way here to see us and more importantly spend time with her grandchild. The last 2 occasions have been quite a disaster with my wife cursing my mother out and blatantly disrespecting her. I have consoled my mother and assured her that she is always welcomed in our house. She's cried over the situation many times and I have been saddened over it cos I really couldn't understand where all of this was coming from. She disparages my entire family every chance she gets before descending on my personality. And please don't call it being soft 'cos I have been violent with her a few times over these things, but things are still the same so what has it accomplished? By the way, too many violence here in America and the law here will make you wish you were dead. Long story short, over the years, I found out my wife confides in too many people (men & women) outside of the marriage and she goes from parish and pastor to pastor to seek only God knows what and she comes back and act on those things. I have talked about those things with her, advice we seek counseling and all have fallen on deaf ears. Fast forward today, I am almost like a doormat to her, she has no respect whatsoever for me, my family means nothing to her, she's made certain to me that she will destroy me and I know her goal right now is to do anything possible to keep my child from me. So back to you, I understand how you feel but let me advice you at this point, forget about how your parents feel. You need to focus on how you feel about the situation. As in my case, I feel like when a woman goes out and start confiding in others on matters on your marriage without including you, then you are just as good as dead 'cos such woman becomes a very dangerous woman. No one here can advice you concerning what to do, you have to look at your situation and all of the things that have transpired and make a decision what you need to do to make yourself happy. Only if you are happy, will everyone be happy and that includes your parents. In my case, my happiness I believe will come from me being alive to care for my child but I am certain at this point that continuing to stay with my wife with how bad the situation gets will not allow me that opportunity. As a result, sadfully and painfully, I have decided this year even against the pleading of my parents and my belief in the bible to get a divorce and at this point to me, it is already decided. People can judge me about what the bible says about divorce but at this point, I could care less. No man of my calibre who goes to every limit to make sure his family is cared for should not be subjected to such abuse. If I die today, am sure she 'll move on to the next person and I will be a forgotten men. So the only ones that will end up losing out is myself, my kid and my parents. Sorry, I am not taking that chance at this stage of my life. Am not saying you should do the same, but you need to sit down alone and thoroughly assess your situation and truly see what will make you and your kids happy. Your kids should not continuously experience such abusive treatment as those things do have developmental issues on them in the future. It's sad because when we see even adults today, we are so quick to call them mental not even knowing what they 'Ve been subjected to in their childhood. If your wife can change, then that's good but in my case, I have come to the conclusion that nothing would ever change and the longer I wait and hope that things will get better, the closer to death I get.

Any woman dat does not want to c eida her father inlaw or mother inlaw is not fit to b in marriage.

The issue here is that his wife does not respect him.

Each woman is unique and different and needs something in her own view which she sees in a man to respect him. It could be taking charge and being decisive in a crisis, providing financially, being caring or God fearing, making big sacrifices for her and the family etc. Each woman is different.

The people who advocate slapping some sense into her are actually trying to say some women need a man to stand firm with physical action. While some women disagree, I know women who say "I know I pushed it with my mouth but the guy has no guts to show that he is a man to even slap me to shut up". I ask them "what would you do if he slaps you". They say " I will shut up....he has shown he is a man"

Point I am trying to make is that every woman has what she needs to show respect. OP find what your woman needs and do it.

This could be decisive actions which make a strong point, it could be telling her you are ready to divorce and send a lawyer to her with the papers, it could be a "Sean Connery/James Bond" smack across the face etc. Key point is that you show you are a man in a way your wife wants to see it.

All women want to respect their men. Sometimes we men do not understand what our wives/girlfriends need to see in us to garner respect. Find it and do it.....and your wife will surely respect you in her words and actions.

There are some people am expected to see on this thread which I have not seen. What happening,abeg make who na show face for this matter. (I will not mention name oh)

Like I said, am learning new things here:
1. apparently, slapping ur wife or gf- whether once or multiple times doesn't count as beating. It's not abuse. U're just being the MAN.
2. why waste time trying to earn respect and admiratn from ur wife thereby inspiring submission in her, when u can cow her to submission using brute force?
3. as d boss, u've to remind ur wife always dat u're d head of ur house therefore u're in charge. If she misbehaves, u know what to do.
4. don't ever try to be nice, loving or gentle to ur wife. That's a sign of weakness: it's not manly at all.
5. oh, and it's ok to call ur wife- d mother of ur kids, a b*tch. It's cool really.
Phew! I think i've learnt enough to last me a life time.
Personally, i find many of d comments here depressing.
*OP, I'm not buying what u're selling. Because, every action has an equal and opposite reaction (Newton's 3rd Law). So even if ur wife is a she-devil as u wld have us believe, u're no saint either.
My advice, own up to ur faults, take responsibility for ur f**k ups, and work on urself. Unless u remove d log in ur eyes how can u see properly to remove d speck in ur wife's eyes?
Anyhoo, no one can tell u what to do abt ur marriage: good or bad, it's ur headache. So, calm down and set ur priorities straight.

whirlout: I really feel sorry for your plight and I hope you can find a bit of comfort in knowing that I am going through exactly the same scenario and how am dealing with it. I married my own wife about 4 years ago, we dated a few years before that, we have a little girl together. I take the role of a husband and a father seriously and made certain that my family do not lack in any area of life. I love excessively and I cherish my union greatly. But just like you, my wife has an issue with my mother coming to see her grandchild. That is in addition to all the abuses, both non physical and physical fights where she would rip my clothes and create a nuisance in my upscale neighborhood. Mind you, I live in the US and my mother lives in Nigeria so she will have to travel all the way here to see us and more importantly spend time with her grandchild. The last 2 occasions have been quite a disaster with my wife cursing my mother out and blatantly disrespecting her. I have consoled my mother and assured her that she is always welcomed in our house. She's cried over the situation many times and I have been saddened over it cos I really couldn't understand where all of this was coming from. She disparages my entire family every chance she gets before descending on my personality. And please don't call it being soft 'cos I have been violent with her a few times over these things, but things are still the same so what has it accomplished? By the way, too many violence here in America and the law here will make you wish you were dead. Long story short, over the years, I found out my wife confides in too many people (men & women) outside of the marriage and she goes from parish and pastor to pastor to seek only God knows what and she comes back and act on those things. I have talked about those things with her, advice we seek counseling and all have fallen on deaf ears. Fast forward today, I am almost like a doormat to her, she has no respect whatsoever for me, my family means nothing to her, she's made certain to me that she will destroy me and I know her goal right now is to do anything possible to keep my child from me. So back to you, I understand how you feel but let me advice you at this point, forget about how your parents feel. You need to focus on how you feel about the situation. As in my case, I feel like when a woman goes out and start confiding in others on matters on your marriage without including you, then you are just as good as dead 'cos such woman becomes a very dangerous woman. No one here can advice you concerning what to do, you have to look at your situation and all of the things that have transpired and make a decision what you need to do to make yourself happy. Only if you are happy, will everyone be happy and that includes your parents. In my case, my happiness I believe will come from me being alive to care for my child but I am certain at this point that continuing to stay with my wife with how bad the situation gets will not allow me that opportunity. As a result, sadfully and painfully, I have decided this year even against the pleading of my parents and my belief in the bible to get a divorce and at this point to me, it is already decided. People can judge me about what the bible says about divorce but at this point, I could care less. No man of my calibre who goes to every limit to make sure his family is cared for should not be subjected to such abuse. If I die today, am sure she 'll move on to the next person and I will be a forgotten men. So the only ones that will end up losing out is myself, my kid and my parents. Sorry, I am not taking that chance at this stage of my life. Am not saying you should do the same, but you need to sit down alone and thoroughly assess your situation and truly see what will make you and your kids happy. Your kids should not continuously experience such abusive treatment as those things do have developmental issues on them in the future. It's sad because when we see even adults today, we are so quick to call them mental not even knowing what they 'Ve been subjected to in their childhood. If your wife can change, then that's good but in my case, I have come to the conclusion that nothing would ever change and the longer I wait and hope that things will get better, the closer to death I get.

Laughed when I read your story.

So na your wife be your husband na? You marry for paper? Is she Nigeria?

opetu: My wife has been a torn on my flesh, giving me headaches daily. It happens dat I met her in my final year in school (fellowship), we got close just as friends nd within 7 mnths of knowing her one thing led to the other nd she got pregnant for me, well i accepted my responsibilty. telling my parents also, It was actually a thing of mixed feelingz, bein dat i am the only child of my parentz, at least thats like having a second child for dem. Long story short i decided to marry her cos of the baby..wit the notion dat we woud build our early relationship in marriage ..

Now issue is dat My wife doesnt like d idea when my parent come see me in my home, alwayz grummble, she doesn have a close relationship wit my mom, mom is alwayz sad about this..I ve been married for 5years now, ma kids ve only visited my parents for a week, anytime i bring up d idea of dem goin to see them..we always quarell!! just last week sunday ma parents left their home so dey come take d kids for d nu year break, i ddnt tell ma wife, but she found out, it was a fight that happened ....wit her tearing my clothes.. my old man nd momma both cried seein dis, dey had to travel back dat evening seein dat my so called wife ddnt welcome dem in my home, Dis is just d little i can narrate !!


I have two kids now, i kinda hate having a second child wit her, now am thinking divorce, which i dnt want to, tried to b patient, but its like shez getting evil advice from sumplaces everyday, how many years more does my parents ve on earth dat i wont make dem happy at least to be wit their grandkids!! at first i thought dis was normal, or is it a normal thing for mothers to cling to their child dat way?? maybe am too soft on her!! sigh i wish i never married her d first place, i only wanted to rewrite my mistake by marryin her.

Pure nonsense. She tore your clothes. Doesn't get along with your parents. Be the man of your house dude. Get a divorce and marry a humble woman. And guys please if you are dating any lady and she doesn't make an effort to get along with your folks or even inquire about their welfare, ditch the relationship as this is an early sign of things like this. Op being too much of a gentleman has it's negative aspects learn to bring out your fiery side once in a while, that's the only way women wouldn't take you for granted. Do the needful, stay happy in your own home.

@Op. First, may God keep you till old age.

My mom was the only child of her mother. She died about 17 years ago and it was the worse that could happen to my grandma. All five of us rallied round my grandma and I can say we are the reason she smiles again. That is because of the relationship we had with her while my mum was here with us.

I know your parents must be hurting badly but they seem to be good people and that's why they are not fighting at all. You are their child. Please fight for them. They deserve a good relationship with their grandchildren.