Onegai:


Take the car away from her temporarily, under the pretext of fixing it. Sit her down and gist with her: share some of your romantic escapades, bring up some of your friends and tell her about some you read on NL. Infact, let me give you 2 stories that come to mind:

A girl had a thread where she was dating some guy who used to live off her financially. It got so bad that the loser even asked her to give him the N50k her dad have her to buy a laptop for school, so he could further his (non-existent) music career. He kept trying to make her feel guilty (she added screengrabs of their convo).

Someone mentioned how a girl was dating a guy and he took her car and drove it around whilst she took public transport. He refused to return it after they broke up and he had an accident and destroyed the car. He sent her back the wreck and moved on to the next available mugu.

Work those stories casually into your conversation. Tell her that unfortunately there are digusting people who prey on men and women for financial comfort. Tell her that when any situation looks bad, people involved are not honest with themselves and see themselves as the exceptions, rather than the rules. Remind her gently that an honest man may need her support from time to time but he will never make her uncomfortable so he can sit down in comfort. That you are her brother and a man and you got her a car to make her comfy. Gently mention that an honest man will have no qualms introducing himself to her brother as her bobo.

Leave the conversation at that and listen to what she says. Keep the car for 3 months and cut down her allowance (tell her things are tight). That should get rid of anybody scrounging off her.

You may think it is a long method but i have come to appreciate the fact that we humans don't always like the truth giving to us bluntly and head-on. We will scream and fight to defend our point of view. But a careful and gentle nudge in the right direction will work wonders much better.

chepy1 I agree with this... cut down her stipends in the guise of things are hard, every leech surrounding her will definitely leave... meanwhile, is your dog a chihuahua breed? My Samoyed breed used to be really cute until they grew up and became so wild and scary,i had to get rid of them, I'm considering going for a chihuahua since they always remain small and cute

Harvard13:

already a problem for me...its kinda annoying. goodluck with the lecturer.

yh, thanks

UyiIredia:
@ worriedgirl Why would I bash ? There's nothing go bash. Your course of action is the best one. It will be better to avoid the guy for now.

thanks

luka1981:

U did not ask me how to go about 'my number' see i am willing to act as your fake husband now to save u from not becoming a heartbreaker to ur academic mentor.

thanks for the offer dear but I don't think it'll be necessary

@ oloniyan when you are ready to get married, tell your father-in-law that you won't pay a dime on his daughter's head cause different men have chook chook her finish... stop asking us here, it's a question for the elders, now run along

LaDivva:
Well sis, if I were to be to be in your shoes I'd get a fake engagement ring and put it on everyday till my boyfriend proposes. With that you can shove him off by telling him that you're engaged to be married and saving yourself for your husband to be, if he's learned like you said he would respect that and let you be. #JUSTSAYING...

thanks dear

Harvard13:

sis, you dont have the same office with him. focus on ur career, if you can say no politely when he brings the topic then fine if not just laugh it off when he starts talking trash...don't engage him in d discourse.
ps: did u use phone to type this or system cos i cant see any short words. its so time taking typing with phone without short words...lol

thanks for your advice

I typed with my phone, I hate using short words cause they could become a problem in future if one gets used to it

luka1981:
Just tell him that ur husband is thanking him for all his assistance, get him a gift and tell him it is from ur husband. Let him know ur same husband has intention of paying u a visit in the school. If he insist in knowing who ur husbanf is, give him my number.
. If he is actually decent and intelligent he will change his mind. It is the best way to discharge him without offending him or his emotions, so that good things and good people will still come ur way in future.

hahaha... lol... thanks for your contribution

UrWorstNitemare:


OP. I feel there is more to this story than you are telling..

Yeah. I kno Wat it means to hold somebody in high esteem, buh tis...
I sense a form of obligation from you towards him.

Since you came tis far...

U can as well say it all...

I've laid it all on the table and I tried to be as partial as possible with my part of the story... it is as you have seen it, I've held him in high esteem for so long and the situation is just very uncomfortable, that's all

sanyahkod:
@ Op, Please just say YES quickly to that young dude you haven't told us about and get married.


I believe he (the professor) will respect you more and quit his advances when you are married.

Say YES to a Yoruba boy today. Lol

it's actually a southern guy and I'm considering it seriously

AfroKnight:
Hello Worriedgirl.

Go back and tell him that after giving it much thought you decided that you don't want any romantic relationship with him.

Be polite about it. He did not act on his "feelings" by propositioning you as an undergraduate. I think he deserves a measure of respect for that.

Spell it out in clear terms. Don't expect any favours from now on. You admitted that he favoured you as an undergraduate. Well, you should no longer expect him to go the extra mile for you. You must earn your way in your career. This way, he would be hard pressed to victimize you.

thanks

philybuck:
You welcome dear, make sure you share the good news after the moment of truth.

alright dear

byvan03:




Mute means yes to so many men, he hugged you and you kept mute. Next will be a kiss,if you keep mute, next time will be to go all the way since you are practically frozen in his presence. End this now and don't ruin your great prospects due to unbridled crush/friendship/naivety.

that's true... thanks

2BB4CB3E:
Why do you girls act as if sex is a weapon or some type of power! Its not like him sleeping with you will make any difference in his life!

So what's your problem?

Spare me the "am decent speech" you will have dated some things that were worse than him!

I don't need to feed you common sense!!!!

calm down darling, I'm not trying to give any "I'm decent " kinda speech... I have sex with boys my age and not old married men who can rival my grandpa for seniority... there are two "no no's" there #old and #married...

@byvan03
@missmossy

I appreciate your contributions... I really wanted to keep mute but it seems talking is a better option, so that we can sort things out and avoid future problems

sapiosexual1:
See ehn @worriedgirl, just the way you took your time to compose this piece for us, sit down and craft something for him. It doesnt have to be face to face, do it on chat since you said you are usually overcome by his aura.
It's best you do it before you resume so you guys could go over the motions now. By the time you resume, the dust would have settled and the worst he would do would be to transfer you out of his sub -department.
Yuck, a man in his late 60s......... how would you allow such deek into ur young veejay?

Take a stand babe!

someone gave me the same advice earlier on, I'll definitely do it ... thanks a lot

klenton:
its obvious u want to test an old dick
ur just looking for someone to tell u not do

why the hell would u crush on a 70 yrs old man..and please don't tell me ur a sucker for intelligent men bullshit...are dia not intelligent guys in ur class? how many of them are u crushing on u

sooner or later ur going to bed that man cus its what u alwayz wanted, please just do us a favour and share the experience wen u do.

ummmm... funny thing is my class was full of dumb guys... our course adviser once announced that the top best 15 in our class were girls and yes I'm a sucker for intelligent guys, I crushed on four guys at a go in secondary school just because they were brainy and were the best in school then... my guy course mates were business oriented and book was the least of their problems, at least from what I saw... in case you have never met girls who go weak on the knees for intelligent guys, *exchanges a hand shake * I'm happy to meet you too... I kinda idolize them and I really don't know why, maybe it's cause they ginger me academically and make me strive to be a better person... and please don't ask me why I don't do same for females, I admire intelligent females too but ummmm opposite poles attract, if you understand me and I'm not so great with the female folks... as for why I should crush on a man that old, I think it's because he was different from the other lecturers, he talked to me like a human being and didn't treat me like trash so I had great admiration for him (if you are used to the naija system, you will know how our lecturers behave like god)... thanks for your contribution, by the way

philybuck:
Well.. If you can't stand him or say a word whenever you meet up then take the easiest route, which is sending him a detailed email or text message, as for the text message do it when he is at work cos I wouldn't want his wife to see such, it will spoil everything. I still insist hoping he doesn't come up with the topic again will still complicate things because he might be more daring the next time he brings up the topic. Give him a piece of your mind via email or text without been rude.

thanks dear, that should help... I appreciate

nmreports:
@ Worriedgirl

Continue with him the way you are.
No disrespecting him and no forcefully resisting.
You can be a friend to a man if you decline his advances in a very respectful way yet being friendly and loving about it. If you get what I mean.

It will pass... He will let go... He is just trying his luck with you. That opportunity to be inside a warmer and wetter, firmer hole.

Do your job, be his friend, resist the sexual advance as you have been doing.

More importantly, reduce your being with him alone moderately. If you will, stealthily.

thanks a lot, I appreciate

philybuck:
This not really a difficult situation, he is learned and should understand simple English, so except you want to play with fire, just tell him in clear terms that you are not sexually attracted to him and that you just adore him cos he is your mentor. You did a good job trying to convince us you ain't interested in any thing s*xual with him in your post, therefore you can convince him with less effort. Your last paragraph said it all, you shouldn't spoil this beautiful relationship with s*x, make him understand that, avoiding him will complicate things because been out of sight will make him want you more.

I can't even talk about it in his presence cause I get so motionless and speechless like a zombie... I feel so embarrassed that such topic should be discussed between us... the last time I went to his office, I went to clear things with him and make him understand but I couldn't utter a single word, I ended up looking like a zombie while he hugged me, it's just a very uncomfortable topic and I'm praying he doesn't bring it up again... and I wasn't trying to convince, I was only stating the fact... for crying out loud, he is old, he is retiring in 5 years time and lecturers retire at 70, plus the whole mago mago thing, he's definitely close to 70 or more sef, he's married with children that are far older than I am, so I wasn't just trying to convince anyone there, I was mainly stating a fact... I might have had a crush on him and mistaken it a little but I guess it's all clear now, I'm a sucker for intelligent men and that was all the crush was about - his intelligence
thanks for your contribution, by the way

Humblesam:
Just keep to your word...
Don't date a married man and be professional in your dealings with him. I pity you but I know you can sail through. Keep being disciplined as always.
Best of luck.

thanks... I've been dreading resumption since, I know it's going to be a very tricky situation and I sincerely pray I'll be able to deal with it... I pray he doesn't pester me and backs off so I don't get so irritated and start disrespecting him in any way... God help us all... thanks once again for your contribution

Disclaimer : This is real so please kindly drop the necessary advice needed before the saucy comments.

My name is Lilian (pseudonym) and this is my story. Few years back, I was admitted into one of the universities in Nigeria. It was a great opportunity and I made up my mind to make good use of it. My intelligence endeared me to one of the senior professors in my department, the head of department to be precise. I enjoyed the attention he gave to me cause it gave me a chance to learn from his vast wealth of knowledge. He was a very intelligent man, he got all his degrees from UK universities and his intelligence was a force to reckon with. It didn't take long for me to start crushing on him... helllooooo don't blame me, I have a weakness for intelligent men and he liked me a lot too cause I was really young (I had to increase my age to get into the university ) and I was one of the best students in my set. He was nothing like the other lecturers, he related with students very freely and didn't have a high-handed nature like our Naija lecturers. We would talk about so many things in his office and I gained a lot from his intelligence, he was impressed with me cause I had one or two things to chip in regarding any topic that was raised. He would give me money sometimes for lunch and pleeaaasseeee free me, I didn't beg for it ooo, I was young then sef, my eye bin never tear for money.
I heard some stories about him being a womanizer and sleeping with students to give them financial assistance cause he was really loaded in the pocket region but he never exchanged sex for grades as he was really disciplined in the academic region, the man sef no dey waste time to give me "b" for him course, me wey be him paddy paddy. I never paid attention to the stories cause he was my idol after all and he never made any sexual advances towards me so it was none of my business. He was like a mentor to me and would always give me beneficial advises and I knew he had my best interest at heart. I had a little crush on him too.
On the day of my graduation, I gave him a gift and we said our goodbyes.

When I went to serve my fatherland (NYSC), he kept in touch regularly and started showing emotional interests. I made my first mistake by accommodating it, pleaassseeee don't chew me yet, I had a crush on him and he was my idol for crying out loud!!! Note that I never exchanged emotional messages with him, I only sent a smiling smiley whenever he sent them, he was sacred and I didn't have the courage to do it even if I wanted to.

After NYSC, I got a good news, my school was going to retain me as per best graduating student in the department thing. After finalizing everything, I was to work in his sub-department. No be for this kain country wey pesin dey throway better opportunity like this, no time to state the benefits of this job, all I can say for now is that it's a Federal university so think about the benefits yourself. When I visited his office briefly, he brought up the affair thing, he's married with children that can marry me sef so I knew it was never going to happen. He asked for a kiss and when I remained motionless, he hugged me tight and asked me to go and think about it. There's nothing to think about, I think the crush I had on him was academical cause there's nothing attracting me to him sexually at all, moreover he's somebody's husband and he's old enough to be my father too. I'm not scared of him causing any problem for me cause I don't think he would go that low, he is more intelligent than that. The problem is that I wish we could go back to how we were before this affair thing came up. He complimented my stature and it irritated me. I don't hate him at all, I just dislike the strange air building between us cause of his request. How do I act around him now that I have to work in his sub-department. I plan to act dumb like I don't understand what he is saying and avoid being alone with him cause he is retiring in five years time, but how possible is that? Working with him for five years and avoiding him, does that look realistic? I don't want to ever offend him not cause I'm scared of him but cause he has been my idol for too long, I respect him too much. I'm praying that the school sends me abroad for my PhD, at least that will remove 2-3 years from the 5 years. Please start throwing advises and for those that will still decide to bash me, please bash with a heart. Thanks.

give Nigeria a f***ing break... how about you google how much these European universities charge as tuition... you see their high school students saying things like "I need to save up for college "... Nigeria is a work in progress so cut her some slack, maybe if we begin to believe more in her, she'll serve us well... you guys keep on talking trash about how European countries are so developed and all, can you as an individual put the kind of effort they put into making their country great in Nigeria? be careful about what you ask for ... I know our government is corrupt but who isn't, maybe if we as citizens of Nigeria were corrupt -free, we would have been able to point accusing fingers at our leaders... Nigeria has enough problems already, if you can't help her, then the least you can do is to stop criticizing her. peace!

Emodeee:
They should not also give the guy sex: Since you said they should not collect expensive things that they can't afford from guys, they should not also give him sex. can they give him sex without collecting anything from him?

shitty mindset darling