sheweezy:


what about the hotel change without communication in a terrible area. i ended up going there alone with a baby. Evry cab man complained of the location and one was even forced to ask me the cost of the hotel and said i am pretty sure there are cheaper and better hotels in good location. The hotel booking could not be cancelled. what about other tours he promised, airort transfer, breakfast. if he knew male visa wont come out as scheduled why book flight? why not explain properly to avoid issues. he requested for more money which we paid. It is totaly his fault

Why didnt the guy inform you before changing the hotel?

Probably with most Nigerian brands. They will expect to accept any shabby service they offer and will never explain the pros and cons for you. Nothing will ever make me or any friend or enemy i know patronize this agency. See how they ruined this couple's vacation.

ogawisdom:


It's too late to cry when d head is off. U acted d man in ur rship while he acted d woman y complain nw good thing he is caring, faithful n supports with house chores

Thanks for your comment but its never too late to cry. No situation is hopeless and i had hoped to get advice on what i can do to improve my situation, not negative words that will make me give up and cry over the past.

Thanks to those who gave me suggestions. Guess what? I applied most of the suggestions given to me here and he has agreed to work with me in my business and raise money. From my discussion with him, he agreed he was really discouraged by his projects not working out.(Thanks to the person who suggested that i ask him this)
I fixed a meeting with a client, briefed him on what to discuss. He met with the client and was able to secure the job. We are currently working together on the job and i'm still putting him thru, so the workload will be lesser and i can deliver.
I told him to take it as our business, not my business. So he shouldn't feel he's working as my staff. We just got our first payment for the job on Friday.
I'm so happy i mustered up the courage to lay bare my problems here and ask for help. Thanks to you all for keeping me positive. I'll keep praying this ends well and he's able to keep up his interest in working with me

Hernyolar:
Hmmmm...
Apologising and sober mood won't put food on the table or make money fall from the sky...
For the sake of your sanity, go to your folks house..tell them you came to rest a bit.
A baby is on it's way and I tell you, they are quite expensive to cater for..
Above all...remember your baby is precious, so take each day as it comes...Don't worry about anything.
All the best

My parents don't know this is happening and they don't buy the idea of me coming home before delivering. They don't want their people to be aware of my pregnancy until i deliver, because they r well known in my area.
The other option is his family house but it'll also put pressure on his mum who is not okay healthwise. I'm still weighing both options sha if things don't work out

Eketem:
By your own admission he is a good husband in other areas, I suggest you maximise his competence in those areas and work out a way to keep the cash coming because it's obvious he won't take financial responsibility because he is one of those people who don't want to be financially responsible.


The major issues now are your rent and depleted savings. You are in a very sensitive part of your pregnancy and I suggest you stop worrying to avoid eclampsia.

Does your business require your physical presence? Can you do proposals and send him to follow up?

By your own admission he does all the other duties so it's really not an issue of being lazy but simply not being financially smart. For years women have done this and hidden under biblical injunctions, I believe everyone male or female should be financially responsible as well as domestically smart. I don subscribe to reporting him to people because most people hold thr view that a man must provide and will belittle him and mock him ignoring the fact that everyone and every marriage is unique and different.

I wish you had a business that could run even without you running around maybe a few contract or commissioned staff to do the running around while you work online to send in the bids.

Truth is you have to find a way round this yourself as I don't see your husband " changing " anytime soon

Thanks for that practical advice. I think i'll discuss this with him and see if he can meet one or two of my clients in my behalf. Tho he has no experience in my line of work but i'll put him through if he is willing. If he is willing to do this, we can work on my jobs together while i'll just supervise to ensure he's doing the right thing. He has never shown interest in my work so i really hope he agrees to this.
My doc has advised i rest completely tho and this might be a bit stressful for me, but it appears to be the last resort

jadelyn007:
Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

I think you're getting me all wrong. If i was feeding myself alone, my account will still be fat and enough to cater for me. But i've been catering for two mouths. If i was single, i won't lack. So yes, if i wasn't married i will pick MY OWN bills, not bills of two persons. Now its not just me and him, but me, him and the baby
I had my finances all planned out but exhausted everything when complications arose in my pregnancy.
Before i stopped working, my account was filled up. Would you sincerely advise me to still keep working despite my situation and fold my hands and watch my own husband do nothing? Is that honestly fair?
If i don't address the issue now, when will i?
I've never been a lazy person. It took me a lot to stop working. I've never fought with him or quarreled with him over the issue. I only call him and we talk about it seriously, but yet no effort from him.
This is not a case of he's jobless, he doesn't want to work for anyone and is placing all his hopes on his projects. The question should be directed to him. If he was single, won't he go out to hustle and feed? Its just frustrating.
That is why i came here to seek opinions for a solution

chinweAlice816:
Pls focus on taking care of ur self and deliver ur baby for now, all this worries can give you high bp and you know that is not good for ur condition. Pray and commit everything in hands of God. You can go to ur parents house and give birth to ur baby that will give him time to reset his mindset. Pls what do you do?. I need a good business idea or something that i can invest in. Waiting for your reply.

Thanks a lot. I'm into social media marketing for brands. I handle most of my jobs from home so i can have time for other things. Its a business that requires skill, experience and good relationship with clients.

I know its not possible to have a perfect husband but if only he can man up to his responsibilities and provide for his home, i'll be satisfied. His friends envy us and think he's the one taking care of me, not knowing i'm the one burning my pockets.
Anytime i talk to him seriously about it(i've never insulted him or used demeaming words on him), he'll bury his head in shame and apologise, as well as make promises to do his best and then refer to his projects. Funny enough the money he's expecting from the projects can barely cover our rent. So what happens after then?

fem29:


My dear stop worrying. At least you know you can make money to fend for yourself a d your baby if worst comes to worst. Just stop enabling him. Right now you need to focus on how to have your baby safely.

Don't mind what this chap said. You do NOT have to carry this cross.

Thanks a lot. I already told him i'm not going to worry over rent and baby expenses. Its his turn to take over and carry the responsibilities of the home. He said i shouldn't worry, that his projects might actualize before then. That was same promise he gave me in November. Till now i've not seen a dime. So i told him if our rent expires against us, i'll get my things together to go back home to my parents till he realises how serious the situation is.
The cash we have on hand now was given to me by my kid brother. I couldn't fold my hands and do nothing when we ran out of cash because i'll also be suffering my baby. I can't starve with a baby inside me. I was so embarrassed to ask my brother for money when i should be the one giving him. But he understood i'm really in a tight fix, because he knows how much i've spent on him in the past.

PresVA:
I feel you, op... He should atleast hustle no matter how little..
Is there any way you can help him? Like assisting him actualize his projects? You can also help him submit CVs to companies and individuals.... what about raising a lil money to start a small business?
Even bringing someone he respects to talk to him?
He may also be lacking motivation due to 'failures' in his projects; try to encourage him more...
Then, why did he refuse to do any other thing despite his projects not working? What were his reasons? Hope he knows your bank account is red?
Please, don't start disrespecting or nagging him because of this, it will do more harm... I think it's the kinda person he's(not a good one though) and you allowed that all through the relationship until it started choking you..
You just have to be patient and hope he changes. .
All the best

He has access to my account so he knows its red. He doesn't want to work fulltime under anyone otherwise, it won't take me more than 2weeks to find him a job. I was the one who helped him get a job during his NYSC.
Someone asked him yesterday to submit a proposal for something. I gave him ideas on how it should be. Till now as i'm typing this, he hasnt started writing the proposal and the deadline is tomorrow. I'll still be the one to remind him to write it before he'll make the move.
I was thinking of telling someone who can talk to him, but i don't know if telling a third party about our marital issues is a good idea or not.

gabinogem:
Too bad, u took the generosity just too far.


My advice: notify his parents & ur parents about the situation at hand. Notify him 1st before u embark on such. Maybe that will motivate him to get something doing.

If my mum hears of this, she will be devastated. Because its same thing my dad makes her go through sometimes. Tho my dad's case is different because he makes sure she is comfortable but will never drop money for food or bills at home. She does it herself.

I've always read that a wife should support her husband when he's down financially. That is why i did all that, with hopes that soon he'll start making money again. I didn't want to be like those women who vow not to spend their money for a man. Maybe i was wrong

kaffy4tope:
What advise can we give to a married woman with a new baby? You courted him for years so you knew him in & out before walking the aisle with him. Abi you expect us to tell you to leave him or use him as money rituals ni?

You were blindly in love wid him when u still had options of leaving him. My dear, is too late now ooo. Keep praying and advising him, that's your cross you have to carry.



Enjoy your home.

I know its my cross already, you don't have to state the painful obvious fact. I'm looking for a way forward or the best way to handle the situation. Before we got married when he was still serving and working, he was helping me out financially from the little they were paying him. If he has, he will spend. But now he's not bothered about ensuring he makes money and that is what i'm concerned about

Hello nairalanders, I'm in a situation that has been giving me sleepless nights. This is a new account i created just to protect my identity.
I got married 11 months ago to my best friend. We dated for about 8yrs before we got married, though we broke up in between and were apart for about 3yrs before finally coming back together again.
Part of the reasons why i broke up with him was, he took advantage of the fact that i was the type who doesn't ask him for anything. If i even collect money from him when we were dating, i always give him back and he'll take it. Because of that, he too didn't bother spending on me. He never took the initiative to buy me things or took me out as other boyfriends do. So i felt he didn't appreciate the fact that i'm not a demanding girlfriend. Though there was a time i had issues from home and didn't have money for my rent, he raised the money for me. That is the only time he gave me cash. And that is something i never forgot.
Fast forward to the present, he's currently not working. He is an entrepreneur who has been pursuing one project or another. While i'm also an entrepreneur but i have lots of clients i work with, so i'm the only one who brings in money to the home. The house we are living in, i paid 80% of the rent and the furnishing was entirely from my pocket. The car we are using, i got it with my money. I've been the one taking care of every single expenses in the house since we got married last year. I also make sure he gets clothes for himself with my money. When i get paid by clients, sometimes i give him money to send home to his parents and i send to mine as well.
He hasn't brought a dime home since after our wedding.
But he has been very very supportive, caring and faithful. Sometimes he takes me to my meetings with clients and waits for me till i'm done. He helps with house chores most times when i'm tired.
My problem now is, i know it is the responsibility of the man to provide for the home. I've advised that he gets a job for the meantime until his projects actualize, so that he can at least be bringing something home. But he refused. I have access to all his atms and his phone so its not a case of he's hiding his money.
Right now, i'm unable to work due to complications from my pregnancy so money is no longer coming from my end. Our rent expires in two months. Baby will arrive in months. But we are penniless. I've exhausted all my savings on hospital bills and our home expenses. I've asked him twice what's the plan, and he said he's still hoping on his projects. I asked him to at least look for something to do for now so we can gather our rent but he's sluggish about it. Everyday he'll just sit at home with me and be sleeping or watching movies.
I've gotten to my boiling point. I'm frustrated. If i had been saving my money since i got married, i would have saved up to 2 million naira. But now i have nothing. What do i do? Is there any mistake i made?
It's a very confusing situation because he gives me all the support and care i need, but he himself does not go out there to hustle and make sure money comes in for us to at least feed. The money with me now won't last us more than this week.
Please help me with matured advice & sorry for the long writeup.